Dear all,

It's been ages since I did this last 

This thread is open to married and single folks.

Have seen couples that their marriages appear beautiful from afar. As a matter of fact, I usually admire them and pray for their kind of marriage. But, getting close to them, I realised that the marriage is not what it appears to be from afar. Each marriage has its own challenges. And like what my pastor said on my wedding day, marriage is hard work. If you are not ready for it, don't go into it.

Living in this part of the world where there is so much emphasis on marriage, brings me to the purpose of this thread. . .

If you are married,

Is it worth being married?
Please, provide us with reasons for your answers.
Plus: if you are married and your answer is NO to the question above, tell us why you got married?

If you are single,

Is it worth the wait?
Do you want to get married and why?
How prepared are you?

To all;

You can share the challenges of marriage with us. It could be personal experiences or cases you have come across.

Let the discussion begin . .  .

P.S
Please respect everyone's opinion. Do not use this thread to insult anyone. thanks.

//

For me, YES. IT WORTHS' IT.

REASON : I have this wonderful child/ (more children to come) that i love so much with all my heart. and with the type of culture we have that frowns at children out of wedlock, marraige is worth it.

Secondly, i can have sex whenever and wherever, without feeling guilty.

furthermore, i have someone i can conveniently and safely call my own (my personal property) that i can share everything with, and someone i can fight with, (that part i don't joke ).

Someone you can solve problems with, whether marital, financial, spiritual, academical, and so on.
Someone i can start my own generation/ lineage with forever and ever. (Amen).

My dear, am glad am married.

Correction Madam CC . . . Two GOOD heads are better than one.

For me the most difficult thing about marriage is having to share my life with someone else. Maybe in 5years time, when I'm used to it, I will start enjoying my life as a married woman.

Most def

Wow!!!

U guys are making love being married (I know I am still gonna hear some bizzare stories ). Sometimes when you look at the challenges of being married and seeing those you look up to failing in their marital life, you tend to forget the positive side.

@ CC and Ronke,

you guys have certainly made hope alive. I'm sure those points you shared will help a lot of folks to see things positively.

Ujujoan:

For me the most difficult thing about marriage is having to share my life with someone else. Maybe in 5years time, when I'm used to it, I will start enjoying my life as a married woman.

Uju, did u just get married? Congrats dear.

I also see sharing one's life as one of the major challenges of marriage. Your life doesn't belong to you anymore. You have to consider your family before making any decision. On the other hand, it is also one of the joys of marriage. Knowing that you have someone to share your life with just like Ronke pointed out.

@ Jaybee, long time no see. Na u be dis lol

For most part, I have thought about it and I think its overrated

As a man, Marriage is a bondage. The invasion of privacy, wanting to be all in my business and the countless nags Sheesh!!!!

When some of my "fipa" girls start their nags about meaningless things I just thank God that I am not legally binded to them or anyone.

Most importantly the part about having to share my hard earned money and sweat of my labour with someone who contributes far less

Marriage would only make sense to me when

The women are less controlling. Everything about your life should revolve round them. Come the phock on!!! I have been living wothout you for most of my life, why would everything just start revoloving around you ?

Talk/nag less. Just talking about what-the phock-ever. I suggested to one that I can buy her chewing gum to keep her mouth busy instead of just talking about every goddamned thing in the universe, The less you talk the more you think

Give me my own private space (Atimes i want to watch soccer, watch CNN, TruTV, Discovery or just surf the web and not gist/gossip about neighbours and friends) Several times some of these girls have forced me to watch Wendy Williams show, "E", Kardashians, American best dance groups, even one retarded show of the Braxtons showing their daily life, I felt like plucking my eyes out I could feel my brain power diminishing by the minutes as I sat down watching. Yet you have to appear interested else 2 hours of jigijigi that night would be used to beg and apologize for not watching those shows.

Moods swings? Oh my freaking goodness. Someone that was chatty and happy now just turns and starts sulking like what the Hell!!!!, Are you phocking possesed by demons?

Most importantly earn their own money preferably earn almost at par with me and contributing equally so no one is losing in this union.

If I had made some "mistakes" and some of my numerous condoms have leaked, had 2 boys in my teens or twenties, I wont even think about marriage again. Walahi

I think some amendments needs to be done to the whole marriage issue. If marriage can be made not to be a lifetime thingy and possibly reneweable after every 5yrs I would support this

^^^^^ Dayo if you so much feel this hatred about women and marraige, then it is best you stick to your (boys) and marry them, instead of just using the women to satisfy your sexual needs, because i see that is all you need them for.

If a woman

Talks/nags less, Gives me my space, Makes her own good money, Immune from mood swings and less controlling

Why not.

Then the importance of the two reasons below is swaying

ronkebp:

REASON : I have this wonderful child/ (more children to come) that i love so much with all my heart. and with the type of culture we have that frowns at children out of wedlock, marraige is worth it.

Secondly, i can Be Intimate whenever and wherever, without feeling guilty.

@ dayokanu  
. You got me laughing @ brain power diminishing cos of Kardashians, Wendy Williams and other shows. In fact your entire response had me laughing real hard.

@ Topic

I am single and I have mixed feelings about the institution called marriage. To answer your questions

1. Is it worth the wait
Am not certain what you mean here, but is waiting for one's partner or spouse worth it hmmmm I think so.

2. Do you want to get married and why?
Yes and No. I am undecided sometimes I feel like I do and then other times I feel like hell no I don't want to.

Yes I want to get married because:
I want to be intimate in an approved way and manner, thus not violating God's law.
I would like a really good companion to share things with like stress at work, my hopes, fears etc
I want children within wedlock not outside of it.

No I don't want to get married because:
Like some men I am afraid of losing my freedom, freedom to go and come as I please, cook or not, and generally do things the way I want.
I am to a large extent self reliant and independent so sharing the rest of my life with another won't come easy for me.

3.How prepared are you?
I would say pretty much prepared, on a scale of 1 - 20 I'll rate myself @ 16 reason being that:
I am building a relationship with Christ where I am learning how to be obedient and faithful, to let of go my will for His,to do what pleases Him and not myself if I can do this with someone I can't see, think of what could possibly happen if I am able to demonstrate this xteristics in marriage.
I am emotionally,mentally and spiritually mature to deal with the challenges that come with married life. I know cos I've dealt with personal ones and built the stamina for challenges. i don't shy away from them but face up to it and deal with it
I am also financially independent and most imporatntly I have a life. I've built and created one so I won't be attaching myself to a man 24/7, while he is doing his own thing I'll be going about my own activities, hobbies and interests, not expecting him to spend every passing moment with me in the name of Mr and Mrs. that will simply wear me out

Swift SMS:

@ dayokanu
. You got me laughing @ brain power diminishing cos of Kardashians, Wendy Williams and other shows. In fact your entire response had me laughing real hard.

@ Topic

I am single and I have mixed feelings about the institution called marriage. To answer your questions

Yes I want to get married because:
I want to be intimate in an approved way and manner, thus not violating God's law.
I would like a really good companion to share things with like stress at work, my hopes, fears etc
I want children within wedlock not outside of it.

No I don't want to get married because:
Like some men I am afraid of losing my freedom, freedom to go and come as I please, cook or not, and generally do things the way I want.
I am to a large extent self reliant and independent so sharing the rest of my life with another won't come easy for me.

I am also financially independent and most imporatntly I have a life. I've built and created one so I won't be attaching myself to a man 24/7, while he is doing his own thing I'll be going about my own activities, hobbies and interests, not expecting him to spend every passing moment with me in the name of Mr and Mrs. that will simply wear me out

The points in bold I agree with almost 100%.

Ronkebp, DO you now see a woman agreeing with most of my points?

Maybe we should tell me to

ronkebp:

^^^^^ SwiftSMS if you so much feel this hatred about men and marraige, then it is best you stick to your (girls) and marry them, instead of just using the women to satisfy your intimate needs, because i see that is all you need them for.

why stick to one when you can have em all?

dayokanu:

The points in bold I agree with almost 100%.

Ronkebp, DO you now see a woman agreeing with most of my points?

Maybe we should tell me to

Dayo her statement is out of perception, yours simply is out of hatred. she definitely does not agree with you, but that is how she wants her home and her life to be, if she gets it the way she wants it exactly, then we are talking of a perfect marraige. , It is in the 'if not', 'things i do not like', 'things i can't tolerate', that marraige really comes to play. Until you have that mentality, then you can safely go into marraige.

yes

What's the point in getting married if you would still cheat on your wife ? The funniest thing is that people that can hardly eat a 3 square meal would also venture into marriage. Abeg,if not for children matter,i for no even think am besides i have phobia for sleeping alone.

dayokanu, i love the Braxon   also love Wendy the chested one

single life is fun but i'm getting married soon and looking forward to it.
liking the thread.

r231:

yes

NO

married couple are not suppose to argue, expecially when they have kids

agk247:

married couple are not suppose to argue, expecially when they have kids

Some families especially the poor ones are just like Afghanistan. . .fight fight fight all the time !

my advice: if you are NOT a patient person, do NOT get married. Or else, you are only wishing for a miserable life. Marriage is for people willing to compromise and patient folks.

I think marriage is totally worth it. I don't think that sleeping around (which is what many single guys do) is that much fun in the long run cos most times all it does is hurt u and the other person.

For me i think marriage really involves settling down and focusing completely on the more important things in life and finally, babies?? I love babies and i cant wait to have one that looks just like me, lolz

so all in all? I can't wait to get married!!!

When women marry guys like dayokanu, who already see women as naggers and mood switchers (like they are not the cause anyway ), the marriage is doom from start and surely be Afghanistan.

~Bluetooth:

Some families especially the poor ones are just like Afghanistan. . .fight fight fight all the time !

dayokanu:

If a woman

Talks/nags less, Gives me my space, Makes her own good money, Immune from mood swings and less controlling

Why not.

Then the importance of the two reasons below is swaying

LOL! I laugh because men who have this kinda behavior towards marriage realize later in life that yes they do want a partner after all and by then it is a little too late. They end up 40 ish looking for a 23 year old to be with or asking friends if they know a nice girl.
Marriage just like life has it's ups and downs but would you rather be dead? I guess not. If you would then jumping off a bridge or drinking poison will be a great idea and I reckon you should consider it? I kid i kid

Our attitude changes a lot of things. If you're positive that you're looking to live a life filled with happiness then you most definitely will get that.
Those dudes you chill out with will get married and have families of their own. It won't be the same anymore.

Moreover, Why would any woman wanna mooch off you? if you've got a good job with brilliant education then you'll only attract a like minded person.
Why did I write this whole thing to you? Because sometimes you forget that a woman CHOOSES the man she wants to be with. She makes that chioce to settle down with you. A good woman is worth getting married to. At some point in your life you'll wanna care about someone else other than yourself.

So be positive and let the good things come when they do.

obowunmi:

my advice: if you are NOT a patient person, do NOT get married. Or else, you are only wishing for a miserable life. Marriage is for people willing to compromise and patient folks.

Compromise ? is that what really sustain marriage ? Does compromise stop cheating,nagging,fighting and other miseries involved in marriage ?

Over-rated institution.The world would be a better place if our lives,relationship wise,is like other animals i.e i see you,i enjoy you,leave afterwards without any emotional attachment.

With the percentage of crashed marriage,cheating couples and those who are in it to save face,i can't but think,maybe humans are not just configured to dabble into marriage.

generally speaking a waste of time and even worse when you are broke. very useful in primitive or tribal societies  but society is still structured so everyone marries and if you don't you will look odd and be punished. still  bit more than half end in divorce and you are more likely to be murdered by your spouse in america than by anyone else. hmmm. that is if they don't nag you to death.

a good marriage has a life span after which you start to tolerate or endure each other 10-15 years max

Yes marriage is worth it for so many reasons. Which man is happy to spend the rest of his life being single??

In as much as I wanted to phuck as many women as possible, do whatever i wanted and go wherever i like, i realized i cannot continue like that and I really needed children as well.

Today i am happily married with beautiful children. Why did i get married? I got married because i wanted to have children, and i needed that special person in my life to compliment me, and help me to grow in all areas of my life.

Getting married to someone from another family or village or tribe isnt easy. At that time there were many girls to choose from, but i let God choose for me and today i dont regret it. If you marry an intelligent, smart, hard working girl that puts God first in everything she does then you will be very fine. But if you marry a nagging biatch you will regret ever getting married. So you must tread softly and allow God choose for you.

A working marriage?Even a spoilt clock indicates the correct time twice in a day.

there are many of us that don't believe in god and cherish solitude. truth is people are afraid of being alone but the truth is man is born and dies alone.you don't need to marry to have children so there.
marriage would be good if you could have a fixed short term contract. as societies become more prosperous women are less willing to put up with men's bullshit