Ishilove:
How can anyone complain about the weight of a ten year old child?? Haven't you people heard of baby fat? What is wrong with human beings??!

As for your mum, nemesis is taking notes and she is very good record keeper.

Not much sense in your first statement - if a 10 year old child is getting obese , the best thing you can do is to make him/her actively involved in exercises , worked for my lil bro when he was getting too fat for his age.

Second statement - that’s why he came for advise isn’t it ? Smh

Its obvious your mother did not support the adoption in the first place

She needs to be appeased by dad else the poor will continue to get the hits

Why will you use the word “it’s normal” what is normal about being hateful towards a child? This is our problem, when things that needs to be greatly frown upon is now perceived normal because many of us have embraced it, especially Nigerians. You are not a good person until that love you shower on your own children is extended to others. That is why, you can only know the heart of someone judging by the way they threat people they don’t need.

Some of our parents are wicked, we might be bias, but is the truth.

OP, stand your ground. Whenever opportunity you have, rebuke her politely and talk to your father about it.

majamajic:
It's normal if a woman treats another woman's children a different way from hers, cos maybe she was not in support of the adoption .

There's nothing u can do here , than continue the love and accommodate the girl , as time goes on everything will be ok

Just keep up the good work , things will be perfect as time goes on , thank God she is a girl

The woman is not treating her in a different way, She is ABUSING her.

How can she be ever okay? God gracious!!!

majamajic:
It's normal if a woman treats another woman's children a different way from hers, cos maybe she was not in support of the adoption .

There's nothing u can do here , than continue the love and accommodate the girl , as time goes on everything will be ok

Just keep up the good work , things will be perfect as time goes on , thank God she is a girl

I have long observed that women generally has a problem. when ever they are put in charge of something or in a position of authority, they simply can't wait to abuse that previledge. whether it's somebody's child under their custody or being a boss in an organization, they must try to abuse that previledge. that's why women shouldn't be put in charge of anything really.they simply can't handle it. that leadership ability and discipline simply isn't available.

You better tell your mom to respect herself else

Let me play a tape of what will happen in next 13 years since she is 10 years.

She will get married to a better man
Have a good home
Have good grade

Then your useless and wicked mom will be making noise up and down that she trained the girl and made her who she is!

Then thunder will scatter your moms mouth!

Wicked woman!

OchoL:
I'm sure that girl's weight is as a direct result of your mother's incessant bullying which has led her into comfort eating. Sorry to say, but your mother is a nasty piece of trash. She is not a true mother and God will surely deal with her for her unjust treatment of another woman's child.

A very nasty trash indeed. She's also a demon.

I agree. Anything can happen in this life. You never know where your own kids will land someday. Just Treat people well.

Floryangel8:
It's so pathetic, most people find it difficult to treat others the way they want to be treated . My opinion sit your mom down and narrate to her what if she dies today and your younger brother has to go and live with people, how does she think her son will cope. What goes around comes around.

Greatzeus:
Most women are like that. When you see a good nice godly woman,if you way to test how good or godly she really is,bring another child home ( a maid or child of a relative or a step child) you will now know why the Bible call women weaker vessels.
The first good woman I will meet in my life will be the one who treats other people's child as her own. Future impossible tense

My brother, I have read so many here who like you think no woman would treat another child like her own. Well, you are looking at one. My mum is like that too .

Sadly my husband is the problem here with how he treats the people who pass through us. This attitude from him I found very disgusting. His parents were worse. His siblings are like that too

FOLLOW YOUR GODLY CONSCIENCE
James 1:17 When you know the right the thing and you don't do it its a sin.
What you re doing now will elevate you in future, apart from the fact that you'll find favour with Jehovah.
Psalm. 1:1-3 Your success lies in what you believe in.
I ve made those bible scriptures my watchword and it has worked for me so please continue what you're doing.
You 'll be surprised when you realized that, there ll be a point in your life that this little girl will be what Jehovah will use to elevate you and not the big people that you know so keep doing what you're doing.
Your mother will later beg her but she will not forget any of the single word she has said to her and also all the good you're doing as well.
Matthew 25:42-45 Say you are lending to Jesus himself when you care for the lowly ones around you.

Martinez39s:
I don't take alcohol too. Suya and Malta Guinness go make sense.

Don't mind pocohantas. She's just a naughty, wayward and capricious child of mine earnestly yearning for my tutelage and apt guidance to set her straight. I will set her straight later in no time (Who else if not a shrewd and capable sensei like me?). I apologise on her behalf.

Please try you possible best to set her straight, time is running out on her toxicity!!

Look at what you are thinking, you have a very dirty mind, So this is the only direction your mind is going, not even giving an advice?

SweetCunt97:
Lil girl surrounded by hawks... I just hope that last boy does not unleash his raging hormones on d poor girl some day.

At this junction i really don't know how best to thank you guys for the idea and advice rendered.

The motivation i got from most of you and the ideas/strategy being rendered in tackling the situation is top notch.
I appreciate everyone for their positive contribution and hope to do better than i did in coming times.
I pray it all ends well for me and my family..
Once again thanks to everyone..

@ moon i really appreciate your piece and also hope to read it out to my little bro. Truth is from your narration i can deduece my lil bro is toying same line with you which ill try to amend.
Thanks verymuch once again..

dganji, don't scream at your mom. It's very bad. If you have been condemning her actions and not keeping quiet, she wouldn't have taken your silence for approval of maltreatment. It's the 'pent' up anger that drove your reaction, hence, the screaming. Once again, thank you for standing up against injustice and inhuman treatment of fellow human. May God reward you.

you have to start by apologising to your mum about how you reacted, let her know your reaction is as a result of the respect and love you have for her and you can't stand someone you respect and admire treating an orphan badly, mind you this should be when you are alone with her. Tell her to imagine if reverse was the case and you and your siblings happened to be in the little girl's shoe, how would she feel if someone treat her kids that way.
As for your younger brother, you need to sit him down, let him imagine himself in the girls position, how would he feel?
I believe the moment mummy changes her attitude towards the girl, your brother will have no choice but to change.
Goodluck.

Brave him ur self and confront your Mum about the whole attitude of hers,let it be with respect.

Davash222:
To caution your mom is not disrespect. She's your mom doesn't mean she can't be cautioned. Don't feel guilty about that.

Davash222, who are you? I didn't know people like you exist in this hemisphere. Thanks for that comment. It made my morning.

just calm down and don't feel guilty, as time pass by everything will be all right. but show your little sister love, compassion and care. also talk to her to watch her behavior in dealing with your mom as per your brother talk sense to his brain even if to beat him to restore his factory reset.

Sommydisaster:


OP

Dganji

You want to pick a point, this man has it all

Nice piece of writing, even thou' you never made use of punctuation marks

Your words are filled with wisdom

Check out my signature please

MODIFIED: DEAR OP, NEVER YOU FOR ANY REASON SCOLD OR CAUTION YOUR MUM IN FRONT OF YOUR KID SIS.......... THAT'D BE DISRESPECTFUL IF YOU DO SO

lol...I suck at using punctuation marks

Dganji:
More than ever am not happy with my mom.

I have this younger sister who was adopted by my dad from his younger sister (her father is late), she's just 10 years of age and I really don't like my mom's attitude towards that little girl. In the past when i was much younger, my mom had many quarrels with the mother of my adopted sister which I really can't give accurate count on who's right or wrong, but for the record my aunty (younger sis mom) is very troublesome no doubt.

She started living with us June last year and I noticed she's always very happy when me or my dad comes home. I was thinking it was because we were very nice to her, not knowing the kind of pressure she was going through at home.

Several occasions I have seen my mom saying too many harsh words to that little girl which I am not comfortable with but I've had to keep my calm. I feel reacting would make my mom hate her more as she might feel the little girl has turned her children against her.

The saddest part of it is that our last born who's 15 years is taking the same part with my mom in frustrating that little girl. Today Ilost my cool and reacted and truth is I'm not willing to continue keeping calm again.

My immediate younger brother (we are 3 boys and no girl) decided to start taking this my little sister out for jugging cos she's too fat. She always returns home crying cos of the pressure they put on her to jug. My mom on hearing her cry today came out and started beating her and saying hatefull words to her, including insulting her mom, calling her mom names which honestly would get any child angry if they are told same about their parent.

Out of annoyance I got up and shouted at my mom to leave her alone that it's becoming too bad for her as a mother to treath children like that. Instantly my mom kept calm and guilt was written all over her face. I'm honestly not happy about disrespecting my mom but I'm no longer keeping my calm.

There was a time when my dad had to take similar action against my mom and it didnt go well for anybody, the little girl suffered more hate from my mom and my dad wasnt really happy with my mom that period.

Returning that little girl back to her mom is never an option as the environment where her mom is very negative and would no doubt worsen her situation.

Talking to my mom calmy about it has been done by me and my immediate younger brother but problem still persists.

My worries are.
1, the little girl
2, my youngest brother who is taking after my mom
3 me disrespecting my mom.

Nairalanders your advice would be appreciated on this situation. I already have what to do in mind already but I will love to hear from those who have experienced similar situation and how best to handle it.

/
Is your mom Igbo? I will be shocked if she is not.

Igbo women are known to be hateful and extremely wicked to other people's children placed under their care. I still cannot figure it out.

Yes. I am an Igbo man.

\

Some women tend to be wicked to other people's children especially if they are not their kin. I can bet, if that little girl was her late sister/brother's daughter, she will treat her differently.
I think the op should talk to her mum, but this time with love and calm and see if she can change her attitude towards her cousin/little sister. If she persists, I will suggest he tells his dad to ask one of his aunt(op's father's sister if his dad has sisters) whether she will take the girl in. I believe the girl's aunt will be more loving towards her since she is her brother's daughter.

The question you will ask is
1) Did your father have mutually agreement with your mom before adopting his sis child and your mum accepted and not by force[color=#006600][/color]?
2) on what basis is the adoption is it inform of helping the girls mom or total so that one will not be deceived, no one will adopt a child which has automatically become hers and want to kill him/her aferall you and your siblings are guys she is only girl.
3)if it is helping the girl and d mom,did her mom appreciate your mom for accepting her child with good gestures or is she taking it for granted and always go through your dad and he is now forcing your mum because it won't work so far they are not in good term before, she must not be going through your dad alone otherwise that girl will suffer there.
So check out all these things

pocohantas:
Your dad should take her back to her mother.

Men should stop bringing in kids/relatives that they won’t care for, because the welfare of that child would rest mainly on the woman and if she isn’t interested- you know how it goes.

Most men do not want the responsibility of training another man’s child (marrying single mothers). I don’t know why over and over, they try putting their wives in same position they so dread. While it is VERY wrong for your mum to maltreat a child. Your dad is no saint for bringing in the child to an environment where she isn’t wanted.

If you want peace in a home on such matters, appeal to the wife. If the wife is happy, everybody will be happy. Take the girl somewhere else.

Of all the people commenting , no one wondered if the mom was in support of the adoption or not.
Like bringing a whole human being into the family is not a big change.

I’m sure someone will quote me to say I’m in support of her maltreatment to the child. Lol

If i were u,i will talk to my sister separately,i will ask Her 2 close her eyes and be calm,i will hold her 2 hand and sat in front of her.i will give her instruction not to open her eyes till I'm done just for her to be remorseful.den i will start reminding her all d bad things she has done toward DAT girl,i will keep mention den one by 1 and also remind her that whatever we sow we shal reap,if she will be happy if some1 treat her like that in future.my brother if ur sist have good heart by d time u are done ,she will start crying.abt ur mum just tell her to remember she av a girl child and dis girl also will not live with u forever,which memory did she passing across,and dis life is too simple to create hatred

holusormi:


Not much sense in your first statement - if a 10 year old child is getting obese , the best thing you can do is to make him/her actively involved in exercises , worked for my lil bro when he was getting too fat for his age.

Second statement - that’s why he came for advise isn’t it ? Smh

You wrote a lot but made zero sense.

Your mum doesn't have a daughter and she is maltreating the poor girl..... Can't she treat her like the daughter she never had?.....people are wicked o

cococandy:


Of all the people commenting , no one wondered if the mom was in support of the adoption or not.
Like bringing a whole human being into the family is not a big change.

I’m sure someone will quote me to say I’m in support of her maltreatment to the child. Lol

Don’t mind them. Are they not the same people that told a woman to take her child back because the husband (step father) doesn’t support it?

Some people find it very hard to reason well. See them giving unrealistic advice. Later they will claim to be logical and try to emotionally blackmail you with useless epistles.

OP your father needs to appeal to your mom.
That’s the solution of the problem. You being around to constantly defend the child is only a treatment of the symptom. Treat it from the root.

First of all, is your mother a bad person who abuses others often or does she exhibit this behavior only towards your cousin? If the former, then maybe there’s nothing that can be done about it except removing the little kid. If not, then maybe the problem is easy to solve.

Adopting a small child into a family (a child that still needs care and guidance) most of which will come from the matron of the home requires a unanimous decision not a unilateral one. Did your mom agree before this child came to live with you guys?

Also considering that the mom of this kid and your mom never got along, was it wise for you father to bring the little kid into your home? To me that’s poor judgment. No offense intended. Were there other relatives even on her mom’s side that she could have stayed with while you guys support financially?

You can read the posts that call your mom names and posts of people who use this opportunity to vent on their female relatives, feel good about that , log off and your problem remains. Or you can think of an actual solution that will help your cousin’s situation in real life.

The solution is for your mom to want her there, the moment she does, little cousin’s problems are over.
Has her mom (your auntie) ever thought of mending fences with your mom? Even if your mom was in the wrong, things are different now. Your auntie now depends on your mom to take care of her child. If she loves her child, she will put her pride away and reach out to your mom, Beg her forgiveness for whatever happened and see if both of them can work something out as regards caring for that child. Her child. Get it?

Or did she just give the child to her brother (knowing very well that brother’s wife will do the actual job of child care) while she’s over at wherever she is, waiting to hear what brother’s wife has done wrong this time around.

Many of us lack resolution skills. And that’s why our social problems persist for years.
1) daddy should never have brought the kid until relationships are mended for real. Not lip service type. Wonder why many men fail in reading subtle environmental language. They act like they don’t know when things aren’t socially okay. Seriously
2) her mom should have never sent her over until she’s done everything she can to make sure the receiving woman is good with the decision. I’d be scared to send of my child to live with someone I don’t get along with.
3) receiving woman (your mom) should never have accepted to house the child until the air is clear and resentment is wiped off.

That kid won’t have happiness until the 3 adults involved put their prides and ignorance aside to settle things.

pocohantas:


Don’t mind them. Are they not the same people that told a woman to take her child back because the husband (step father) doesn’t support it?

Some people find it very hard to reason well. See them giving unrealistic advice. Later they will claim to be logical and try to emotionally blackmail you with useless epistles.

You know opinions here often change even if the circumstances are very similar once a different gender is involved.

pocohantas:
Your dad should take her back to her mother.

Men should stop bringing in kids/relatives that they won’t care for, because the welfare of that child would rest mainly on the woman and if she isn’t interested- you know how it goes.

Most men do not want the responsibility of training another man’s child (marrying single mothers). I don’t know why over and over, they try putting their wives in same position they so dread. While it is VERY wrong for your mum to maltreat a child. Your dad is no saint for bringing in the child to an environment where she isn’t wanted.

If you want peace in a home on such matters, appeal to the wife. If the wife is happy, everybody will be happy. Take the girl somewhere else.

This is one of them!! Ice-Queen

Thanks for your chosen path. To caution your mother is not bad in itself but your actions thereafter. Don't hate your mother because of this, let her know that you love and respect her but that the opportunity to give a good life to this little girl through love and quality education should be seeing as a privilege that must not be abused.
Pray for your mother also and always keep counselling the little girl to be of good character.