Recently, making an unscheduled visit to a friend, I met the couple having a heated argument. I almost turned back to allow them sort themselves out but the heat of their altercation necessitated my intervention. If I had left, there was a great likelihood that it could degenerate to the man hitting his wife. What happened?

The man was speaking to his daughter to study hard for the forthcoming university entrance examination called JAMB and the wife said, “You are now advising Tinuke to pass JAMB. When we asked you for money to buy the JAMB form, you nearly brought the roof down. Now you are talking as if you have any moral right to talk JAMB”

My friend was angry. He felt his wife was rubbing it in because he couldn’t pay for the form when it was out. One thing led to the other… and the wife retorted that … “You are not the only one paying the school fees, as you are paying, I am also paying. There is nothing you do solely in this house. It has been 50-50, if not 70 from me and 30 from you.”

It was too much for my friend’s ego. His ego was bruised, in fact battered! Like some men would do when confronted with facts and figures and couldn’t match the salvos from the women, he was ready to hit her!

WIVES, BE CAREFUL WITH THE EGOS OF YOUR HUSBANDS
Hello wives, when you contribute to your homes, when you assist your husbands, it’s not enough grounds to disrespect them or injure their egos. You can do anything to your husbands, but don’t injure their egos as the head. The biggest thing every man requires of his wife is not food or sex. RESPECT! You can show him facts and figures, but with wisdom!

When I succeeded in taking my friend out of the scene to my library, where we sat over some bottles of wine and Nkwobi, (which he could barely eat because he was still hurting from the bruises on his ego), I shared some basic truths with him:

BEING A MAN
“I have come to know that if you have to be the man of the house, there are some basic responsibilities that are STRICTLY yours. These are:
1. Accommodation
2. Education
3. Feeding

My man, under no circumstance must you look up to your wife to perform these responsibilities.

“Now, don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that women should not contribute or help. So many times the husband is unable to do much, may be because he is out of employment or cash strapped. If the wife comes in to help, as she should, she is only helping. The husband should grateful to her. It is not her duty to feed him or pay school fees or buy JAMB form.

“Going back to the basics, the man saw this woman somewhere and invited her to be his wife! One of the things every man would say to make a woman accept to marry him is… “I will and I am able to take care of you. He made her leave her father’s house to his house. He made her drop her father’s name to bear his name. She therefore becomes his responsibility. As the head and owner of the new home bearing your name, Wake up! my man, to your responsibilities!

Source:
https://elifeonline.net/to-protect-your-ego/

Man to die hard.... writing thrash. Accommodation,feeding,education!

When a man pays the bills for 15 years, nobody would know.

When a woman pays for 3 months, the whole world would hear it.

It’s an advice to both parties. Men, live up to your responsibilities. Women, support your men without rubbing it in his face.

Hmmmmmmmmmm

Then the man makes the money and treats the wife like trash and on and on.

While not condoning laziness, layabouts and financially irresponsible husbands, respect should never be based on what he brings to the table IF he is working hard at it.

I do not think the husband has overstepped his boundaries advising his daughter to read because the wife bought the form.

Does it mean that if the man does well and start paying the girl's fees, the mother cannot advise her?

If the man hits it big and builds a house tomorrow, the wife would have no say in the house /home?

The wife was very disrespectful to her husband.

Very.

Perhaps, all she wanted was a money bag.

One thing that is hotter than a burning coal,is a man swallowing his pride.just to provide for his family..when he cant,women should learn to stand in the gap for their family,without disrespecting their husband.you both respresents each other.

The woman is either a trouble maker, not very wise or doesn't have respect for her husband.
What was she really trying to achieve undermining her husband like that in front of their children?
Of course, one (including her) can have a question to ask the husband on how he couldn't support his child's educational pursuit at that point and couldn't get the spouse to understand his situation but there's a way and time to do things, not in the presence of the daughter & certainly not while he's trying to pass encouragement and advice to her.

Please my fellow guys, make we try huzzle make our wife's no look down on us o...

Am here to learn

I wont lie I have made such mistake in the past until I realised that it really hurt my husband to have said anything of such. In my own case i said it in the presence of his relative and the housemaid. As if i spent any serious money sef o.

Since then he has stopped accepting gifts, birthday gifts contributions to the house or anything. Either he pays back immediately or outright returns it like he did the birthday gift.

I feel bad about this and never again would I openly talk about any contribution I made to anything whatsoever.
Besides financially speaking am no where near him.

I av come to learn that men cherish respect a lot. Even if you don't respect him privately. Where there are people around treat him like a king and see how he treats you also.

I wonder what will happen if a woman were to be the head of the family

The foolish ones will still argue with the op. A woman would risk her life birthing children, be the home maker and biggest support for the kids. Yet that's not enough, she should come and go and share the bills with you. Kukuma kill her nw.

Truth.

Ohemababy:
Am here to learn

I wont lie I have made such mistake in the past until I realised that it really hurt my husband to have said anything of such. In my own case i said it in the presence of his relative and the housemaid. As if i spent any serious money sef o.

Since then he has stopped accepting gifts, birthday gifts contributions to the house or anything. Either he pays back immediately or outright returns it like he did the birthday gift.

I feel bad about this and never again would I openly talk about any contribution I made to anything whatsoever.
Besides financially speaking am no where near him.

I av come to learn that men cherish respect a lot. Even if you don't respect him privately. Where there are people around treat him like a king and see how he treats you also.

Apologize deeply and I am sure he would start accepting your gifts again.

It will be well.

Ohemababy:
Am here to learn

I wont lie I have made such mistake in the past until I realised that it really hurt my husband to have said anything of such. In my own case i said it in the presence of his relative and the housemaid. As if i spent any serious money sef o.

Since then he has stopped accepting gifts, birthday gifts contributions to the house or anything. Either he pays back immediately or outright returns it like he did the birthday gift.

I feel bad about this and never again would I openly talk about any contribution I made to anything whatsoever.
Besides financially speaking am no where near him.

I av come to learn that men cherish respect a lot. Even if you don't respect him privately. Where there are people around treat him like a king and see how he treats you also.

Aww! Ain't that cute. Seeing your broken heart, I wish I could help your hubby forgive you and forget if he hasn't already.
We all learn everyday afterall. What matters is what we do about our mistakes.
I'd advise you do this. Kneel before or romance your husband real good and let him know how much you deeply regret that wrong.
Lil secret: nothings breaks a normal man's ego like seeing his wife showing utmost submission and support and I don't mean taking advantage of you or abusing your human rights at that.
So do that and go on to tell all those relatives that were present that you've realised you do so little financially compared to what he does. Make it a point of duty to make them know how responsible and dutiful your husband is and how you are glad to have him until it sinks in their heads and displaces the former mindset you have them
Then tell your husband of the corrections you've made. If he's normal, he'll surely start accepting your gifts again and fall in love with you afresh.

Would love to hear your feedback.

bukatyne:


Apologize deeply and I am sure he would start accepting your gifts again.

It will be well.

Yep. som'n like that.

I truly do not understand why people get married then end up disrupting their peace. Why not just live as partners, have your own lives, stay in your own houses and pay your own damn bills?

The only thing that should connect me and my partner is the child (ren) we share together and cater for EQUALLY, with arranged times when we come together to spend time as a family.

This whole idea of needing a partner to take care of you in old age is an illusion, something we have been sold to keep people stuck in unhealthy marriages.
The men who do end up making it to old age with their wives are still left home while mama goes traveling around & living with her children all over the world.

Authoreety:
Please my fellow guys, make we try huzzle make our wife's no look down on us o...

Funny Nigerian mindset.

Geminita1:
The foolish ones will still argue with the op. A woman would risk her life birthing children, be the home maker and biggest support for the kids. Yet that's not enough, she should come and go and share the bills with you. Kukuma kill her nw.

You clearly misunderstood the op. This is not what the writer is trying to pass on to the readers.

Geminita1:
The foolish ones will still argue with the op. A woman would risk her life birthing children, be the home maker and biggest support for the kids. Yet that's not enough, she should come and go and share the bills with you. Kukuma kill her nw.

Feminist spotted

DrLiveLogic:

Aww! Ain't that cute. Seeing your broken heart, I wish I could help your hubby forgive you and forget if he hasn't already.
We all learn everyday afterall. What matters is what we do about our mistakes.
I'd advise you do this. Kneel before or romance your husband real good and let him know how much you deeply regret that wrong.
Lil secret: nothings breaks a normal man's ego like seeing his wife showing utmost submission and support and I don't mean taking advantage of you or abusing your human rights at that.
So do that and go on to tell all those relatives that were present that you've realised you do so little financially compared to what he does. Make it a point of duty to make them know how responsible and dutiful your husband is and how you are glad to have him until it sinks in their heads and displaces the former mindset you have them
Then tell your husband of the corrections you've made. If he's normal, he'll surely start accepting your gifts again and fall in love with you afresh.

Would love to hear your feedback.



Yep. som'n like that.

Thank you so much. Will do just that.

bukatyne:


Apologize deeply and I am sure he would start accepting your gifts again.

It will be well.

Thanks maam

OP, just fold this your essay and fling it in a trash can.

AvalonSpace:
OP, just fold this your essay and fling it in a trash can.

bukatyne:


Apologize deeply and I am sure he would start accepting your gifts again.

It will be well.

I doubt this. Especially when a tendency of re-occurrence is there.

Spoken words penetrate deeper than knife.


He is using the best way to punish her for what she did to him. Just my type of man.


She is getting hurt anytime he rejects her gift and it massages his ego...

If forgiveness will come, it will be years to come.

Any man that cannot provide for his family is an infidel. This is according to the Bible most of you believe in.

He would be respected based on how he undertakes his God given traditional role based on the Bible anything less, then he should accept displeasure from his wife because it's only normal for any human being whether male or female to act out when they are overburdened yet are still expected to submit.

Ladies Take Op seriously at your own peril.

The moment a man provides all that himself, Just know u av little or no say in the house.


And your opinion is barely taken, with time he will tell you to quit your work and stay at home.


As he is winning bread, please win akara (beans cake). So your respect for each other will be intact.

Deep secret , men respect and cherish their working class wife. If you look beyond the normal ego, you will see you are cherished as a lady.

So true, especially accommodation.

Guys, try as much as possible to own a house before you marry.

Sometimes I see married men saying their wives should contribute to the rent or building of their house. Wtf? Not me! I will ensure you don't contribute a penny to the rent or building of my house.

The only thing that will be yours in my house is your clothes.

I will not allow any woman buy even a spoon in my house. I will ensure everything under that roof belongs to me.

This is because whenever she messes up and I want to boot her out, it will be so easy as it won't change the settings of my living room or kitchen. It will only reduce rags in my bedroom.

I will always use the slightest opportunity to remind her of her position in my house. Fvck up and get booted out.

Whenever she remembers she don't have anything under your roof except her clothes, she'll mellow. This is the only way to clip her wings.

Rubbish

Timbers:
Feminist spotted

Actually a feminist would split the bill so she's not a feminist she is a traditional woman

Ohemababy:


Thanks maam

pcguru1:


Actually a feminist would split the bill so she's not a feminist she is a traditional woman

Where have you been?

Any thing that 'sounds' against men is feminism.

bukatyne:


Where have you been?

Any thing that 'sounds' against men is feminism.

Yeah I noticed that, people conflate feminism , 3rd wave feminist and e-feminism together.

Ekwutox:
Any man that cannot provide for his family is an infidel. This is according to the Bible most of you believe in.

He would be respected based on how he undertakes his God given traditional role based on the Bible anything less, then he should accept displeasure from his wife because it's only normal for any human being whether male or female to act out when they are overburdened yet are still expected to submit.

Sorry to burst your bubble, that verse was not talking about male provision.

That passage was addressing provision for widows.

pcguru1:


Yeah I noticed that, people conflate feminism , 3rd wave feminist and e-feminism together.

Very true.

Munzy14:

I doubt this. Especially when a tendency of re-occurrence is there.

Spoken words penetrate deeper than knife.


He is using the best way to punish her for what she did to him. Just my type of man.


She is getting hurt anytime he rejects her gift and it massages his ego...

If forgiveness will come, it will be years to come.

Except you are husband, you can't tell when the forgiveness would come.

I am sure with genuine, heartfelt apology, it would soften his heart and start accepting her and her gifts again.

Things would turn out well for them in Jesus name.

I love joyful, loving families.