[b]Can someone please help me explain this mystery. How is it possible, that a Man/Woman would live with the same partner for years in marriage, they would bear kids, those kids themselves would grow into adult and then get married, thats normal in life, but come to think of the part that remains a mystery to me, maybe its because am not married yet, but i have this gurl i love with my whole heart, her name starts with a G, never mind, back to the point, my question is this, especially to the married fellas out here is this, what is the secret or recipe to a good and everlasting marriage, cos the rate of divorce these days is alarming and the excuses given for such, sometimes are funny, how can one love a lady/guy till death do them part? i have concluded that marriage is for the serious minded people, who are ready for it and it does not depend on age or social status, but on love. Can some of ya fellas who got experience in this and who are married, give us a good recipe to a healthy marriage?[/b]

Luck is all you need. Failing that, be willing to remain with your partner in old age no matter how deeply you've grown to hate her. You must make up your mind that you will continue to bear the life-long punishment of marriage until it kills you. For sex, you must be content with your secret mistress.

lol seun are u married?

Forget about the "Mills & Booms" impression of marriage that a lot of people have. Marriage is really a tough venture! It could sometimes be sweet and sour the next minute. I always advise anyone that cares to listen that people should ensure that the person they are getting married to is a friend! Someone that you can be REAL with. You can be natural with. A lot of people act during courtship and therefore disallow their partners to see their real self. When your partner starts seeing the real you after marriage, that's where the problem starts from. He/she would be wondering when exactly you changed. Another problem is that people equate pre-marital times to post-marital times. They are not the same! Just imagine a scenerio where you have a partner that you don't see frequently. This means you crave for his/her presence and as a result get excited about seeing him/her again. So when you eventually meet, you are all over him/her. The few minutes/hours/days you spend together is like being in heaven. You are very romantic. You do all sorts just because you know that it would take a while (could be one day, one week, one month, etc) before you see him/her again. But when you are married, the excitement reduces after a while, take it or leave it. This is one of the reasons why you are advised to spice your marriage once in a while. Take you spouse out. Spend a weekend in a hotel. Go for candle lit dinner.
There are also several phases in a marriage
INITIAL EXCITEMENT PERIOD - just after marriage
NEXT EXCITEMENT PERIOD - just when she's pregnant
PERIOD OF IRRITATION - when the pregnancy is advancing. That is the period when sex will reduce drastically for some.
PERIOD OF LACK OF SEX - Just before delivery and after delivery (especially if she has vaginal tears during childbirth)
AFTER CHILD BIRTH - This is the period when a lot of changes occur. Wife dedicates time to new baby. Husband feels abandoned/ignored. During this period a lot of men sought for sexual satisfaction outside.

It takes a lot of wisdom/understanding/patience/love for the marriage to remain the same. People should not just feel that marriage is all rosy. But I would still say it is a wonderful experience that I would not miss for anything. Good luck bachelors and spinsters in the house

Now this is where I say God comes in!!!!! You will have to get married to find out for yourself! No one can ever explain it to you! Just look real deep before you take that leap!!!!!!!! Otherwise the pain will be multiplied to the highest power!

@Barrackboy
wow, thanks. very insiteful.

martin007:

Can someone please help me explain this mystery. How is it possible, that a Man/Woman would live with the same partner for years in marriage, they would bear kids, those kids themselves would grow into adult and then get married, thats normal in life, but come to think of the part that remains a mystery to me, maybe its because am not married yet, but i have this girl i love with my whole heart, her name starts with a G, never mind, back to the point, my question is this, especially to the married fellas out here is this, what is the secret or recipe to a good and everlasting marriage, because the rate of divorce these days is alarming and the excuses given for such, sometimes are funny, [b]how can one love a lady/guy till death do them part?[color=Black] i have concluded that marriage is for the serious minded people, who are ready for it and it does not depend on age or social status, but on love[/b]. Can some of ya fellas who got experience in this and who are married, give us a good recipe to a healthy marriage?[/color]

it takes something greater than "love"

Yes oh! Committment, Respect, Sense of humour, spirituality, Friendship, FINANCES, Children, Admiration, Teamwork, Recognition, Appreciation, _{------great sex just becomes a state of mind and living on past glories!}

you know, a goood wise friend of mine told me to look at marriage like being in jail.

look at ur girl and if u feel that u can live with her in jail serving life without committing suicide or worse murder, hmm then she's a keeper.

same applies to females

katherinae:

you know, a goood wise friend of mine told me to look at marriage like being in jail.

look at your girl and if u feel that u can live with her in jail serving life without committing suicide or worse murder, hmm then she's a keeper.

same applies to females

In fact, your good wise friend has said it all!!! Amen!!!  I will drink to that!!! You better be in jail with your best friend oh!!!!

@MILITIA
What's up sweetie ?

If you have any doubts about your ability to stay in a marriage, then wait till all your doubts are cleared. Going into it with doubts (either concerning you or your partner) is, in my opinion, a recipe for heartache or divorce, or both.

You have to find a woman that compliments you.
By that I mean a woman that's strong where you are weak and above all God is the key.
The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom

Sweet T:

@MILITIA
What's up sweetie ?

Yes oh darling---I am here oh! When are you getting married so you can join us jailbirds in paradise?

babyosisi:

You have to find a woman that compliments you.
By that I mean a woman that's strong where you are weak and above all God is the key.

The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom

True word!!!!

Considering how much work it takes to make a typical marriage work, I wonder whether it's worth it.

Marriage is like a cable with one channel. There are other channels though but, your options can't make you watch more than one channel for the rest of your life.
Some said luck is involved and i agree. Some said God is involved and i agree. Some said patience is involved and i agree. Some said faith is involved and i agree. Some said trust is involved and i agree.
But whatever whatsoever involved, just stick to your partner to avoid trouble. If problems, seek other partner for attention or parents 4 advice

seun? why in Gods name art thou always cynical? hmmm? as for barrackboy u got the marriage picture real good! marriage is never a jail , its a fulfillment of ones life, that is if the marriage is grounded in God and the foundation also is based on love, respect, and trust. Nevr haul urself into martrimony half prepared be conscious of the life ur diving into cause marriage is a life and an institution of its own. hard luck to all aspiring marriage candidates. ciaoooooo!!!

For marriage to work, you have to overlook certain things your partner does, never believe anything you hear from outside about your wife without SOLID proof. mutual respect, be mature enough, digits doesn't count here and finally it must find its root in love and the fear of God.

I think it takes the grace of God to remain in marriage. I mean when both parties aren't enjoying it, what 's the point in staying in?

I recently had the displeasure of being an active participant in a fight btw a couple. It was not pretty at all. I mean this guy beat his wife senseless, in the prescence of their children and the wife still chose to stay in the marriage. Why live together in mystery when one could have a chance at peace and happiness living seperate lives?

It is indeed a mystery.

I never knew such a post could come from Barrackboy. Not reducing you, but I am gladly impressed. Keep it up!

Not taking anybody up on all these issues. I want you all (bachelors) to always attend marriage counselling sections whether you are ready now or in the nearest future.

Beside, Barrackboy post is highly recommended. It shows he is married not only that, he is experienced. Marriage could be sweeter than anything, but at the same time it could be hell.

My advise is that "Be matured" be4 you go into it. Spiritually, economically and independently. It takes more than your age, academic qualificatns and yr personal experience for yr marriage to work.

There are trying times in every marriage, especially in the first 5 years. Be sure that you and yr partner is opened to one another. Ladies have a lot to hide and vice versa, depending on yr own case. Do not be blinded by appearances, it is deceptn.

I wish you all Bachelors in the house the best of Luck in locating the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh,

Marriage could be enjoyable when God is in it, and endurable when He is out of it.

for now, I rest my case.

Cheers.

Olujyde himself!

Marriage entails total commitment.

Marrige Involves TOTAL commitment, I mean that when the Bible says that Adam and Eve were both naked b4 each other, It means that there was no secret between them,
SO ALWAYS COMMUNICATE!!!!!!make sure u do that, GOOD OR BAD!

Marriage is a necessary evil
It shld be handled with patience,utmost tolerance, go into it with the person you love and appreciate for xter and maturity of mind else it may hit the rock. Even when it hits a rock and shatters, look for superglue and aradite and bond it back inseparably.
Dont rush into it because the girl is sexy with big ups and downs for some of us naughty guys,after going into the sack for some months u may then discover that it stinks.For ladies because the guy has money you keep on pestering on him like flies be ready to bear the heartache of infidelity and atimes punching bag syndrome afterall you were not there when he suffered and got the money, u may be treated like a gold digger in some cases oooooooooooo.
I do advise my sister go on with a young guy that has a future and a prospect so that you will assist him in building the family, That way you will have a say.

My chicken change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, come to think of it, is there anything as, growing out of love for someone u once loved with the whole of your heart? what happens to the vow the both claim they would adhere to? thanks alot for the advice given to us on this forum, by the "married fellas" but can u guys also share some of the temptations you have had to face, did you yield to it or did u flee? so that we who are not married, can learn, Now also, i think for those who are virgins, who keep themselves pure till marriage, what becomes of them, cos i know someone that use to say, once u start having sex with any thing under the skirt, even if you get married its gonna be pretty difficult to keep your hot pants cold and that the probability is there, that you would cheat on your wife, my other question, now is what happens, to those who are virgins before the get married, how would their sex life be like with their spouse? would it be dull or interesting? if it is dull, would the Guy/gurl involve go out to try Greener pasture? As we all know, human beings are greedy, also wanting more and more. Would such a guy/gurl be tempted to try and see what it is that is out there that he is missing, ?

Marriage is something i think about all the time and I have decided not to worry about it anymore and reassure myself that God has my best interests at heart.

But I still find myself thinking about it. Ok, I will try to stop . . .

A few questions though, some people say, oh (from a gals perspective) It is beta to marry a guy a lot older that u are (5-10yrs) so that he can over look some little things u might do or 4 what ever reasons

some say, its beta to marry someone close to your home town (village), so that when they think about your folks, they'll think twice before they maltreat you.

Others say its beta to marry someone u love. others say love is not enough.

So confused, does one have to fulfill all these different criteriae 4 marriage to work?

As for me, I feel like if two pp (mutually) really love and care for each other, as in not becuz of how they look or whateva, if they really love each other as

friends, i  feel like marriage should work. then again, I don't know because some people say, marriage is totally different.

as u can see, i am very CONFUSED, i guess i might have to wait till i get in there to see 4 myself . . .  .

Seun, I think we should have a forum dedicated to marriage alone. It will act as a counselling center for the unmarried pp. wat do u think?

@Seun,

Thanks for trying to put fear into me with your analogy on Marriage. I'm tryin really hard to make up my mind on marriage and u re tryin 2 panic me. No shaking, d lord is my strength.

PHBABE:

Seun, I think we should have a forum dedicated to marriage alone. It will act as a counsellings center for the unmarried pp. what do u think?

I think you are right Phbabe, there are no professionals in marriage, no Pastor, Imam, can say a 100% percent that they are okay and that their marriage, does not have one problem or the other, sometimes i watch newly wedded couples and the same time, i watch those that are, lets say 20years in marriage, most times the contrast between them is crystal clear, Look a man who wants to marry you would promise you heaven and earth, just to get you under his roof and once you are inside, its a different ball game. Divorce rates are rising higher day by day, some marriages in Nigeria, if not for God and because of the kind of society we live in, would have crumbled, some wives are dying inside of them, wishing they can be set free, cos they are living in Bondage, cos they followed their selfishness and greed, instead of their hearts, likewise the men, for God sake ladies, a man you know deep down you dont love and you would never love him, still yet you go ahead and marry him, all because of his money or because you feeling you are getting old and you dont want people to start asking questions or you wanna have kids. It happens to the men folk also, you follow "her backside or frontside" now it has led you into a big pit, My parents are my example in Marriage, but yet, its not a 100% the ideal thing, i see one or two things i feel, should not be so.

Am suprised MILITIA's posts were calm - then why does she go haywire in politics?

One of my phobias is divorce. And one of my life desire's 2 find a fine, tall, gracious and understanding friend to call a wife.

My folks've been married 4 over 30 years now and i still c friction. I hope i can stay till death despite the irritations. But e no easy o. Na just God.

I think my parents are lucky to have found each other. If I can get what they have, I'll die a happy man .

.

If marriage is this hard then why do people get married ?

Must you voluntarily go into something that is so difficult ?