Godlovesyou28:


I have no idea whether she is dead or a life and intend to find out.
My siblings fear me more than I fear them; their only weapon against me is hate and my weapon against them is forgiveness and resolve - they know I never quit anything I start until I conclude it. I have weighed all my options and the court is my best option.

well you have been told the simple truth.Going to court would complicate issues inview of the circumstances involved.sueing your biological father and stepmother would end in disastrous consequences for you in the end and the trauma you would face for life will leave you in a psychological mess.You father can claim he doesn't know your mothers whereabouts and what ever.theres nothing the court can do, the case can drag for a decade. Would your dad leave for ever.or the person who told you.your dad would have all sympathy, in as your mum whether she has a story to tell.for her not to have cdeserted you all this while in the first place, no matter the circumstances.your step mum that raised another woman's child , is it she would want to now sue. You have been adviced to find love. The money you would waste on a court case that would not yield results. Use it to raise a child and be a mother your mum wAs not to you. Use it on that child to seek reconciliation with your soul.you sound stubborn and full of hate and is falling victim to wrong advice from friends to sue your people would end in a disaster these people would desert you.ave to you to embark on a more organised research. Only you can help yourself to get at some clue on your mum.

Ohizman73:
well you have been told the simple truth.Going to court would complicate issues inview of the circumstances involved.sueing your biological father and stepmother would end in disastrous consequences for you in the end and the trauma you would face for life will leave you in a psychological mess.You father can claim he doesn't know your mothers whereabouts and what ever.theres nothing the court can do, the case can drag for a decade. Would your dad leave for ever.or the person who told you.your dad would have all sympathy, in as your mum whether she has a story to tell.for her not to have cdeserted you all this while in the first place, no matter the circumstances.your step mum that raised another woman's child , is it she would want to now sue. You have been adviced to find love. The money you would waste on a court case that would not yield results. Use it to raise a child and be a mother your mum wAs not to you. Use it on that child to seek reconciliation with your soul.you sound stubborn and full of hate and is falling victim to wrong advice from friends to sue your people would end in a disaster these people would desert you.ave to you to embark on a more organised research. Only you can help yourself to get at some clue on your mum.

I am not asking for her "whereabout" but "Identity". Is that too much to ask for?
I don't depend on any human for love; who has "man" helped. I relay on God completely and he has not failed. Am not during for money or properties but for the Identity of the womb that birthed me, and I believe that its fair enough. Thanks for your contribution.

Godlovesyou28:


I have no idea whether she is dead or a life and intend to find out.
My siblings fear me more than I fear them; their only weapon against me is hate and my weapon against them is forgiveness and resolve - they know I never quit anything I start until I conclude it. I have weighed all my options and the court is my best option.

You should please try to calm down a little. You know you need a wise and reliable shoulder to lean on, help you see when you clouded with emotions and support you. See you yearn for love, something you have never had, another reason you so want to meet your mother. But take it slowly, don't be over confident it is just the missing link for your life.

I think you should relax a bit and think clearly how to handle this. The court option should come last. Firstly, I believe you can still meet the person who revealed it to you. Don't push too much at first, let her know you don't want her to tell how to find your mum but that she should kindly tell where your mum is from(village)? If she is still alive? Relevant indirect questions that are clues and won't implicate her. Remember to keep them few, also do something good to her that will make her open up easily.

Somebody suggested using news paper advert, it is also a good option to consider before court. But before this try and find people from your village online or if possible go to the village but online is safer. See if they can identify with your family name and dig up something. Those unfriendly relatives you see, is it possible to look in their children's direction for help.

Your step mum have your dad around her fingers and manipulate him at will to make you and his family do her biddings. Keep calm and reduce the impression that you are determined because she is also pressing her buttons. The way they are going, it is hardly likely your mum abandoned you. You need calm to think well, get a good shoulder even if anonymous to support you because it will likely not end well if driven by too much emotions. I believe your mum is alive with the way everyone is afraid, I also believe you will find her. See, if there is your dad's relative that is not happy with your step mum, do him/her good to your advantage with promise to protect his/her identity.

GHoJes:

You should please try to calm down a little. You know you need a wise and reliable shoulder to lean on, help you see when you clouded with emotions and support you. See you yearn for love, something you have never had, another reason you so want to meet your mother. But take it slowly, don't be over confident it is just the missing link for your life.

I think you should relax a bit and think clearly how to handle this. The court option should come last. Firstly, I believe you can still meet the person who revealed it to you. Don't push too much at first, let her know you don't want her to tell how to find your mum but that she should kindly tell where your mum is from(village)? If she is still alive? Relevant indirect questions that are clues and won't implicate her. Remember to keep them few, also do something good to her that will make her open up easily.

Somebody suggested using news paper advert, it is also a good option to consider before court. But before this try and find people from your village online or if possible go to the village but online is safer. See if they can identify with your family name and dig up something. Those unfriendly relatives you see, is it possible to look in their children's direction for help.

Your step mum have your dad around her fingers and manipulate him at will to make you and his family do her biddings. Keep calm and reduce the impression that you are determined because she is also pressing her buttons. The way they are going, it is hardly likely your mum abandoned you. You need calm to think well, get a good shoulder even if anonymous to support you because it will likely not end well if driven by too much emotions. I believe your mum is alive with the way everyone is afraid, I also believe you will find her. See, if there is your dad's relative that is not happy with your step mum, do him/her good to your advantage with promise to protect his/her identity.

Thank you. I have been begging her her since morning (I told her I'll kill myself if she doesn't tell me), I also send her cash occasionally to water the ground too... She just told me something that has left me in shock; she said my cousin that my dad adopted after both his parents died is actually my brother from same mother (my cousin has lived in a seminary all his life and will soon be ordained a priest). she said he is the only person with the right to get answers from my dad. I am loosing my mind literally what do I do?

My mind is failing me right now , could she be lying?
The last time I even saw him has been so long.
What do I do
I feel more sorrow than I have ever felt all my life.
Should I confront my dad with this?
Am loosing my mind.

Godlovesyou28:


I don't know what the story is; and I clearly do not care how I came... Am here now, and need to know who my mother is.
But for the record, the relative told me that my father paid my real mother's dowry when he Briefly separated from my step mum but returned it afterward after sending her out to bring my step mum back. I do not care what the history is; I just want to know my real mum.

The only people that can help you are your father's family members. You said he paid dowry on your mum, meaning some of his family members must have followed him.
Go through those family members- their wives in this case. His brothers or cousins must have followed him, look for their wives and grovel before them privately and swear you will never mention who gave you the information and will keep it safe and confidential.
There will always be someone in the family who loves to gossip, so if you persist, you will get the information you need. There will always be a cousin of yours who knows something/overheard their parents saying something.

Godlovesyou28:


I am not asking for her "whereabout" but "Identity". Is that too much to ask for?
I don't depend on any human for love; who has "man" helped. I relay on God completely and he has not failed. Am not during for money or properties but for the Identity of the womb that birthed me, and I believe that its fair enough. Thanks for your contribution.

i did not say you did any wrong but i am also trying to ensure you dont get more frustratedin your search for your mums identity as you are now claiming is now your agitation. neither did i say your agitation to go to court is after money or properties. but you have to be tactical in your research as you dont even have documentary evidence on ur mums identity. in asmuch as you cant torture your dad ,stepmum or your source to reveal the secret they guarding with their lives. you have the right to all answers,because it is strange for a mother to desert her biological child. and of cos once mother is one mother all diamonds in the world cannot replace your mum. before your source revealed that to you,her conscience judged her as amother. but for her to now keep you in a suspence. is what i dont now reason with. how i wish i can have a direct medium tocommunicate with you.

Godlovesyou28:


I have been to my village twice (my grandpa's burial and sisters traditional wedding)since I was born and we never spent up to 48hours on both visit. We were also lucked up in my dads house (especially me), we only come out supervised and closely watched since my dad say everyone there is a witch or wizard. Come to think about it; I should trace that village. Please are you private investigator? If yes please may I know how you can assist and the financial implications.

Your mother may probably be from the same village as your dad.
Perhaps you may need to trace your steps back there. At least you will know the name of your father's village.

Godlovesyou28:
[/U are using emotions instead of your head and emotions don't solve problems. Also, bear in mind that u may not like what u will see at the end of the tunnel though]

A friend told me that maybe the person I am looking for doesn't want to be found?
You won't understand how I feel if your not in my shoes. I just need closure.

If I sue my dad and step mum, and demand DNA tests since they both claim my step mum is my real mum; the court will compel them to submit themselves to DNA testing.
When the results come out negative everyone will start talking.

I think its the best option for me now.

I doubt any court will make a DNA compulsory for an adult child, especially if both parties dont agree.
Both your mum and dad can decline to have a DNA test and the courts will support them. I may be wrong though, do speak to your lawyer
Even if the DNA test shows shes not your biological mum, your dad still can refuse to tell you who your mum is and nobody will compel him.
It's even better if you post on facebook than suing your dad tbh

Please what drug can I take to help me sleep, I haven't been sleeping well; I also need something to relax my mind a bit.

Godlovesyou28:
My mind is failing me right now , could she be lying?
The last time I even saw him has been so long.
What do I do
I feel more sorrow than I have ever felt all my life.
Should I confront my dad with this?
Am loosing my mind.

I just feel sad on this prospects.your mum that you are trying to even find is the main cause of your sorrow in life. not even your dad that you want to confront. you as a woman should now live your life to the fullest. ironically i have a distant relative that has a case like yours. it is like the guys mum got pregnant for his dad. they had issues only Godknows what happened. the woman one day just to drop the boy months old that matter at my fathers uncles house. and found her way that is how she finally disappeared till date till now almost 30 years.she never came back to ask of her son who is now grown up. i think the boy later made attempts to ask of his mum. he was very well aware of his story as he was taunted with it.his father claimed he doesnt know her werebouts. of course the boy has to live his life, is happyly married with kids and his love for his kids and wife is extra ordinary in effort to replicate the love he never got from his mum. you have no choice but to now confront that your cousin. search for him since hes another clue towards opening the pandoras box on your mum.

Godlovesyou28:
Please what drug can I take to help me sleep, I haven't been sleeping well; I also need something to relax my mind a bit.

The way you're going about this matter is not good for your overall health.
Take a break and breathe.

Ohizman73:

I just feel sad on this prospects.your mum that you are trying to even find is the main cause of your sorrow in life. not even your dad that you want to confront. you as a woman should now live your life to the fullest. ironically i have a distant relative that has a case like yours. it is like the guys mum got pregnant for his dad. they had issues only Godknows what happened. the woman one day just to drop the boy months old that matter at my fathers uncles house. and found her way that is how she finally disappeared till date till now almost 30 years.she never came back to ask of her son who is now grown up. i think the boy later made attempts to ask of his mum. he was very well aware of his story as he was taunted with it.his father claimed he doesnt know her werebouts. of course the boy has to live his life, is happyly married with kids and his love for his kids and wife is extra ordinary in effort to replicate the love he never got from his mum. you have no choice but to now confront that your cousin. search for him since hes another clue towards opening the pandoras box on your mum.

Yes I will, as soon as the ban on traveling is lifted I'll locate his seminary. No wonder my step mum kept having dreams that " she saw me as a reverend sister walking with Jesus".

I was in the seminary school for three years before my dad pulled me due to my very poor health.

How do I tell him? How do I convince him? If I disclose my source to him he'll tell my dad?
How do I go about it?
My head is pounding, my chest beats very fast and am sweating seriously. What do I take?

Do I go to the village first or the seminary?
I need to be sure she is telling the truth with facts.

eyinjuege:


I doubt any court will make a DNA compulsory for an adult child, especially if both parties dont agree.
Both your mum and dad can decline to have a DNA test and the courts will support them. I may be wrong though, do speak to your lawyer
Even if the DNA test shows shes not your biological mum, your dad still can refuse to tell you who your mum is and nobody will compel him.
It's even better if you post on facebook than suing your dad tbh

I agree with you, i have warned her not to sue her dad or stepmum to court as it would complicate issues. these foolishly advicing her are ignorant .

Godlovesyou28:
Do I go to the village first or the seminary?
I need to be sure she is telling the truth with facts.

you should find a companion to escort you down to the seminary first since there is a direct source at bay ,that your cousin.

Godlovesyou28:
Do I go to the village first or the seminary?
I need to be sure she is telling the truth with facts.

Go to the seminary first.
And beg your "brother" not to mention anything to your dad and stepmom.
Infact, make him promise to keep your secret before you even tell him the matter and what you heard.
2 heads are better than one, and if he is interested he may be able to even bring better ideas and have access to more resources than yourself.
People may also respect him more, especially as he is a clergy man and may be more forthcoming with him about his ancestry

Godlovesyou28:
My mind is failing me right now , could she be lying?
The last time I even saw him has been so long.
What do I do
I feel more sorrow than I have ever felt all my life.
Should I confront my dad with this?
Am loosing my mind.

Wrong move, don't confront your dad you would be exposing the woman.

I almost added that another of your siblings could be from your mum in my first post. You need to get in touch with your cousin, does he not have social media presence?
Is he older than you? Find out how his relationship with his dead parents was? What you heard without revealing the source, claim an anonymous contact sent you the information. From his reaction you would tell if she is lying.

For your well-being take small break from this. Your desperation will sell you for free to the woman, she may capitalize on it to lie to you or cash out on you. But I believe she is not lying about your cousin being your brother. You need to find him but don't be hasty. Becareful not to let your parents know you want to contact your cousin.

Forget that person saying your mum is your source of sorrow, if they treated you well, you won't be this desperate to find her, you probably won't have hated marriage too. Forget that nonsense story he also told you, no two situations are exact, he doesn't even know the closure it gave to his friend if his story is true (hope your half sibling is not here already because I can't understand his desperation to bully and talk you out). You need your own closure.

Ohizman73:

you should find a companion to escort you down to the seminary first since there is a direct source at bay ,that your cousin.

Thanks, I'll call a close friend to accompany me or do you mean a police escort?

eyinjuege:


Go to the seminary first.
And beg your "brother" not to mention anything to your dad and stepmom.
Infact, make him promise to keep your secret before you even tell him the matter and what you heard.
2 heads are better than one, and if he is interested he may be able to even bring better ideas and have access to more resources than yourself.
People may also respect him more, especially as he is a clergy man and may be more forthcoming with him about his ancestry

I will. Thanks

GHoJes:

Wrong move, don't confront your dad you would be exposing the woman.

I almost added that another of your siblings could be from your mum in my first post. You need to get in touch with your cousin, does he not have social media presence?
Is he older than you? Find out how his relationship with his dead parents was? What you heard without revealing the source, claim an anonymous contact sent you the information. From his reaction you would tell if she is lying.

For your well-being take small break from this. Your desperation will sell you for free to the woman, she may capitalize on it to lie to you or cash out on you. But I believe she is not lying about your cousin being your brother. You need to find him but don't be hasty. Becareful not to let your parents know you want to contact your cousin.

Forget that person saying your mum is your source of sorrow, if they treated you well, you won't be this desperate to find her, you probably won't have hated marriage too. Forget that nonsense story he also told you, no two situations are exact, he doesn't even know the closure it gave to his friend if his story is true (hope your half sibling is not here already because I can't understand his desperation to bully and talk you out). You need your own closure.

He is older than me by 2 or 3years.
He was adopted the same year I was born so I doubt he would remember his parents.

Thanks for understanding what this means to me; I mean having my own closure.

Godlovesyou28:


Thanks, I'll call a close friend to accompany me or do you mean a police escort?

no i mean a close friend. find somebody to pose as ur fiancee.

Godlovesyou28:


He is older than me by 2 or 3years.
He was adopted the same year I was born so I doubt he would remember his parents.

Thanks for understanding what this means to me; I mean having my own closure.

If he was adopted same year you were born and he is two or three years your senior, how is it that he had another parents? Did your mum had him and gave him out? Who told you he was adopted? Was he also told he was adopted? Did you see pictures of his said parents?

Ohizman73:

no i mean a close friend. find somebody to pose as ur fiancee.

To what end? And that would mean a lie?
Lies bring bad luck. But thanks.

GHoJes:

If he was adopted same year you were born and he is two or three years your senior, how is it that he had another parents? Did your mum had him and gave him out? Who told you he was adopted? Was he also told he was adopted? Did you see pictures of his said parents?

He knows he is adopted after his parents died, that's all I know. His father is my dad's late brother and he is a photocopy of my dad just like me.

Ohizman73:
[s]well you have been told the simple truth.Going to court would complicate issues inview of the circumstances involved.sueing your biological father and stepmother would end in disastrous consequences for you in the end and the trauma you would face for life will leave you in a psychological mess.You father can claim he doesn't know your mothers whereabouts and what ever.theres nothing the court can do, the case can drag for a decade. Would your dad leave for ever.or the person who told you.your dad would have all sympathy, in as your mum whether she has a story to tell.for her not to have cdeserted you all this while in the first place, no matter the circumstances.your step mum that raised another woman's child , is it she would want to now sue. You have been adviced to find love. The money you would waste on a court case that would not yield results. Use it to raise a child and be a mother your mum wAs not to you. Use it on that child to seek reconciliation with your soul.you sound stubborn and full of hate and is falling victim to wrong advice from friends to sue your people would end in a disaster these people would desert you[/s].ave to you to embark on a more organised research. Only you can help yourself to get at some clue on your mum.

Whatever made you type this, this horrible piece!?

Godlovesyou28:


He knows he is adopted after his parents died, that's all I know. His father is my dad's late brother and he is a photocopy of my dad just like me.

Can't you see it's not adding up? Your mum can't have him and give him out at birth if he is your brother, meaning they lied to both of you.
At what age were you told he was adopted? It seems he was tough on them, they quickly baled out by telling him he was adopted, no wonder he was shipped off to seminary school. How old was he when he left the house? You need to find out from him how your step mum treated him the little time he stayed in the house.


Your step mum seem to have succeeded on your mum, him priest, you don't want to marry too obviously because of what you saw growing up and she is dreaming you are a reverend sister but her children are getting married.

Godlovesyou28:


Yes I will, as soon as the ban on traveling is lifted I'll locate his seminary. No wonder my step mum kept having dreams that " she saw me as a reverend sister walking with Jesus".

I was in the seminary school for three years before my dad pulled me due to my very poor health.

How do I tell him? How do I convince him? If I disclose my source to him he'll tell my dad?
How do I go about it?
My head is pounding, my chest beats very fast and am sweating seriously. What do I take?

What church runs their seminary like you described? I thought one can only enter a seminary after primary schooling? Or is it not the Catholic Church?
Again, you want to wait till after lockdown for something that leaves you this distressed? Why won’t you call him? He may have some things to tell you too.
I like what @GhoJes had to say about it. I wish they can also make another contribution factoring in this cousin/seminarian angle.

To sleep, for tonight, do you have milk? If yes, have some hot milk...you can add a little brandy to the milk too... if you hate milk you may have a shot of brandy (or whiskey).
But you need to breathe darling, take deep breaths, and tomorrow you try again, okay?

merahki:


What church runs their seminary like you described? I thought one can only enter a seminary after primary schooling? Or is it not the Catholic Church?
Again, you want to wait till after lockdown for something that leaves you this distressed? Why won’t you call him? He may have some things to tell you too.
I like what @GhoJes had to say about it. I wish they can also make another contribution factoring in this cousin/seminarian angle.

To sleep, for tonight, do you have milk? If yes, have some hot milk...you can add a little brandy to the milk too... if you hate milk you may have a shot of brandy (or whiskey).
But you need to breathe darling, take deep breaths, and tomorrow you try again, okay?

He lived more with my grandfather but come home once or twice a year until he was entered the Marist brothers boarding school (holidays where mostly in the village); those schools are run like seminaries; after secondary school he went straight to seminary school.

You need to really calm down. I dont have any other suggestions since there's a lot already said here but u cannot achieve much or find any truth if u keep handling this with too much emotions. Breathe, think, and then act. Slowly!!!!!!! Goodluck in ur search and I hope whatever u discover makes u happy.

Godlovesyou28:


He lived more with my grandfather but come home once or twice a year until he was entered the Marist brothers boarding school (holidays where mostly in the village); those schools are run like seminaries; after secondary school he went straight to seminary school.

Your missing link is your cousin/brother. From your statement, he knows the village very well and people he can approach for answers without even involving your father. Remember not to divulge your source at first to your brother, be sure he is very in before you tell him your source if you must.

Go and sleep as you have been advised, tomorrow is another day.

Kenfil:
You need to really calm down. I dont have any other suggestions since there's a lot already said here but u cannot achieve much or find any truth if u keep handling this with too much emotions. Breathe, think, and then act. Slowly!!!!!!! Goodluck in ur search and I hope whatever u discover makes u happy.

Thank you.