Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

This is why I'm an ardent advocate of couples living together for some months before marriage.

If you can't get through to her sense of reasoning, I'll suggest you talk to her mother about it, that's assuming she herself is not like that.

I hate to hear the statement "I am still the one to apologize" It sucks to hear this!


You make it seem like you are a simp! You are supposed to offer direction in your home. Tell her what she needs to hear to get the desired result. You don't have to shout on the woman please.

decatalyst:
I hate to hear the statement "I am still the one to apologize" It sucks to hear this!


You make it seem like you are a simp! You are supposed to offer direction in your home. Tell her what she needs to hear to get the desired result. You don't have to shout on the woman please.

He's a first grade simp. I don't advice simps.

And when you see them outside...

decatalyst:
I hate to hear the statement "I am still the one to apologize" It sucks to hear this!


You make it seem like you are a simp! You are supposed to offer direction in your home. Tell her what she needs to hear to get the desired result. You don't have to shout on the woman please.

I can bet my next 6 months salary that you're not married.

Didn't you guys date or try living together before you married..I feel your pain, I might not be handsome or rich but you can never call me dirty or anything related to it and once I sense dirtiness in a woman. I flee..I'm not advising you to flee ooo. Lol..just finished reading, you guys don't have children yet, take a break from the house, if she's definitely in her mind she'll ask what she has done or report to someone and if she doesn't change.. marriage no b do or die affair....m judging from your words if I hear hers too .I might have to change my judgement

See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

manos:

Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.
I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."
I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.
This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.
There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

A certified simp spotted.....You seem to want to correct someone and after that still go and apologize after scolding her and you think she'll listen to you No man she'll disrespect you even more with the mind "He'll come back to Apologize"

and besides for ur wife to hiss at you in any slight provocation tells how weak you are. people would come ranting you want peace in ur home bla bla but Know something for life when ur Dealing with a Nigerian woman take it like ur dealing with a wild animal taking no nonsense

I can't even imagine my girlfriend hissing at me let alone my wife

Op my advice for u is to be a man. you've been a simp for way too long

What exactly is the issue with all this people shouting simp up and down.

This is marriage and he is in already, my question is OP, while you were courting, didn't she ever sleep over and had to brush early in the morning?
My best advice is for you to remove the kitchen sink and put a washing basin in the kitchen if you can't then stop complaining. Leave kitchen matters to her, atleast what you don't see won't hurt you.

But OP have you thought of the fact that ur wife gets disgusted brushing in the toilet that has alot of germs flying around, sit her down and talk it out.

Since u r a weakling and can't stand firm why are u always starting a fight u can't finish.

Women will always ride a weakling and she knows u will always apologize.

Just manage her like that since u lack the balls or beg her to change on ur knees who knows she may agree

Kriss216:



Being a Simp and getting married to a Nigerian girl is deadlier than cancer.

Exactly infact I wonder how some men are created. anyways ion know what I'll do sha cause I can't imagine the person I'm taking care of her responsibility hissing at me

Nairalanders and Simp! simp! simp! simp! The word "simp" no dey taya you?

I'm sorry about what you have to endure. You've a serious trouble in your hand bro, a woman who doesn't seem to see anything wrong in her error, doesn't take corrections, and hisses at her man every opportunity she gets, will most definitely fustrated you out of marriage.

To be honest, the least of your problem is her dirtiness. Luckily for you, neatness is something that can be learnt, so with the right attitude and mindset she can even become neater than you.

Your real problem is her attitude. I'm glad you've never gotten physical with her, please do well to maintain that, irrespective of what others might tell you .

Following your narrative, I'm assuming you've tried to talk her out of this disrectful attitudes, still it persists. You need to talk to someone she respects and listens to. Does she have parents, siblings or relations make that person your ally. I'm sure she will rethink things.

If after the efforts nothing changes or she gets even worse, please consider the fact that you might be in a wrong marriage.

thesicilian:

I can bet my next 6 months salary that you're not married.

You are right!


But let me tell you something, what you will not accept when rich, nah from when you are poor you go dey reject am.

Maybe it's a bit late for him now, but while they were seeing each other before marriage, he should have seen it. The woman is just a being herself and to her, you are trying to change her.

There is a perfect person for everyone. Dirty people can meets and love each other's way of life!

sodiqapril:
Didn't you guys date or try living together before you married..I feel your pain, I might not be handsome or rich but you can never call me dirty or anything related to it and once I sense dirtiness in a woman. I flee..I'm not advising you to flee ooo. Lol..just finished reading, you guys don't have children yet, take a break from the house, if she's definitely in her mind she'll ask what she has done or report to someone and if she doesn't change.. marriage no b do or die affair....m judging from your words if I hear hers too .I might have to change my judgement

Is it normal to 'try' living together before marriage?

This isn’t proper at all.

OP you will insist and forcefully too or else it’ll continue and graduate to changing diapers in the kitchen sink.

Not everyone is completely neat and tidy at all times but this one isn’t acceptable at all.

You must find ways of communicating it at peace time and forcefully sometimes till she stops like that refusing to eat the meal.

When you see her headed to kitchen or anywhere sef with toothbrush her ENSURE you insist she finishes before stepping outside bathroom.

Arrgghhh God help you oh and the marriage never even start sef

manos:

Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.
I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."
I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.
This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.
There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Learn to correct with love. Stop shouting. You also need to be more tolerant and patient. Don't turn into a nag. This is also why people are advised to marry their best friend. Your best friend will listen when you complain. I wish you good luck.

Many, most of the people shouting simp are NOT married.
This I know.

This is a case for the elders.

Mod:
Statistically speaking,
On Nairaland, well over 80% of the people who hide behind their phones and dish out nonsense advice haven't passed through a quarter of what the person asking for advice is passing through.

-Single boys advicing married folks how to stay married
-Secondary school girls carrying the feminist tag like a badge of honor, ready to shout down anyone who goes against their belief
-100l freshmen calling people "dumps", "weaklings", etc, but have never gone through a serious issue that requires wisdom and discretion.

Uncu and Haanty, quoting a wise little boy, CALM DOWNNNNN!

Emescot:
What exactly is the issue with all this people shouting simp up and down.

This is marriage and he is in already, my question is OP, while you were courting, didn't she ever sleep over and had to brush early in the morning?
My best advice is for you to remove the kitchen sink and put a washing basin in the kitchen if you can't then stop complaining. Leave kitchen matters to her, atleast what you don't see won't hurt you.

But OP have you thought of the fact that ur wife gets disgusted brushing in the toilet that has alot of germs flying around, sit her down and talk it out.

Toilet that only she n her husband uses?,the sink for that matter?. That lady has an attitude and hygiene problem. If she can not conform to the husbands standard of hygiene; which is very ok; then she should be made to face the music.

Divorce her.. Marriage no be by force.. But some simp will not understand..

decatalyst:


You are right!


But let me tell you something, what you will not accept when rich, nah from when you are poor you go dey reject am.

Maybe it's a bit late for him now, but while they were seeing each other before marriage, he should have seen it. The woman is just a being herself and to her, you are trying to change her.

There is a perfect person for everyone. Dirty people can meets and love each other's way of life!

True. He probably kept deceiving himself that 'she will change' while they were dating, only to find out later that people hardly ever change.

Kriss216:



Being a Simp and getting married to a Nigerian girl is deadlier than cancer.

Please stop this "simp" thing and make more intelligent contributions.

Some of you don't know anything more than "simp"

What's up with this simp ish? Na the latest English for Nairaland be this ni

You guys cant give your advice without calling the op a simp. smh

Yuck.

xtratagem:
Nairalanders and Simp! simp! simp! simp! The word "simp" no dey taya you?

At least it helps one differentiate kids from rational adults here.

pretydiva:
What's up with this simp ish? Na the latest English for Nairaland be this ni

You guys cant give your advice without calling the op a simp. smh

It's becoming a cliché. It has taken over from "cretin". Meanwhile those always shouting "simp" are not different from the people they call simp in real life. It is just to come to Nairaland and be shouting "simp" with nothing sensible to contribute.

Sometimes living together before marriage saves you a lot of stress in marriage

Hmmm, the big problem now is that she doesn't like to be corrected, maybe you too need to point out her strength as much as you let her know her weakness. Don't only show her her negative side, commend her positive side too but if that doesn't work, take her to someone she respect that can talk to her, also allow her to attend women conferences.

ireneidiva:

Is it normal to 'try' living together before marriage?

I guess it's a new normal these days, smh.