XshegzzyeeiX:
Good morning. Romancelanders.
Welcome to midweek.

So I'm of the opinion that in a relationship, a man and a woman ought to care for one another. But some women feel so entitled that they only expect a man to take care of them without reciprocating the gestures.

It's very wrong for a woman to bring that statement of "can you take care of me?" when I ask her out. I brandish her a red card immediately she makes such statement.

I detest selfish women, and I believe so many others do.

Only simps welcome such waywardness.

PS: I've braced up for your criticisms, insults and cuss words.

Feminists, waddaya have to say.
Alpha males, what's your take on this matter.
White Knights, let's hear you out.

Is it right or totally wrong for a woman to pop that question "can you take care of me" when you ask her out?

Did you ask her to elaborate on what she meant by such statement or did you jump into conclusion to soothe your ego that believes all women are financial leeches?

OvaSabi1:
The best way to answer a tough and intimidating question is by answering with another question. First of all, acknowledge that you find that question interesting. Add that the question is making you see her in a different but interesting light. At this stage, she is wondering if she has mis-yarned. Be cool and calm. Tell her that it is the duty of partners to take care of each other but that the term means different things to different people. Then proceed to ask her what that term means to her and ask her for examples so that you can understand her worldview... and watch her stammer and rephrase until she tells you exactly what you want to hear.


By approaching the question this way, you are showing that you are a man capable of introspection and critical reasoning and this is an asset to any woman especially those who are hypergamous.


She may tell you that she wants a man who will take her shopping and buy her recharge cards and also pay the school fees of her younger siblings. Don't lose your cool. Tell her that it is the responsibility of a man to make sacrifices for a woman of value, who continuously inspires him to be his most confident, masculine self. And that you are ready to do this for any woman who you find to have this value. Make sure that you are all these things you claim you are, and not just bluffing oh. At this point, a sensible woman will start asking herself if she has the value that will make you take care of her. Some of us women are merely crafty. You have to be prepared for questions in advance.

After you have repaid her mind games to her, you need to withdraw and wait for her to come on to you again. Stop pursing at this stage but remain casual and in touch. As soon as she comes back to you, then pursue asking her out. I am a female and giving this advice for free because I been nor dey like to see as my naija brothers dey struggle.

This your comment is so beautiful, it made me fall in love with you.
Beautiful can not even describe it

MrBrownJay1:


such woman will therefore ask:"can you care about me" and certainly not " can you take care of me"
thats the whole difference, and women know it... you dont "TAKE CARE" of someone emotionally, you CARE for them emotionally.

Please can you help us understand the difference between the two?

MrBrownJay1:

this is just me... i despise lazy people, just like i dislike rude/deceitful/disrespectful/untrustworthy/unfaithful people. IMHO, no matter how good a woman is, the minute she asks me to be responsible for her life needs, thats the minute she become USELESS to me. dont get me wrong, a good woman is an asset to any man, and when you meet her, then you share life with her...so my life is entangled with hers, my house is your house, we can make joint future plans together...but if you came in this union with a job and you were paying for your own needs, then dont suddenly expect me to be responsible for you. is she now a baby that i would now have to be responsible for this adult person's need?!? what respectable woman would even want you to do that?!

That is why I said, when you love someone in the pure sense, try to reduce your expectations to the barest minimum because if you have expectations, and the person fails to meet your expectations, it can make you question yourself and you find yourself being restless, uncomfortable and feeling cheated. Expectations are the root of heartache. If you love your partner, whether man or woman, help her grow and expect less from him/her. That way, your tolerance level increases. This is one of the things love does to us as a spiritual tool.

MrBrownJay1:

remember : there is nothing wrong with a man offering a gift/helping once in a while his woman....but dont make this a requirement for dating.

like I said, I'm talking about love as a concept and not from the Nigerian perspective which has selfishness and desire as its lens.

MrBrownJay1:

if you meet a gainfully employed woman, and you suddenly decide that because you guys are in a r/ship, you will pay for all her needs then you certainly aint helping that person, you only make that person depending on you...you are actually LOWERING that person. helping someone grow has absolutely nothing to do with taking care of her needs, and all to do with supporting whatever she is doing, being there for her emotionally and encouraging her in whatever she is doing...possibly advising her on what to do and how to do it....and even if it had anything to do with money, then it should SOLELY be a man's decision and certainly not a requirement for her to be with you.

As as adult, you should know what your woman needs to grow. I have a partner that I try to love. If she talks to me about shopping or outing, I turn her down because those are not needed for her to grow. But while arranging to further my education or getting a new skill/certification, I make plans for her too. If i read a life changing book, I forward to her. That's the agreement we had from the beginning. I'll turn her down if she asks me for money for hair or money for cream. Making new hair or rubbing new cream cannot help you grow. Her trivialities are not my concern.

MrBrownJay1:

anyone who uses money as a tool to value love matters doesnt know what love is...

You are misunderstanding me.

When you say you love someone, there's already an obligation. Whether she asks or not, doesn't matter. If you have to walk away because she asked, then you don't love her. You have to prove your claim that you love her by caring and helping her grow. And most times, money is needed for it.

babtoundey:


Toor. Believe me. I don't have the strength to explain further. The little explanation I did should suffice.

What did u explain b4 that u don't have strength to explain further?

fortune1968:
That is if your motive is all about sex . Remember, some men are out for companionship and a rewarding relationship not primarily for sex .

Did you say rewarding relationship? Pls remove that mindset.

blinkz4real:
"Can u take care of me" is not always what ur small mind is telling u she is thinking. She could mean can u be my support system, can I really share my thots n feelings 2 u n u won't tk me 4granted or tk advantage of me, can I confide in u, can u be a person who can advise her on d right path 2 success. How abt that?

Don't always think its ur money she is after bros, have respect 4 women pls n if others do it don't assume all of dem re like that.

Moreover u re the man are u not suppose 2 take care of ur woman? Anyway sha its for matured n responsible men 2 undstnd but pls try 2 reason things positively n u ll c women respect n adore u.

dont deceive urself.when a nigerian lady ask you can u take care of me it only means one thing...MONEY .Anyway if a girl genuinly likes u she doesnt make such a statement.Its only those who want to use u as their mugu or maga dat make such a statement.U can spend on a girl when u feel like and not spending on her cos she made the demand for u to spend.

MrBrownJay1:


such woman will therefore ask:"can you care about me" and certainly not " can you take care of me"
thats the whole difference, and women know it... you dont "TAKE CARE" of someone emotionally, you CARE for them emotionally.
she doesnt want you to care about her (aka love her), she wants you to take care "of" her (aka be responsible for her needs)....



this is just me... i despise lazy people, just like i dislike rude/deceitful/disrespectful/untrustworthy/unfaithful people. IMHO, no matter how good a woman is, the minute she asks me to be responsible for her life needs, thats the minute she become USELESS to me. dont get me wrong, a good woman is an asset to any man, and when you meet her, then you share life with her...so my life is entangled with hers, my house is your house, we can make joint future plans together...but if you came in this union with a job and you were paying for your own needs, then dont suddenly expect me to be responsible for you. is she now a baby that i would now have to be responsible for this adult person's need?!? what respectable woman would even want you to do that?!

remember : there is nothing wrong with a man offering a gift/helping once in a while his woman....but dont make this a requirement for dating.



if you meet a gainfully employed woman, and you suddenly decide that because you guys are in a r/ship, you will pay for all her needs then you certainly aint helping that person, you only make that person depending on you...you are actually LOWERING that person. helping someone grow has absolutely nothing to do with taking care of her needs, and all to do with supporting whatever she is doing, being there for her emotionally and encouraging her in whatever she is doing...possibly advising her on what to do and how to do it....and even if it had anything to do with money, then it should SOLELY be a man's decision and certainly not a requirement for her to be with you.



anyone who uses money as a tool to value love matters doesnt know what love is...

well said ..unfortunatly most guys use money to bribe ladies to make them have feelings for them and it works opposite for them .when they spend just to make the girl have some feelings the girl starts despising them and calling them mugu or mumu behind their back and the money he spends she uses to fund another guy she really cares for

erikcantona:
A girl I met on Eskimi asked me that stupid question but I discharge her immediately.

imagine that ..u havent even met her face to face yet and she is already asking u dat question...oga oo

Realtalk20:
[s][/s]

You are taking nonsense

Just like I guy saying I ask ladies If they like tonbe raped on the first date because I am smart and I want to see how they react.

Now you see how stupid what you typed is ?

Really? grow up man

blinkz4real:
"Can u take care of me" is not always what ur small mind is telling u she is thinking. She could mean can u be my support system, can I really share my thots n feelings 2 u n u won't tk me 4granted or tk advantage of me, can I confide in u, can u be a person who can advise her on d right path 2 success. How abt that?

Don't always think its ur money she is after bros, have respect 4 women pls n if others do it don't assume all of dem re like that.

Moreover u re the man are u not suppose 2 take care of ur woman? Anyway sha its for matured n responsible men 2 undstnd but pls try 2 reason things positively n u ll c women respect n adore u.

Resist the urge to dey shalaye. Nobody ask you for explanation.

Strangebuttrue:
very ann oying, people that always come with different opinion

That's Life Bro live it or leave it!

Minemrys:

i disagree. Relati0nship is about respect. And a lady asking that questi0n 0n a first date, shows she doesn't respect you.

Bro It's a first date, things are not Really that serious yet! you probably don't even know a lot about her yet! too quick to judge Bro!

trutht828:

Your reasoning is wash

and am Happy about it! Thanks for noticing though

Lanruze:
Finally like your name.....THUNDAR fire your mouth there..!!!!!!

Thank you sir and Same to you too

SweetCunt97:
Are you minding the crybabies? She probably doesn't want a liability herself. Someone that will be giving her "I don't have airtime, data bullcrap".

Exactly!

lograr:
Can you take care of me?

No . I cannot, I should not, I will not, I must not.. .

Hahaha

illicit:


It's a waste of valuable time.

Just let her go
Nothing special in her pussy

Sense finish you there.!

plessis:
Please can you help us understand the difference between the two?

very simple: she doesnt want you to care about her (aka love her), she wants you to take care "of" her (aka be responsible for her needs).... can you understand the huge difference!

That is why I said, when you love someone in the pure sense, try to reduce your expectations to the barest minimum because if you have expectations, and the person fails to meet your expectations, it can make you question yourself and you find yourself being restless, uncomfortable and feeling cheated. Expectations are the root of heartache. If you love your partner, whether man or woman, help her grow and expect less from him/her. That way, your tolerance level increases. This is one of the things love does to us as a spiritual tool.

there is nothing wrong with someone you love expecting you to be there for them emotionally/physically etc.... but if her love for you is based upon how much money you will spend on her, then that aint love (thats "pay as you go". this woman is clearly telling you that:" if you dont take care of me, then this r/ship cant happen"... and guess what? the day you fail to pay for her neeeds, she will quickly find another who can.

this woman was paying for her needs before she met you and therefore there is no reason why it should now A) be any different or B) become your responsibility... just because you care/love someone certainly does NOT mean they become your responsibility...and if that was the case, then SHE will now be responsible for your needs too (since love is a two way street)... so SHE should pay your bills, SHE should pay your car notes, SHE should pay for your younger siblings school fees, SHE should pick up the bill when you guys go out etc

you certainly dont know what LOVE is if you think that taking care of a woman's need is LOVE.

like I said, I'm talking about love as a concept and not from the Nigerian perspective which has selfishness and desire as its lens.

bro, unless a money hungry goldigging good for nothing hoe (or sugar baby), majority of women in the west wouldnt even ask you to be responsible for them. 110% of women in the west dont pay for their junior siblings school fees, majority of women in the west understand chivalry but dont demand that you take care of them like a child... thats what SUGAR DADDIES do, not your man. any decent woman understand that when you get with someone, you guys become ONE, not you guys become a sugar daddy and his sugar baby that you should be responsible for her needs. thats not love, thats a TRANSACTION.

As as adult, you should know what your woman needs to grow. I have a partner that I try to love. If she talks to me about shopping or outing, I turn her down because those are not needed for her to grow. But while arranging to further my education or getting a new skill/certification, I make plans for her too. If i read a life changing book, I forward to her. That's the agreement we had from the beginning. I'll turn her down if she asks me for money for hair or money for cream. Making new hair or rubbing new cream cannot help you grow. Her trivialities are not my concern.

as i said earlier: the above is about a couple being together for a while (to even talk of love), but if "your responsibility/contribution towards her needs" is her main focus on the 1st date, then get rid of the embarrassment.

When you say you love someone, there's already an obligation. Whether she asks or not, doesn't matter. If you have to walk away because she asked, then you don't love her. You have to prove your claim that you love her by caring and helping her grow. And most times, money is needed for it.

so what you are saying is that... i meet a woman who is strong minded, educated, independent, dedicated and, if/when she suddenly acts like a lazy good for nothing woman, i should still support such hideous person BECAUSE OF LOVE?!?! bro its obvious we have a different view as to what love is. LOVE to me is TRUST/HONESTY/CARE/UNDERSTANDING and i certainly cant love someone that, the 1st day we meet. she demands that i take care of her responsibilities. no cant do!
- my honesty will let her know from the get go that i aint father xmas and if thats what she desire then thats not me...
- how can i trust a woman who is only interested in what i can offer HER?
- this woman is selfish and only cares about what she can get from me (aka a stranger)... she doesnt even know shiit about me on the 1st date but what she is concerned about is what i can offer HER?!
- so my own life doesnt matter any longer right? my own siblings, my own parents, my own bills are irrelevant...and now only HER needs are the main focus of my life...abi?!

there is a huge difference if a woman has one day some issue and she needs my help, than a woman who expects me to be responsible for her from the get go! trust me, before the end of that date, that undercover olosho will collect her 1st installment from you.

Lucrativress:

Don't make me laugh
Before a guy asks a Lady out,he should be able to decipher her characters, morales and qualities before tabling the asking out question down, a serious no jokes,straight to the point Lady can ask that question without it meaning she'd be a burden.
We tend to think things always fall in either black or white,when there are actually Grey's
You're never correct in this cause people's values can be different while still using the same phrase.
Most ladies do that with selfish Intention's, doesn't leave out the good ones using that with good intentions.If you don't keep calm to reason the Grey's, you'll end up loosing a potential good partner.Kwantinue
Please don't bother coming at me,if I have your time,you'll get tired

Yes but the percentage of women saying it with Good intentions are about 14%

lefulefu:
well said ..unfortunatly most guys use money to bribe ladies to make them have feelings for them and it works opposite for them .when they spend just to make the girl have some feelings the girl starts despising them and calling them mugu or mumu behind their back and the money he spends she uses to fund another guy she really cares for

thats the whole problem here, and women fully well know that...so they go straight to the point and are telling these men:"if you dont take care of me then dont come near me" and these mumus will unwillingly start paying these undercover oloshos, until a dude with more money will take interest in the babe, thats when the initial dude will realize he was dating his own self all along.

this is just auction of toto to the highest bidder...

Caleycash:
Generation of loyal, respectful and virtuous women has already eroded!!!... this world has been in deep shit when it comes to relationship since giving women power with their useless feminist crap, well I thank God it will never work here in Africa!!!

Generation of hard working men with pride, shame and self respect is fast eroding... Offcourse I'm well aware there are men who still got good heads.

lefulefu:
well said ..unfortunatly most guys use money to bribe ladies to make them have feelings for them and it works opposite for them .when they spend just to make the girl have some feelings the girl starts despising them and calling them mugu or mumu behind their back and the money he spends she uses to fund another guy she really cares for

Good you know these low self esteem guys b buying short lived emotions with their change. They don't even care to be friends, get to know d lady deeply before trying to rope her in.

The statement sounds to me like "will you be able to cater for all my needs because if you can't I'll find another who can"
Such a lady is a Heartbreaker and risky establishing strong relationship with

Tabasco23:
Yes but the percentage of women saying it with Good intentions are about 14%

Yh very true

Mostly outside looking good gals ask dis question. Dis question is shows if u can cater for all her needs. I pity men day play along, Dem go milk u dry.

lefulefu:
dont deceive urself.when a nigerian lady ask you can u take care of me it only means one thing...MONEY .Anyway if a girl genuinly likes u she doesnt make such a statement.Its only those who want to use u as their mugu or maga dat make such a statement.U can spend on a girl when u feel like and not spending on her cos she made the demand for u to spend.

Maybe u just have 2 change the kind of girls u meet. My advice is that u try not 2 conclude on a people because of the mistake of some few. Naija gurls re not all bad, their a whole lot of good ones just check ur cycle.

Lol

jawalis:

Did you say rewarding relationship? Pls remove that mindset.

Why ? Some men are out looking for a lady they will marry and who may be helpful in running the business they have in mind to establish in future . So, , it depends on your motive.

babtoundey:


Toor. Believe me. I don't have the strength to explain further. The little explanation I did should suffice.

Always resist the urge to shalaye

Lajet:
One stupid girl i was planning to take serious as my girlfriend on our first date she told me that she hate stingy guys. I pretended as if I don't heard what she said. I fucke*d her like 3 times and discharge her.

I swear 90% of gals are desame. U for kukuma tell her that u hate stingy gals too.
Buhi Don finally make up my mind to hustle n save n marry n born. No tym for boyfriend n galfriend.

SweetCunt97:
Good you know these low self esteem guys b buying short lived emotions with their change. They don't even care to be friends, get to know d lady deeply before trying to rope her in.

any man who gives money to a woman cos he wants to woman to like him has low self esteem of himself.A man can spend on a woman if he cares for her not because the woman is laying down dat as condition for relationship