^^^ yes, that's been realistic.

Loving a person goes beyond car opening and stuff. I won't even think of it except i have things in my hands preventing me from opening myself. I'm very Nigerian. Lol.

@deols

What else do you want to hear about courtship? Now you make me feel like one experienced chap

zayhal:

^^^ yes, that's been realistic.

Loving a person goes beyond car opening and stuff. I won't even think of it except i have things in my hands preventing me from opening myself. I'm very Nigerian. Lol.

@deols

What else do you want to hear about courtship? Now you make me feel like one experienced chap

d'u think my fears are justified.

^^ I'm sorry, but please could you reiterate those fears, feeling lazy to read all through again.

ds is wat i said

I agree that a guy should only seek a woman if marriage is on his mind. Islam doesnt allow Bf/Gf relationships.

But,I so much dont understand how d 'no courtship" thing works. I donno how u start looking out only when u'r ready. does that mean if a guy finds the girl of his dreams but would only be ready say, after two yrs, he shouldnt approach her nd let someone else take her.

ITs a big relief u know, when u'r sure uv found d right person nd it depends on u to den avoid all d esinkesin from getting there. Since Islam doesnt stipulate any time, I think it is best we dont.

@deols

Now answer this question, that two-year period, that the man is trying to put things together, let's say the sister has accepted his offer, what would we call the relationship between them? Bf/gf, Fiance/fiancee, spouses? I see that you already agree that Islam doesn't allow bf/gf relationship. Another question, what surety have you that if the brother quickly approaches the sister in order not to 'let someone else take her', he won't later find someone he likes better or the sister finds someone she likes better , during the course of the courtship?

There is nothing difficult in starting to look out only when you're ready. And a sister too need not accept an offer if she knows she's not ready for marriage. There's this Yoruba saying that I enjoy so much: Nkan ti eyan o ba ni ije, ko ma gbe run mu. (You shouldn't sniff at what you're not prepared to eat). If one finds a brother /sister that he/she likes and marriage isn't feasible at the time, the person should pray for a better person at the right time. What it simply means is that that person isn't meant for you. All these talks about 'I've found my dream man' blah blah are only illusions. The right person comes only at the right time, and the right time is Allah's time.

When you find the so-called right person, how do you prevent the esin kesin from getting there? Are we not all aware of what happens in long courtships? Fornication, betrayals, disappointments etc. These are what Islam is protecting us against, hence discouraging long courtship.

zayhal:

@deols

Now answer this question, that two-year period, that the man is trying to put things together, let's say the sister has accepted his offer, what would we call the relationship between them? Bf/gf, Fiance/fiancee, spouses? I see that you already agree that Islam doesn't allow bf/gf relationship. Another question, what surety have you that if the brother quickly approaches the sister in order not to 'let someone else take her', he won't later find someone he likes better or the sister finds someone she likes better , during the course of the courtship?

There is nothing difficult in starting to look out only when you're ready. And a sister too need not accept an offer if she knows she's not ready for marriage. There's this Yoruba saying that I enjoy so much: Nkan ti eyan o ba ni ije, ko ma gbe run mu. (You shouldn't sniff at what you're not prepared to eat). If one finds a brother /sister that he/she likes and marriage isn't feasible at the time, the person should pray for a better person at the right time. What it simply means is that that person isn't meant for you. All these talks about 'I've found my dream man' blah blah are only illusions. The right person comes only at the right time, and the right time is Allah's time.

When you find the so-called right person, how do you prevent the esin kesin from getting there? Are we not all aware of what happens in long courtships? Fornication, betrayals, disappointments etc. These are what Islam is protecting us against, hence discouraging long courtship.

now, how can i take dat grandmama view off my head 

actually, honestly am only all mouth concerning ds courtship thing. av neva bn in a relationship evn though i always wish dr is some1. My own point has always been dat I cant waste my time wv some1 i dont thnk i'll marry nd so wen a guy comes, doesnt meet my criteria nd I dont feel like I cld work it out, I just let go. Now, dats just like d point u make of dem not being the right persons. So, i can sit back nd hope dat He'll surface d day am ready.

hmmn! my real grandma must not hear dat ! lol she thinks I shld b married already 

JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRAN 4 THE POST AND ALL THE CONTRIBUTIONS.

HENCEFORTH THIS RELIGIOUS SECTION WILL BE MY FIRST POINT OF CALL WHENEVER I GET THE CHANCE TO VISIT NAIRALAND.

SOMEBODY WAS ASKING FOR THE BOOK ON MARRIAGE ISSUES.

ITS CALLED THE MUSLIM FAMILY (4 SERIES) BY MUHAMMAD AL-JIBALY

SR.1- The Quest for Love and Mercy (talks about Regulations for Marriage & Wedding in Islam )
SR.2- Closer than Garment (talks about Marital Intimacy According to the Pure Sunnah Covers the proper etiquettes of marital intimacy)
SR.3- The Fragile Vessels(talks about Rights & Obligations between the Spouses in Islam & Contains biographies of the Mothers of the Believers)
SR.4- Our Precious Sprouts(talks about Islamic Regulations 4 newborns).

THE BOOKS ARE INVALUABLE AND IT NEEDS TO BE READ OVER AND OVER.

I AM MARRIED AND I WISH I CAN SHARE ONE OR TWO AS CONTRIBUTION TO DEOLS CURIOSITY AS TO HOW TO COPE WITH RGDS TO COURTSHIP ISSUE(ITS NOT ROSY THOUGH)

luqken:

JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRAN 4 THE POST AND ALL THE CONTRIBUTIONS.

HENCEFORTH THIS RELIGIOUS SECTION WILL BE MY FIRST POINT OF CALL WHENEVER I GET THE CHANCE TO VISIT NAIRALAND.

SOMEBODY WAS ASKING FOR THE BOOK ON MARRIAGE ISSUES.

ITS CALLED THE MUSLIM FAMILY (4 SERIES) BY MUHAMMAD AL-JIBALY

SR.1- The Quest for Love and Mercy (talks about Regulations for Marriage & Wedding in Islam )
SR.2- Closer than Garment (talks about Marital Intimacy According to the Pure Sunnah Covers the proper etiquettes of marital intimacy)
SR.3- The Fragile Vessels(talks about Rights & Obligations between the Spouses in Islam & Contains biographies of the Mothers of the Believers)
SR.4- Our Precious Sprouts(talks about Islamic Regulations 4 newborns).

THE BOOKS ARE INVALUABLE AND IT NEEDS TO BE READ OVER AND OVER.

I AM MARRIED AND I WISH I CAN SHARE ONE OR TWO AS CONTRIBUTION TO DEOLS CURIOSITY AS TO HOW TO COPE WITH RGDS TO COURTSHIP ISSUE(ITS NOT ROSY THOUGH)

Bros. Thank you for the information. Do you mean courtship is not rosy? I am of the opinion that a balance has to be met. I have observed that it takes a lot to make marriage work these days even among religiously conscious people. I still hold the view that I must know a little more about the persona of whoever I want to get married to. Not only for myself, but also for the person. I have my own peculiarities which she must have to tolerate and accommodate (not that I am evil or wicked O) but I know I am a wee bit different (without being arrogant).

luqken:

JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRAN 4 THE POST AND ALL THE CONTRIBUTIONS.

HENCEFORTH THIS RELIGIOUS SECTION WILL BE MY FIRST POINT OF CALL WHENEVER I GET THE CHANCE TO VISIT NAIRALAND.

SOMEBODY WAS ASKING FOR THE BOOK ON MARRIAGE ISSUES.

ITS CALLED THE MUSLIM FAMILY (4 SERIES) BY MUHAMMAD AL-JIBALY

SR.1- The Quest for Love and Mercy (talks about Regulations for Marriage & Wedding in Islam )
SR.2- Closer than Garment (talks about Marital Intimacy According to the Pure Sunnah Covers the proper etiquettes of marital intimacy)
SR.3- The Fragile Vessels(talks about Rights & Obligations between the Spouses in Islam & Contains biographies of the Mothers of the Believers)
SR.4- Our Precious Sprouts(talks about Islamic Regulations 4 newborns).

THE BOOKS ARE INVALUABLE AND IT NEEDS TO BE READ OVER AND OVER.

I AM MARRIED AND I WISH I CAN SHARE ONE OR TWO AS CONTRIBUTION TO DEOLS CURIOSITY AS TO HOW TO COPE WITH RGDS TO COURTSHIP ISSUE(ITS NOT ROSY THOUGH)

expectant.

Bros. Thank you for the information. Do you mean courtship is not rosy? I am of the opinion that a balance has to be met. I have observed that it takes a lot [/b]to make marriage work these days even among religiously conscious people. I still hold the view that I must know a little more about the persona of whoever I want to get married to. Not only for myself, but also for the person. I have my own peculiarities which she must have to tolerate and accommodate (not that I am evil or wicked O) but I know I am a wee bit different (without being arrogant).

YES THE WORD BALANCE IS VERY IMPORTANT AND IT REALY TAKES A LOT.
ONE A FIRST NOTE THERE NO AMOUNT OF TIME THAT WILL BE ENOUGH TO KNOW UR FUTURE PARTNERS,U WILL GET DIFFERENT THINGS WHEN U START COHABITATING(A SAYING LIKE [b]THIS IS NOT THE MAN I COURTED MAY COME OUT AT A POINT) AND DONT BE SURPRISED OR DISSAPOINTED COS IT NOW TAKES MORE THAN A LOT TO MAKE UR EXPECTATIONS MET.
SECONDLY ITS AN ACT OF WORSHIP SO U NEED TO GIVE URSELVES SOME RESERVATIONS SO AS NOT TO BE DISSAPOINTED,THERE IS AN ALFA OF MINE THAT ONCE TOLD ME THAT WE HAVE TO GIVE OURSELVES LIKE 100 EXCUSES BEFORE WE CAN SHOW DISPLEASURE/DISAPPOINTMENT AND REALLY U CANNOT EXHAUST 10 B4 UR HEART MELT.IN FACT WE FOUGHT(HEALTHY FIGHTS) SEVERALLY BEFORE WE NOW LOOKED BACK AND LAFF AT THOSE THINGS BUT because WE TOLERATED OURSELVES & IT DIDNT GENERATE INTO NEGATIVE THINGS. 

ALHAMDULILLAH FOR MY LIFE.
I WISH U ALL THE BEST

luqken:

YES THE WORD BALANCE IS VERY IMPORTANT AND IT REALY TAKES A LOT.
ONE A FIRST NOTE THERE NO AMOUNT OF TIME THAT WILL BE ENOUGH TO KNOW your FUTURE PARTNERS,U WILL GET DIFFERENT THINGS WHEN U START COHABITATING(A SAYING LIKE THIS IS NOT THE MAN I COURTED MAY COME OUT AT A POINT) AND DONT BE SURPRISED OR DISSAPOINTED COS IT NOW TAKES MORE THAN A LOT TO MAKE your EXPECTATIONS MET.
SECONDLY ITS AN ACT OF WORSHIP SO U NEED TO GIVE URSELVES SOME RESERVATIONS SO AS NOT TO BE DISSAPOINTED,THERE IS AN ALFA OF MINE THAT ONCE TOLD ME THAT WE HAVE TO GIVE OURSELVES LIKE 100 EXCUSES BEFORE WE CAN SHOW DISPLEASURE/DISAPPOINTMENT AND REALLY U CANNOT EXHAUST 10 B4 your HEART MELT.IN FACT WE FOUGHT(HEALTHY FIGHTS) SEVERALLY BEFORE WE NOW LOOKED BACK AND LAFF AT THOSE THINGS BUT because WE TOLERATED OURSELVES & IT DIDNT GENERATE INTO NEGATIVE THINGS. 

ALHAMDULILLAH FOR MY LIFE.
I WISH U ALL THE BEST

Sorry to be such a hard student but you have not told me something I did not know, tell me something extra-special!

Let me expatiate. For example, if a lady looks at me from afar and think she knows me; she is in for a huge surprise either for the positive or negative. So how do you think that I can project enough of my true-self to any potential spouse and I can be sure that she is well-equipped to handle moi before taking the big leap into marriage?

^^ You think courtship would solve that? Ok, let's assume it will. How long do you think you need to be together for a lady to know you well enough and for you to know her well too, to a point where you can say ok, "we can now head for nikkah"?

The point is that, for you to approach a lady with the intention of marriage and for her to accept your proposal, you two must have found some interesting things about each other. It's not possible for you to meet today and get married the same day. The period between your meeting, the wooing, getting to know each other, acceptance, notifying parents, parents rejection/reluctance/acceptance, notifying family and friends and fixing the wedding, are all you need to know your spouse. Fortunately or unfortunately, this is a period when the two are most nice to each other, trying to please each other, loving, caring etc. But a good observer would see hints of the partners other side too no matter how the person tries to hide it. No one is without shortcomings. So don't remain a bachelor looking for Miss-near-perfect.

How many ladies will you drop during your quest for the best?

^^^ I admit it is a delicate issue but what if I realise I don't like her after going to meet her parents and vice versa (or even after the marriage)? That would be quite a mess! Recent experiences (in fact within this week) have shown me that compromise should not be made on certain issues. I am not an advocate of courtship has it has been defined by our society at large but I am not going to enter marriage out of pressure, pity or desperation.

By the way, I am not turning down ladies. I just need to get it right with one. That one I think has not yet arrived or has not been discovered by me. And Allah knows what I/we know-not.

Alright, adding you to my prayer list . . .

zayhal:

Alright, adding you to my prayer list . . .

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, that is so sweet. Seriously!

where are all d oda singles nawwwwwwwww. lets talk more plsssssss.

I really want to know how important the ffg are to every one here when considering a suitor for marriage.

a. level of education

b. finance/ employment/ type of job

c. social strata( upper, upper-middle, lower-middle, lower)

d. family heritage/ nobility.

All the below listed points are very important. For me, i don't see myself getting involve with an illiterate, also i'll not want to bring in a liability home as a partner. These two will surely affect her social status. The family background is also important. There's an adage that say "it's easy to cope with a bad wife/ husband and not bad in-laws". Though there's no perfection.

deols:

where are all d oda singles nawwwwwwwww. lets talk more plsssssss.

I really want to know how important the ffg are to every one here when considering a suitor for marriage.

a. level of education

b. finance/ employment/ type of job

c. social strata( upper, upper-middle, lower-middle, lower)

d. family heritage/ nobility.

On a scale of 1-10. I will consider them like this:
a. level of education :  6

b. finance/ employment/ type of job: 6

c. social strata( upper, upper-middle, lower-middle, lower): 6

d. family heritage/ nobility: 6

None of these factors is fixed except for probably family heritage. What really matters to me is your ability to transcend obstacles you may be facing in life. I come from the School-of-hard-knocks and the lesson from there is that you either become extremely creative and resourceful or let your problems overcome you. You always have a choice!

I love shy girls! it explain so many things about them.

Olowojègúrè:

I love shy girls! it explain so many things about them.

welcome to nairaland.

Olowojègúrè:

I love shy girls! it explain so many things about them.

What explains so many things about shy girls sir?

shyness is a sign of iman,piety and i have notice that shy girls are always concious of what they say and they dont indulge in unreasonable argument. They are so distinct in there approach to issues. They also take correction and always willing to please there male counterpart.

So, is there a shy girl here? Or you have just decided to share this with us?

I just responded to the topic. Even at event, reserve girls usually catch my attention than those who in the name of civilisation try all various means to be noticed. i pray i meet somebody of such to settle down with.

olawalebab:

All the below listed points are very important. For me, i don't see myself getting involve with an illiterate, also i'll not want to bring in a liability home as a partner. These two will surely affect her social status. The family background is also important. There's an adage that say "it's easy to cope with a bad wife/ husband and not bad in-laws". Though there's no perfection.    

I understand u wldnt go for an illiterate. But ow much literate are u opting 4. A girl wv an SSCE is not an illiterate. Wld u go for her?? or d'u av a higher standard and why.

and d social strata am talking about is to know whether u'll go for a lady with a higher one, a lower one than u. or wld u prefer her to be of the same level as you?

About the family, i think u got that right. But I am asking if it matters more that she's a princess, a governor's daughter nd so on. wld that nobility make u treasure her more or would you rather go for someone without all forms of regale.

Olowojègúrè:

I just responded to the topic. Even  at event, reserve girls usually catch my attention than those who in the name of civilisation try all various means to be noticed. i pray i meet somebody of such to settle down with.

Okay, you are looking for a reserved lady. I think I like a socially-adaptive introvert (I am one). We speak when we need to but in truth really like to keep to ourselves. I can guarantee you that some people think I am nothing short of idiots because of this.

maclatunji:

On a scale of 1-10. I will consider them like this:
a. level of education :  6

b. finance/ employment/ type of job: 6

c. social strata( upper, upper-middle, lower-middle, lower): 6

d. family heritage/ nobility: 6

None of these factors is fixed except for probably family heritage. What really matters to me is your ability to transcend obstacles you may be facing in life. I come from the School-of-hard-knocks and the lesson from there is that you either become extremely creative and resourceful or let your problems overcome you. You always have a choice!

I dont undastand ds scale. I'l like u to explain it further, For example, education wise, dr's a long way every one can go. Being a professor emeritus would be grade 10 to me which puts prolly a masters at 6. Are u saying she'll av to be dat much educated??

and a nobility of 6 means a lot too. Y are u after dat??

u can see my response to Olawalebab to get what I mean.

Olowojègúrè:

shyness is a sign of iman,piety and i have notice that shy girls are always concious of what they say and they dont indulge in unreasonable argument. They are so distinct in there approach to issues. They also take correction and always willing to please there male counterpart.

i agree on shyness being a sign of piety. But, wat d'u mean by d bolded? d'u mean male colleagues, male friends or their husbands??

deols:

I dont undastand ds scale. I'l like u to explain it further, For example, education wise, dr's a long way every one can go. Being a professor emeritus would be grade 10 to me which puts prolly a masters at 6. Are u saying she'll av to be dat much educated??

and a nobility of 6 means a lot too. Y are u after dat??

u can see my response to Olawalebab to get what I mean.

I mean that the lady must have demonstrable potential at least in terms of her level of education (she must have or be having some tertiary education), the job or profession she wants to do is up to her (but I like people with vision and drive to be successful), must come from a honourable family (this has nothing to do with money or economic status; there are many self-respecting hardworking people who are poor). As for family heritage, if the girl has a good personality and her family reflects some of that I think we can compromise even if they would be classified as 'vassals' or low-class.



Having typed that, I sometimes come across as being a snub in the real world (but really I cannot afford to be one). Imagine just yesterday, an older single male friend told me that the reason I am not married is because I want to be able to afford to buy Hajia a Hummer- see me, see trouble .

By giving those traits or characteristics 6 on my scale, I am saying that they are important to me but not the most important factors I consider. I think if you accept the fact that I am going to marry a Muslim as being constant, the next most important factors I consider are:

1. Your looks: I want to be able to smile when I see you (and not fake it).

2. Chemistry: I want my wife to be my friend (not just my woman). You must be the kind of person that would have been my friend if you were created as a man.

maclatunji:

I mean that the lady must have demonstrable potential at least in terms of her level of education (she must have or be having some tertiary education), the job or profession she wants to do is up to her (but I like people with vision and drive to be successful), must come from a honourable family (this has nothing to do with money or economic status; there are many self-respecting hardworking people who are poor). As for family heritage, if the girl has a good personality and her family reflects some of that I think we can compromise even if they would be classified as 'vassals' or low-class.

now, dats specific. . .

deols:

now, dats specific. . .

Okay