My Dad left us(three boyz) after my mum death in 1977.I was raised by my grandparents(my mum's parents) right from 4 years old. i am the second child.my grandparents raised me from primary to university.i don't even know my dad and i cannot recognise during my childhood days till am an adult.I just met him last year (2009) after 32 years of leaving us.
I asked him several questions.He told me he lived a wasted years and wants us to forgive him.I have two children, my elder brother have two children and my younger brother have one kid meaning.All the five children saw my dad after several years of asking questions.We have forgiven him and have accepted him. My dad now spend time with us(he spents few days with my elder brother and his family. he also spent some time with me and my younger brother). My grandparents told me that my dad killed my mum when i was a child. I asked my dad if he kill my mum and why did he leave us. my dad told he did not kill my mum and he was accused wrongly

Now my grandparents are not happy with us that we accepted him without their notice.they said we are ingrate and they know we are not going to assistant them as before.(they are the ONLY people we know and we have been assisting them uptil now) they also expected my dad man to come and see them and apology for what he did.

Please what do you advice?

Wow! sorry to hear that. I am trying to put myself in your shoes here and I realise just what a difficult situation you are finding yourself in. I am certain that it pleases God that you have forgiven this man. Too many questions are likely to asked concerning your father, trying to answer them or even get him to answer them will be a waste of time.

Your grandparents are right being unhappy about the situation. It was up to you to inform them officially about the set up with your father and what this new life means and how its going to affect them if there's potential for that. Your father is still not man enough to go and apologise to them which he should have done. I am not judging him, its also possible that he is old and too tired of fighting issues of life, I think he came for peace, he must have been too troubled to come back rom where he's been.

You also owe your grandparents an apology for not expalining the whole situation in the firstplace and what you want to do with it. This is a difficult one.

I really hope that the young men who are in this forum take heed of the message in this story and tell their friends that leaving your children or having children that you do not have plans to care for might brign disaster in the end. We are not going to stay forever young and days are much longer when we are older, and this is when we start to reflect on the days gone by. The question is, are we going to look back with Pride?

This is heavy

yes,what ur grand parents said is the best, i think he should go and see them
and also appologise to them for what has happend and they will not fail to forgive him

@SA Lady, thanks. my dad is 69 years old this year. i believe he could not confront them because i know "many rivers don pass under bridge" for the old man.

I will take a bold step by reconciling my grandparents and dad. I pray God should interven during the reconciliation meeting.

Thanks once again

Your grandparents are right, you dad needs to go them and apologise for what happened. Since you and brothers have forgiven him, I guess your grandparents must also do so. My advice is that you DON'T neglect your grandparents because it must have been tough on them bringing you guys up, continue to support them and show them the love you have for them.

Time will heal

What were the circumstances surrounding your mother's death. If her parents (your grandparents) believe that your father killed her then don't you think he should give a more detailed answer than "no I did not kill her". Your grandparents sacrificed their lives for you guys and you guys simply betrayed that love. I am not passing judgement because I knot that deep down inside you probably always longed for a parent that you could call yoru own but i don't think that your dad should go free. He abandoned his children and only God knows what he did to their mother

@poster
- why would you guys stop assisting your grandparents?
- why should anyone be different towards their grandparents now that they have finally found and reconcile with their father?

what has happened between your father and the grandparents is for THEM to deal with it but for the grandparents to expect YOU not to have any contact with him(if thats what they want) is really immature. they should think of the happiness that such encounter will bring, both for the kids and the grand kids. they hate him and expect everyone to do so.

let your father reconcile with them in due time. . . . . . . .  .when/if HE is ready.

ps: if i was wrongly accused of killing my wife by her parents then i would also have a grudge against them (but definitely not abandon the children)

@ poster Find a way and reconcile them both,talk to your dad to seek forgiveness from your grand parents. they have tried so much for you all never stop caring for them. Best of luck.

I understand the kind of joy the reconciliation would have brought you guys BUT you owe much respect, love and loyalty to your grandparents. If those people gave you out as kids to other relatives to use as slaves and today you are of no use to yourself he might not consider coming back. (Jesus Christ! How can one neglect ones children when they need them most only to come back when someone else has ‘’cooked’’ them deliciously?)

Apologise to your grannies that you didn’t inform them earlier, your dad should actually have gone to them first before reconciling with you guys. Look for a way of reconciling them all and ask for their forgiveness. Things like these makes me sick.

I really appreciate everyone contribution.
The reconciliation plan is on the way and i will let the house know how it went.
In the meantime my brothers & I have been grateful to our grandparents for all they have done and we will continue to show our supports to them.If not for them God knows what would have become of us.To God be the glory.

Poster good luck and may the good Lord be the one that guides you best in this. I certainly look forward to a positive update when you come back to tell us how it went,

Shouldn't you be celebrating instead of being on Nairaland?

ego_law75:

Now my grandparents are not happy with us that we accepted him without their notice.they said we are ingrate and they know we are not going to assistant them as before.(they are the ONLY people we know and we have been assisting them uptil now)

'Am sure they would never say this!

wait oh where was he for 32years ? why did he leave you for that long time now that soup is done he wanted to eat it without a labor but is not the bible says that what ever you sow , you shall rip the same bible says you shall feed from your sweat , so let him what he has caused himself .

egolaw75:
My Dad left us(three boyz) after my mum death in 1977.I was raised by my grandparents(my mum's parents) right from 4 years old. i am the second child.my grandparents raised me from primary to university.i don't even know my dad and i cannot recognise during my childhood days till am an adult.I just met him last year (2009) after 32 years of leaving us.
I asked him several questions.He told me he lived a wasted years and wants us to forgive him.I have two children, my elder brother have two children and my younger brother have one kid meaning.All the five children saw my dad after several years of asking questions.We have forgiven him and have accepted him. My dad now spend time with us(he spents few days with my elder brother and his family. he also spent some time with me and my younger brother). My grandparents told me that my dad killed my mum when i was a child. I asked my dad if he kill my mum and why did he leave us. my dad told he did not kill my mum and he was accused wrongly

Now my grandparents are not happy with us that we accepted him without their notice.they said we are ingrate and they know we are not going to assistant them as before.(they are the ONLY people we know and we have been assisting them uptil now) they also expected my dad man to come and see them and apology for what he did.

Please what do you advice?

So sorry.

jcross22:
wait oh where was he for 32years ? why did he leave you for that long time now that soup is done he wanted to eat it without a labor but is not the bible says that what ever you sow , you shall rip the same bible says you shall feed from your sweat , so let him what he has caused himself .

The father no try one bit.

jcross22:
wait oh where was he for 32years ? why did he leave you for that long time now that soup is done he wanted to eat it without a labor but is not the bible says that what ever you sow , you shall rip the same bible says you shall feed from your sweat , so let him what he has caused himself .

You see what I'm seeing?
Will he claim he couldn't locate the home of the woman he paid her bride price. 32 yrs and you are yet to apologize to the ppl tat raised ur children. He already started visiting. Who knows if it was suffering that killed the poor mum?

I will forgive you and keep you at arms length. Go and find where you wasted your yrs.

Nonsense n ingredients.

2010 thread, thinking where I was back then!

After how many years??






Is this story real??







Anyway time will heal everything

Outstrip:
What were the circumstances surrounding your mother's death. If her parents (your grandparents) believe that your father killed her then don't you think he should give a more detailed answer than "no I did not kill her". Your grandparents sacrificed their lives for you guys and you guys simply betrayed that love. I am not passing judgement because I knot that deep down inside you probably always longed for a parent that you could call yoru own but i don't think that your dad should go free. He abandoned his children and only God knows what he did to their mother

a sane man can abadon his family but an insane child rejects his father(parents)

[quote author=coputa post=90552378]a sane man can abadon his family but an insane child rejects his father(parents)[/q

coputa:
a sane man can abadon his family but an insane child rejects his father(parents)

An insane comment from an insane man.

Worthless piece of garbage parading everywhere.

TheArchangel:
An insane comment from an insane man.

Worthless piece of garbage parading everywhere.

when you grow up,chew these words and you will get the meaning.

coputa:
when you grow up,chew these words and you will get the meaning.

You don't chew craps, you spit it out