Hey guys. I could use a little perspective on something that’s been bothering me. Got married for a little over a year now and I have a kid. The baby is not up to a year yet. The crux of the matter is my wife started stress eating after she delivered. Her weight was normal after delivery so it wasn’t as a result of the pregnancy. After delivery, she started eating a lot of junk. She wasn’t staying with me then - she was with her folks. Her eating wasn’t supervised.

Now she came back all fat and bigger than normal. When we dated, she knows my stance on being overweight. I have a special dislike for fat or thick girls. They always look lazy and clumsy and I’ve never been attracted to a fat lady.

Now she’s overweight. She looks way older than I am and I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to her. When I see pictures of men and their wives looking fit, it makes me wish that was me.

We haven’t taken any picture together in up to six months. She hasn’t taken any either. I can’t post her on my social media because I’m not proud of the situation.

She has a good character and takes care of the baby well. I work full time, run errands and cook for the house. Her main job is taking care of the baby. I have tried to help out domestically to lessen her burden. In fact, since we started living together she hasn’t gone to the market for one day.

I don’t know how to approach this situation. Already I’m sexually frustrated and I’m too young to be feeling this way.

Find a second wife.

Competition is healthy.

Modified

Op you too lie oya send picture

CXLVII:
Find a second wife.

Competition is healthy.

Tbvh the temptation is severe but I want to give everyone the benefit of doubt that I was patient. I don’t know how to spoon feed people into making decisions about their own lives. I should be banging the shit out of a hot wife but here I am making Nairaland posts about this issue. Totally sucks and God help everyone when I am tired.

If you're married as you say you suppose Don realise say seeing kpekus alone na privilege. You better thank your stars say she no lock the punna totally sef.
You dey find hot sexy wife. Continue. Sha have it at the back of your head say toto na the same either from a fat person or a lepa. Same feeling, different delivery. Change your mode of delivery bros. If na daddy and mommy style you dey do change am to doggy. Find a suitable position. Give her that Preeq brother. Soon the fat go melt.

Never leave a wife because of kpekus o. All those girls out there are useless o. Na only toto you go see gain. Every other thing na zero.

Sepsis:
Hey guys. I could use a little perspective on something that’s been bothering me. Got married for a little over a year now and I have a kid. The baby is not up to a year yet. The crux of the matter is my wife started stress eating after she delivered. Her weight was normal after delivery so it wasn’t as a result of the pregnancy. After delivery, she started eating a lot of junk. She wasn’t staying with me then - she was with her folks. Her eating wasn’t supervised.

Now she came back all fat and bigger than normal. When we dated, she knows my stance on being overweight. I have a special dislike for fat or thick girls. They always look lazy and clumsy and I’ve never been attracted to a fat lady.

Now she’s overweight. She looks way older than I am and I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to her. When I see pictures of men and their wives looking fit, it makes me wish that was me.

We haven’t taken any picture together in up to six months. She hasn’t taken any either. I can’t post her on my social media because I’m not proud of the situation.

She has a good character and takes care of the baby well. I work full time, run errands and cook for the house. Her main job is taking care of the baby. I have tried to help out domestically to lessen her burden. In fact, since we started living together she hasn’t gone to the market for one day.

I don’t know how to approach this situation. Already I’m sexually frustrated and I’m too young to be feeling this way.

It’s all well and good that she knew your stance with thick girls before marriage but did she have the same viewpoint?

Most black women, once they reach a certain age, even without childbirth, are prone to bulge. It’s just the way it is. For most, it takes a determination not to get fat to avoid letting go and that determination is a constant battle. To succeed, she herself, by herself, has to be committed to a certain size and be prepared to work for it daily.

Women can exhibit determination in a lot of things but for many, weight loss/maintenance is not one of them. The thing, the strength, that makes her fight the bulge has to come from within her, that is the secret. If you can provide the inspiration, great! but lasting commitment would typically be beyond what you can provide.

In the end it’s good old fashioned diet and exercise for long term results. There are short cuts but they are not long lasting and some are outright dangerous eg some diet pills and teas have caused fatalities.

MMotimo:


It’s all well and good that she knew your stance with thick girls before marriage but did she have the same viewpoint?

Most black women, once they reach a certain age, even without childbirth, are prone to bulge. It’s just the way it is. For most, it takes a determination not to get fat to a avoid letting go and that determination is a constant battle. To succeed, she herself has to be committed to a certain size and be prepared to work for it daily.

Women can exhibit determination in a lot of things but for many, weight loss/maintenance is not one of them. The thing that makes her fight the bulge has to come from within her, that is the secret.

tell him to share her picture if he is not lieing

Sepsis:
Hey guys. I could use a little perspective on something that’s been bothering me. Got married for a little over a year now and I have a kid. The baby is not up to a year yet. The crux of the matter is my wife started stress eating after she delivered. Her weight was normal after delivery so it wasn’t as a result of the pregnancy. After delivery, she started eating a lot of junk. She wasn’t staying with me then - she was with her folks. Her eating wasn’t supervised.

Now she came back all fat and bigger than normal. When we dated, she knows my stance on being overweight. I have a special dislike for fat or thick girls. They always look lazy and clumsy and I’ve never been attracted to a fat lady.

Now she’s overweight. She looks way older than I am and I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to her. When I see pictures of men and their wives looking fit, it makes me wish that was me.

We haven’t taken any picture together in up to six months. She hasn’t taken any either. I can’t post her on my social media because I’m not proud of the situation.

She has a good character and takes care of the baby well. I work full time, run errands and cook for the house. Her main job is taking care of the baby. I have tried to help out domestically to lessen her burden. In fact, since we started living together she hasn’t gone to the market for one day.

I don’t know how to approach this situation. Already I’m sexually frustrated and I’m too young to be feeling this way.

BROS, you really do not know what LOVE IS.

You married GOOD CHARACTER and great BODY, you didnt have a plan for maintenance?


See, go on instagram and find herbal tea JOOR... let her drink it... SHE WILL DEFLATE

Go on strolls with her... no shame... she is yours... BE A MAN, MAN UP AND DO IT.

IF you can not help her to gain shape and she decides to go to the gym, the GYM instructor will snatch her from you....

ABEG, THERE IS PROCESS TO EVERYTHING.... the SLIMMING TEA WORKS... you need to take charge, now is time to prove your love

MMotimo:


It’s all well and good that she knew your stance with thick girls before marriage but did she have the same viewpoint?

She did. As a matter of fact she did so well to maintain her weight during pregnancy through controlled calorie intake. I was the one who was admonishing her to eat but she was the picky eater because she didn’t want to blow up.

Well it worked. We had a healthy baby. She was fine after delivery. Now it’s like she doesn’t care anymore. Like she can’t be bothered because the husband is going no where and she has a beautiful baby. It appears she’s content and nothing else is important.

I’m tired.

Most black women, once they reach a certain age, even without childbirth, are prone to bulge. It’s just the way it is. For most, it takes a determination not to get fat to a avoid letting go and that determination is a constant battle. To succeed, she herself has to be committed to a certain size and be prepared to work for it daily.

Women can exhibit determination in a lot of things but for many, weight loss/maintenance is not one of them.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Habits are key. The cause of this blowing up is the stress eating of junk earlier on but now the damage has been done. It reeks of indiscipline to eat carelessly and thinking about it just makes me mad. Now the determination to lose the weight is out of the window and I’m stuck with a curse.

Modified

ikh777:


BROS, you really do not know what LOVE IS.

You married GOOD CHARACTER and great BODY, you didnt have a plan for maintenance?


See, go on instagram and find herbal tea JOOR... let her drink it... SHE WILL DEFLATE

Go on strolls with her... no shame... she is yours... BE A MAN, MAN UP AND DO IT.

IF you can not help her to gain shape and she decides to go to the gym, the GYM instructor will snatch her from you....

ABEG, THERE IS PROCESS TO EVERYTHING.... the SLIMMING TEA WORKS... you need to take charge, now is time to prove your love

I’m a doctor. I work full time and weekends too plus I run errands for the house and I cook too. I have side hussles to keep money coming in. Long and short is, I’m an extremely busy man.

I don’t care if anybody snatches anyone. If it happens, it’s all for the best. I’m in the best shape of my life and all it takes to find a replacement is a decision.

Modified

Sepsis:
Hey guys. I could use a little perspective on something that’s been bothering me. Got married for a little over a year now and I have a kid. The baby is not up to a year yet. The crux of the matter is my wife started stress eating after she delivered. Her weight was normal after delivery so it wasn’t as a result of the pregnancy. After delivery, she started eating a lot of junk. She wasn’t staying with me then - she was with her folks. Her eating wasn’t supervised.

Now she came back all fat and bigger than normal. When we dated, she knows my stance on being overweight. I have a special dislike for fat or thick girls. They always look lazy and clumsy and I’ve never been attracted to a fat lady.

Now she’s overweight. She looks way older than I am and I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to her. When I see pictures of men and their wives looking fit, it makes me wish that was me.

We haven’t taken any picture together in up to six months. She hasn’t taken any either. I can’t post her on my social media because I’m not proud of the situation.

She has a good character and takes care of the baby well. I work full time, run errands and cook for the house. Her main job is taking care of the baby. I have tried to help out domestically to lessen her burden. In fact, since we started living together she hasn’t gone to the market for one day.

I don’t know how to approach this situation. Already I’m sexually frustrated and I’m too young to be feeling this way.

As delicate as this matter maybe , remember this life is short and you need peace and good health, atleast she offers peace as stated by u. rather than frustrating urself have u communicated to ur wife about this, lotta women tend to start gaining weight after delivery especially if they are breastfeeding. Tell her ur fears bout her weight nicely .lastly Marriage is for better or worse ,this are part of its worse for you. No dey go reason cheating as an excuse ooo.

Sepsis:


She did. As a matter of fact she did so well to maintain her weight during pregnancy through controlled calorie intake. I was the one who was admonishing her to eat but she was the picky eater because she didn’t want to blow up.

Well it worked. We had a healthy baby. She was fine after delivery. Now it’s like she doesn’t care anymore. Like she can’t be bothered because the husband is going no where and she has a beautiful baby. It appears she’s content and nothing else is important.

I’m tired.



I agree wholeheartedly with this. Habits are key. The cause of this blowing up is the stress eating of junk earlier on but now the damage has been done. It reeks of indiscipline to eat carelessly and thinking about it just makes me mad. Now the determination to lose the weight is out of the window and I’m stuck with a curse.

It’s good that she at least had the commitment before so it sounds like a simple case of lost motivation. The thing with weight gain is that you have to keep watchful every time. You can’t afford to abandon control for long because when you lose control, you gain and gain and blow up. At some point, despair sets in and you feel you can’t win the battle so you settle into the defeat and simply eat more.

From the sounds of it, she’s officially overweight so it’s going to take time but it can be done especially since she’s not obese. The work has to start early though so that she doesn’t get to the extent that weight loss would mean loose, hanging flesh.

Find out why she’s lost motivation, she needs to go back to what pushed her to maintain control in the past. Every woman that has been able to maintain success in the battle has that major thing pushing her.

Sepsis:
Hey guys. I could use a little perspective on something that’s been bothering me. Got married for a little over a year now and I have a kid. The baby is not up to a year yet. The crux of the matter is my wife started stress eating after she delivered. Her weight was normal after delivery so it wasn’t as a result of the pregnancy. After delivery, she started eating a lot of junk. She wasn’t staying with me then - she was with her folks. Her eating wasn’t supervised.

Now she came back all fat and bigger than normal. When we dated, she knows my stance on being overweight. I have a special dislike for fat or thick girls. They always look lazy and clumsy and I’ve never been attracted to a fat lady.

Now she’s overweight. She looks way older than I am and I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to her. When I see pictures of men and their wives looking fit, it makes me wish that was me.

We haven’t taken any picture together in up to six months. She hasn’t taken any either. I can’t post her on my social media because I’m not proud of the situation.

She has a good character and takes care of the baby well. I work full time, run errands and cook for the house. Her main job is taking care of the baby. I have tried to help out domestically to lessen her burden. In fact, since we started living together she hasn’t gone to the market for one day.

I don’t know how to approach this situation. Already I’m sexually frustrated and I’m too young to be feeling this way.

A) you cant force yourself to love something/someone that you are not attracted to.
B) sit your wifey down and explain the situation, no sugarcoating, and let her know how important the is issue is AND that you are not sexually attracted to the way she looks.
C) find ways to help her lose weight... like going to the gym together, changing diet etc
D) make her aware that this is a life and death situation as there is no middle mark and she MUST lose the extra weight, as overweight women turn you off.

Mmotimo has said virtually all that needs to be said.

Dear Doctor/Husband,
If indeed you're really a medical Personnel, then you shouldn't be this agitated over the situation.

What I see is that you married a trophy wife... Someone you want to show off to friends an family.
You ignored the reality of life that change is the only constant thing in life. Child birth can change a whole lot if things about a woman's physical outlook, positively or otherwise.


This is the best time to re date your wife.
Work amicably with her in regaining her body size back.

Marriage is not a switch where you turn on/off at will.
You make it work by putting effort.

Abeg, I no know wetin these modern couples dey reason before getting into marriage these days sef.
EGO TRIPPING EVERYWHERE!

Your feelings are valid. But your delivery might need some work.

If you can afford it, you guys can have some exercise equipment at home to help motivate her.
When you go work out, call her to join you. Etc etc

cococandy:
Your feelings are valid. But your delivery might need some work.

If you can afford it, you guys can have some exercise equipment at home to help motivate her.
When you go work out, call her to join you. Etc etc

That’s the problem I have- delivery. That’s exactly why I haven’t been vocal about it. I don’t want to come off as insensitive and overbearing and I don’t want to change the way things are negatively. I’m afraid I might never talk about it so it is not perceived as an issue. I’m aware it bothers her already and talking about it might plunge her self esteem further. She’s my wife - I love her with my life and sometimes I wish thick women were my type. Unfortunately, that’s not the case and hence this problem.

She’s taking care of the baby and it’s so demanding. She has been exercising at home but it’s not consistent and I don’t want to put her under that kind of pressure. I feel she should do it at her pace but it should be sustained. Problem is, she doesn’t care because there’s no incentive to it. Her attitude to the whole thing is more like - I have to manage her like that

Sepsis:


Tbvh the temptation is severe but I want to give everyone the benefit of doubt that I was patient. I don’t know how to spoon feed people into making decisions about their own lives. I should be banging the shit out of a hot wife but here I am making Nairaland posts about this issue. Totally sucks and God help everyone when I am tired.

Have u discussed this with her?

Sepsis:
Hey guys. I could use a little perspective on something that’s been bothering me. Got married for a little over a year now and I have a kid. The baby is not up to a year yet. The crux of the matter is my wife started stress eating after she delivered. Her weight was normal after delivery so it wasn’t as a result of the pregnancy. After delivery, she started eating a lot of junk. She wasn’t staying with me then - she was with her folks. Her eating wasn’t supervised.

Now she came back all fat and bigger than normal. When we dated, she knows my stance on being overweight. I have a special dislike for fat or thick girls. They always look lazy and clumsy and I’ve never been attracted to a fat lady.

Now she’s overweight. She looks way older than I am and I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to her. When I see pictures of men and their wives looking fit, it makes me wish that was me.

We haven’t taken any picture together in up to six months. She hasn’t taken any either. I can’t post her on my social media because I’m not proud of the situation.

She has a good character and takes care of the baby well. I work full time, run errands and cook for the house. Her main job is taking care of the baby. I have tried to help out domestically to lessen her burden. In fact, since we started living together she hasn’t gone to the market for one day.

I don’t know how to approach this situation. Already I’m sexually frustrated and I’m too young to be feeling this way.

Simply ask her to reduce her food intake. That you ain't liking how she's blowing up like balloon. THEN FROWN ROUND THE HOUSE FOR LIKE 1 EEK..She will get the message.

jeffizy:
Mmotimo has said virtually all that needs to be said.

Dear Doctor/Husband,
If indeed you're really a medical Personnel, then you shouldn't be this agitated over the situation.

Nobody is agitated. Attraction between spouses is a real thing

What I see is that you married a trophy wife... Someone you want to show off to friends an family.
You ignored the reality of life that change is the only constant thing in life. Child birth can change a whole lot if things about a woman's physical outlook, positively or otherwise.

I’m sure if you read well you’d see where I mentioned that she was perfect after childbirth. You’d also see where I mentioned that the weight boom was due to stress eating after delivery. The trophy wife analogy is out of the point totally.

This is the best time to re date your wife.
Work amicably with her in regaining her body size back.

I’ve addressed this before already.

Abeg, I no know wetin these modern couples dey reason before getting into marriage these days sef.
EGO TRIPPING EVERYWHERE!

This was totally unnecessary.

Sepsis:


That’s the problem I have- delivery. That’s exactly why I haven’t been vocal about it. I don’t want to come off as insensitive and overbearing and I don’t want to change the way things are negatively. I’m afraid I might never talk about it so it is not perceived as an issue. I’m aware it bothers her already and talking about it might plunge her self esteem further. She’s my wife - I love her with my life and sometimes I wish thick women were my type. Unfortunately, that’s not the case and hence this problem.

She’s taking care of the baby and it’s so demanding. She has been exercising at home but it’s not consistent and I don’t want to put her under that kind of pressure. I feel she should do it at her pace but it should be sustained. Problem is, she doesn’t care because there’s no incentive to it. Her attitude to the whole thing is more like - I have to manage her like that

Cardiovascular health is a very good incentive. It’s an even more important incentive than keeping a relationship or marriage. You understand this as a medical doctor . Teach her about it. If you have to be graphic to make her see what’s at stake, then that’s what you have to do.

Also, if you never bring up the topic , how will you guys get better? You don’t have to tell her she’s overweight to talk about the benefits of weight control.

This one weak me!

Wahala dey o! On top say your wife is a nursing mother you dey complain like this...

It is well !!!!

Now the determination to lose the weight is out of the window and I’m stuck with a curse.

Yes we all wish our partners remain hot forever but the tone in your post is not one of a lover. You sound like someone who just discovered that the fancy car he bought was a dud.

Just because she was slim after delivery doesn’t mean the pregnancy didn’t mess with her appetite. You can develop a very huge appetite postpartum, so it’s not like she’s deliberately ‘indisciplined’, especially if she was capable of maintaining a healthy weight during her pregnancy.

You need to be patient and help your wife get in shape. She’s also suffering. Since you do the cooking, make healthy meals, and let her do the errands sometimes.

Please talk to her about your feelings...it is that simple. You guys are too young to be growing apart. Good luck.

OP, give her a break since she just had a baby. During weekends go out to the backyard and exercise together. Since you're the one buying the groceries, buy healthy food.

Nigerians like to advise married people to "manage" their marriage.

If you're not attracted to fat people, then have a talk with your wife. Discuss with her in a very logical way. She most probably will understand.

But you should also understand that people are not perfect and stop comparing her to other people.

Take her out for jogging and other simple exercises that would burn her body fats. This will also give you ample time to bond more with her.

Lets see pic.

Sepsis:
Hey guys. I could use a little perspective on something that’s been bothering me. Got married for a little over a year now and I have a kid. The baby is not up to a year yet. The crux of the matter is my wife started stress eating after she delivered. Her weight was normal after delivery so it wasn’t as a result of the pregnancy. After delivery, she started eating a lot of junk. She wasn’t staying with me then - she was with her folks. Her eating wasn’t supervised.

Now she came back all fat and bigger than normal. When we dated, she knows my stance on being overweight. I have a special dislike for fat or thick girls. They always look lazy and clumsy and I’ve never been attracted to a fat lady.

Now she’s overweight. She looks way older than I am and I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to her. When I see pictures of men and their wives looking fit, it makes me wish that was me.

We haven’t taken any picture together in up to six months. She hasn’t taken any either. I can’t post her on my social media because I’m not proud of the situation.

She has a good character and takes care of the baby well. I work full time, run errands and cook for the house. Her main job is taking care of the baby. I have tried to help out domestically to lessen her burden. In fact, since we started living together she hasn’t gone to the market for one day.

I don’t know how to approach this situation. Already I’m sexually frustrated and I’m too young to be feeling this way.

get another wife, if she goes fat....get another one. Continue like that till you can afford a gym