I don't know of your own parenting but mine was a worst case scenario. I was manhandled at a tender age by my dad who happened to be a solider and a chain smoker. till date, I don't know if his violent nature was induced by the substances he injects in. all the inhumane punishment melted on me points down to shove discipline in me and intrinsically, it affected me emotionally and psychologically. I was denied access to making friends even when they of good character. this singular action plunged me to be asocial. talking with a girl even on genuine ground is the highest taboo and till now, I can't muster tiny courage to let out my feelings for my crush. sometimes, I can't help but ponders how I would get to marry the woman of my dream. in some occasions, I will be chased out of the house probably because I violated any of the rules for days. all these and more.
I am exponentially approaching 30 yet I still feel like a baby in the house. honestly I need serious psychological overhauling and evaluation.

Lionessza6:
1.I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from; the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.

2. Staying in toxic relationships for the children. In many cases,the children end-up worse off psychologically ,than kids coming out of two healthy parents living separately.

3. The "if Kevin can do it ,you can do it too ".mentality. you have a lot of parents who see the neighbour's kid doing well selling bread ,& they start pushing their own children towards that trade or career without assisting them in what they are really good at so that they too can be a shining example in their own right. You see the results of this in many African markets ,everyone sells the samethings ,hardly will you find people who produce the products or selling something that is not readily available.

until you see that you can't be equal to a man only then will u tend to have attained wisdom, in a situation of war or attack on a home a man will fight and delay he attackers while the women and children run for safety or help , I pray you find a man that would stand and fight for you at your weakest moment

When i was young, i thot i was in bondage growing up in my family. Worse than a military regime. But now am grown and independent, i realized my parents gave me d best parenting. Even though late, i now appreci8 every moment i spent under them. African parents, u guys are d best.

godofuck231:


until you see that you can't be equal to a man only then will u tend to have attained wisdom, in a situation of war or attack on a home a man will fight and delay he attackers while the women and children run for safety or help , I pray you find a man that would stand and fight for you at your weakest moment

LMFAO, go through my post again & please point me to where I said I was against men being protectors & women taking care of the more feminine duties of the home . I will wait here .........

Almost everything. My mum and my grandmother wanted to maim my dreams me I no gree anything, I was just looking at my mumsi after six horrible years she caused me to suffer in boarding school she wanted to try rubbish again. Na then I for vex drop out.

bamidelee:

It's a pride for our mother's to have male child for their husband, therefore we should be treated as one.

Great .

godofuck231:


until you see that you can't be equal to a man only then will u tend to have attained wisdom, in a situation of war or attack on a home a man will fight and delay he attackers while the women and children run for safety or help , I pray you find a man that would stand and fight for you at your weakest moment

Misogynist spotted.

judging from the kind of society we live in, Nigeria parents no try for proper upbringing, they are vile, evil and irresponsible (especially in the north) they promote all the things that sets a society light years backwards.

Generally speaking, I LOVE the African style of parenting. I largely love how I was raised.

I know some people had difficult parents... others had uncaring parents, abusive parents, etc. But in the exclusion of all those, I’d still choose the African parenting style anyway.

When I become a parent in the nearest future, I’m going to modify and inculcate certain other elements in how I raise my kids.

Blackpearlous:


Very true. No 2 got me and I blame it on financial dependency esp on the woman's part, she can't walk away from an abusive marriage because of the financial security gotten from the marriage.


I hate it when I hear, I stayed because of my children, can't blame dem much, some men won't marry daughters from a broken home. Sad

@the bolded mostly true. This goes back to my 1st point. Many African parents put so much effort in equipping the boy child with skills & confidence to take on the world, while the girl child is groomed to be " wife-able". I'm happy that there seems to be a change in some African societies ,the girl child now is not only being taught how to take care of the home front but also how to provide for herself before instead of searching for her parent's replacement in the form of marriage .

It's sad ,but I think it all goes back to the point you made in your 1st paragraph; finances. But we must all keep it in mind that you're not everybody's type. Some men look beyond your background,some dont .

Lionessza6:
1.I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from; the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.

2. Staying in toxic relationships for the children. In many cases,the children end-up worse off psychologically ,than kids coming out of two healthy parents living separately.

3. The "if Kevin can do it ,you can do it too ".mentality. you have a lot of parents who see the neighbour's kid doing well selling bread ,& they start pushing their own children towards that trade or career without assisting Top Facts them in what they are really good at so that they too can be a shining example in their own right. You see the results of this in many African markets ,everyone sells the samethings ,hardly will you find people who produce the products or selling something that is not readily available.

Na so

Me I don't know,abeg make Una tell me o,and also make Una also explain to me the Asian type of parenting,north and south American type of parenting,European type of parenting E.t.c,i go like to know o.

Communication

Kobicove:
I think it's wrong to force kids to be overly religious

I've surpass this mentality tho ..trust me when I tell you that over religious mentality won't live till the next generation the youths are waking up ..our religious leaders are going broke because of this lockdown ..infact I dont want to shake table

forcing religion that, themselves are ignorant about down the throat of children

kiddkash:

i don't believe they're treated as kings. parents feel the soft works/ indoor should be done by female while
the outdoor / heavy duties should be performed by males.

like my community, female sweep the compound and wash dishes while the male,
wash the cars, go to farm, fetch firewood, break them learn how to defend themselves and others.

e.g female sweep around the farm while the male cut down trees, clear the forest and go hunting

You probably misunderstood me, I'm not against parents teaching their children house duties that are more suitable for their gender. My issue is with pampering, where the boy cannot clean after himself, his sisters or someone else is expected to do that for him ; washing his clothes ,cleaning his room etc.Also with rules ;boys not observing the curfew but not being scolded for it ,but the girls get the beating or something like that. This makes boys seem themselves as people who are above any rules & responsibilities.

When this boy becomes a man,he will expect females to be his servants even when he is out of his home setting . They usually look for maids in wives than partners . & they will take helping out in the house or being asked where they are by their wives as emasculation .

bamidelee:

It's a pride for our mother's to have male child for their husband, therefore we should be treated as one.

Hahahahaha I'm sure in your house na you dem de beat pass, common go and read your books young man. I wish say na me born you, I go tear your yash with cane come put Cameroon pepper inside make you de humble so that u go get sense.

Lionessza6:
1.I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from; the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.

2. Staying in toxic relationships for the children. In many cases,the Top Facts children end-up worse off psychologically ,than kids coming out of two healthy parents living separately.

3. The "if Kevin can do it ,you can do it too ".mentality. you have a lot of parents who see the neighbour's kid doing well selling bread ,& they start pushing their own children towards that trade or career without assisting them in what they are really good at so that they too can be a shining example in their own right. You see the results of this in many African markets ,everyone sells the samethings ,hardly will you find people who produce the products or selling something that is not readily available.

Lol

Lionessza6:


@the bolded mostly true. This goes back to my 1st point. Many African parents put so much effort in equipping the boy child with skills & confidence to take on the world, while the girl child is groomed to be " wife-able". I'm happy that there seems to be a change in some African societies ,the girl child now is not only being taught how to take care of the home front but also how to provide for herself before instead of searching for her parent's replacement in the form of marriage .

It's sad ,but I think it all goes back to the point you made in your 1st paragraph; finances. But we must all keep it in mind that you're not everybody's type. Some men look beyond your background,some dont .

You are only seeing this from a woman's point of view.

Mostly, Nigerian parents raise their boy child to the husband-able and girl child to be wife-able.

Mizwisdom:



Number 1, is not general, maybe your tribe which I suspect is Igbo.

African parenting is the best, it trains for future. Our problem is that we are fast losing our original, African parenting style

Lol,I dont get why you feel the need to degenerate this discussion into a tribal thing. Didn't you see where I wrote " a lot of Africa parents ".

I never argued that African parenting was all problematic, but I outlighed the problematic parts ( or atleast the parts I find disturbing). I dont know what you're getting all defensive & offensive for?.

MCIU1:


Lol

What's funny ?

Kids are being allowed to see and hear what they should not have.

Many things are wrong with our style of parenting. But it's not about the style of parenting but the quality of parents, many parents carry their own insecurities and peer influences as a model for their own children(this is why you have a so called "style" of parenting). Everyone is reading medicine, my child will be a doctor. At a young age, they plant seeds of insecurity in the minds of the children.

Another part is their immature outlook on life. Our philosophy as a nation is one that is too focused on religion and pseudo-spirituality. We have the idea that whatever we are facing, "God will handle it" and "it's our village people's work". We don't take responsibility for our lives and control the things we can. Parents are fucgked! But I must say, it's a worldwide thing. As long as you're human, you don't have sense basically. You're in the world to acquire sense. But many parents are still oblivious to many things.

When was the last time you heard a father teach his son about money or sex or life or something? It's rare because they don't know anything about it. If they do, they teach you the wrong lessons.

It's more about the individual than his parents. Your parents only brought you to the world, how you end up is your responsibility not theirs. But you're free to blame them for the dipshit you are-if it makes you feel any better.

Karleb:


You are only seeing this from a woman's point of view.

Mostly, Nigerian parents raise their boy child to the husband-able and girl child to be wife-able.

Then show me a man's point of view .

Define husband-able & wife- able in your own words.

Yonce:



I think your first point is very generalized and a little on the extreme side.

Please expand of this observation a bit more so I can understand what you mean better.

Lionessza6:



You probably misunderstood me, I'm not against parents teaching their children house duties that are more suitable for their gender. My issue is with pampering, where the boy cannot clean after himself, his sisters or someone else is expected to do that for him ; washing his clothes ,cleaning his room etc.Also with rules ;boys not observing the curfew but not being scolded for it ,but the girls get the beating or something like that. This makes boys seem themselves as people who are above any rules & responsibilities.

When this boy becomes a man,he will expect females to be his servants even when he is out of his home setting . They usually look for maids in wives than partners . & they will take helping out in the house or being asked where they are by their wives as emasculation .

You are only generalizing a not so often case you saw/witnessed. This is only true when there's only one boy or girl in the family.

Most of the guys I've met can do shores, my best friend even cook way better than I.

They are only forming big boy now that they are of age and can boldly keep a partner.

HarryDuce:
How did you come up with the bold? It's incredibly naive to assume they don't discipline their kids because they don't use whips on their children or because of a few school shooters among millions. Children are humans not goats. Laying down house rules applicable in every sphere with consequences if such rules are broken is important. What about other countries in the world? Europe? Asia?

I'm not speaking against spanking your children because it'll be a waste of time. But the politians who steal, the business men that carry out corrupt practices, the law enforcement that harasses citizens, the citizen that litters, the public figures who speak against the inventions of the west as "immoral" or "satanic" but turn around to use such inventions not long after were not spared the rod as children.

you're probably right but I am speaking from my extensive observation and study

Lionessza6:



You probably misunderstood me, I'm not against parents teaching their children house duties that are more suitable for their gender. My issue is with pampering, where the boy cannot clean after himself, his sisters or someone else is expected to do that for him ; washing his clothes ,cleaning his room etc.Also with rules ;boys not observing the curfew but not being scolded for it ,but the girls get the beating or something like that. This makes boys seem themselves as people who are above any rules & responsibilities.

When this boy becomes a man,he will expect females to be his servants even when he is out of his home setting . They usually look for maids in wives than partners . & they will take helping out in the house or being asked where they are by their wives as emasculation .

maybe you're right. but that isn't how I grew up.
throughout the communities in my state, the boys are known for the handwork / outdoor while female are known for indoors

scott04:

God Bless You For These Jare

God Bless you bro. The truth has to be said

Lionessza6:


@the bolded mostly true. This goes back to my 1st point. Many African parents put so much effort in equipping the boy child with skills & confidence to take on the world, while the girl child is groomed to be " wife-able". I'm happy that there seems to be a change in some African societies ,the girl child now is not only being taught how to take care of the home front but also how to provide for herself before instead of searching for her parent's replacement in the form of marriage .

It's sad ,but I think it all goes back to the point you made in your 1st paragraph; finances. But we must all keep it in mind that you're not everybody's type. Some men look beyond your background,some dont .

This is very personal to me a pain in my heart. I know that those kind of men won't be difficult to find soon.


I'm so glad things are changing and we have the stage now, sure we won't take a cue from them in some aspect in upbringing.

It is a military regime. Obey without asking questions, do as I say even when I act otherwise. They are loving, but some don't show it. And oh, they all came first in school.

nunnu:


EVEN AT THAT, THEY WILL STILL COMPLAIN THAT YOU INDULGED THEM TOO MUCH THAT WAS WHY THE ENDED UP USELESS.

This is true.