.

you are too clean and gets irritated easily but you married the opposite of you...try a more loving way of correcting her without sounding harsh.. maybe sit her down in her good mood and tell her ,how small things she takes as nothing easily irritates you..plead with her to change,.as those little things she sees as nothing is a big deal for you,and can easily block your appetite for food.

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

My good brother, marriage is not easy and that's what's you're facing. Keep correcting her and look for a way to do it without causing a fight. To the clowns calling you a sim, believe me majority of them have no clue what it's like to be married and they're just liars and frauds. You're just one year into your marriage, it'll get better as fast as you communicate in a respectful manner

yeancahwunmi:
Personally, i don't like brushing my teeth in the toilet.

Oh. Where do u brush then

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

is she pregnant. Some women can do such thing if they are pregnant.

I have been with a rebellious woman so I understand your plight. You will get more result if you counsel her when you guys are happy and in bed, do it stroking her hair and politely. Let her know things like what she is doing can poison the genuine love you have for her. If she challenges you, just book her for deliverance...he get why

Sincerely guys, just avoid marriage in this our generation if you can;

Else you risk loosing your happiness, peace and sanity.

Better to have kids , get a baby mama than all this bullshit!

Marriage is a scam, if them no stab you to death , you end up living and enduring shits from your partner ..

Wise up fam!

Juliusmomoh:
Divorce her.. Marriage no be by force.. But some simp will not understand..

you are obviously a boy who knows nothing judging by this awkward comnent!!

pretydiva:
What's up with this simp ish? Na the latest English for Nairaland be this ni

You guys cant give your advice without calling the op a simp. smh

i just tire for them oh!!

yettymuse:
Calling an adult a simp is just disrespectful and shows how uncultured a lot of this nairaland small small rats were raised.

small redpill wey una swallow, wey hang una for throat, wey go choke una die, we no go hear word again..
With zero kobo for pocket.... mtcheww.. awon omo pau bi ibon!

Mr Op. your wife is unhygienic and you may have to spell it out to her. Reading it sef I wan vomit!

i like your bluntness!!

I'm still wondering how you didn't notice her level of hygiene when you guys were dating/courting. But that her own is in her and it's obvious she will find it difficult to change , no kids yet and so much complaint when kids comes nko

I don't want to say something bad sha, but erm......

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Sir, you just need to keep up with the correction. The idea of going to beg her does not sit well with this at allllllll..however you look at it.

Start a new relationship with someone else
A woman that never admits she's wrong is deadlier than a snake
Not to talk of "HISSING" she they Bleep outside sef

Marriage as the elders will say, is for better or worse, a school of learning we never graduate from

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

Marriage isn't always rosy and no woman is a complete package. I totally understand your plight though, unhygienic practice is a deal breaker for me.

The only advice I can give to you is that you continue talking to her. Your marriage is too young to get third parties involved. If she refuses to change, you can boycott her cooking for a while. No woman in her right senses can stand that and action and that should make her have a rethink. You can start off by having a heart to heart conversation with her over dinner. Taking her out would make her understand that your aim is not to spite her. Make her understand those actions of hers that are below par...
Lastly, I understand that you want peace and so, you always try to apologise even when you are right. Please stop doing that. Your wife, under no circumstance should not raise her voice at you nor hiss and all that. For the first time, I would advise that you swallow half tablet of the red pill. You wife probably knows that you are too soft and even when she is wrong, you can't do jack and would even apologise. Prove her wrong.

All the best!

Situations like this call for patience...you could find a more relaxed atmosphere like going out to have a nice time and there with style chip in your grievances.

UDUJ:


Hypocrites everywhere. Are you not the same person that said you don't support divorce?

This is why people should be careful about taking the opinions of people here serious (see images below).

Kudos, I like this digging. Honestly, we should watch out for advices here on nairaland, make them no do experiment with person matter

Men really suffer alot in marriage... alot to endure...from this ladies.....alot of mess oozing from them...the worst part is before you marry them...how they will be acting angelic...fiaaam once you marry them.... automatically within the next 24hrs ... everything changes....why?? Cos they feel they have arrived......try to take this up to the next level...they will be the first to play the victims card...just to attract undeserved pity

Yet another reason why a serious couple must spend time together before trying the knot.

Honestly, I do not see what the big deal is. You guys are just getting to know each other.
It also seems like you're taking these things as a big deal while she is not.

Are you scared? Why make a big scene of not eating, the minute you see the toothpaste, crack joke about how you don't need more fluorine in your food abeg.

How are you only noticing these things now? These iss

manos:
Note: it's a bit long... I could have summarized but I want those contributing to get a crystal clear picture of the situation, so that they can give better and specific advice.

The major problem here is that she mixes up things to be done in the kitchen with things done only in the toilet.

I have been married to my wife for over a year now (no kids yet) and there are certain unhygienic habits she has been displaying, since we started living together. I have been seeking ways to help her improve on it, but a calm correction from me always leads to a bitter argument between us. (She claims I complain too much whenever I point it out)

For example, she always clears her throat early in the morning and spits in the kitchen sink. (despite the fact that we have 2 toilets with wash hand basins; one in the room and also a guest toilet, with a wash-hand basin which is basically 3 steps from the kitchen). Then she goes to the bathroom, gets her toothbrush and comes back to the kitchen to brush her teeth, while doing several things with toothpaste and saliva drooling from her mouth all through.

The other day, she prepared breakfast (spaghetti) for both of us with the drooling toothpaste mouth and i refused to eat from it. I didn't complain to her either, until she asked why I didn't take my portion of the spaghetti from the pot, later that evening. I mentioned to her that, as always I find it disgusting to eat spaghetti, seasoned with toothpaste drool and saliva. The response I got from her was a hiss and then she said that, next time I should inform her if I am not going to eat the food she cooked so that she would not cook for me."

I let that slide but I felt she missed the point. The next day was her birthday and I decided to prepare breakfast for her.
While I was in the kitchen cooking, she came in with the same drooling toothpaste mouth to take a kitchen Scissors in order to cut something on her pants, even though we have another scissors in the room for such purposes. In the process of trying to pick the scissors, her hands which were covered with toothpaste drool had to cross the pot which I was cooking with. I mentioned to her that I was not comfortable with that and she just hissed as usual, still picked the Scissors and left the kitchen while angrily saying that I am just a complainer. I lost it at this point and proceeded to give her a lecture in anger about basic hygiene and why I can not keep quiet over these things because we live in a shared space and how her actions have a direct effect on me. It ended in a shouting match till she kept quiet, without accepting she was wrong.

This is the pattern almost everything takes when I try to correct her. The worst part is that I would still have to be the one to apologize for shouting at her because if I don't, I might be subjected to a week long silent treatment which I dread.

There are other more unhygienic things that are done by her, which I might not be able to post here due to the fact that I am not completely anonymous and she is still my wife but I hope this information is enough for someone to understand my frustration and profer a solution.

decatalyst:


You are right!


But let me tell you something, what you will not accept when rich, nah from when you are poor you go dey reject am.

Maybe it's a bit late for him now, but while they were seeing each other before marriage, he should have seen it. The woman is just a being herself and to her, you are trying to change her.

There is a perfect person for everyone. Dirty people can meets and love each other's way of life!

I read your 1st comment and I just dey laugh!!! omo no worry when you enter marriage your eye go clear

How do you solve that?

Don't make marriage a do or die affair. And make it very clear that you both have to remain compatible. Make it clear that if there is prolonged bitterness, regardless of who is at fault, either of you can and should leave.

Promzyunique:
Men really suffer alot in marriage... alot to endure...from this ladies.....alot of mess oozing from them...the worst part is before you marry them...how they will be acting angelic...fiaaam once you marry them.... automatically within the next 24hrs ... everything changes....why?? Cos they feel they have arrived......try to take this up to the next level...they will be the first to play the victims card...just to attract undeserved pity

Hmm I don't blame my mum really for overemphasizing on neatness. See how nlanders have finished op's wife

your cross

Juliearth:





Marriage isn't always rosy and no woman is a complete package. I totally understand your plight though, unhygienic practice is a deal breaker for me.

The only advice I can give to you is that you continue talking to her. Your marriage is too young to get third parties involved. If she refuses to change, you can boycott her cooking for a while. No woman in her right senses can stand that and action and that should make her have a rethink. You can start off by having a heart to heart conversation with her over dinner. Taking her out would make her understand that your aim is not to spite her. Make her understand those actions of hers that are below par...
Lastly, I understand that you want peace and so, you always try to apologise even when you are right. Please stop doing that. Your wife, under no circumstance should not raise her voice at you nor hiss and all that. For the first time, I would advise that you swallow half tablet of the red pill. You wife probably knows that you are too soft and even when she is wrong, you can't do jack and would even apologise. Prove her wrong.

All the best!

Prove her wrong by doin wat exactly? by nt eating her food, doin his marital duties or beating her. please I'm awaiting ur answer

its like u guys never courted each other before u got marriage
from ur story this sounds like an arrangee marriage
in arrangee marriage there is no time to study a partner
as long as ur pastor or ur parents just tell u dat one woman is meant and shove her into ur house marriage don start
if u guys dated u would have had the time to correct her unhygenic habit and if she refused the u would have dumped her
now u have married her so just carry ur cross jejeli or u go complain to the person that arranged her for u as a wife

Wolgrace:
Did you guys skip the marriage couselling and mentorship before approaching the alter?

Based on your information, the marriage started with immature courtship. And immature courtship may be a result of absence of wide experience, counselling, guidance, and mentorship, no matter the upbringing.

Your wife's character trait is a comfortable and brattish brush up with no expectation of the future marital storms which constantly feeds her with Ego, anger, unsubmissiveness, and disordered personality as a sociopath. Only perilous challenges can uproot and naked such type from a childish backbone (extreme comfort/relaxation and brat traits), then the wide experience and discipline she suppose to acquire before marriage will teach her lesson for upright standing. The risk is that your marriage may not stand the heat.

As a head, your family leadership is laced with lack of mind control, extreme gentleness and false endurance.

-The simple solution is go to church regularly for marriage counselling. Thank God later.

she is obviously not happy in the marriage.she was forced.the hissing she hisses when op says he tries to correct her unhygenic habit isenuf proof she doesnt like the marriage.A lady that loves the man she is married to will listen when the man tries to advice her.anyway nigerian marriages na stress.

Nuttella:
Did you not court her? Did yo :Du not know about her dirty attitudes before marriage?

all those wives wey pastors dey get for vision say na ur wife to be..do u have time to court such wives? .as pastor get the vision just marry the woman sharp sharp

Na ogbanje dey worry am

[quote author=thesicilian post=92696878]This is why I'm an ardent advocate of couples living together for some months before marriage.

Woman don pretend give you once? Especially when she knows you want to wife her Just few miles away.

Your wife does not live in nairaland.com nor does she live in any other social media, fix your home. that's why communication exists.

Your wife does not live in nairaland.com nor does she live in any other social media, fix your home. that's why communication exists..