As the title reads, scolding a child to obedience versus pampering a child to obedience
As it may very well occur that people may misinterprete my meaning here ,I will go further to illustrate with two different approaches in getting a child to obey his parents.

Mr A calls his little boy aside before he leaves for work. He reminds his boy of that wonderful bicycle he will get for good behavior,but if he is found wanting in behavior then no bicycle. The little boy gets rewarded for a previous success.



Mr B calls his little boy aside and reminds him of all the punishment he will get for disobedience. Tells his son a little sordid fictitious story to keep him dazed for a while in fear. Then ends with reminding him how much of a whipper his father is and doesn't even get a reward for previous success.

Which of these two models of upbringing will you rather subscribe to?

Both plus spanking when necessary.

Moralgladiator:
As the title reads, scolding a child to submission versus pampering a child to submission.
As it may very well occur that people may misinterprete my meaning here ,I will go further to illustrate with two different approaches in getting a child to submit to his parents.

Mr A calls his little boy aside before he leaves for work. He reminds his boy of that wonderful bicycle he will get for good behavior,but if he is found wanting in behavior then no bicycle. The little boy gets rewarded for a previous success.



Mr B calls his little boy aside and reminds him of all the punishment he will get for disobedience. Tells his son a little sordid fictitious story to keep him dazed for a while in fear. Then ends with reminding him how much of a whipper his father is and doesn't even get a reward for previous success.

Which of these two models of upbringing will you rather subscribe to?

submission is the wrong word

it should read "How to TEACH (Nigerians you say to TRAIN) to child" using positives thoughts vrs negative thoughts

So the word SUBMISSION is wrong to discribe to how teach/train a child using positives thoughts vrs negatives though

Submission? You are trying to destroy the child's spirit either way.
Sadly, this is what many who think that raising a child in Nigeria is better than doing so out in the western world mean... they would rather stifle the child's own spirit so they can rule over that child, not realizing the lasting damage to the child's mind and spiritual capacity.

ZIMDRILL:



submission is the wrong word

it should read "How to TEACH (Nigerians you say to TRAIN) to child" using positives thoughts vrs negative thoughts

So the word SUBMISSION is wrong to discribe to how teach/train a child using positives thoughts vrs negatives though

Bros,what makes a child let down his guard? It is called submission to authority. Teaching is a path, submission is an act. I am not referring to the path but instead to the determinant of the child's resistance and willing cooperation to parental authority.

Kobojunkie:
Submission? You are trying to destroy the child's spirit either way.
Sadly, this is what many who think that raising a child in Nigeria is better than doing so out in the western world mean... they would rather stifle the child's own spirit so they can rule over that child, not realizing the lasting damage to the child's mind and spiritual capacity.

Don't forget that African parents use more of threat than coercion. A is coercion,B is threat. No matter how civilized you want to appear,one of the above mentioned would have to occur to get the childs cooperation. Coercion or threat.

Moralgladiator:
Bros,what makes a child let down his guard? It is called submission to authority. Teaching is a path, submission is an act. I am not referring to the path but instead to the determinant of the child's resistance and willing cooperation to parental authority.

a child can let down guard for many reasons, it can be peer pressure or simply forgetting the warnings from parents

From the two example given my focusing was on the ways of teaching a child using positive thinking (getting a bicycle) or using negative thoughts (reminds him of all the punishment he will get for disobedience)

Whereas you are focusing on the parent as the authority and the child submitting to parents voice of command ( SUBMISSION ask you see it) irregardless of the chosen words used

So our approach me and you are TOTAL difference. To you its all about SUBMISSION to authority and to me its all about teaching that good behavour can get you good rewards than using fear to make someone behave

Fear or bad memories can damage a child, no one once to be always afraid or to be always remanded of a bad exprience

when dealing with kids try to understand their level of thinking, it will give you ideas to make them co-operate with you without them even knowing that their are actually following your commands

Kids dont know what is SUBMISSION all they know is your mum or daddy, the rest are just rules them

Remember a person who has to SUBMIT should understand the meaning of SUBMISSION and accept to submit

Moralgladiator:
Don't forget that African parents use more of threat than coercion. A is coercion ,B is threat. No matter how civilized you want to appear,one of the above mentioned would have to occur to get the childs cooperation. Coercion or threat.

What African parents are you referring to? The same Africa I grew up in

ZIMDRILL:


a child can let down guard for many reasons, it can be peer pressure or simply forgetting the warnings from parents

From the two example given my focusing was on the ways of teaching a child using positive thinking (getting a bicycle) or using negative thoughts (reminds him of all the punishment he will get for disobedience)

Whereas you are focusing on the parent as the authority and the child submitting to parents voice of command ( SUBMISSION ask you see it) irregardless of the chosen words used

So our approach me and you are TOTAL difference. To you its all about SUBMISSION to authority and to me its all about teaching that good behavour can get you good rewards than using fear to make someone behave

Fear or bad memories can damage a child, no one once to be always afraid or to be always remanded of a bad exprience

when dealing with kids try to understand their level of thinking, it will give you ideas to make them co-operate with you without them even knowing that their are actually following your commands

Kids dont know what is SUBMISSION all they know is your mum or daddy, the rest are just rules them

Remember a person who has to SUBMIT should understand the meaning of SUBMISSION and accept to submit

When a six year old child refuses to be bathed and brushed in preparation for school,crying and throwing tantrums. what do you do or say to the child to get the child to cooperate?

Kobojunkie:

What African parents are you referring to? The same Africa I grew up in

Go and read my post again.

madampresident:
Both plus spanking when necessary.

However, all children are not the same. While some are gentle, some others can be extremely hyperactive plus stubborn.

For the latter kind of children, I recommend everything necessary to get them in line.

In all of that, it is important to make them understand you love them.

well said. But I am strongly of the opinion that Mr Bs approach causes more damage than good in creating future limitations for the child which is predominantly the African approach.

Moralgladiator:
When a six year old child refuses to be bathed and brushed in preparation for school,crying and throwing tantrums. what do you do or say to the child to get the child to cooperate?

1st you mean you cant outsmart a 6 year old ?

For me you must know things that the child likes doing at skol and use those things to encourage the child to bath and go to skol and be able to do those things they like at skol.

Problem with african parents we build walls between us and kids, we dont sit down to know our kids eg the child comes back from skol you asked them how was skol and what activity they did that they liked today. Having such infor will help you to encourage them to go to skol when their are fighting you not to go to skol

Know your child skol friends name etc and trick your child to say your friend so and so said has something for you etc

ZIMDRILL:


1st you mean you cant outsmart a 6 year old ?

For me you must know things that the child likes doing at skol and use those things to encourage the child to bath and go to skol and be able to do those things they like at skol.

Problem with african parents we build walls between us and kids, we dont sit down to know our kids eg the child comes back from skol you asked them how was skol and what activity they did that they liked today. Having such infor will help you to encourage them to go to skol when their are fighting you not to go to skol

Know your child skol friends name etc and trick your child to say your friend so and so said has something for you etc

Oga Sabinus,I asked a rather simple question. How would you approach such situation? Forget your textbook responses. You are not even a parent to start with....how come you know so much? Textbook wizard I guess.

Moralgladiator:
Oga Sabinus,I asked a rather simple question. How would you approach such situation? Forget your textbook responses. You are not even a parent to start with....how come you know so much? Textbook wizard I guess.

well dont ask a question and expect an answer that suits you

i have a 17 year old daughter, i have gone through such

Parenting skills vary from person to person

ZIMDRILL:


well dont ask a question and expect an answer that suits you

i have a 17 year old daughter, i have gone through such

Parenting skills vary from person to person

I am not expecting an answer that suits me,I am only trying to get at the rationale of African parents using fear to get children to the submission phase. This fear works far longer than necessary up to adulthood.

Moralgladiator:
I am not expecting an answer that suits me,I am only trying to get at the rationale of African parents using fear to get children to the submission phase. This fear works far longer than necessary up to adulthood.

Like i said before "to me" SUBMISSION is a dangerous phase to impose on a child

A child should be taught to listen to parents and not to SUBMIT, submission is a different level all together

thats how is see it

ZIMDRILL:


Like i said before "to me" SUBMISSION is a dangerous phase to impose on a child

A child should be taught to listen to parents and not to SUBMIT, submission is a different level all together

thats how is see it

listening to parents is called submission. Obeying the government is called submission. Agreeing to be under a man as wife is called submission. Submission is agreeing to take instructions from constituted authority. Now back to the child and tantrums...what words do you use to get that child to comply? Coercion or fear?

Moralgladiator:
listening to parents is called submission. Obeying the government is called submission. Agreeing to be under a man as wife is called submission. Submission is agreeing to take instructions from constituted authority. Now back to the child and tantrums...what words do you use to get that child to comply? Coercion or fear?

thats were you are wrong listening doesnt mean submission, i cant listen to you but it doesnt mean i am submitting

I think the right word you are looking for is DISOBEY

i Have observed that most kids throw tantrums becoz they want things their way so depending on what the child is crying for your find a way trick them to calm down, but the problem is usually kids throw tantrums in public as parents we quickly feel embrassed and we rush into tyring to stop them crying and the fight becomes worse

As parents we got lots in our mind and time sometimes is not in our favour so, instead of trying to understand them ie while s/he is crying ask him/her why are you crying they will answer back right! to me thats a good sign atleast we talking and listening and answering my questions, then you tell him/her that crying doesnt make things happen but talking does, if s/he says OK mummy /daddy then make him/her feel proud eg by doing saying hi 5 hand gesture. By this point s/he might not even crying

What i have realised is african parents whats kids to obey parents, but parents fail to explain fully why they should obey, there is nothing confusing as obeying with fully being explained why you should obey

ZIMDRILL:


thats were you are wrong listening doesnt mean submission, i cant listen to you but it doesnt mean i am submitting

I think the right word you are looking for is DISOBEY

i Have observed that most kids throw tantrums becoz they want things their way so depending on what the child is crying for your find a way trick them to calm down, but the problem is usually kids throw tantrums in public as parents we quickly feel embrassed and we rush into tyring to stop them crying and the fight becomes worse

As parents we got lots in our mind and time sometimes is not in our favour so, instead of trying to understand them ie while s/he is crying ask him/her why are you crying they will answer back right! to me thats a good sign atleast we talking and listening and answering my questions, then you tell him/her that crying doesnt make things happen but talking does, if s/he says OK mummy /daddy then make him/her feel proud eg by doing saying hi 5 hand gesture. By this point s/he might not even crying

What i have realised is african parents whats kids to obey parents, but parents fail to explain fully why they should obey, there is nothing confusing as obeying with fully being explained why you should obey

Thank you!! You have just opted for coercion by pampering as opposed to fear. I'm glad we speak the same language now.

Moralgladiator:
Thank you!! You have just opted for coercion by pampering as opposed to fear. I'm glad we speak the same language now.

Your choice of words are illuminating on how you view children.

First you use “submission” now it’s “coercion”

Jullima:

Your choice of words are illuminating on how you view children.

First you use “submission” now it’s “coercion”

Well that's because I like to tackle situations head-on and not be a hypocrite about it. Nigerians would see a disturbing trend in society yet do nothing about it. The moment a person brings up the issue for proper solution from the root, people like you scream blue murder.
Madam Sabinus,here in Africa,some parents use threat which is by instilling fear, while some others use coercion which is by pampering. For goodness sake when a kid throws tantrums,how do you get that child to cooperate with you? Don't answer if you aren't smart enough to.

Moralgladiator:
Thank you!! You have just opted for coercion by pampering as opposed to fear. I'm glad we speak the same language now.

It seems you dont know the meaning of COERCION - "it is the action or practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats"

The way i narrated what i think parents can do has nothing to do with threats or force, mine focuses on reasoning to child level of thinking at that present moment, I then went to explain further why parent we dont go that route becoz of other things going in life eg time its self or feeling embrasses etc

Just remember am not saying am better than you as parent and neither am saying you are a bad parent

in Zimbabwe we say "One who has no children has the most behaved children" meaning those who got no kids always think thats their kids would be the most behaved one, not knowing that the moment you have your own that when you will realise that parenting is not easy

Jullima:

Your choice of words are illuminating on how you view children.

First you use “submission” now it’s “coercion”

You can say that again

ZIMDRILL:


It seems you dont know the meaning of COERCION - "it is the action or practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats"

The way i narrated what i think parents can do has nothing to do with threats or force, mine focuses on reasoning to child level of thinking at that present moment, I then went to explain further why parent we dont go that route becoz of other things going in life eg time its self or feeling embrasses etc

Just remember am not saying am better than you as parent and neither am saying you are a bad parent

in Zimbabwe we say "One who has no children has the most behaved children" meaning those who got no kids always think thats their kids would be the most behaved one, not knowing that the moment you have your own that when you will realise that parenting is not easy

I used the word coercion by force to show some parents go about it the wrong way,and I also used the word coercion by pampering to show how some other parents go about it. Good day,that will be all....Zimbabwe? No wonder

Moralgladiator:
I used the word coercion by force to show some parents go about it the wrong way,and I also used the word coercion by pampering to show how some other parents go about it. Good day,that will be all....Zimbabwe? No wonder

coercion by pampering those two dont mix

its like saying torture by pampering