.

Oh dear!

It is what it is! Only you can truly feel the pinch of the downsides of this union and while many may preach stay and work things out only you truly know what pain and stress you’re under.

Be right back

I'm simply responding to the title of your thread, and not the confused self-deprecating writeup you attached to it.

And to that I say, Go Ahead!

So sorry it got to this level, but hey sis, I think this is the onset of another bout of depression.

I looked again at your description of yourself..
I looked at where this story began: you being down with depression and all that.

Granted, both y'all didn't enjoy a proper courtship and there are traits he would not like about you too.

Since he is not extremely violent towards you, can you both please go for marriage counseling? You said occasional anger? While I don't condone that, perhaps he just needed a little space at that point?

Everybody responds to love: that's a fact.
Can you both rediscover yourselves?

You might want to compromise on some things on your own part and he might respond by making some changes in those areas you spotlighted.

And sis, please go for more therapy.

I wish you all the best.

Hildagirl:
Hi guys

I’m in such a horrible predicament right now. I don’t even know where to start from. I have a lovely small child, who I adore greatly. The problem is I dont adore his father. I met his dad in 2017, at that point I was extremely depressed and unhappy with my life. I believe in familar spirits, meaning you attract the energy you put out. Because I was in such a dark place in my life, I attracted one of the worse type of men out there. I was blinded by all the red flags because i was depressed and he filled in that void. I was lonely, I had no one, and he was there. He was my everything. Now that I’m in a better space mentally, my eyes are opening to a lot of the things that I initially should’ve walked away from. We got married before my child was born.

My husband smokes, which has been a problem from the beginning. I’ve begged him to stop many tines, tried to get him help, but he can’t do without it. He indulges in fraud, I have begged him many times to stop, but he simply cannot. I’ve brought out his talent, he is good at fixing things , I helped him to start his own D.I.Y business for himself, where he will do jobs for people and get paid, he didn’t finish it. I helped him to start his cooking business, I helped him design the leaflet, helped him pick out the food containers and cutlery, nothing came out of it. I helped him to start a clothing line, still nothing out of it. Only for my husband to tell me he wants to be a footballer . How can you start a football career in your mid 30s, knowing how difficult that industry is to break through?

I just feel this man is not serious. I’m trying to walk stronger In my walk with Christ and I feel like he is not reciprocating. I’m just not happy and I don’t know what to do. I’m in my mid 20s now, I feel like we’re not walking in the sane direction, there’s only so much I can do for someone if they’re not willing to help themselves. I don’t see him changing anytime soon and I just want to leave before the situation escalates. This man has been physically abusive to his ex’s, he has never hit me. But I remember a time we had a small disagreement, he hit me very hard on my leg. Honestly, they’re just too many red flags, I don’t want to get too deep in this relationship despite being married already. Something in my gut is really telling me to leave. The problem is that I simply feel I cannot leave him and start afresh.

I have child with this man, I feel as a single mom I won’t be able to find a good quality man. Not just that, but my child really ruined my body at such a young age. My body is like a 80 year old, everything is dropping and saggy and loose, what man in his right sense would want to take on this baggage? I feel like out of all the fresh hot babes, why would any man take me? Financially I feel like I could cope on my own, I have supportive parents and family and a decent job. But I wouldn’t want to be alone forever, I want a companion. It’s just so hard for me and I don’t know what to do.

@ the bolder! What a contradiction.

It is Well with my Soul... Amen

Lol.

You believe in familiar spirit, and attract the vibe you give out. Going by this, I'm wondering how you didn't attract a depressed man in your depressed state. Your husband found you depressed and messed up, somehow he cleaned your mess and brought you out of depression and made you happy. Now you are in a better place and alas he's no longer good enough for you.

He smokes
He's into fraud
His unserious
He wants to be a footballer
He used to beat his ex...seriously?

All these were not such a big deal for you before you married him...at least they weren't big enough a deal to stop you from getting married to him in the first place.

Let's just pray you don't end up with worse than him after the divorce

"Only for my husband to tell me he wants to be a footballer"



Tell him to try comedy

You need to take care of your mental health. You are not in the right place mentally. Start with that.

biafraisdead:

@ the bolder! What a contradiction.

She is confused!

Well in my own opinion your husband has done nothing wrong to you. You saw him that way before you agreed to marry him. He was there when you were depressed, be there for him too. With patience you will get a change.

You're yet to answer the questions or even acknowledge the recommendations in your previous thread. Your problems won't be solved here. Don't waste your time.

CsRockefeller:
"Only for my husband to tell me he wants to be a footballer"



Tell him to try comedy

.

I got a headache reading it. The last paragraph was the worst part.
If you feel so uncomfortable about the way you look, do something about it.
One pregnancy and you want to give up on yourself? In your 20s?
Before thinking about other men, you should first do something about the way you feel about yourself.

Wow..

Klass99:


The part in bold is what I don't understand about women who want more kids than their two hands. I am always like, una no dey pity yourselves and the physical toll on your bodies?

@ OP, Lucy Wyndham-Read is an experienced fitness trainer that transforms bodies. She's not a cosmetic surgeon, a fluke or a magician. Just a legit trainer who knows what works and doesn't. You can get your body back into shape with her workouts.

Check out her videos on YouTube, download as much as you can. The 7 minute ones are a blast, don't think because it's just 7 minutes it won't be effective, she'll have you out of breath before 7 minutes are up. Very effective and enjoyable workouts, results are guaranteed if you do your part and the work involved.

I assume you know how to download videos from youtube. In case you don't, go to the site savefrom.net copy one of Lucy's video link from youtube and paste in the savefrom.net site then click on download, when the MP4 download is ready, click on it and voila, you can have as many work out videos as you want.

Abegii!! No be single mothers that we see everyday and toast only for them to tell us their story?

OP case is a rare one.

Well my advice to ladies out there .

Don't accept marriage proposal of a man when u are at rock bottom in life . You may end up regretting it .

If he wants to help ? Fine but when it comes to marriage ?

Don't accept until u are in a safe level to think straight if u truly wish to spend the rest of your life with this helper coming your way .

Op may God help u in your next decisions .

Hmmn.

Hildagirl:
Hi guys

I’m in such a horrible predicament right now. I don’t even know where to start from. I have a lovely small child, who I adore greatly. The problem is I dont adore his father. I met his dad in 2017, at that point I was extremely depressed and unhappy with my life. I believe in familar spirits, meaning you attract the energy you put out. Because I was in such a dark place in my life, I attracted one of the worse type of men out there. I was blinded by all the red flags because i was depressed and he filled in that void. I was lonely, I had no one, and he was there. He was my everything. Now that I’m in a better space mentally, my eyes are opening to a lot of the things that I initially should’ve walked away from. We got married before my child was born.

My husband smokes, which has been a problem from the beginning. I’ve begged him to stop many tines, tried to get him help, but he can’t do without it. He indulges in fraud, I have begged him many times to stop, but he simply cannot. I’ve brought out his talent, he is good at fixing things , I helped him to start his own D.I.Y business for himself, where he will do jobs for people and get paid, he didn’t finish it. I helped him to start his cooking business, I helped him design the leaflet, helped him pick out the food containers and cutlery, nothing came out of it. I helped him to start a clothing line, still nothing out of it. Only for my husband to tell me he wants to be a footballer . How can you start a football career in your mid 30s, knowing how difficult that industry is to break through?

I just feel this man is not serious. I’m trying to walk stronger In my walk with Christ and I feel like he is not reciprocating. I’m just not happy and I don’t know what to do. I’m in my mid 20s now, I feel like we’re not walking in the sane direction, there’s only so much I can do for someone if they’re not willing to help themselves. I don’t see him changing anytime soon and I just want to leave before the situation escalates. This man has been physically abusive to his ex’s, he has never hit me. But I remember a time we had a small disagreement, he hit me very hard on my leg. Honestly, they’re just too many red flags, I don’t want to get too deep in this relationship despite being married already. Something in my gut is really telling me to leave. The problem is that I simply feel I cannot leave him and start afresh.

I have child with this man, I feel as a single mom I won’t be able to find a good quality man. Not just that, but my child really ruined my body at such a young age. My body is like a 80 year old, everything is dropping and saggy and loose, what man in his right sense would want to take on this baggage? I feel like out of all the fresh hot babes, why would any man take me? Financially I feel like I could cope on my own, I have supportive parents and family and a decent job. But I wouldn’t want to be alone forever, I want a companion. It’s just so hard for me and I don’t know what to do.

This is where it all started.

First you started by deceiving the man into marrying you, then you called your old friends bitter, envious and diabolical because they were single and you married, and therefore, were no longer good enough to be your friends, and now, the man you deceived into marrying you is no longer good, you no longer want him, now you want out.
Now, you're the victim.
Have you thought maybe, just maybe, you are the problem and not every other person?
You created a thread does not make you innocent.
Don't go about ruining lives in the process of ruining yours. Get your sh!t together!

mariahAngel:


This is where it all started.

First you started by deceiving the man into marrying you, then you called your old friends bitter, envious and diabolical because they were single and you married, and therefore, were no longer good enough to be your friends, and now, the man you deceived into marrying you is no longer good, you no longer want him, now you want out.
Now, you're the victim.
Have you thought maybe, just maybe, you are the problem and not every other person?
You created a thread does not make you innocent.
Don't go about ruining lives in the process of ruining yours. Get your sh!t together!

Hian! Maria! She said guy is a fraudster that has refused to do anything legit...while she's not innocent, that guy is no good.

@ OP, listen to your intuition...good luck.

sisisioge:


Hian! Maria! She said guy is a fraudster that has refused to do anything legit...while she's not innocent, that guy is no good.

@ OP, listen to your intuition...good luck.

Someone that called her friends bitter, envious and diabolical? She can't fool me.

Hildagirl:
Hi guys

I’m in such a horrible predicament right now. I don’t even know where to start from. I have a lovely small child, who I adore greatly. The problem is I dont adore his father. I met his dad in 2017, at that point I was extremely depressed and unhappy with my life. I believe in familar spirits, meaning you attract the energy you put out. Because I was in such a dark place in my life, I attracted one of the worse type of men out there. I was blinded by all the red flags because i was depressed and he filled in that void. I was lonely, I had no one, and he was there. He was my everything. Now that I’m in a better space mentally, my eyes are opening to a lot of the things that I initially should’ve walked away from. We got married before my child was born.

My husband smokes, which has been a problem from the beginning. I’ve begged him to stop many tines, tried to get him help, but he can’t do without it. He indulges in fraud, I have begged him many times to stop, but he simply cannot. I’ve brought out his talent, he is good at fixing things , I helped him to start his own D.I.Y business for himself, where he will do jobs for people and get paid, he didn’t finish it. I helped him to start his cooking business, I helped him design the leaflet, helped him pick out the food containers and cutlery, nothing came out of it. I helped him to start a clothing line, still nothing out of it. Only for my husband to tell me he wants to be a footballer . How can you start a football career in your mid 30s, knowing how difficult that industry is to break through?

I just feel this man is not serious. I’m trying to walk stronger In my walk with Christ and I feel like he is not reciprocating. I’m just not happy and I don’t know what to do. I’m in my mid 20s now, I feel like we’re not walking in the sane direction, there’s only so much I can do for someone if they’re not willing to help themselves. I don’t see him changing anytime soon and I just want to leave before the situation escalates. This man has been physically abusive to his ex’s, he has never hit me. But I remember a time we had a small disagreement, he hit me very hard on my leg. Honestly, they’re just too many red flags, I don’t want to get too deep in this relationship despite being married already. Something in my gut is really telling me to leave. The problem is that I simply feel I cannot leave him and start afresh.

I have child with this man, I feel as a single mom I won’t be able to find a good quality man. Not just that, but my child really ruined my body at such a young age. My body is like a 80 year old, everything is dropping and saggy and loose, what man in his right sense would want to take on this baggage? I feel like out of all the fresh hot babes, why would any man take me? Financially I feel like I could cope on my own, I have supportive parents and family and a decent job. But I wouldn’t want to be alone forever, I want a companion. It’s just so hard for me and I don’t know what to do.

Mtchew. Reading your story, I can only see how obsessed you are. Obsessed with your looks, taa! You are eyeing something already. The way you even made a point exposed it all. Your child ruined your life? Damn. You already know that you have a strong leverage to fall back on and already have that belief that the dirty act(gbafuo there, make I call this one risk? Mtchew) you are about to commit wouldn't hurt because your peeps are there to rescue you. You knew this man smokes before getting married, you have seen his businesses fail, have you ever tried your hands in all those things to find out how easy they are? With the way nigeria currently stands, businesses can stand and fall. Let me let you in on something. I wouldn't hold back. My mom is one of the thrashiest human beings I've ever seen. One of the reason I am happy she lost her job when the defunct progress bank folded is that I can easily see how she would have tried to mess with my dad had she not lost that job few years down the line. She is too quick to destroy people with her mouth. She always complains about how this person and that person couldn't turn one naira to one billion naira. Damn! What a self-conceited bad person she is. Before she got her current job, she tried her hands on so many things, she sold some food stuff, smoked fish and some other things. You know what? She didn't turn any of those things to Dangote's business empire. She was subsisting and always complaining about how my pop didn't help her. Oh! My dad was also struggling with his little paying job to make sure the family stood strong. By the way, her elder brother and sister were always funding her business whenever it failed. That sister of hers in currently retired, she was so benevolent to all of her siblings and their kids. Now she barely saved anything and mostly relies on her brother to assist her(pension is not coming regularly and it's just too small). The same wicked human being of a mother now keeps discouraging this my uncle from assisting this woman. What a witch. People might just need help more than you think, it's not always about how they mismanaged things. A little more, patience, kindness and mercy wouldn't kill you.

Look, you are probably self-conceited. You haven't said why those businesses crumbled. It's 100 percent possible for you to open up so many businesses in this nation and have them crumble. Once the right factors are not there, factors even beyond your reach, you will still fail. I'll still give you an example, when you give a family man money to stand a business and he gets to invest most if not all of it, do you realize that he still has to feed his family? Do you realize that he has so many responsibilities like school fees and feeding? Now here's where I will come in. People like you will assist that much and expect such a subsisting business to thrive. Well, he wouldn't tell you about how he used his turn up to feed his family. I once had a fish pond and much of my turn up went into feeding the family before I could even talk about profit. Abeg! People dey suffer for this country. Sometimes, the solution to the problem is not to find where the individual mismanaged things, it could just be that there wasn't enough funding. Abeg! Plenty people fit do wetin Okonjo Iweala dey do for naija, na just say the factors no favour them. Okonjo might have started at a vantage position than others. Say another person try am I work and another person own no work, I no always mean say the other person do an well pass.

Strepsil91:



Mtchew. Reading your story, I can only see how obsessed you are. Obsessed with your looks, taa! You are eyeing something already. The way you even made a point exposed it all. Your child ruined your life? Damn. You already know that you have a strong leverage to fall back on and already have that belief that the dirty act(gbafuo there, make I call this one risk? Mtchew) you are about to commit wouldn't hurt because your peeps are there to rescue you. You knew this man smokes before getting married, you have seen his businesses fail, have you ever tried your hands in all those things to find out how easy they are? With the way nigeria currently stands, businesses can stand and fall. Let me let you in on something. I wouldn't hold back. My mom is one of the thrashiest human beings I've ever seen. One of the reason I am happy she lost her job when the defunct progress bank folded is that I can easily see how she would have tried to mess with my dad had she not lost that job few years down the line. She is too quick to destroy people with her mouth. She always complains about how this person and that person couldn't turn one naira to one billion naira. Damn! What a self-conceited bad person she is. Before she got her current job, she tried her hands on so many things, she sold some food stuff, smoked fish and some other things. You know what? She didn't turn any of those things to Dangote's business empire. She was subsisting and always complaining about how my pop didn't help her. Oh! My dad was also struggling with his little paying job to make sure the family stood strong. By the way, her elder brother and sister were always funding her business whenever if failed. That sister of hers in currently retired, she was so benevolent to all of her siblings and their kids. Now she barely saved anything and mostly relies on her brother to assist her(pension is not coming regularly and it's just too small). The same wicked human being of a mother now keeps discouraging this my uncle from assisting this woman. What a witch. People might just need help more than you think, it's not always about how they mismanaged things. A little more, patience, kindness and mercy wouldn't kill you.

Look, you are probably self-conceited. You haven't said why those businesses crumbled. It's 100 percent possible for you to open up so many businesses in this nation and have them crumble. Once the right factors are not there, factors even beyond your reach, you will still fail. I'll still give you an example, when you give a family man money to stand a business and he gets to invest most if not all of it, do you realize that he still has to feed his family? Do you realize that he has so many responsibilities like school fees and feeding? Now here's where I will come in. People like you will assist that much and expect such a subsisting business to thrive. Well, he wouldn't tell you about how he used his turn up to feed his family. I once had a fish pond and much of my turn up went into feeding the family before I could even talk about profit. Abeg! People dey suffer for this country. Sometimes, the solution to the problem is not to find where the individual mismanaged things, it could just be that there wasn't enough funding. Abeg! Plenty people fit do wetin Okonjo Iweala dey do for naija, na just say the factors no favour them. Okonjo might have started at a vantage position than others. Say another person try am I work and another person own no work, I no always mean say the other person do an well pass.

Wow! Oga no vex. Just calm down.

---