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What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? - Family - Nairaland

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What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by VivleBriella: 2:22pm On Apr 15, 2020
Good day everyone

I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him.

Yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially. I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough.

This is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back.

Is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

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Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Harllaby: 2:24pm On Apr 15, 2020
Honestly, the man is only being truthful to himself by asking his partner for money. So because you borrowed him 500k you feel like you can rub it on his face. The guy was never at fault from what you wrote instead you are the one that refuses to voice out your feelings by assuming he should know what you want.

Tell him how you feel and if he isn't what you want in a man, then go look for your type.

Modify: For those of you using foul words on me, this is my opinion no cause for abuse. Let's respect another opinion. N/B I'm not in support of the man's irresponsible character. I'm only giving advice beyond what she wrote.

187 Likes 12 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by yeyeosoronga: 2:27pm On Apr 15, 2020
That relationship is not going to work and the earlier you realise this the better.
Run for your peace of mind.
It's not your responsibility to meet the needs of his family members, and you are obviously finding it stressful

444 Likes 18 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Ishilove: 2:29pm On Apr 15, 2020
Chai! May God deliver us from shameless men who see nothing wrong in borrowing from a woman without repaying.

See, if I were you, talk to your legs otherwise you will just get old before your time if you make the mistake of marrying him.

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Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Nobody: 2:34pm On Apr 15, 2020
This will continue as long as you tolerate it. My simple advice? Walk away.

164 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Mindlog: 2:34pm On Apr 15, 2020
You are dating yourself and at the same time subsidizing his older siblings. Count your losses and move on, at 24 years of age there is more you can look forward to than helping in carrying the burden of people who are in their 30s and probably 40s, they are not your relatives.

Leaving the guy will be the best decision, it will make the guy become reflective and assertive in the long run it he so wishes. The guy has not seen anything wrong in borrowing money from his girlfriend, to look like he is doing well before his older siblings thus the older siblings continues to feel entitled, he needs to learn to say NO to them, that will in the long run push them to eventually become independent though with anger.

There is nothing wrong in helping out your siblings but don't be an enabler of dependency and sense of entitlement, you will die young and they will not die because you are no longer around to provide for them.

In many Nigerian family settings, have we pondered to ask why most relatives of a man who hitherto has been the breadwinner of his family of origin are most times uncomfortable with the man's nuclear family (wife and children)?

236 Likes 8 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by VivleBriella: 2:40pm On Apr 15, 2020
yeyeosoronga:
That relationship is not going to work and the earlier you realise this the better.
Run for your peace of mind.
It's not your responsibility to meet the needs of his family members, and you are obviously finding it stressful

Thank you sir

20 Likes

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by VivleBriella: 2:41pm On Apr 15, 2020
Ishilove:
Chai! May God deliver us from shameless men who see nothing wrong in borrowing from a woman.

See, if I were you, talk to your legs otherwise you will just get old before your time of you make the mistake of marrying him.

Thanks ma'am

14 Likes

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Mariangeles(f): 2:42pm On Apr 15, 2020
VivleBriella:
Good day everyone
I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him, yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially, I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking him to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough, this is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back, is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.

Once you marry him, buckle up and get ready to use your income on him and his family. In no time, YOU WILL BE DRAINED!
He seems to only care about his family, what about you and your family? I'd say he's taking advantage of the feelings you have for him and your generosity.
He's what I call a MAN LEECH! A BLOOD SUCKER! He'll suck you so dry and discard you when you have nothing left.
BE WISE!

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Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by VivleBriella: 2:43pm On Apr 15, 2020
Harllaby:
Honestly, the man is only being truthful to himself by asking his partner for money. So because you borrowed him 500k you feel like you can rub it on his face. The guy was never at fault from what you wrote instead you are the one that refuses to voice out your feelings by assuming he should know what you want.

Tell him how you feel and if he isn't what you want in a man, then go look for your type.


Smiles
I never rubbed anything on his face, I only refused helping when it was getting out of hands.

130 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by yeyeosoronga: 2:49pm On Apr 15, 2020
Harllaby:
Honestly, the man is only being truthful to himself by asking his partner for money. So because you borrowed him 500k you feel like you can rub it on his face. The guy was never at fault from what you wrote instead you are the one that refuses to voice out your feelings by assuming he should know what you want.

Tell him how you feel and if he isn't what you want in a man, then go look for your type.

A man of integrity won't borrow money from his girlfriend and not pay back.
Imagine if that kind of person would borrow money from a friend, he most definitely will never pay back.
It also shows he is living above his means, and pretending to people to be what he is not.
Any woman should be weary of such a person, even if his headgame is banging, because such folks are full of head games.

177 Likes 3 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Ningen(m): 2:50pm On Apr 15, 2020
grin

They are calling him “shameless” because he borrowed from his “woman”. But same bìtches will gleefully administer blowjóbs for indomie.

38 Likes 3 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Mariangeles(f): 2:53pm On Apr 15, 2020
Harllaby:
Honestly, the man is only being truthful to himself by asking his partner for money. So because you borrowed him 500k you feel like you can rub it on his face. The guy was never at fault from what you wrote instead you are the one that refuses to voice out your feelings by assuming he should know what you want.

Tell him how you feel and if he isn't what you want in a man, then go look for your type.

Is she his wife?
Who partner help?
Partner kor, partnership ni!

45 Likes 2 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by oyoolima: 2:55pm On Apr 15, 2020
Not everyone is destined to marry the 'Jesus' of the family.

You're just 24,why should you shackle yourself to a man who is 7 years older than you and dependent on your income to take care of his own family cheesy cheesy

The money isn't even to build a business,it's to take care of people who are significantly older than you who probably will never be independent of him.

Your mates are marrying up,you're not just marrying down but you're also carrying cross of Calvary while you're just ordinary girlfriend and then the man also feels entitled to the money grin


What does he do for you? Nothing.

When you hang out do you split bills 50/50 or is he unable to even come up.with his own portion?


Is this what you want forever?

I'm trying really hard not to laugh at you because this is beyond ridiculous.

He wants you to be supportive not just of him but of his family cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy cheesy

No one should be in a parasitic relationship, whether male.or female

It shall end in premium tears.

179 Likes 7 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Mariangeles(f): 2:55pm On Apr 15, 2020
@ Op, what have you benefited from the relationship? That is the question you should ask yourself, because he'll NEVER STOP "BORROWING"

34 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Harllaby: 3:02pm On Apr 15, 2020
Mariangeles:


Is she his wife?
Who partner help?
Partner kor, partnership ni!
Imagine. But ladies can ask for money from guys 24 hrs into relationship abi?

21 Likes 3 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Inyayiz: 3:13pm On Apr 15, 2020
Marrying the Breadwinner doesn't usually end well cause once he stops providing for his fam, they might hate you for turning his back on em, and if you run dry on cash, it'll end in premium tears like a poster above me posted..

57 Likes 3 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by jaksmillioniar: 3:18pm On Apr 15, 2020
VivleBriella:
Good day everyone
I've been a guest for a couple of years now, created an account to seek advice

My dear nairalanders, does it always end well marrying the Breadwinner of a family? He's the last born with 4 elder siblings but they all depend on him, yes, I knew he was the Breadwinner from day one but I thought with time, everyone else will be able to stand on their own, but it hasn't happened yet, we've dated for 3yrs now and he doesn't support me financially, I don't complain but he feels entitled to my money and when I get tired of him always asking me to lend him some money and decide to say no, he nags and tells me I'm not being supportive enough, this is driving me really crazy cause he reminded me of how unsupportive I've been to him and his family, he's driving me insane, you can't possibly put the responsibility of your family on my shoulders, that's crazy and insensitive, over the years, I've borrowed him nothing less than 500k which I know for sure he's never giving back, is it normal to be in a parasitic relationship whereby the female remains the host that's being fed on?

I'm only 24 while he's 31.
so u want to marry him and keep him alone dats wicked. his older one dont have today dont mean dey wont have tomoro.let ur heart be clean

3 Likes 2 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Inyayiz: 3:21pm On Apr 15, 2020
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Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Inyayiz: 3:22pm On Apr 15, 2020
jaksmillioniar:
so u want to marry him and keep him alone dats wicked. his older one dont have today dont mean dey wont have tomoro.let ur heart be clean


So, you mean, she should keep borrowing him money? While he does absolutely nothing for her?wow

43 Likes

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by jaksmillioniar: 3:24pm On Apr 15, 2020
Inyayiz:



So, you mean, she should keep borrowing him money? While he does absolutely nothing for her?wow
I didnt said DAT. but wat bad in helping d one u love. no one know tomoro. his family fit blow tomoro. is Linda ikeji not helping her family today

5 Likes

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by yeyeosoronga: 3:24pm On Apr 15, 2020
Harllaby:

Imagine. But ladies can ask for money from guys 24 hrs into relationship abi?

That's also wrong on all levels and should be discouraged .
Guys shouldn't be seen as poverty alleviation programs, but many are so stupid that they feel cool to be seen as such, or perhaps sex has turned their brains.

26 Likes

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Mindlog: 3:25pm On Apr 15, 2020
Harllaby:

Imagine. But ladies can ask for money from guys 24 hrs into relationship abi?

If the OP, happens to be your younger sister will you encourage her to continue to financially support her boyfriend and his older siblings?

A man who gives a leech money in the name of a relationship is seeking validation.

85 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Nobody: 3:28pm On Apr 15, 2020
He is playing reserve psychology on you. Stop giving him your money, only you can decide whether or not you want to waste your time any further. Marrying the breadwinner will most likely make you the enemy of his family, you will be a frustrated wife because his attention will be solely on his family and not you, hes already showing you signs, you said he doesnt help you financially abi? It will most likely continue after marriage. Save yourself and walk away.
You're a rich girl sha cheesy borrow boyfriend 500k(that you're sure he wont return) and you're 24 kiss I want to be like you o

42 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Nobody: 3:40pm On Apr 15, 2020
Ningen:
grin

They are calling him “shameless” because he borrowed from his “woman”. But same bìtches will gleefully administer blowjóbs for indomie.
Prostitution is older than your generation, and it will continue till the end of time. Men of integrity dont borrow from their women and not return it. There is no shame in borrowing from your woman, the shame is when you refuse to return it and keep on borrowing because you sure know how to play the victim! Using reverse psychology to collect money from women.

104 Likes 4 Shares

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Mariangeles(f): 3:45pm On Apr 15, 2020
Harllaby:

Imagine. But ladies can ask for money from guys 24 hrs into relationship abi?

A guy will have to be foolish to do that.

2 Likes

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Nobody: 3:46pm On Apr 15, 2020
No be by plenty advice, na make you do wetin them advice you. This kain relationship, e dey hard to advise the lady... But I hope you take the good advices you have received here...

In that your relationship, you’re Barbara the sister of Bob the Builder.

16 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Inyayiz: 3:51pm On Apr 15, 2020
jaksmillioniar:
I didnt said DAT. but wat bad in helping d one u love. no one know tomoro. his family fit blow tomoro. is Linda ikeji not helping her family today

Lol, so, she should help him help his family?

6 Likes

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by LilMissFavvy(f): 3:56pm On Apr 15, 2020
How can a 24yr old girl think that it is her duty to support her bf and his family? Who gave you such beliefs? I am not saying you should not help him atimes, but what gives him the right to be so entitled to your money, such a greedy entitled fellow?Now you have wasted a whopping 3yrs already, withdraw the support, if he complains, dump him, infact even if he does not complain, you better start looking for another relationship. As you have learnt your lessons in this relationship, don't carry same mistake into a new relationship, a word should be enough for the wise.

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Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by sisisioge: 4:04pm On Apr 15, 2020
Chai! Runnnnnnnnnnnnnn! shocked shocked shocked shocked

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Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by Amanee(f): 4:40pm On Apr 15, 2020
Lmao


Op please how do you want your funeral? Solemn or with a bit of choreography? Because I can assure you this express you've decided to enter will result in premium tears.

40 Likes

Re: What Comes With Marrying The Breadwinner Of A Family? by SweetCunt97(f): 4:44pm On Apr 15, 2020
I was once in this boat once upon a time, I chose to dive into the sea abandon ship... I hate stress in my life abeg. This one siblings reach 9 sef but he had a good job as a banker then sha... Salary no dey reach half of month e don finish.

Abeg parents should stop popping out many kids and stressing firstborns o.

44 Likes

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