More than ever am not happy with my mom.

I have this younger sister who was adopted by my dad from his younger sister (her father is late), she's just 10 years of age and I really don't like my mom's attitude towards that little girl. In the past when i was much younger, my mom had many quarrels with the mother of my adopted sister which I really can't give accurate count on who's right or wrong, but for the record my aunty (younger sis mom) is very troublesome no doubt.

She started living with us June last year and I noticed she's always very happy when me or my dad comes home. I was thinking it was because we were very nice to her, not knowing the kind of pressure she was going through at home.

Several occasions I have seen my mom saying too many harsh words to that little girl which I am not comfortable with but I've had to keep my calm. I feel reacting would make my mom hate her more as she might feel the little girl has turned her children against her.

The saddest part of it is that our last born who's 15 years is taking the same part with my mom in frustrating that little girl. Today Ilost my cool and reacted and truth is I'm not willing to continue keeping calm again.

My immediate younger brother (we are 3 boys and no girl) decided to start taking this my little sister out for jugging cos she's too fat. She always returns home crying cos of the pressure they put on her to jug. My mom on hearing her cry today came out and started beating her and saying hatefull words to her, including insulting her mom, calling her mom names which honestly would get any child angry if they are told same about their parent.

Out of annoyance I got up and shouted at my mom to leave her alone that it's becoming too bad for her as a mother to treath children like that. Instantly my mom kept calm and guilt was written all over her face. I'm honestly not happy about disrespecting my mom but I'm no longer keeping my calm.

There was a time when my dad had to take similar action against my mom and it didnt go well for anybody, the little girl suffered more hate from my mom and my dad wasnt really happy with my mom that period.

Returning that little girl back to her mom is never an option as the environment where her mom is very negative and would no doubt worsen her situation.

Talking to my mom calmy about it has been done by me and my immediate younger brother but problem still persists.

My worries are.
1, the little girl
2, my youngest brother who is taking after my mom
3 me disrespecting my mom.

Nairalanders your advice would be appreciated on this situation. I already have what to do in mind already but I will love to hear from those who have experienced similar situation and how best to handle it.

It's normal if a woman treats another woman's children a different way from hers, cos maybe she was not in support of the adoption .

There's nothing u can do here , than continue the love and accommodate the girl , as time goes on everything will be ok

Just keep up the good work , things will be perfect as time goes on , thank God she is a girl

To caution your mom is not disrespect. She's your mom doesn't mean she can't be cautioned. Don't feel guilty about that.

not so nice

*issues >>> TRANSFER AGGRESSIONS

*solutions>>> RETURN HER BACK.

TALK TO DAD.

TALK TO YOUR MUMMY HOW IT HURTS
SEEING HER TREAT YOUR LIL' SISTER
THAT WAY.

Please talk when you can because if you don't when karma wants to act (or the girl wants to hate) you'll definitely be on the list, you might be thought as an accomplice

to caution your mom shouldn't make you feel guilty and, u must assist the girl with the little you can so she won't depend on your mom completely. Such kids usually turnout to be the best in future..

But why do women find it difficult to treat other people children like theirs? If it is possible to return the girl to her parents, u people should do it. Your mom won't change her attitude towards the girl. It's just better she leave

It's so pathetic, most people find it difficult to treat others the way they want to be treated . My opinion sit your mom down and narrate to her what if she dies today and your younger brother has to go and live with people, how does she think her son will cope. What goes around comes around.

Be calm for now

Lil girl surrounded by hawks... I just hope that last boy does not unleash his raging hormones on d poor girl some day.

OTayobami:
Please talk when you can because if you don't when karma wants to act (or the girl wants to hate) you'll definitely be on the list, you might be thought as an accomplice

you know the hate issue is my greatest fear. But ill take your words and also read others comment and know what action is best.
Thanks though..

Dganji:
you know the hate issue is my greatest fear. But ill take your words and also read others comment and know what action is best.
Thanks though..

Sure no problem

Cautioning your mom ain't bad nor does it make you look like you are disrespecting her... Mothers are human, they are imperfect and liable to make mistakes as well. Make her see reasons with you and do it politely
She'll come around and eventually love the girl.

.

boman2014:
not so nice

*issues >>> TRANSFER AGGRESSIONS

*solutions>>> RETURN HER BACK.

TALK TO DAD.

TALK TO YOUR MUMMY HOW IT HURTS
SEEING HER TREAT YOUR LIL' SISTER
THAT WAY.

honestly. She's transfering her hate for the little girls mother on the little girl which is not right.

On returning the little girl back: bros that would be greater guilt on us.
I don't know which is better though.
Returning her back means no quality education for her, exposing her into illegalities, high tendencies of getting into prostitution. Judging from the environment, it would take a miracle for her to make it out of that environment positively in life. Now watching her going back to that poor environment knowing we could do something would be our greatest guilt.
Although ill take your option and weigh on it still.
Thanks for the advice..

You should keep cautioning your mom everytime you see such behaviour.It's not disrespect as long as you don't speak insultive words.Your mom is exhibiting an appalling behaviour,transferring hate for the girl's mother to the innocent child.So she can't raise another person's child as her own?

Talk to your brother too from time to time.They need to realise she is a part of your family now and should treat her that way.

Floryangel8:
It's so pathetic, most people find it difficult to treat others the way they want to be treated . My opinion sit your mom down and narrate to her what if she dies today and your younger brother has to go and live with people, how does she think her son will cope. What goes around comes around.

excatly.
You know, during my childhood days before my kid sister was born ive stayed with her mother for holidays. She was never harsh to me, infact i must confess she pampered me to the extent my dad had to avoid me going to stay with her, also ive stayed with my uncles who always treats me well.
They canned me when necessary and treated me like their children, even their wives were not harsh to me but how do i explain to people that my mom is behaving badly to their children when i know they treated me well?
Ill still look for a way to talk to her and see reasons from this angle too.
Thanks for the idea, its an inspiration..

Did your parents both agree to adopt the girl?

Your mother like most of people is taking out her anger on the weakest person in the house because she knows the girl wouldn't react.

I am happy you and your dad aren't in support of her ill treatment towards her and you stood up for her but don't try to correct or scold your mother in front of the girl it will do more harm in the long run than good.

How can anyone complain about the weight of a ten year old child?? Haven't you people heard of baby fat? What is wrong with human beings??!

As for your mum, nemesis is taking notes and she is very good record keeper.

Out of all your story, I could identify myself with your youngest bro. My mother is a tough person to live with, ever since I was 5-15 a lot of people have lived with us, all coming and going some of them were treated harshly by my mother and I was always their supporting her, honestly it is very hard for women to treat other peoples children as their own. I too treated these people who lived with us harshly too, from my cousins to random people who destiny chanced them to live with us, I was very mean!. But one day something touched my heart and made me realize the good friendships I could have had but lost because I was trying too hard to please my mother, the people who I could have treated well some of which I would never meet again(I feel sad knowing this), at least am glad I still get to meet my cousins and make things right, they originally planned to come at me with full force hatred thinking I was still the mean old me, honestly they couldn't par with me if I was still my mean old sef( I was a very mean dude!) but am still sad they saw me as enemy they should unleash their kept in desire for revenge. They were surprised at how different I am from when they knew me, sometimes they wonder if it was actually the same guy they were meeting, but since they see how gentle I am now their view of me changed a whole lot, they now see as a real chilled guy( even almost too gentle ) we are good friends now, but am still sad I treated some people I won't meet again harshly.

my point right now is that your brother is trying too hard to please your mother and his also probably suffering from low self-esteem and you can help him with that. Show him that in the next 10 years if he continues like that he'll wish he had treated that girl well. Help him to know he doesn't have to please mother by treating lil-sis harshly, he will also have to live with people who are not his family and tell him to treat everyone he meets right.

Point me to a woman who can treat a child not borne of her uterus like he/she was her own biological child, and I'll confidently explain what a rare precious diamond she is.

Your mum is not doing anything unusual but keep correcting her whenever you can. Honestly though, I highly doubt you will be able to put a final stop to anything.
If your father, her husband, was unable to rein her in, you certainly will never be able to.

Keep trying...

Ishilove:
How can anyone complain about the weight of a ten year old child?? Haven't you people heard of baby fat? What is wrong with human beings??!

As for your mum, nemesis is taking notes and she is very good record keeper.

for her age shes overweight though and i don't think its wrong taking her out for morning exercise.
Im very much in support of her jugging every morning..

M00N:
Out of all your story, I could identify myself with your youngest bro. My mother is a tough person to live with, ever since I was 5-15 a lot of people have lived with us, all coming and going some of them were treated harshly by my mother and I was always their supporting her, honestly it is very hard for women to treat other peoples children as their own. I too treated these people who lived with us harshly too, from my cousins to random people who destiny chanced them to live with us, I was very mean!. But one day something touched my heart and made me realize the good friendships I could have had but lost because I was trying too hard to please my mother, the people who I could have treated well some of which I would never meet again(I feel sad knowing this), at least am glad I still get to meet my cousins and make things right, they originally planned to come at me with full force hatred thinking I was still the mean old me, honestly they couldn't par with me if I was still my mean old sef( I was a very mean dude!) but am still sad they saw me as enemy they should unleash their kept in desire for revenge. They were surprised at how different I am from when they knew me, sometimes they wonder if it was actually the same guy they were meeting, but since they see how gentle I am now their view of me changed a whole lot, they now see as a real chilled guy( even almost too gentle ) we are good friends now, but am still sad I treated some people I won't meet again harshly.

my point right now is that your brother is trying too hard to please your mother and his also probably suffering from low self-esteem and you can help him with that. Show him that in the next 10 years if he continues like that he'll wish he had treated that girl well. Help him to know he doesn't have to please mother by treating lil-sis harshly, he will also have to live with people who are not his family and tell him to treat everyone he meets right.

thanks..

Dganji:
for her age shes overweight though and i don't think its wrong taking her out for morning exercise.
Im very much in support of her jugging every morning..

Simply cut down on her sugary and fatty food intake and let her do some light exercises. Stop pressuring this child, ehn. Your good intentions are adding to her misery. She is a child. You people seem to forget she is just 10years old.

majamajic:
It's normal if a woman treats another woman's children a different way from hers, cos maybe she was not in support of the adoption .

There's nothing u can do here , than continue the love and accommodate the girl , as time goes on everything will be ok

Just keep up the good work , things will be perfect as time goes on , thank God she is a girl

Well said

ichidodo:
You need to take and be seen to take the girl under your wing as a younger sister. By that act, most of your family members will get the memo and cool down on her case infact I foresee your younger brother following your example..So you disrespected your mother, so f**king what?...Tis better this way because there will come a time when you and your mum will be at loggerheads over some other issue and your just have to channel you inner dick headedness to get your way...And that girl being fat is just a thing of adolescence, tis just baby fat and you can't jog it away. A subtle change of diet and hormones from puberty will burn it all... Don't pressure her..leave her to enjoy her childhood in peace.

Alright, ill suspend the excercise .
She'll soon go to boarding school, there are diets would automatically adjusted..

Most women are like that. When you see a good nice godly woman,if you way to test how good or godly she really is,bring another child home ( a maid or child of a relative or a step child) you will now know why the Bible call women weaker vessels.
The first good woman I will meet in my life will be the one who treats other people's child as her own. Future impossible tense

You have good heart but unfortunately it's not the same thing with your mother. Let me suggest that you call that girl's mother, advice her to come and pick her child. What she needs is monthly upkeep from your father not to pass her child unto somebody like your mother who is verbally abusive towards her.

You absolutely did the right thing to caution your mom. Her physical, verbal and emotional abuse of the girl will do a number to the girl's self-esteem/mental health if she doesn't stop. Please continue to stand up for the girl!

I don't understand how anyone can hate a child! It takes a cold-hearted, evil person to treat a child like this.