Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

Even me sef is confused. Ask Lalasticlala

Only you ? If I tell u say this story no confuse me, na lie I lie...tufiakwa.

them suppose use this your story for Nollywood movie. I'm as confused as other readers. Best of luck in your search for your missing rib

Cast lots and pick the lucky guy abeg i don tire

Damn! Too many entanglements I even lost count of your men and their specific qualities.

I think my brain is entangled. Lemme detangle first so I can comment with a cleared head. Damn!

Instead of looking for CHRIST, u are looking for a man..

so nobody here can give answers to the girl and i thought you all are smart,well to the next person to comment,,,,,

Nedu
Victor
Dubem
Denver
Bright

Only you

Where do we start from now

Dis your matter go confuse even d gods.


My hand no dey

Confused OP with her confused thread has confused me to the extent that I'm left confused.
It is safe to call this thread, a CONFUSION GALORE THREAD.

If I tell una say I no confuse as well na lie I lie

I am confused as well.

Someone should help me this decode the write up

Plz who read this confused story to the end should summarized it plz

Why don't you just take this confusion of urs to ur ancestors,they should know better.......


cos me I refuse to be confused biko

In the bid to get out of your confusion, you ended up confusing everyone. It is well.

This would make a good movie script though. Then best title should be "The cinfusionist"

U Are Confuse, Everybody Is Confuse Am Conduse Too.
But I Will Advice U To Go And Download WOMAN By RUDEBOY And Listen To It Everywell.
He Said And I Quote
"if U The Find That Rich Guy, Sister Go Build Am Yourself"

@OP:
This your matter na real case study, couldn’t help but smile whilst reading other people’s comments but it is a serious matter that should not be swept under the carpet; at least that is why you have spoken up, so I’d try to give my little cent briefly.

Guy 1- Dubem: Let go of the relationship, the incompatibility in your genotypes will always rear its ugly head; why go through unnecessary stress?...and like you rightly mentioned, he could wake up one day and make a big deal out of it, citing his family as an excuse.

Guy 2- Nedu: To me, this seems to be the right guy for you and I’d like you to give him a chance. You see, a man that does not have money today can have tomorrow as long as he is ambitious and not lazy, forget about the hallucinations of other ladies, saying that they cannot date/marry a poor guy, blah, blah, blah. You can make money at any time; you can also have money today and lose it tomorrow but you see, those other qualities he has, my sister, they are very hard to come by.

Guy 3- Victor: This guy is arrogant; you will have issues with him later in future should you become more successful than he is. I can see you have great academic ambitions; this man will be intimidated and might make your life miserable. The misery would quadruple if you dare make/have more money than him.

Guy 4- Denver: I don’t have an issue with him having just an HND or not being in the corporate world, he is a businessman and can ‘blow’ tomorrow but my concern with him is that he is putting you under pressure; please take a walk, never marry anyone out of pity or pressure, you will regret it.

Guy 5:- Bright: Leave bright out of the picture, he is an unserious serial cheat, more of a playboy roaming around probably looking for whom to devour, such people can be on a revenge mission for rejecting their previous advances.

These are just my opinions, please pray to God if you believe in him, I do anyway; he (God) knows your future, I don’t, he is therefore in the best position to guide you.

Wish you all the best.

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

@OP:
This your matter na real case study, couldn’t help but smile whilst reading other people’s comments but it is a serious matter that should not be swept under the carpet; at least that is why you have spoken up, so I’d try to give my little cent briefly.

Guy 1- Dubem: Let go of the relationship, the incompatibility in your genotypes will always rear its ugly head; why go through unnecessary stress?...and like you rightly mentioned, he could wake up one day and make a big deal out of it, citing his family as an excuse.

Guy 2- Nedu: To me, this seems to be the right guy for you and I’d like you to give him a chance. You see, a man that does not have money today can have tomorrow as long as he is ambitious and not lazy, forget about the hallucinations of other ladies, saying that they cannot date/marry a poor guy, blah, blah, blah. You can make money at any time; you can also have money today and lose it tomorrow but you see, those other qualities he has, my sister, they are very hard to come by.

Guy 3- Victor: This guy is arrogant; you will have issues with him later in future should you become more successful than he is. I can see you have great academic ambitions; this man will be intimidated and might make your life miserable. The misery would quadruple if you dare make/have more money than him.

Guy 4- Denver: I don’t have an issue with him having just an HND or not being in the corporate world, he is a businessman and can ‘blow’ tomorrow but my concern with him is that he is putting you under pressure; please take a walk, never marry anyone out of pity or pressure, you will regret it.

Guy 5:- Bright: Leave bright out of the picture, he is an unserious serial cheat, more of a playboy roaming around probably looking for whom to devour, such people can be on a revenge mission for rejecting their previous advances.

These are just my opinions, please pray to God if you believe in him, I do anyway; he (God) knows your future, I don’t, he is therefore in the best position to guide you.

Wish you all the best.

Yoighaman:


@OP:
This your matter na real case study, couldn’t help but smile whilst reading other people’s comments but it is a serious matter that should not be swept under the carpet; at least that is why you have spoken up, so I’d try to give my little cent briefly.

Guy 1- Dubem: Let go of the relationship, the incompatibility in your genotypes will always rear its ugly head; why go through unnecessary stress?...and like you rightly mentioned, he could wake up one day and make a big deal out of it, citing his family as an excuse.

Guy 2- Nedu: To me, this seems to be the right guy for you and I’d like you to give him a chance. You see, a man that does not have money today can have tomorrow as long as he is ambitious and not lazy, forget about the hallucinations of other ladies, saying that cannot date/marry a poor guy, blah, blah, blah. You can make money at any time; you can also have money today and lose it tomorrow but you see, those other qualities he has, my sister, they are very hard to come by.

Guy 3- Victor: This guy is arrogant; you will have issues with him later in future should you become more successful than he is. I can see you have great academic ambitions; this man will be intimidated and might make your life miserable. The misery would quadruple if you dare make/have more money than him.

Guy 4- Denver: I don’t have an issue with him having just an HND or not being in the corporate world, he is a businessman and can ‘blow’ tomorrow but my concern with him is that he is putting you under pressure; please take a walk, never marry anyone out of pity or pressure, you will regret it.

Guy 5:- Bright: Leave bright out of the picture, he is an unserious serial cheat, more of a playboy roaming around probably looking for whom to devour, such people can be on a revenge mission for rejecting their previous advances.

These are just my opinions, please pray to God if you believe in him, I do anyway; he (God) knows your future, I don’t, he is therefore in the best position to guide you.

Wish you all the best.

Maximum respect. Very lucid and thorough. I love seeing brilliant minds on this forum. Respect

Finally, a decryptor has done the decryption of the confusion encrypted in the OP's thread.
OP, to cut the story short, pray to God.

UDUJ:


Maximum respect. Very lucid and thorough. I love seeing brilliant minds on this forum. Respect

Thank you Sir.

lacasera14:
In the bid to get out of your confusion, you ended up confusing everyone. It is well.

I'm sorry. I just wanted to give a proper understanding of the situation.

Yoighaman:
@OP:
This your matter na real case study, couldn’t help but smile whilst reading other people’s comments but it is a serious matter that should not be swept under the carpet; at least that is why you have spoken up, so I’d try to give my little cent briefly.

Guy 1- Dubem: Let go of the relationship, the incompatibility in your genotypes will always rear its ugly head; why go through unnecessary stress?...and like you rightly mentioned, he could wake up one day and make a big deal out of it, citing his family as an excuse.

Guy 2- Nedu: To me, this seems to be the right guy for you and I’d like you to give him a chance. You see, a man that does not have money today can have tomorrow as long as he is ambitious and not lazy, forget about the hallucinations of other ladies, saying that cannot date/marry a poor guy, blah, blah, blah. You can make money at any time; you can also have money today and lose it tomorrow but you see, those other qualities he has, my sister, they are very hard to come by.

Guy 3- Victor: This guy is arrogant; you will have issues with him later in future should you become more successful than he is. I can see you have great academic ambitions; this man will be intimidated and might make your life miserable. The misery would quadruple if you dare make/have more money than him.

Guy 4- Denver: I don’t have an issue with him having just an HND or not being in the corporate world, he is a businessman and can ‘blow’ tomorrow but my concern with him is that he is putting you under pressure; please take a walk, never marry anyone out of pity or pressure, you will regret it.

Guy 5:- Bright: Leave bright out of the picture, he is an unserious serial cheat, more of a playboy roaming around probably looking for whom to devour, such people can be on a revenge mission for rejecting their previous advances.

These are just my opinions, please pray to God if you believe in him, I do anyway; he (God) knows your future, I don’t, he is therefore in the best position to guide you.

Wish you all the best.

In truth, I'm more inclined to Nedu and Denver.

As for Nedu, he's not a poor man per se. He's just starting off with his career and he earns slightly higher than I do. I don't know what he does with his money, but he's living like someoone with no source of livelihood. If I have to make excuses for him, then it's probably because he got into some huge financial mess last year that he's still offsetting.

As for Denver, yes, it worries me so much about his level of education. I don't want him getting intimidated tomorrow. Yes, he's doing okay today... and would even be bigger tomorrow. But I like a man I can look up to. If he's unable to measure up beyond what his bank account states, I fear we might have problems in future. It may be him feeling left behind and refusing to encourage my growth... or me feeling like he just doesn't measure up. I like him today... but what about longterm?

Karlifate:
Finally, a decryptor has done the decryption of the confusion encrypted in the OP's thread.
OP, to cut the story short, pray to God.

My dear, I'm a Christian... and I pray about almost everything. But this situation just leaves me non-plussed. I want to make a choice and stand by it.

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

Well, if I'm to chose for you, I will ask you to go with Nedu.

Nubem: He is off already, because all those IVF planning is easier said than done.

It will look like 2+2 when planning it, but when it comes to execution, it will be like constructing a bridge from Earth to Jupiter.

Apart from this, most churches will never conduct a marriage for you guys once they find out you're not compatible. Genotype compatibility is the major reason churches ask people to go for test before marriage.

Also, your families will most likely never support you.


Victor: This one is arrogant, and people who are arrogant are usually proud, stubborn and don't listen to advise or 2nd opinion. They always believe they are always right, and won't take other people's suggestions.
This will most likely become a problem for you guys in future if you marry him. So he's cancelled already, except you plan to be a slave in your marriage.


Denver is not really serious about his life. Which serious man will be planning to get married, and his only plan for accommodation is to be living in his family house? Not even a monogamous family ooo, but a polygamous family!!!

To even say the house is currently being disputed.

Apart from that, he appears to have lackadaisical attitude towards things. What make you think this won't affect his business or your marriage later?

Also, the fact that he is pressuring you might not really mean he's into you. He might just want the cookie, and since its not available, he wants to get married to you ASAP and have it all.

But few years after marriage, everything will clear.

Will he stay with you after those years? Won't he feel he made a mistake marrying you? Won't he rant about marrying you being the biggest mistake he has ever committed?

You see, most people marry in a hurry or under pressure always end up regretting later. Don't let anyone rush you.


Bright: I really have nothing to say for this one though. But have you tried checking why he's inconsistent?

The fact that he keeps coming back all along might mean he's into you. But he's probably having some situations that's keeping him away all along.

Perhaps, he's not ready to settle down yet.


All in all, the decision still lies in your court. If I'm asked you choose for you, I will advice you to go with Nedu. Perhaps, you can even support his to start a business.

But like Yoighaman said in his conclusion, go and pray.

Who knows, Mr right might not even be among them.

I just stopped reading when the fourth guy appeared in the write-up
You a one woman army

Juliusmomoh:
Instead of looking for CHRIST, u are looking for a man..

I have Christ, thanks.

JOACHINpedro:
I just stopped reading when the fourth guy appeared in the write-up
You a one woman army

As I said, he shouldn't have been on that list because I took him off my prospect list a long time ago.

And mind you, I met these people at different stages... and we've merely been talking and hanging out now and again, as I believe everyone does when they are looking to get into a committed relationship.

Please, go back and finish reading, and say something.

WomaninherPrime:


My dear, I'm a Christian... and I pray about almost everything. But this situation just leaves me non-plussed. I want to make a choice and stand by it.

Good.
If we narrow it down, Nedu & Denver will be the 'last men' standing. Maybe this narrowing down might give you a clue on who to choose.
You stated that you don't want Nedu to feel inferior later on about his level of education, you can call his attention to it & continue to persuade him to see the benefits of further academic study.

Karlifate:

Good.
If we narrow it down, Nedu & Denver will be the 'last men' standing. Maybe this narrowing down might give you a clue on who to choose.
You stated that you don't want Nedu to feel inferior later on about his level of education, you can call his attention to it & continue to persuade him to see the benefits of further academic study.

That's Denver. Broaching the topic at all might be counterproductive. You know men and ego. If we end up together, I don't want him thinking that I'm looking down on him...or that I settled.

It may intact not be a problem, I just thought that there might be people who have had similar situations with the guys mentioned up there... and would be able to advise from their experiences.