Yet the Europeans you guys are trying to emulate have high rate of divorce which has ripple effects on parenting exemplified by delinquency, single mamahood, gangs, drugs etc. Why? Because the average European thinks for himself and not the group or community which is what African values are about. Just like the Asians, we put the situate individual happiness within the context of the job or community. This is what our parenting teaches us. I am.nor wholly in support of some aspects of African parenting, but I would chose it anyway over that of the europeans. Got to Briton and see how a 13-year old would be insulting his parents and still call the cops on them. And youexpect that sort if person to be a responsible parent. Hell no!

Can someone open a thread on "What do you think is wrong with the American (Western style) of parenting?" too

Lionessza6:



You probably misunderstood me, I'm not against parents teaching their children house duties that are more suitable for their gender. My issue is with pampering, where the boy cannot clean after himself, his sisters or someone else is expected to do that for him ; washing his clothes ,cleaning his room etc.Also with rules ;boys not observing the curfew but not being scolded for it ,but the girls get the beating or something like that. This makes boys seem themselves as people who are above any rules & responsibilities.

When this boy becomes a man,he will expect females to be his servants even when he is out of his home setting . They usually look for maids in wives than partners . & they will take helping out in the house or being asked where they are by their wives as emasculation .

If a war is about to break out, who would be enrolled in the army: a man or a woman? Why do u think if you kill women and children it is termed a war crime but not the same with men?

Perfectbeing:
Can someone open a thread on "What do you think is wrong with the American (Western style) of parenting?" too

Don't mind these house slaves

afroxyz:


If a war is about to break out, who would be enrolled in the army: a man or a woman? Why do u think if you kill women and children it is termed a war crime but not the same with men?

What does this have to do with the post you quoted?

afroxyz:

Don't mind these house slaves

Such a pity.

Lionessza6:



You probably misunderstood me, I'm not against parents teaching their children house duties that are more suitable for their gender. My issue is with pampering, where the boy cannot clean after himself, his sisters or someone else is expected to do that for him ; washing his clothes ,cleaning his room etc.Also with rules ;boys not observing the curfew but not being scolded for it ,but the girls get the beating or something like that. This makes boys seem themselves as people who are above any rules & responsibilities.

When this boy becomes a man,he will expect females to be his servants even when he is out of his home setting . They usually look for maids in wives than partners . & they will take helping out in the house or being asked where they are by their wives as emasculation .

If you and your brother approach your prents for money, whose request would be handled first? If war is about to break out, who would be enrolled in the army: a man or a woman? Why do u think if you kill women and children it is termed a war crime but not the same with men?

Lionessza6:


What does this have to do with the post you quoted?

If you and your brother approach your parents for money whose request gets treated first?

Karleb:


You are only generalizing a not so often case you saw/witnessed. This is only true when there's only one boy or girl in the family.

Most of the guys I've met can do shores, my best friend even cook way better than I.

They are only forming big boy now that they are of age and can boldly keep a partner.

Again ,you misunderstood me. I never claimed that there arent boys that know how to do hoouse chores & all, my own brother & husband are examples of men who have no issues with it. . But a lot of African families groom the boy to see women as their servants& " personal help ", he is taught life skills that go beyond house chores; providing for himself & not needing anyone else to stand up for them. & again I didn't say ,but a lot. It's not rare to hear boys at University level saying things like " I need to find a girlfriend ,I'm tired of washing all these clothes every weekend "

afroxyz:


If you and your brother approach your parents for money whose request gets treated first?

I need your point here .

Christthesaviour:
Good morning guys

What do you think is wrong about the Nigerian/African style of parenting?

To me, I think Nigerian/African parenting is the best but African parents think they are always right even when they falsely accuse you which I don't think is right.

What else do you guys think? Let's discuss.

To me, the African style (nigerian style) of parenting is the best. It teaches the kids values, respect, discipline, tradition etc. In fact, they let you understand as a child that life is in stages and in life there is hierarchy. One very important thing that good African parenting teaches most kids is that there is a consequence for every action - whether good or bad.

Compare how our society was back in the days when parents weren't that lax in bringing up their kids and now where there's a great nonchalance in parenting as a result of copy copy, you would see that kids back in the days grew up with more values, respect, ambition, etc, than kids of this present generation. Our society seem to be failing because parents are losing their influence on their kids because of lax parenting style. We want to be seen as progressive so we seem to be copying the parenting style of the developed world that is not even working out for them.
You've heard of kids over there talking back at their parents, calling cops on their parents and doing many sort of wild things that's making their parents feel helpless and frustrated. Come and try such nonsense with an African parents and see what will happen to you.The parents are the porters with the responsibility to mould their kids (clay) into fine shapes (responsible adults) and when the clay stay resisting the good intention of the porter and the porter seem helpless in making the clay conform, there's bound to be a serious problem.

Our society is getting more f**ked up and morality, responsibility and accountability are on a huge decline because our parenting style is getting more relaxed. African parents need to wake up and go back to status quo. Listen to your kids and sometimes respect their opinions but always make them understand that you're the boss for now and make them understand what's up.

A good parent will always seek to give the child the best and mould the child to be the best and those are some of the things the African parenting style has shown. So to me, the African style of parenting is the best and if we must shape the lives of our kids into responsible adults, we must stick with the style of parenting that's working for us and stop copying the style of parenting abroad that is not even working out for them.

crackland:
Una own children go still complain about una own style of parenting.

Just wait small...

You know it! Things will always change

African parenting style is not bad with the exception that it lacks communication freedom. But i don't understand the terms 'we are in the 21st century'. Are we supposed to throwaway the last centuries because we are in a new century. If that is the reason you hate the african parenting style, then you don't have a reason. Many people still don't understand that the present ineffectiveness of the african parenting style is due to the stronger influence of the society which is being influenced by the western culture, this is true as we are getting more corrupt as we climb the generation ladder (this generation cannot be compared to our fathers' and forefathers' generation in terms of morality). I love freedom; it is good and one thing every man should be allowed to exercise, but we should not be blinded to the fact that freedom is positively and strongly correlated to social vices.

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No matter how the behave I think iz better than the western way, where they do not flog kids. I am happy I was flogged What would I have become if the didn't add that extra delicacy in Training me

Lionessza6:


LMFAO, go through my post again & please point me to where I said I was against men being protectors & women taking care of the more feminine duties of the home . I will wait here .........

1.I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to
treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their
eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from;
the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority
that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.


your mother know he value of a man hats all

godofuck231:


1.I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to
treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their
eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from;
the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority
that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.


your mother know he value of a man hats all

I think you felt you needed to comment even though you really didn't have to .

African style of parenting is abuse

African parents over flog their children,these end up psychologically traumatized them

Christthesaviour:
Good morning guys

What do you think is wrong about the Nigerian/African style of parenting?

To me, I think Nigerian/African parenting is the best but African parents think they are always right even when they falsely accuse you which I don't think is right.

What else do you guys think? Let's discuss.

No matter how we try to validate everything African with that of the Western world, we will only kill what should have hold us together. Today our African wedding is not recognized until the white wedding is conducted. This should not be so. Yes, there are certain aspects of parenting in Africa that should be reviewed.

No one way is better. Understand that time is evolving and you the parent should observe your child carefully and apply what works for each child. I see nothing wrong in flogging a child when every other means of instilling discipline fails. And there is nothing also wrong in apologising to a child you disciplined in error.
All these debates are not going to make us better parents if we don't engage the children constructively.
You beat/flog.
You engage the child on why that action had to be taken and how it can be prevented.
You apologise if you were wrong.

Most people that speak against flogging a child are usually not active in the child's life. A parent leaves home when the child is asleep and come back when the child had gone to bed. Sometimes they only interact only on weekends. And trust me, children could be very manipulative. They can put on the best behaviour when they want to impress you and turn into a little monster the next minute.

As a parent pick out the good from both methods and use it to train your child.
It's not a one size fits all approach.

smiliyB:
They stop their children from establishing relationship with the opposite sex when they are much younger but once they are 25years and above... they'll now be the one to forcing and praying for spouse to fall upon their child. This is for both gender

Don't mind that I'm laughing, this is not how it should be. Allow your child to be in a relationship or establish friendship with the opposite sex, simply advise her on what to do and what not to do. Infact let your child bring their friends home so you can know who your child relate with.

OK. don't worry u ll re-edit this post wen ur daughter gets to teenage.

meanwhile that relationship style u called African is the best. if my parent didn't scare me from sec.sch relationship/dating, I would av been one of the randy guys around. maybe I for don give one odd girl belle self wey go scatter my career.

[s]

Mizwisdom:




Hahahahaha I'm sure in your house na you dem de beat pass, common go and read your books young man. I wish say na me born you, I go tear your yash with cane come put Cameroon pepper inside make you de humble so that u go get sense.

[/s]

Farki:
Beating a child rather than trying to understand and correct the behaviour. Some parents just beat because they want to take out their frustration on an easy target. I have seen mothers beat newborns for crying, babies can't talk what else is a baby supposed to do?

Male child/first born favoritism, where some people more children than they intended because none are male. It's like they see girls as bastards or half children.

Another one is discouraging kids from having relationships and being completely mute on the topic of healthy relationships. Then as soon as the children leave the house they pester them about marriage. How is someone supposed to get married on time when they would be punished for even being 3 feet away from the opposite sex?

Finally the emphasis on money and status over empathy. This is good because it gives kids a drive to succeed but can lead to the success getting to their head. It causes 'do you know who I am/my father is' mentality and fuels the engine of corruption.

Ah I almost forgot, read your books and become a doctor/lawyer/engineer because that's where the money is, anything else and you are a failure. Even dare to mention going into sports, music, acting, politics and worst of all farming which make more money than ever these days and you will get disowned.

Lies......you just feel what you watch on western TV stations are a better way to live.....but guess what..?.....you're being deceived and I guess you're enjoying the deceit.

smiliyB:
well said, especially that part...is it how you do this and that for your husband...as if that's the only thing women came to the world to do. It's even making many ladies to end up with those they don't love just to answer that name "Mrs". Family is good but having it with the right person is the best.

The shut up part..Lol, only God can save us ooo...Anyway the new generations are trying with that part, kids ask questions these day.

All this plenty talk has kept African parent going and longer maritally. our oversabi on how to train children will show in few years to come wen the product of our training will show.

I only fault them for shutting us up wen we ask Y questions and lack of sex education..Marital pressure too , although u know their wish is for good, u apply sense while u work with the pressure.

others like good beating , show respect and lot more is cool and has kept some of us upright.

theone3010:


No matter how we try to validate everything African with that of the Western world, we will only kill what should have hold us together. Today our African wedding is not recognized until the white wedding is conducted. This should not be so. Yes, there are certain aspects of parenting in Africa that should be reviewed.

WORDS ON MARBLE.

kazyhm:


Lies......you just feel what you watch on western TV stations are a better way to live.....but guess what..?.....you're being deceived and I guess you're enjoying the deceit.

Please where is the lie in my post?

Christthesaviour:
Good morning guys

What do you think is wrong about the Nigerian/African style of parenting?

To me, I think Nigerian/African parenting is the best but African parents think they are always right even when they falsely accuse you which I don't think is right.

What else do you guys think? Let's discuss.

Very ash parents, they make have low self esteem like they help u in giving birth to u, like u begged to be born.

Mizwisdom:




Hahahahaha I'm sure in your house na you dem de beat pass, common go and read your books young man. I wish say na me born you, I go tear your yash with cane come put Cameroon pepper inside make you de humble so that u go get sense.

I can father you

You didn't get my point, I was only saying that it was one of the attitude's of African mother.

oluwaseyi0:


But do you know Nigeria Ella probably got things from boys for her birthday too but will rather lie about it to her parents

Very possible.