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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father (3395 Views)
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I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Senoritaluvy: 6:25am On Aug 19, 2020 |
I need matured mind in the house to help look into this before I make mistake again. I had a son with my ex years ago. He's 6ys old now. All through this yrs, my family and I have been the only source taking care of my son. To be honest, I don't even have time for myself any more. I can't remember the last time I had a serious relationship with any man. I became a total worker holic because I needed to give him a good life. But I'm afraid. I can't be enough for my son, I need a father figure in his life. What if something happens to me? Who will be there for him? Recently, I've been thinking. I want my son to have relationship with his father before he gets older, but that guy is so annoying. Each time he calls, he keeps promising and apologizing. I don't know what is actually wrong with him. I've not been lucky to meet any one who could be like a father figure to my son and I don't want to single handedly raise a son without a father. I've been thinking of taking him to his father and let him stay with him for a while, but I'm scared. Will my son be alright? Am I making a mistake already? What would you advised? I'm 32yrs now and i need my life back, and I want my son to be okay. What do I do? 1 Like |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Wantedmiller: 6:34am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Do you think the father is eager to have his son? |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Amotolongbo(f): 6:36am On Aug 19, 2020 |
If you really love your son, and wish to see him being successful in life, reap the labor you sowed on him, it is better you let your son be with you and raise him by yourself. The best way to raise children is having both parents together, but if there is a separation between the father and the mother, it is always good for the children/child to be in the custody of the mother. Let your son see and know his father for future sake, but let the son continue being with you. Like you said, the father has always been promising and failing, won’t that same man fail to raise the son in the right way you want? Fatherly responsibility is an act, the man may not be in the state of being responsible for now. Probably due to his financial capability or naturally being determined not to be responsible. Every son needs a father figure in his life, not just a father but a responsible one. If the man appears responsible later while bringing the child up, you may send him to the father o. But for now, continue to strive to make ends meet for the son ma. Men like that are bad, they will just come after the “soup is done” to claim ownership of the son they didn’t labor on 26 Likes |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by ModestGal(f): 6:37am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Hmmn |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Skyfornia(m): 6:53am On Aug 19, 2020 |
If you don't trust his father to handle his role..then I suggest you send the boy to any of your brothers or male relative who you think is capable. 5 Likes |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by yenereal(m): 6:58am On Aug 19, 2020 |
If the child was a female, then the best advice would have been to keep her. But as it is, he is a male. I would advise you to get him acquainted with his father. Let him meet and know the father. Forget that he is still and young and really behave cool with you, when he come of age, say from 15 years, he may cause problems with you all in the name of knowing his dad. Raising a male child as a single mother is really a difficult thing to do. Few commenters up there are against you taking him to the dad. Even if the father isn't ready to take care of him, your soon knowing and meeting him may change the father's disposition. I stand to be corrected. 5 Likes |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Senoritaluvy: 6:59am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Wantedmiller:He feels so relax because I'm doing everything. Paying school fees, Taking care of him all round without his contributions. |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Nobody: 7:09am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Don’t send him there. Continue what you have started. If not; Like play like play bro’s will come back and plant another seed 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Klass99(f): 7:52am On Aug 19, 2020 |
... 6 Likes |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Nobody: 8:01am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Amotolongbo:The sad reality of the bolded is, 1)Children most times lean towards the missing parent side when they grow up. 2) You can never reap as much as you sow... The years can not be regained 3) You may not even reap My verdict: No one should become a shadow of themselves while trying to raise a child. 11 Likes |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by simplepee(f): 8:08am On Aug 19, 2020 |
My dear, your child is a boy. I suggest you allow him to stay with his father for a while so you can get yourself together, you can take him back if you sense anything wrong. Just allow the boy stay with him for a while, it's important. Most Nigerian men are just so irresponsible, tueh. 13 Likes |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by frozen70(f): 8:18am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Senoritaluvy: Your idea is good Seat him down and let him know what really happened Tell him that you want to go and struggle so that life will be meaningful for you and her He will listen amd agree with you Then inform the father of your plans and start with him going there on holidays, as he goes there, he will be bonding with the rest of the family and he will be the one to tell you how happy he will be or how sad he will be if he should stay with them, he can only experience this during holidays As for his father that that is always apologising and begging you, that's a delay tactics Let him man up, if he can't fix his first child in his life then let him do it byeforce Now, if your child leaves you, you now have to opportunity to be free once again and replant your life You will always come across men, but don't expect too much from them, they too are looking for a woman that will accept them the way the economy have kept them Be prayerful too, everything is best known to God 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Clicked(f): 8:19am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Palema007: @Senoritaluvy Take this advice, it is the truth. You can spend the good years of your life raising a child, and the child will grow up to be asking for the missing parent. It will be like the case of the prodigal son. What if, God forbid, after sacrificing everything, having no life, something happens to your enemy?(God forbid anything like this should happen) His father will end up reaping where he did not sow. Take your son to his father and don't feel guilty about it, he is also his son. It is because you have taken complete responsibility for your son that he is behaving that way. He will be forced to be responsible when the boy is there. Like Palema said, don't lose yourself while trying to raise a child. 8 Likes |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by kodix(m): 8:24am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Just be wise! Don't labor in vain that is gospel truth,it would have be awesome if you don't know that your baby daddy,you just get pregnant and train your child without involving anybody but now the mistake has been done,man figure is not even prob bcs is not a grantee of training a child well is even women that is pillar of children's training, but now he is knows about this try and involve him fully in training of that child,BC if you finish all this struggles he will appear to reap where he didn't sow,so be wise 1 Like |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Senoritaluvy: 8:35am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Thanks for all the advice. I will gather courage, take him out for shopping and Tavel with him to his father. I'm emotionally so down because I've never been apart from my son. |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by grim33(m): 9:08am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Wow . I mean wow Klass99: |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Klass99(f): 9:16am On Aug 19, 2020 |
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Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Senoritaluvy: 9:17am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Klass99:Yes I have, but everyone has limitations to what they can do for another person. But I felt, for a parent, it's a must. Because everyone sees your children as your pirioty. |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Klass99(f): 9:31am On Aug 19, 2020 |
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Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Senoritaluvy: 9:47am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Klass99:I have done that over and over. He always promised to send us money for school fees, but he has never fulfilled. He always promised my son of coming over for birthdays and all that, but he has never keep to any. My son see him as a liar now. And that's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to raise a son who will grow up to hate. I want him to have full confident in both his father's family and mine and be a happy child. |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by mariahAngel(f): 9:56am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Senoritaluvy: Please, talk to your son about it first, before taking him there. Separating from him all of a sudden without explanations can be very traumatic for him. He might feel you rejected him and begin to hate you for it. Also, if he ends up staying with his dad, make sure to always keep in touch with him. Always assure him of your love for him, even when you start another family. It is important. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by mariahAngel(f): 10:02am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Senoritaluvy: Now, this is discouraging and sad. I pray for the mental stability of that child. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by bukatyne(f): 10:13am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Senoritaluvy: Is your baby daddy not fulfilling his promises because: 1. He currently CAN NOT afford to do so OR 2. He DOES NOT want to If one, why? Earnings too low, out of job, nursing illnesses etc. If two why? He is bitter with you? Doesn't want to be involved? Doesn't believe he is the father? Etc. There is no excuse why a father won't be in the life of his son since you constantly invite him. However, you need to know the problem so you can properly solve it. |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Senoritaluvy: 10:19am On Aug 19, 2020 |
mariahAngel:I have done that severally and he didn't want to go. He has developed this attitude of not talking to him on phone either, but I have to do this. I felt this is the only way I can get his father committed to him and get alittle relief as well. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Senoritaluvy: 10:28am On Aug 19, 2020 |
bukatyne:According to him, things are not working well with him, but to be honest, I had no job, just graduated, had nothing when I became pregnant yrs ago when he promised me everything and begged me to keep our first child. We had no problem. When he suddenly walked away, I have turned into a worker holic just to be there for my son. He kept on telling me he's looking for a job. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Nobody: 10:30am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Klass99:Tarh! I'm still going to have my two sets of twins and their father will be there too. You know why? Because I love kids, I want to have mine and I'm not after what to reap. Klass everything in life has advantages and disadvantage.Do you stop crossing the road because people get knocked down on it? Do you stop driving cars because you can have accident with it? Do you stop breathing air because it can be contaminated? Do you stop drinking water because you can get choked? Do you stop eating for the fear of food poisoning? Do you stop going to work because of the fear of the unknown? Lol.. if all I've asked is NO then you shouldn't have reasons not to have a child expect "if you just don't want to" and if you will not because of those points you raised. While as a liberal person I respect people's choice, I do not support cowardice. Those reasons aren't justifiable. Now to the points you raised, I do not intend those points in the context you interpreted them. No! I pointed that out because contrary to the popular selfish reasons why people have kids and they make pointless sacrifices, it do not always end as they plan. Mothers can make sacrifices for their kids but they shouldn't always expect to "reap". Children aren't farmlands. You take care of kids because you are responsible for them not as future investments.Too many bitter women out their because their expectations aren't met. So if op will sacrifice her youth or life for her son, then she should know she's doing it out of selfwill, that child owes her nothing! And she shouldn't make sacrifices that may break her. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by mariahAngel(f): 10:51am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Senoritaluvy: Your son will grow up to understand that you did what was best for him, even though he might not think so now. Please, always look out for him. Don't leave him without looking back. Check up on him from time to time. Don't hide him from the man you may end up with. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by faithfull18(f): 10:53am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Let him be fully involved in raising your son, financially etc. so you don't lose out at the end of the day. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Ezeanna: 11:18am On Aug 19, 2020 |
Too much sense in one post. "Children aren't farmlands" should be etched onto maternity doors. People should have kids for the joy of raising them; they are not stocks and shares to be "reaped" for dividends. @OP, I think your child is better off staying with you. A parent that is interested in being in his child life will be the one pushing for more involvement and not being laid back as the child's father is showing. Keep your child with you, Madam, and if it's a romantic relationship you desire, by all means get into one, but your primary responsibility is to your tender child first. Let whoever you chose to date know this important fact, the serious and responsible one will stay. Palema007: 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Unnerve: 12:00pm On Aug 19, 2020 |
In all of this back and forth, no where has the OP actually stated what the kid's father has to say about her plans. @Senoritaluvy, have you told your baby daddy about your intentions to have his son come live with him for a while? What did he say, what was his reaction? Personally, everything you need to know, you will surely discover it in that conversation with him. If he accepts, even if for a short time like a holiday, then perfect, your son can stay with him. And if he doesn't, you should forget all about it. This is something ONLY both of you will have to decide together because the last thing you want to do, is to go drop your son with a father who does not want him. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by timy22(f): 12:21pm On Aug 19, 2020 |
Senoritaluvy: Why take your son to someone that is currently financial handicap? The boy might suffer. Pls talk to your blood brother or sister or relative, let the boy stay with them, look for a good job , start working and send money for the boy up keeping with who ever the boy is staying with. With that ; The relative taking care of your boy might not really complain about any financial burden. And you can take care of your self , look good and start a better relationship. After sometime , you can discuss with your new partner and he might allow him to be part of d new family. I understand your situation, age is not on your side , act fast and rebrand your life. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Planning On Taking My Son To His Father by Klass99(f): 12:21pm On Aug 19, 2020 |
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What Would A Married Man Be Doing On A Dating Site? / g / Need Help To Access Late Dads Bank Account.
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