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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? (98448 Views)
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Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by CsRockefeller(m): 11:34am On Jul 06, 2020 |
Chai!! |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by CsRockefeller(m): 11:43am On Jul 06, 2020 |
judedwriter: You're very, very emotionally balanced. And mentally too. But, this philosophy (which is d right one) isn't popular, so very few will appreciate it or even take it. Until I have you one like, no one did. 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by CsRockefeller(m): 12:03pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
OP I have a feel of what are passing through. It's quite a pity you had sex with her. I once had this small (petite) Yoruba girl. I was first attracted to her because I thought she was Igbo due to her fair complexion. We got into d friendship, gosh!! She was there, everyday, every night. She will call with her credit and we will gist in Yoruba, we were an item, yet I refuse to ask her out. I couldn't imagine myself with a Yoruba lady, even if I managed to get pass that hurdle what about her education? She was a hairstylist, her mom had just passed on, her father was away in Benin Republic, her brother was in Abk, so she was just alone in one room. Two years gone, we were still friends, she kept on asking why I was taking time I really wanted to love her enough to date her but I couldn't find it. She asked if it was because she wasn't in school, then after my NYSC, she got admission to a Polytechnic, she thought I might have a change of heart. I didn't. Every opportunity to go see her, I turned it down. It's now 4 years, she has decided to move on. I was still trying to close my eyes and imagine that she isn't Bisola but Nkechi or Chioma. Funny is that we spoke Yoruba everytime we spoke. She invited me one day for that stuff, I told myself; don't do this if you don't love her enough to date her. I didn't go. The following month she got a date, but she wasn't feeling it. We kept on talking and my presence was a distraction to her new found love. Las las d guy blocked me everywhere and I decided to let it be. Sometimes, I just seat and beat my heart or brain for not finding that push or extra space to accommodate that girl in my heart. Truth is sometimes our heart or feelings just plays tricks on us. My own case was not that I didn't find a very nice beautiful girl but stupid Tribalism wouldn't let me be. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Mariangeles(f): 1:32pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
CsRockefeller: Your type are dangerous and emotionally manipulative! You held her hostage emotionally for so long in the name of "friendship" If you hadn't given her any hope, she would not have waited for you for that long. I bet you were jealous when she was with another guy, and you felt good when she told you she wasn't into him. 20 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ybaby: 2:00pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
sylve11: |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ybaby: 2:07pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Mariangeles: I beg to differ. After reading that story, the only other thing he could have done is to beat her with a stick like fulani guide their cows. She acted very malu-like with little dignity. The hand writing was on th wall. I applaud him for not sleeping with her because then I will say he took advantage. He enjoyed being the center of her world and only God should be the center of our world. She is probably very young and na so young dey do- she has not learnt to value herself above all others ... but he did nothing wrong in my opinion. @csrockefellar 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Mariangeles(f): 3:07pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Ybaby: For a girl in that situation, you wouldn't blame her. She was probably vulnerable. Also, she might have probably thought he was hesitant because of her educational level..."maybe if I furthered my education, I'll be good enough for him" He knew he had no intentions of ever starting a relationship with her, yet he kept her. 6 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by sandrapretty(f): 5:24pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
[s] Biglittlelois:[/s] 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ishilove: 5:52pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
ollins:So you did not know she was loud and loquacious when you slept with her? This is what happens when you allow your preek do the thinking for you. How can you even get it up for a woman who doesn't have the qualities you desire? Wait don't answer- the preek has its own peculiar brain and it doesn't discriminate. Mscheeeeeeeew. Guy carry your cross. You cannot spoil the life of someone's daughter and run. 12 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ishilove: 5:54pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
bukatyne:Don't mind him. He wanted to chop and clean mouth but e hook am for throat. 6 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by CsRockefeller(m): 6:01pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Ybaby: All through, I was the one even pushing her to go to school. In no way was I manipulating her to keep her around. We never saw since I left school, just phone calls so there was no way I could have stopped her from being free, it's what's she tells me I believe. She saw that the friendship was very valuable to her and decided to stay despite we not dating. I believe I did no wrong, I told her why we can't be, she acknowledged but we still kept in touch. Tomorrow when she completes her education, she will look back and be happy she met someone who pushed her not someone who was interested in her body or frivolities. @Mariangeles 8 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ishilove: 6:10pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
I CsRockefeller:^^ This here is someone who did not allow his preek think for him. Brother Ollins, be like CsRockefeller 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ollins(m): 6:18pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
UndauntedYOCA:The child is the main reason we are still together. While growing up I had vowed to bring up my own kid in my house and not another man bringing up my child. 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ollins(m): 6:19pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
judedwriter:Hmmmm. Thank you 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ollins(m): 6:21pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Biglittlelois:hmmmm |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ollins(m): 6:27pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
etrange:Wow. I read this thrice. Very blunt and helpful to me I must say. 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by CsRockefeller(m): 6:35pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Ishilove: I didn't take after Mr John D. Rockefeller for nothing But Mr Ollins, just try, take this as a mountain you must move. We can't keep running away from every challenge we encounter. Read books, listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, let love radiate to her tru you. It's tough I know but you gat this, I believe you die!! Remember, if we love only those that love us or are deserving of our love, then what good have we done? 7 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ybaby: 6:40pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Mariangeles: In a way I understand what you are saying but he told her several times that he was not interested. SHE STAYED ! She cannot move forward if she is playing the victim. 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Mariangeles(f): 6:42pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
CsRockefeller: OK. You did well. 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Whyzaid(f): 7:04pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Try to make up your mind to make the marriage work by finding something loving about her. you see, love is a commitment. And I will advice you to read this book. five languages of love. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by bukatyne(f): 7:05pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Ishilove: |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by bukatyne(f): 7:07pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Mariangeles: Continue 'infantalizing' women and expect respect. 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by bukatyne(f): 7:10pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
faithfull18: I need memes biko |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ybaby: 7:11pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
ollins: Start loving her..... |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Mariangeles(f): 7:23pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
bukatyne: For you to understand people and why they act way they do, you'd first have to put yourself in their shoes. There are reasons why people act the way they do, and only a few people can understand that. Something that is obvious to you might be oblivious to others. Having an experienced person to guide us through life so that we don't make the mistakes that they made is a blessing and also an advantage. Not everyone has that. For a girl like that who barely has a family, no mum to advise and guide her through, do you expect her to just know these things? Buka, you need to always look deeper into situations, put yourself in the shoes of those involved before you judge. 9 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by bukatyne(f): 7:54pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Unnerve: I very well understand that men have an opportunist mentalist towards sex and will sleep with any girl willing to. It takes a man who is assertive and visionary by training, self-awareness/discovery or religion to overcome that impulse. Cc: Geng 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by cococandy(f): 8:08pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
If she feels the same way, that means you guys can get amicably divorced. You can’t force love 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by bukatyne(f): 8:09pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Mariangeles: A contrary opinion does not necessarily mean judging neither is pointing out cause and Effect. I also think you should take your own advise. You did not extend this sympathy to the OP you quoted because he is male. Just how the lady could make a mistake because she did not 'know better', it did not occur to you that the guy narrating the story could also have made mistakes because he did not 'know any better'? 7 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by bukatyne(f): 8:10pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
ImaIma1: Awon Linda Ikeji geng! |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by cococandy(f): 8:12pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
I think you meant to say lack of control By the way it’s not unique to men. Many women will let anything/anyone stick them too when they feel h0rny. And no it’s not something to be proud of. It just is. Unnerve: 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by bukatyne(f): 8:21pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
Klass99: I don't how brother just popped into my head o jare. Women missed the plot when they decided to 'sleep' about with commitment aka 'sexual liberation'. The natural man is a sexual opportunist and will sleep with anything. It takes training, discipline and/ or religion to break out of that pattern. That is why a lady should as much as possible know and understand the dynamics of the relationship before sex. The natural woman is a sexual victim and will always 'feel' used when a sexual relationship goes wrong. It also takes training, mind renewal and religion (the way it is taught not helpful though) to think differently. The OP in his sexual opportunist nature slept severally with a girl till she got pregnant. And he can tell us he doesn't love her. Twenty years ago, he would have been flogged in the village square because it is believed at his age, his vision should drive his decisions and not his pen.is In the spirit of 'freedom and in pursuit of happiness,' he has been told to divorce if he still can't 'feel'. Anyways, if he got married in the church, he better find the love and build his home with his wife. There is no provision of divorce due to lack of love and it is 'husbands, love your wives' not 'men, marry who you love.' 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Unnerve: 8:21pm On Jul 06, 2020 |
cococandy:I don't know if many women will agree with you here, lol. but yes, it just is and I never did imply it was something to be proud of as a man as I'm sure you did not either despite your caveat. 3 Likes |
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