RoyalBlu:
Solid observation OP.

I won't lie, this worries me at times.

In my own case, my kids are only familiar with my immediate family members, siblings, and close in-laws and their kids.

The extended family is gradually fading off, sad to say. And tbt, unpleasant life experiences, bad blood and the 'village people' syndrome is to be blamed largely for this.

are you from ijebu ode?

Hathor5:
Time, food and traditions keep families close. Invite your family over for celebrations (Christmas, Eastern if you are a Christian) and on Sundays (once in a month) to eat together. Everyone can contribute some home made food. We always divide the dishes among the family members. Some of us make the starter, others the main course, the jollof, the cake and so on and so forth. We also plan trips together taking the kids to the park to have a picnic or some other fun place. And do not underestimate the power of the little things in the daily life. My brother told me yesterday how he hasn't eaten some food one of our aunties used to prepare when we were young ever since. Guess what I will surprise him with tomorrow. I will just drop it at his door on my way to work.

correct!

Family is good if they have good intentions but there are some families members that have bad intentions, if you dare travel to your village, it may be your last so you need to seek the face of God for direction whether you should go or not.

Life is delicate you can only hold it with prayer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm7VvleBG9s

The modern day women destroyed family reunions, growing kids cohabiting and playing together, due to the very toxic influence of the western world on them, they now force their husbands and children to live in isolation due to fear of the unknown, especially if the husband has small money, she will build a toxic wall of protection around them, in the sense that village people and envious relatives would chop up her husbands money and harm her kids, modern day women are terrible

The modern day women destroyed family reunions, growing kids cohabiting and playing together, due to the very toxic influence of the western world on them, they now force their husbands and children to live in isolation due to fear of the unknown, especially if the husband has small money, she will build a toxic wall of protection around them, in the sense that village people and envious relatives would chop up her husbands money and harm her kids, modern day women are terrible..

I’ll tell you what we’re doing in my family. We’ve had a family whatsapp page for about 5 years and it is as active as it can ever be. Mind you, I have siblings (nine of them) scattered across the globe with their families and the only time we’ve gathered as ten in over 15 years was December last year when the last born in the family got married. Even in this case, not all my nephews and nieces were there.

However, like I said earlier, the whatsapp group has kept everyone connected including the nephews and the nieces. Once they have a phone, they’re added to the group. We celebrate birthdays every month on the platform and we keep ourselves informed educationally, spirituality and provide entertainment (jokes, yabs, going down memory lane etc).

The covid 19 episode also brought its ingenuity. With the lockdown keeping everybody at home, we decided it was time for our children to get to know themselves irrespective of location. We introduced Zoom meetings every Saturday and every of my siblings would join the meeting with their children and through that we introduced them especially those that haven’t been to Nigeria or those that left and have become citizens of the countries they’re in now and haven’t been back to visit.

So Op, you can make it happen. Bringing people physically together may be daunting but with technology, it is achievable.

wonderful observation from the OP, This have been a norms in the society now.
The one that still pain me most is my father and his elder brother [uncle ]. growing up every seem good between them, my uncle is a medical Doctor and my Dad works at NPA back then [ in the 70's - 80's] ,based on what my father said that whenever he received his monthly salary, he will travel down to Ibadan [UCH ] to give it to his brother to remove some and give him the rest.
I can still remember, when I was either 10-12 years old, me and my junior brother always go to this our uncle house to spend the weekend, my uncle his a Christian while we are a Muslim, But that's the trend in my family we don't discriminate about religion.
all of sudden things just change between the 2 family and it keeps getting worse to the extent that my uncle and his family had nothing to do with us again, even when my dad and his junior brother came to iron things out with my uncle.
during my service year [2018] I saw my cousin online and I chat him up regarding how we can both talk to our parents coz they are getting old, if we can sort this out, it is we their children that is likely to suffer for it, after that day whenever I message him [my cousin ] he always leaves my chat on Read.
December 16 2018, we have a function [burial ] that involves everyone in my household family, it was only my uncle wife that came there, I greeted her, and she was like SORRY WHO AM I? she couldn't recognize me anymore.
whenever I remember how the turn between 2 families, it disheartened me, from 12 years old to almost 30 years.

PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

To solve a problem you need to understand how the problem was created in the first place. This problem was created by senior folks in the age range of 60-100 years. It started with distrust, then moved to rivalry, then competition, then disdain, then disregard then enemies. Most people then came from polygamous homes and hard to compete for love, attention, money etc. As human beings we are creatures of habit, we deliberately or indeliberately pass traits to our young, that is how we got here.
Most times it takes a generation to change an ideology, another way of bringing people together is through influence which was something your late relative had. You can start building influence by calling your relatives one by one and checking up on them, after 6 months of doing this you can metamorphose to video calls, from there you can move to family video calls, after doing this for some time, you can start planting the seed of physical get together. You need to understand that the minute people sense they are being judged they withdraw back to their shell so be careful in you interaction.

rummmy:
are you from ijebu ode?

No, I'm not.

Erosion2020:
U put it nicely.
But say the biggest obstacle most times are those married women, they can divide especially when their husbands has some cash.

I think it depends on experience. To me, it's the women that are married into the family that cause the division more than the women married out of the family.

The women married out of the family will only have influence if the male children allowed it. But the women married into the family will first start with the mother in law, then the single sisters of the husbands if any, then extended to the husband's brothers.

My own brother hit me for the first time because of his wife. Our family fought him in a way that he couldn't try it again. That's in the past.

The world has lost it's innocence.

Some parts haven't though, but will sooner.
At the core of this is the bad shape of most economies.
Especially, in the third world.

To survive, it's every man for himself.
Remember, as simple as your plans may sound, in the way of " Get together over small chops and garri and soup"
What follows that is engagement and involvement with others lives and well beings.
That spontaneous responsibility springs from your renewed commitment to kinship and care.
Not that it's a bad thing.
But these days, people are working towards cutting costs to stop at the gates of their nuclear families.
All budgets and economic decisions are made to cater to this unit.
Some family heads would not want that your occasional reunion because they can see what the reunion would spell down the road.
Next holiday, you might want your child to spend his/her holiday at this "uncle's home" or that Aunty's.

That culture has fast eroded.
It was well practiced when Nigeria had a comfortable economy.
Things have changed. Institutions have changed.
These are the times we live in.

dawnomike:
You can try if you have the financial means to host everyone... But family gatherings is a culture that is fast eroding as stated by @yenefer.

The world is now on a fast pace

my family as has never sat together since we were born of different mother's.

BButterfly:
my family as has never sat together since we were born of different mother's.

Not all blood going to be your family, some will be your worst enemy

PuZZyNegro:
Depending on the size of the family. Some families are concerned about cousins, uncles and aunties.

No, my family is concerned with just my mother's children. This is largely due to high number of children (10 children, 9 married with kids).

One of the causes of the disunity is this general saying "nobody owes you anything". Some family members make it earlier in life and thus turn their back against those still struggling.

And when those struggling ones finally makes it, they wouldn't want any association anymore.

You can put it generally on imbalance in financial strength.

Death of parent(s) is another factor. Once the father and/or mother dies, the family is disintegrated. Parents act as a force bringing children and cousins together.

It's more when the ladies are married and the male children leave the family house to build houses elsewhere. Even when they return home, they are in their respective houses and visiting the family house, they appear like visitors.

It's not compulsory to relate with every member of your family. You decide your friends based on interest and mutual feelings but you don't decide your family members. Some family members are better off kept at arms length.

So, in an attempt to unite, an experience may make you regret ever attempting the reunion. Just take those that are already close to you and relate with them.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Exactly the truth.

PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

Say no moreeeee! That's the new trend in homosapien evolution coupled with the growing trend in technology

I can't kill myself ooo.
Anyone that wants to come close should do so.
Can't beg anyone.
Even immediate family members, I don't beg.
Everyone is grown up and should do how it pleases them.

ENVINESS AND JEALOUSY!

Macsjebs:
Maybe extended family doesn't make any difference again as they used to back in the day, so people just want to avoid issues and stay far way from 'bad energy'...

We can also say, boredom could be reason for some visits and social media has in a way filled that space

Social media is a temporary fix. If had filled the space, how come people didn't make do with it during the lockdown and were still complaining about being bored even though they were online?

DissTroy:


Social media is a temporary fix. If had filled the space, how come people didn't make do with it during the lockdown and were still complaining about being bored even though they were online?

People complained of being tired of lockdown not really being bored, staying in a place (at home) is enough to get bored

One could hang out with friends from social media too or in leisure places which were all closed

And again, if people complained of being bored, probably the older generations 'that don't social media as such'

Pardon my grammar, this is how best I can explain, I hope this makes sense sha

Cheers

Hathor5:
Time, food and traditions keep families close. Invite your family over for celebrations (Christmas, Eastern if you are a Christian) and on Sundays (once in a month) to eat together. Everyone can contribute some home made food. We always divide the dishes among the family members. Some of us make the starter, others the main course, the jollof, the cake and so on and so forth. We also plan trips together taking the kids to the park to have a picnic or some other fun place. And do not underestimate the power of the little things in the daily life. My brother told me yesterday how he hasn't eaten some food one of our aunties used to prepare when we were young ever since. Guess what I will surprise him with tomorrow. I will just drop it at his door on my way to work.

Hathor5 and food sha. I also don't joke with my tummy. I hope to taste some of these dishes someday.

Yenefer:
Hate to break it to you, try your best for God sake. it's like part of human evolution there's nothing you can do that will reverse this trend. Money can temporary unite them but as soon as money disappears it will be Worse.

Chamath Palihapitiya, former vice-president of user growth, expressed regret for his part in building tools that destroy ‘the social fabric of how society works’

“tremendous guilt” over his work on “tools that are ripping apart the social fabric of how society works”, joining a growing chorus of critics of the social media giants.

“The short-term, dopamine-driven feedback loops that we have created are destroying how society works. No civil discourse, no cooperation, misinformation, mistruth.”

“This is not about Russian ads,” he added. “This is a global problem. It is eroding the core foundations of how people behave by and between each other.”

“exploit[s] a vulnerability in human psychology” by creating a “social-validation feedback loop”

Parker had said that he was “something of a conscientious objector” to using social media, a stance echoed by Palihapitiya who said that he was now hoping to use the money he made at Facebook to do good in the world.

“I can’t control them,” Palihapitiya said of his former employer. “I can control my decision, which is that I don’t use that shit. I can control my kids’ decisions, which is that they’re not allowed to use that shit.”

He also called on his audience to “soul-search” about their own relationship to social media. “Your behaviors, you don’t realize it, but you are being programmed,” he said. “It was unintentional, but now you gotta decide how much you’re going to give up, how much of your intellectual independence.”

“That’s what we’re dealing with,” Palihapitiya said. “Imagine when you take that to the extreme where bad actors can now manipulate large swaths of people to do anything you want. It’s just a really, really bad state of affairs.”

We are been programmed and destroying family values is one of there primary objectives

. Unity in the family is the best.When all family members come together for a family meeting it enhances and fosters family togetherness. Regrettably this is not the case in many families. The reasons are as follows: 1. Some family members may not be happy with your progress and can work for your downfall. 2 With various commitments many cannot just leave their bases and come for a meeting that won't give them anything. 3 You only know yourself you don't know the minds of other people in the family.They may be evil.One lady came from abroad and attended a family meeting.She spent years on problems emanating from evil forces in her family. With many other issues relating to family meeting, many families can't hold a family meeting. If meting during an event works for you pls continue.If you want to organise a family meeting specifically for a day discuss it at the next family event. If it is approved by all and sundry continue with it.I pray they all cooperate with you.

Though am Muslim. Don't know if my method will suit u. We grow up and meet our parents have designed that every Sallah day which happens twice a year and mauled day. All of them comes together with wives and children, the women too (his sisters) comes with their kids and all come with different different cooked food and snacks hence the host doesn't take d burden and the host is always the eldest male neither rich nor poor thets after parents demiles and now we meet with our parents , aunts, uncles cousins, our children and grand children. Only 2 that lives abroad make sure chips in thru video call or Skype

Mac12:
My grown up cousin of 30years and him siblings no sabi road to him papa house for villa. Funny right? Guess what brought them back to the village? Their mother's burial. We sha treat their Bleep up, everybody travelled back few days to the burial. We no sabi them too

Nice one

PuZZyNegro:


I think it depends on experience. To me, it's the women that are married into the family that cause the division more than the women married out of the family.

The women married out of the family will only have influence if the male children allowed it. But the women married into the family will first start with the mother in law, then the single sisters of the husbands if any, then extended to the husband's brothers.

My own brother hit me for the first time because of his wife. Our family fought him in a way that he couldn't try it again. That's in the past.

U just finished the whole discussion.
My elder brother's wife is a torn on everybody's flesh.
She wants everyone to dance to her tune and my brother is always supporting her makes everyone to answer their names.

Ajibade123:
reunite ko...who cares in this Facebook and Instagram world
I have more than 20 different cousins and I have never met anyone of them

hahaha

PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

is not as important as u think.

PureGoldh:
Hmm...it will be very hard if Money no dey involved as people tend to be in good form once money is involved.

My one cent thoo.....I wish you all the best

out of 10....3 must b in dare need.

Hezmatosky:
No significant thing you'll do and get people's attention unless you blow. Try and make money or make name first

very very very true

Yodexy:


Hathor5 and food sha. I also don't joke with my tummy. I hope to taste some of these dishes someday.

uuzba:

There's this movie by Steve Martin. He took his family to a camp and they played games against the other families..
That was white people style.
We too are now bound to copy such camping activities. If you like laugh. We are the ones losing out, becoming strangers to our own families.

There are a thousand ways of how to spend quality time with our loved ones. I don't care if I come up with any idea by myself or copy it from aliens from Jupiter. If I like it, I will do it.