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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? (98045 Views)
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How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ollins(m): 5:29pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices. I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me. Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious. That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage. The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child. My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life? 247 Likes 15 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by sylve11: 5:31pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
You're in for a long thing. In the hay days when you're telling her you loved her just to spread her like bedsheet on top a sheet, so you're telling lies, isn't it? ![]() ![]() I will not say much because If you nor know how song take start make you no go hurry dance put, before you go dance GARALA inside ASONTO.... ![]() 753 Likes 39 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by donbachi(m): 5:34pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
I rather marry 10 times,than die in one..their is no coping in hell,no amendments,no repentance...u just stay there and burn. 513 Likes 22 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by gudvibz(f): 5:38pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Try and get to know her, try understanding her and get all to her. Both of u need to sit down and talk about you (both) and ur likes and dislikes, virtually about everything, if nothing changes well separation or u bear it till the end. You know love is grown 351 Likes 15 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by bukatyne(f): 5:41pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
ollins: Brother Ollins, If this lady is as terrible as this, how were you able to get an erection to stick it into her? How did you start the toasting to get her into your bed and arms? The same magic you worked to get her pregnant, use it again. It is in you like peak! 1603 Likes 143 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by HembaqMbk: 5:42pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Bible says "Love your wife". It is a commandment. So just love her. It is the only way to cope. 209 Likes 13 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by GodShowmemercy(f): 5:45pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Start wooing her again 128 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Kemimarch16(f): 5:46pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Honestly life will be boring to you if u marry someone you don't love.try to make her understand what u want and you have your own role to play too because u have to be patient with her. 46 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by sylve11: 5:47pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
gudvibz: Within consciousness, you know what you're saying is just wash, or don't you? Talk fire? His mind is not there and there's nothing to talk about. ![]() 138 Likes 11 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ningen(m): 5:48pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
You only live once man. Don't waste it. You don't have to cope, grow old and die in a loveless marriage, when you can divorce each other and move towards a very happy life. Staying for your child?? He will do better with happy parents! Regardless if the parents are together or apart. 131 Likes 11 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by faithfull18(f): 5:54pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
bukatyne:Please, help us ask oh. You choose to love, it's a decision. Unless you mean you aren't sexually attracted to her anymore but I am sure you were when you were flinging upandan ![]() 38 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ImaIma1(f): 6:07pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
I guess sex happened or she just fell pregnant. If not, why get intimate with someone you can't seem to stand. 51 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ichidodo: 6:13pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Inject yourself with pheromones before wafting same across her nostrils then watch Cupid strike both of you..Voila... 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by etrange: 6:13pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
ollins: <deviation> I also know the talk of "skin-to-skin dey sweet pass", "condom is for boys", "real man go raw and withdraw", etc. Maybe those are what you shouldn't have listened to. If, when looking back, the major mistake you see and regret is getting married to her, then you need to think some more because getting married to her (though avoidable) was a only a consequence of a bigger mistake. The deed has been done, selective regretting can gain you Nairaland sympathy but that won't change a thing in your life. So don't just say you regret getting married to her (that makes it look like she is the protagonist), regret going in raw (a mistake you both made). </deviation> Sorry for that deviation, I had to let it out. Now, I'm not an advocate of sticking to marriage if both parties are not happy, it makes zero sense and it could turn violent easily. Having separated parents is much better for the kids than a violent home. If you guys aren't happy together, I'll advise you go your ways to avoid stories. You have to understand this could result to you not participating actively in your baby's upbringing; a price you pay for your freedom. We just can't have it all. If she's happy and contented in the marriage, it gets more complicated. Kicking out a woman who is happily married to you with your kid is not an option. True you can't easily cultivate love and you can't find what was never there but if what you don't like is her classlessness and not that she's always nagging, overspending and/or any such vices, then you could still make a friend of her. The so-called passionate love burns out after some years, friendship is what keeps couples going afterwards. If you make her your friend, at least, and she begins to understand you want her well-being, it will be easier to communicate the changes you want to see. Communication is key. I know my take might not mean much cause it's a very difficult situation but the summary of what I'm saying is, don't be selfish in whatever decision you take, consider the other two parties involved. Best of luck! 157 Likes 13 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Righteousness89(m): 6:31pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
As Long as you have Married her, She is your wife... As for Love, open up yourself and your Family to God... As you two begin to Love God, His Love will begin to reignite Love in your Home.. The More you two connect together to God in prayers and in his word, Baba will sort you two out.. This is one sure way I have seen couples in your shoes, get restored! 171 Likes 8 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Omar09(m): 6:33pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
ollins: Condom is not 100% efficient but the chances of you being in this situation if you had used it is very slim. I don't pity you. 76 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by GboyegaD(m): 6:39pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Have you both made conscious effort to be each other friends for a start? 8 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by judedwriter(m): 6:55pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
No one is totally unlovable. It just takes a lot of time to truly love someone... I mean a lot of time to communicate and try to understand your partner. Be best friends for a long stretch of time... Love will eventually come in. But if you have a deeper love for God, it won't be difficult to really appreciate your partner, even if you aren't linked romantically. 33 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by veave(f): 6:56pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
You mustn't stay married to anyone you're not in love with. It is still early to set her free, set yourself free as well for your sound mind. If you stay there, both of you will live in frustration and I bet you don't want to build a home in disarray. Initially she would cry and lament but trust me she'd get someone else to love her properly and so would you. No one is coming to this world twice, this one you're sure of, yank off any and everything that would cause you discomfort. You don't want to wake up one day in your 50s or 70s full of regrets and what ifs. Please make sure to maintain civility while at it. Thanks. 41 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Unnerve: 7:01pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
bukatyne:Funny question, but not surprising coming from a woman. Lol You don't understand the unique electrical impulses of a man's brain. Most men don't need to believe a woman is great or the best before sticking it into her. The problem usually begins when he gets carried away by how good the sex was and then marries her just because of it, e.g the OP 75 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ollins(m): 7:05pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
gudvibz: judedwriter:How? Can you explain this to me in depth please ? |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by annex1: 8:01pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Pay no heed to those answers about 'why didnt you use condom? Or how you got intimate with someone you couldn't stand etc. Nigerians will never know how to answer questions or move on. For your first question. My question now is how does one cope�? Use this sensible answer. If you are willing to learn to cope - this will also be dependent on her willingness to change (Including you too, because I'm sure you might be making her life miserable too now) and be generally better. GodShowmemercy: For your second question. how I am going to live the rest of my life? If you still cant cope, use this intelligent response. veave: 34 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Biglittlelois(f): 8:13pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Get a divorce, marriage is not a do or die affair. 17 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by genq(m): 8:15pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
bukatyne: One thing you women don't understand is a man can sleep with a lady he detests! As long as there's the desire to bust a nuut .. once a hole is available, that it. OP, love cannot be forced. If y'all ain't feeling each other, call it off abeg. She's probably just as miserable so what's the use of hanging on ![]() 55 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Klass99(f): 8:18pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
... 18 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by genq(m): 8:20pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
etrange: Best advice here. 19 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Nobody: 8:31pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
veave: This post is totally on point ![]() 16 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by UndauntedYOCA(f): 9:39pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Lol, sometimes we have got to fave the consequences that arise from not being able to control our urge. Anyways, it's either you learn to love her or you let go but you have got to cater for that child. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Bola146(f): 9:53pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
See why it's very risky to be flirting with someone you don't love, I just pity the lady. Na your cross be that, you know what is best for you 12 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by VirginFinder: 10:48pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Righteousness89: 4 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Nobody: 5:40am On Jul 06, 2020 |
Thing is you ain't making no effort to love your wife because if you would, you could. Love doesn't fall from heaven, it is grown. She is your wife man, make some efforts to love her and if you truly can't then go for divorce now that you still have one kid. 11 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by judedwriter(m): 10:02am On Jul 06, 2020 |
ollins: Naturally, we fall in love with people we spend quality time with. It's natural, that's why friends are for life, we want to spend eternity together. It's the same with your wife, spend more time with her and love will grow. But God is love. His love is far superior and He fills our hearts with His love when we fellowship with Him in Bible study, prayers and praises. When we are filled with God's love, it is easy to love unlovable people. 34 Likes 3 Shares |
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