Jullima:

No, that wasn’t my point.

He said if there are children from known affairs, only the one from the woman will be termed a bastard? That’s not so for all cultures. Isn’t the derogatory word “bastard” reserved for a child born to unmarried parents or a child who doesn’t know his father?

My point is both are “bastards” if people are being objective and going to use either definition. If the man’s child isn’t a bastard because he/she knows his father then the woman’s child can’t be a bastard because the child also knows his/her own father. No man or woman should be made to raise one if they don’t want to. What happens here is that women are expected to, why? that’s the crux of this OP not all these derailing happening.

No man or woman is expected to raise a love child.
Love child of a man can be raised outside the marriage, the babymama will wholeheartedly take care of her kid.
As for the bastard child, yes the child from the woman is a bastard as long as that child is in the wrong family disrupting their DNA and family tree.
If the woman doesnt want her love child to be termed a bastard she should do right and give the child to the rightful father, then that child will not be termed a bastard child in his fathers family.
Kids of unmarried couple are not bastards according to my culture. Kids of davido, wizkid, and all other popular baby daddies arent bastard children as long as they are TRUE children of their fathers.

rockstarB:

No man or woman is expected to raise a love child.
Love child of a man can be raised outside the marriage, the babymama will wholeheartedly take care of her kid.
As for the bastard child, yes the child from the woman is a bastard as long as that child is in the wrong family disrupting their DNA and family tree.
If the woman doesnt want her love child to be termed a bastard she should do right and give the child to the rightful father, then that child will not be termed a bastard child in his fathers family.
Kids of unmarried couple are not bastards according to my culture. Kids of davido, wizkid, and all other popular baby daddies arent bastard children as long as they are TRUE children of their fathers.

Is the child still disrupting the family tree if he/she bears the name of his/her father? Why is the child of the cheating woman not the TRUE child of his own biological father? Remember let’s try to stick the OP.

Harshreality:
Not all baby mama's are that either
Some can't raise kids and some don't want to

A woman that decides to go on a 9 months pregnancy journey for a married man sure wants to keep that child, and will raise that child regardless of whether he wants to be a part of his life or not
How many single ladies will get pregnant, have a child for a married man and go dump the child with his wife? I can be sure that many of these married men babymamas doesnt even want their kids raised by the wife of the man.

rockstarB:

A woman that decides to go on a 9 months pregnancy journey for a married man sure wants to keep that child, and will raise that child regardless of whether he wants to be a part of his life or not
How many single ladies will get pregnant, have a child for a married man and go dump the child with his wife? I can be sure that many of these married men babymamas doesnt even want their kids raised by the wife of the man.

yes of course, but we can still help men out

Romangalactic:
In Nigeria, it is culturally the responsibility of a husband to be responsible for the financial needs of the children & wards under him. In families where wives are the providers there will definitely be no peace if the situation does not change for a long time.

I had an issue which I brought here sometime back regarding my fiancee and her pregnancy. Thank goodness my doctor allayed my fears regarding her fidelity by confirming that it's possible I am the father.
I know for sure that after she gives birth and I find out I am not the father, I will not accept responsibility for a child I did not father because I don't want to raise another man's child with my money. If I felt the need to do such a thing, I will adopt a child. That's my decision.

Now the matter here is, what if it's a man who got another woman pregnant and wants to bring the child into his family? It's my opinion that he has the right to do so because it is his money that will be used to take care of the child. The role of a mother can be performed by anyone if you pay them to do it and people need jobs, but you can't pay someone to financially provide for a child he did not father.

A wife who has a child from a man other than her husband should get child support from the biological father or just go to be with the man who impregnated her. The other option is to cater for the child's financial provision with at least 90% support if she wants her husband to consider accepting it.

I will like to read opinions from other people here

Plead
Ybaby
Mizwisdom
Pdudd
Risenphoenix
Capslocked
Pansophist
Bukatyne
Mstick
Lalasticlala

Lol. You know say I must get mouth for the matter.

Very simple, it has to do with returns on investment. We Africans believe that children are investments that will yield returns in our old age.

Investing in another man's child is synonymous with throwing away your resources in the dustbin because such a child isn't yours and therefore will not yield investments to you but towards his biological father. And BTW, Everytime you look at that child, you will be reminded of the woman's infidelity. And the more you are reminded of it, the more you will keep growing in hate.

So in a nutshell, such a child is not a profitable investment to a man.

Daz all.

Jullima:

Is the child still disrupting the family tree if he/she bears the name of his/her father? Why is the child of the cheating woman not the TRUE child of his own biological father? Remember let’s try to stick the OP.

The child is equally the child of his true father

Babymamas:
yes of course, but we can still help men out

Lol
Funny name you got.

Mariangeles:


What can I say? Who knows how it's done in other parts of the world?

Kingarthur21:
effeminate?stop describing yourself ! For a grown up MAN to have no say over his career and run to a forum to cry for help over a woman then he is an omega male. The lowest of low.

Kuns84,take this from me,you are a masculine mockery.
I have a mind of my own,I am bold up to confront alpha males when I don't agree with them ,I don't cower..

But you are so feeble that you can't have a say in your own house..fukc off

Why are you so pained and childish.. stop derailing this thread please

So if I can afford to take care of the child by myself, I can bring it. Ok, good to know.

Romangalactic:

No one is arguing if women contribute financially in marriages or not. Like I said, I am very okay with raising a love child if the financial support on that child from the mother will be at least 90%.

Cold cash does not raise a child you say, but it is very important in raising a child whether you like it or not.
I can very well pay anyone working in childcare to raise my lovechild or even pay (child support) the biological mother of the child to do the raising but who will a wife pay to be financially responsible for her lovechild?

Wives do keep jobs in Nigeria, and the love child also has a father. They will both contribute to the upkeep of their child.

rockstarB:

Lol
Funny name you got.

that's how we roll

rockstarB:

A woman that decides to go on a 9 months pregnancy journey for a married man sure wants to keep that child, and will raise that child regardless of whether he wants to be a part of his life or not
How many single ladies will get pregnant, have a child for a married man and go dump the child with his wife? I can be sure that many of these married men babymamas doesnt even want their kids raised by the wife of the man.

why did you mention me na

bukatyne:


Sassy,

Let's put culture aside and look at nature:

I said this in another post:

Except you want to be funny, you will acknowledge that the effect of pregnancy on a woman is different from a man.

If the man is back home before she delivers, who will care for her? After she births the baby, who will bear the emotional cost of catering for her and the new born? Who would come to do Omugwo? In which house? Where would the wife nurse the babe? Now talk of the wife getting her body back in shape. Imagine the lover's child left stretch marks on her tummy. So the husband would bear the new body his wife acquired carrying the child of a lover?

If we are debating a husband and wife cheating without children involved, that's another discussion.

Actually, i have thought deep about this case. Yes, the child is acceptable to the family if the man decides otherwise in my place.
The same way children born out of wedlock solely belong to the woman irrespective of who the father is. The family opposite my house in the village had a case like this.
They had 4 kids. Then wifey got pregnant like 12 yrs after the last. News started flying around. Wifey had before stopped the husband from touching her but has a secret boyfriend. So when she got pregnant, she came to her husband but his brothers are already aware and told the man toreject her advances. She was exposed but the man refused to divorce her. She gave birth to a very beautiful baby girl. This man loved this girl more than all his kids. The father is from.the neborhood but has no claim on that child as long as the man is still married to the woman. Actually, as long as you are married, any child you have while married irrespective of who the father is belong to the husband.

We don't reject children at all and we quickly integrate them into the family.
Anybody reading this and say yes will know where i came from instantly.
I dont know how other parts of my tribe does theirs.

The first post I made is a general post but I have narrowed it down to how it is done in my place

A man who gives a woman belle married or not don't get to get ownership of that child. The only exception is when she is still single and the man marry her with the belle. Weird and funny at the same time.
Our tradition and culture protects the female more than the male and we are in Nigeria

@sassysure you're 100% right. Am sure in this our macho nairaland world the husbands will be called simps but if we're very honest with ourselves in Nigeria several men are taking care of kids their wives birthed with other men.

Even one that's very obvious the girl isn't his child because she's mixed race but he has been the one looking after her from the word go and they had other kids after her.

The actress Nadia buari is in the same boat.

Let's keep ranting online.

Jullima:

No, that wasn’t my point.

He said if there are children from known affairs, only the one from the woman will be termed a bast*rd? That’s not so for all cultures. Isn’t the derogatory word “bast*rd” reserved for a child born to unmarried parents or a child who doesn’t know his father?

My point is both are “bast*rds” if people are being objective and going to use either definition. If the man’s child isn’t a bast*rd because he/she knows his father then the woman’s child can’t be a bast*rd because the child also knows his/her own father. No man or woman should be made to raise one if they don’t want to. What happens here is that women are expected to, why? that’s the crux of this OP not all these derailing happening.

Well, I replied based on what our society believes in and practice.
I got you.
Yes, the word bastard is meant for the both of them but because society tend to favour men more than women and easily integrate the child from.the man's side, the woman is disadvantaged. That's why I said cultural norm.

In my place, if I should narrow it down, that child belong to the husband.
People came for my head here sometime ago when I said a child born out of wedlock solely belong to the mother in my place.

Yes, our culture actually protect the female folk. Don't even know the origin but I grew up to see this being practiced and it's still there.
A man who gives a woman belle in my place is a sperm donor, nothing more. If the husband divorces( hardly done) the wife, that child remains. Even if the dad is living next compound. Crazy tradition but it works for them.
It has it's pros and cons.

The man who brings in his love child and his wife who gave birth to a love child have equal right. The children all belong to the family. The kinsmen will settle their fukk up but the children stays. More cleansing and punishment for the lady from.what I heard and saw( witnessed one when I was growing up). Such child is called urunwa. Then
Obi a dì ajù nwa., nwa bù nwa òra nile, nwa bù eze, etc are names solidifying the fact that a family don't reject a child irrespective of how they came.

rockstarB:
Because that child is a disruption to the family tree. A married man that has a child with another woman still gets to maintain his DNA through that child, the child is part of the family tree. It is solely up to the wife to decide whether she wants to be a part of the childs life or not, the man can as well raise the kid with the babymama outside his family. He gets to spend his money on his own child and all that daddy duties.
When a married woman cheats and gets pregnant for another man(if she gets caught), that child is automatically a bastard to the family, a disruption to the family tree. His sisters, brothers, uncles and aunts are not his real relatives.
A married woman that has the courage to get pregnant for another man should use same energy to raise the child with the real family.
Except a man wants to genuinely protect the image of the family, such child should be raised in his real family.
Say no to OMO ALE. Only a woman can bring a bastard to the family. A bastard child never comes through a man.

Thanks for this analysis dear. You have opened my eyes to another angle that has nothing to do with finance and this family tree (DNA) disruption in a patrillineal society like Nigeria is very valid.

Ibadiaran19:


Wives do keep jobs in Nigeria, and the love child also has a father. They will both contribute to the upkeep of their child.

You mean the biological father? Good.

But if the woman decides to raise the child as her husbands,she should contribute more, at least 90%. It's her lovechild.