You are defining a man from the perspective of a woman. Let the man define himself, and respect that.

vRendoh:
..he is afraid of marrying one wife not wives o!? He is still a boy! To put one woman for house naim he dey fear!
He knows how to use his manhood but still not a man yet
.
Babe waka! that guy go delay you...go waste you and he go kill your destiny. Nothing dey for Hunter bag.

I'm wondering about what is good in him

Too funny

Dicktion:
Naija men are now afraid of Naija ladies hence, the fear for marriage

Imagine someone unknowingly and unfortunately gets tied forever to a lady like millenniumlady or sweetcunt97
Even your village people will pray for your soul

LaJoe2:

My brother is married, whenever he comes around, I see the stress over his face, he used to be fairer than me. Even his rent had to be paid again for the 2nd time by someone else. He couldn't make the rent money.

The other day, all the staffs in the house had to gather to help start his car.

But I see the wife, getting fatter, moving around like a hog (I'm sorry, couldn't find a better description). Always walking around like she's tired or pregnant. The first thing she does when she comes around is to change the channel to ZeeWorld. You can tell shes living carefree.

I'm sorry, their situation doesn't encourage me to be married. Trust me, my brother would have been better off alone.

That's marriage in Nigeria.

Marriage is not bad, but wisdom. You have to assess the season to be married and the purpose. There is a right time and purpose. In our parents time, it was good/favorable to be married, men and women were brought up better and better trained for marriage plus the economy was better, but is it the same now, NOOOO!

It would be foolish of you to say, I must replicate what my parents did without considering that time has changed. Be ready to enter gbase.

have seen alot of married men wit,same experience wit ur brother. u see some walking on d road like sth dt will,collapse while thier wives are,happy and fat,

there is a guy in my street,has 3kids, he keeps getting thinner everyday, when he,lost his job d wife come dey insult him up and down. one nite he came to d bar where we dey chill and told us dt he would have killed his wife this nite, we had to calm him down, some women can push men to do bad things in d,name if marriage,

people should know dt,time has changed, during,our parents days food was,no a luxury, today to eat three square meal has become a rich,affair, if u re not,financially stable stay away from marriage, d same,woman,pressuring u into marriage will b d same to always tell,u dt thier neighbour husband bought a car for her wife ,she will insult u till u die,

we likke to pretend alot, here in,naija many married people re not happy but they,will,come and tell u its d,best thing ever happend to them. they wont,open,up to u. marriage is,good but lets be,more open,abt,it,discussing,d,realities,inherent,in,it

Mayng01:
Truth is bitter, if only you would accept and execute it. Request for some rooms to breathe from him , keep that for a while like that, & make sure sex too isn’t involved anymore during the task. If truly you’re meant to be together, he will come back for you & tell you he is ready, if he does not, God has not destined you for each other. Pray to God for your man and he will surely locate you. Unleash yourself from infatuation & face reality, the fact remains from his comment, you will be used and dumped................ a word!

Anty, you'd better follow this advise.

PoliteActivist:


A family. Living with your own exclusive wife and kids. On the rare occasion it works it can beat singlehood

Exclusive...that used to be the case in the past. These days married women sleep around anyhow, so that “exclusive” factor may be long gone.
And you don’t have to be married to have a family. If you’re asked about Ronaldo’s family for example, you’ll mention his girl and his children. He isn’t married.

Confusedgirl869:
What kind of plan? He's not Yoruba btw.

Future plans

DrayZee:

Exclusive...that used to be the case in the past. These days married women sleep around anyhow, so that “exclusive” factor may be long gone.
And you don’t have to be married to have a family. If you’re asked about Ronaldo’s family for example, you’ll mention his girl and his children. He isn’t married.

many of those married ladies sleep around, i see them,evreyday,and i wonder,what a wonderful world

Please dear most of d useless guys...on nairaland trolling u here ...dat d guy said d right thing by wanting to have a baby mama...will get married soon...dey still desire marriage and will still Insult baby mamas don't mind Dem..and dump dat useless guy u are dating

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.

See men to be loyal to!!! Abeg dump his freaking a**

Confusedgirl869:
Thank you all so much for your contributions. Let me make a few things clear

I said he is a good man because he doesn't womanise which is very important to me because I so much hate cheating, he is hardworking, he lives a simple life just like me, he is very peaceful.

He was once married and the lady (a white girl) made life very difficult for him, he almost killed himself. But then, I'm not the lady abi

I have decided to ask him one last time today, if he still maintain that, I move.

Let him go and meet another white woman to become his baby mama.
You do not have to carry his sh1ty baggage. Don't pay for his failed marriage.

Why should he marry you? What is your USP? What do you bring?

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.

Did you even reason that your own definition of a man is quite different from his

olumide4christ:
Some people are just a disgrace to us as men. Imagine a 35 year old man not thinking of getting married, but planning for baby mama. At his age, I had been married for 5 years and up till now, still enjoying my home - wife and children - after 9 years of marriage.
Some men will just be growing age-wise, but still be reasoning like a 21 year old!

What a pity!

Confusedgirl869:
lol ok o. Goodluck

This response.... Hmmmm

Run while you can, pray for your man, if he's the one, he'll come to...
but baby mama? Except you want it for yourself, dont be forced into it, its a hard road...

UyaiIncomparabl:




That's exactly what you people say. Your main monikers are usually popular, why?

The trend of opening countless threads these days is unbecoming, astounding, and relentless!
Don't worry, we know you people's plot, to garner traffic of course. Please, entertain us whilst the offer lasts. I repeat I shall not waste my time trying to advise you ceaseless trolls. If truly you need advice and are in such a precarious situation, you should have, as a matter of necessity, unraveled the fact that you are being played by your bobo. But no, you're here to read what a bunch of unknown people will tell you. Please, have at it while at it. Au revoir.

:

LedRock:
Continue deceiving her, if at all she gets another man to marry, the man will still get fed up.

Why will another man be fed up with her? She is not your mama or your sister. They are the ones men get fed up with...Nd you know them so well.

Roman7:



ur moniker says it all.

your fada

To gain more knowledge and experience I go to a old man's place not very far from my house to chat with him he made mention of how Marriages is been handled back then in the olden days and then i compared it to how it's been handled now it that time I now know that this life is gradually coming to an end i doubt if this whole universe will last more than 10yrs

To me oo i think he just needs time to trust you more and be sure you are good and different from the bad women out there
which means you too have alot of role to play inhere ..

Larcardii:
Please dear most of d useless guys...on nairaland trolling u here ...dat d guy said d right thing by wanting to have a baby mama...will get married soon...dey still desire marriage and will still Insult baby mamas don't mind Dem..and dump dat useless guy u are dating

This is the problem. You guys are telling her that her man will get married to someone else. Can’t you fathom the fact that there are people who don’t want to get married?
I’ll ask you (since you’re so sure we want to get married), what exactly do you think men gain from marriage?

ApplicantNG:
To me oo i think he just needs time to trust you more and be sure you are good and different from the bad women out there
which means you too have alot of role to play inhere ..

Exactly. She needs to show him that there is a reason he should get married to her. He can’t see a reason, and that’s not his fault.

funmisticqueen2:
The oath in question that you like to blackmail me with, have you read it?

Not really in depth. However i do know it is your devine duty to consider the patients life, whats best for the part according to a secular societies standards.

i know for a fact that your assertion of - no dating no marriage-is against science; the evolved 'sociocultural practices' of modern society and also the science of behaviour.

I am also sure that your etiquette of 'no date no marriage' is arisen because you (wether you believe it or not) dont want to have fuckboys have "points" through you and not because you feel it is not worthy. Behavioural psychology validates my point. Its your subjective ego that validates yours.

Lets make use of your ought i attached below

Confusedgirl869:
Hey guys, I have taken the bold step. I have blocked him on WhatsApp. Now to move on! It's really not easy, I've cried my eyes out. This is my first real and painful heartbreak, before him I learn to love with my head and not heart. I have no friends at all which will make it a more difficult journey.

I have an idea though, I will keep an online diary here so I need all support you can give, thanks

I hope you made him know it was because of his stance on marriage that you blocked him.

Ayam also afraid of marriage o. So so quarrels, unhappiness, avoidance, malice, etc

Even baby mama's behaviour discourages even further

VenumX:


First, negroes convinced you African women to have sex with them before they wife you. Now negroes just want you to birth for them. Meanwhile, one kobo, your waste of space boyfriend has not given you to show he can be a responsible father.

When will you realise that the enemy you have been sleeping with is there to ruin your life?He has no home training and good values- nothing! I am sure he is one 35 year old agbero looking creature who is about to become a fool at 40.

Let me tell you something about this your blind bat boyfriend. By the time he is in his 50's and suffering from erectile dysfunction, nobody will tell him to go and get married. He will go and get one girl like Regina Daniels to wife. All his money, he will spend on her whether she is faithful to him or not. While you will be there struggling to pay your last child's school fees. You better don't fall into that trap!

Ignore all the miscreants with no future here telling you to listen to that fool you call your useless boyfriend.

Dump him fast and move on with your life. Let him go and meet all those ratchet broke jezebels that will deal with him mercilessly.

You have been warned!

Well...this comment has given me the only reason a man should get married. And that is, if he falls in love with a genuinely good woman, who brings actual value to his life and isn’t among the numerous “ratchet broke jezebels” that flood the Nigerian female society. The problem is that there aren’t much of those kinds of women around. So you can’t really blame men for reaching the conclusion that marriage is a no no.

So bros, get married...if you find a woman with the above specifications. Don’t let people like that go. They’re extremely hard to find.

OP, don’t give up on your guy yet. I know you’ve probably talked to him about this, but, his problem is that he doesn’t see the reason behind marriage. I didn’t too until recently. If you can help him see that, he’ll come around. Afterall, he’s 30+(the group Nigerian females call “mature”). You should be able to talk to him.

If he doesn’t, move on. If you’re as good as you’ve portrayed yourself to be, then he simply doesn’t understand your value. There are people out there who do.

No one is doing anyone a favour getting married. Let's say marriage as an institution is invalid. Then everyone will be bastards. Children won't have any right to claim their so called father property. As the father have no right to the children so as the mother. As a matter of factly children can't receive protection under their so called parents. I believe when two individuals are getting married, it's not just themselves alone but think of your children. Staying with a man that want to legalise it. It's still the same as staying with a man that dont want to get married. The only different is that you give your children an identity. Cause my dear if the guy should later leave you. You're left with nothing. His family members can't accept you cause they don't recognize you as their own

As a Nigerian that have lived in Nigeria since my birth, I have come to realise something about most fellow Nigerians- at the very core of their DNA is hypocrisy and pretence. My people cannot say something with their lips and not mean another thing. So when they see an honest man who is firm enough to tell his stance about marriage, they are astounded.

The truth of the matter is that I don't even understand why the institution of marriage is still surviving. You see the same people in this thread clamoring that marriage is the best decision they will ever take and that the guy is plainly irresponsible, some of them are adulterers and adulterers-in-waiting. Some of them secretly loathe marriage and crave the freedom that comes with singlehood. I know some girls who marry because of financial security. They confided in me that if they were financially secured, no stupid man will come close to them and preach marriage. But see them on the thread labelling a young man who knows what he wants as irresponsible.

Some will advocate for the institution of familihood with continued ancestral lineage as their point. As if their late fathers and grandfathers still remember from the grave that they left behind a family. Abeg stop that useless blackmail. All man for himself.

Op, welcome to the age of selfishness. Even the Bible recorded that in the last days, men(and women) shall become lovers of themselves. And that is why you see some men doubting the benefits that they will earn if they marry. The emphasis is on self-interest these days. So don't be mad if your guy doesn't see anything good in marriage. If you can't cope with the idea of babymamaism, you can exit the relationship if you like. Please don't confuse a brother who is eager to tend to his self-interests before anything. Because the more you girls push for marriage, the more we come to the knowledge that there's something in this marriage that puts things in your favour and in our disadvantage.

DrayZee:

This is the problem. You guys are telling her that her man will get married to someone else. Can’t you fathom the fact that there are people who don’t want to get married?
I’ll ask you (since you’re so sure we want to get married), what exactly do you think men gain from marriage?

If you marry a good wife, you'll gain legitimate children, peace of mind, constant gist partner, constant sex mate, a chef, a foresighted being, a real estate agent, a real estate investor, a stock investor, a backup plan, a supporter and helper, a cuddle partner, a doctor, a pastor, a spiritual guide, a teacher to your kids, a Sunday school teacher to your kids, career planner for your kids, a business development officer.... Should I continue? Just pray to God to give you a wife. It won't always be rosy, but when two work together in harmony, the world will be under their feet.

Intrepid01:
But some girls don't mind sha....a young lady I've been friends with, she just graduated from Unilag. Around December/ January I told her wanted her to conceive for me and she was cool with it. infact we recently dsussed it again and she's still cool with it. I asked her if I Dad won't be angry, cos her mum is late, she said her he won't be mad at her at all. Unfortunately me I was just joking about it but the pretty babe is damn serious about it.

That babe already submitted herself to you, asking you to lead. If you can handle the responsibility of treating her and your kids well, go for it, but be smart about it. It could also be a set up to father a baby that isn't yours.

Be glad he was sincere.

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.

Metaphysical27:
No one is doing anyone a favour getting married. Let's say marriage as an institution is invalid. Then everyone will be bastards. Children won't have any right to claim their so called father property. As the father have no right to the children so as the mother. As a matter of factly children can't receive protection under their so called parents. I believe when two individuals are getting married, it's not just themselves alone but think of your children. Staying with a man that want to legalise it. It's still the same as staying with a man that dont want to get married. The only different is that you give your children an identity. Cause my dear if the guy should later leave you. You're left with nothing. His family members can't accept you cause they don't recognize you as their own

If the institution of marriage fails and is invalid, definitely something else will operate in its place. Nature does not leave a vacuum in the grand scheme of things.

Check marriage, check babymamaism. The only notable difference is commitment. Now two individuals(a baby-mama and a baby-papa) that really love each other and can make sacrifices unconditionally for each other can work towards more forms of commitment. It's that simple. They can also decide within themselves to make their relationship exclusive to themselves.

And in such situations, they can make wills that ensures their offsprings are entitled to their property and wealth.