Some women can be lousy at the same time sturbborn. It has more to do with upbringing though. Some can soak garri with their potti and use the same bucket for batthing in the toilet for washing their fish and cooking. To them its normal. I know of a certain gtoup

WandaMaximoff:
See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

Your first paragraph...is GOLD!
I, sometimes, humorously wish there way a date of birth verification before accounts can be opened.

Personally, i don't like brushing my teeth in the toilet.

Whyzaid:
Hmmm, the big problem now is that she doesn't like to be corrected, maybe you too need to point out her strength as much as you let her know her weakness. Don't only show her her negative side, commend her positive side too but if that doesn't work, take her to someone she respect that can talk to her, also allow her to attend women conferences.

Yea,
Women conferences is a very good option. I learnt a whole lot there n it really helped me personally.

manos

This your matter tie gele.

The elders will have said the most. You're a man, its simple. Its her attitude, does She even love and respect you.

It seems you been too lenient n she has taken it for granted. Never beat women.

My own advise is Just don't talk for a while. Yell out why you are angry to her vent and DON'T APOLOGIZE, let her be. Leave it like that, if a woman loves you she'll come to you. It's that simple, apologize all the time for how long? You're married oooo.

Drops pen.

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

U can never correct a stubborn lady. Jst divorce her if u can take it anymore

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

As you have already discovered from experience: lectures dont work.

You can talk from now till the next 20 years and she will keep doing these.

There needs to be a consequence.

Become unreasonable too.

Escalate the situation.

Do things she finds annoying, irritating, disgusting WHENEVER she does what you don't like.

Psychologists call it operant conditioning...

I can personally go as far as pissing in the room, if I find her actions disgusting enough.

Show her you are also a mad person and she will behave herself.

You didn't start it. She did.

Nice people are always taken for granted.

thesicilian:

I can bet my next 6 months salary that you're not married.

Lol. U are very right. Marriage of our era no be my mouth, our papa enjoy now na shege we de hear

WandaMaximoff:
See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

God bless you Sir... You've said it all.... If only Op can adhere to this n not those advising him to take a break from home.

manos:



I am a very calm person actually, shouting comes from frustration because the moment i try to correct her she gets angry and lashes back immediately raising her voice. So naturally i raise my voice to match her tone so that she hears me and so that i can make my point.

On the other hand, i apologize because, sometimes when i wait for the apology for too long and it is not coming, i decide that i cant continue living like that and look beyond my intention to correct so that we can have some peace and move forward, probably push give her more time to evaluate her actions, while we continue living in peace. I cant imagine living with anyone for a week in the same house and not be able to communicate with the person. I dont know how other people do that. I personally try to resolve issues quickly.

Hiya, you seem like a very nice person. Sorry you had to marry someone who hates to be corrected.

Let's try this approach, around 3 am Saturday morning, wake her up and then discuss. Ask her why she enjoys the unhygienic attitude, listen carefully, that way you'd know if she would repent or not. I for one don't subscribe to people who don't understand that in marriage there is no me or you only us.

You should air your views too. If she refuses to change, then you need to take action.

First of video her doing that disgusting act or more, then one day record your conversation while you corrected her. Once you have your evidence, call a family meeting.

Show everyone your evidence and then tell them that if she refuses to change you are going to abandon her and the house, she can continue to act as she likes living alone.

You are still too young to run mad.

There are more battles in marriage, you really don't want to be accepting an unrepentant person in the early stage of your marriage. I think she should go and stay with her family for a month since she doesn't want to learn.

All these people shouting "you're a simp", "stop being a simp" " you're a weak man" The funny thing is, in reality, they have absolutely no idea that they're the real definition of simp. One girl is just sitting down somewhere, and without even trying too hard, she's just massaging your mumu button.
At least the people you call "simps" are aware and are actively and consciously seeking help.


Meanwhile, OP talk to your wife, let her know how badly all of this is affecting you. If she doesn't listen, I guess you could talk to her mum. Thank you

Topsic70:

You've spoken well.....but DT bolded part sha......e get as e be.
. Once a 3rd party gets involved it might change d dynamics of d marriage as either party (or both) will continually run to the reconcilliator after any quarrel. And for how long will they keep doing DT?

Moreover, Most of our ppl nor dey know their boundary. The 3rd party may use DT opportunity to be forming king Kong in their marital space, which, again isn't proper.

Its only them DT can make dr marriage work, and its all about both parties making sacrifices and coming to compromises. 'Agidi' won't solve it!

Like u rightly said, d woman clearly has attitude challenge which uncle most prolly didn't notice during their courtship.

You have a strong point, to be honest I dread talking to a third party about my relationships, especially seeking for advise. But in this case, he doesn't stand a chance of winning her over by himself, I see a third party as a last resort for him.

Sicilyjoe:
Men's dey pass alots of things where women dey for marriage, my own friend dey complain say him wife dey shit for inside bedroom with custard paint, the worst part is that she won't go to toilet and flush it, she will just cover the custard paint and leave it in the room

Ur friend is poor, dats understandable. He lives in face me I face u with public toilet

PataAlhaja:
OP, I fit bet my prick say your wife toto go dey smell 24/7.

Na pig you marry put for house.

Your wife na wetin Yorubas dey call Olooorun.

Jst say ur wife na Yoruba Woman

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Bro.

If your wife cant even dish your food for you when she cooks.. Sorry but your co habiting with a flat mate... Am not sure she loves you..

What circumstances led to this union.. Think.. Am not sure she entered the union with ber heart..

Love is pleaseing the other party of which your trying.. But i doubt she loves you..

Two things a woman can built you up, or she can pull you down...

infogenerator:

You have a strong point, to be honest I dread talking to a third party about my relationships, especially seeking for advise. But in this case, he doesn't stand a chance of winning her over by himself, I see a third party as a last resort for him.

she won't listen. That type of woman pretended all through courtship. Trust me, OP is probably warm hearted and avoids trouble, so she would ride him.

Women like that, the men should stop giving her attention, avoid her food and her. Don't hold discussions with her, let her wonder what he is up to. Let him chat on his phone and laugh out loud. Infact avoidance 101 has been activated

Emescot:
What exactly is the issue with all this people shouting simp up and down.

This is marriage and he is in already, my question is OP, while you were courting, didn't she ever sleep over and had to brush early in the morning?
My best advice is for you to remove the kitchen sink and put a washing basin in the kitchen if you can't then stop complaining. Leave kitchen matters to her, atleast what you don't see won't hurt you.

But OP have you thought of the fact that ur wife gets disgusted brushing in the toilet that has alot of germs flying around, sit her down and talk it out.

kai....your suggestion is very very poor... For your information, kitchen sink is meant for washing plates and other kitchen wares.. So I see no reason why it should be removed and replaced with washing basin... Again bathroom /toilet is one of the cleanest place in a house.. So why the heck about germs? That is where a washing basin should be.

obinna58:

First, don't be angry at your woman. Hide it by all means.
Second, worship her and treat her like a queen
Third, explain things clearly to her

When she sees your working hard to make her happy, she'll improve. We men are losers when a woman is involved.

How can u worship a human being. I hate dat with worship ur wife na God she be. Na me be lord for de house na she suppose worship me as I de worship my Lord for heaven

WandaMaximoff:
See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

You just spoke my mind.Come and take a bottle of stout

heendrix:


Exactly infact I wonder how some men are created. anyways ion know what I'll do sha cause I can't imagine the person I'm taking care of her responsibility hissing at me

Don't be in haste you will get there!

Bubblewitch:
she won't listen. That type of woman pretended all through courtship. Trust me, OP is probably warm hearted and avoids trouble, so she would ride him.

Women like that, the men should stop giving her attention, avoid her food and her. Don't hold discussions with her, let her wonder what he is up to. Let him chat on his phone and laugh out loud. Infact avoidance 101 has been activated

Lol, this might work

yeancahwunmi:
Personally, i don't like brushing my teeth in the toilet.

probably because the place is dirty... My toilet remains the most cleanest place in the house.. I can even sleep there...i like it sparkling white

babythug:
This isn’t proper at all.

OP you will insist and forcefully too or else it’ll continue and graduate to changing diapers in the kitchen sink.

Not everyone is completely neat and tidy at all times but this one isn’t acceptable at all.

You must find ways of communicating it at peace time and forcefully sometimes till she stops like that refusing to eat the meal.

When you see her headed to kitchen or anywhere sef with toothbrush her ENSURE you insist she finishes before stepping outside bathroom.

Arrgghhh God help you oh and the marriage never even start sef

some girls are like that.. Very adamant and stubborn.. Most cases they think they are doing someone not knowing it is themselves

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

You are a first class simp, you better take charge now that your marriage is still young

Did you not court her? Did you not know about her dirty attitudes before marriage?

Otiv:
Thats a devilish advice , completely against the word of God or ehat Gid wants. Does living together before marriage means she will change or even show you who she isn? Have u met a pretender before ?

You're more likely to detect most of her flaws (and she yours) if you live together for some months. You get to know if you're compatible, your areas of weaknesses and how to work on it, and basically prepare yourselves for marriage. Surprises like these after marriage are therefore limited.
As for the issue of religion, that's another topic altogether.

Is she clean...?I mean down there..panties and all

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Sisijetue:
And when you see them outside...

I'm telling you imagine dey now have a guest na so she go still behave

I broke up with a lady because of something almost that nature. She wakes up and heads to the bathroom to poo and without bathing after pooing she will go and cook. As she is cooking she will come back to the bathroom and poo again before brushing thereafter she will head back to the kitchen without bathing. I hate the use of tissues after defeating so you can't find it in my apartment and i expect to bathe immediately after defeating but no she doesn't and after several times of correcting her i got a chronic case of pinworm infection which took me several deworming pills to cure. It happened just two days after she left and it was clear where i got it from as i am not a person who eat outside my house or even buy prepared food from eateries. I called it quit.

Ha ha ha
Wahalla dey here ooo