Nephilim:
why not buy bread and share with your members, with fish and drink! It's not compulsory you cook for them. Don't stress yourself on what's not important.

After enjoying heavenly delicacies from other hosts over a period of 20 months?

Stop this nonsense

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Reach out to me through nairaland email

SirMichael1:
It's a committee for married men. I told her I'll get her another woman from the church to assist her. If it were up to me, she won't go through that stress.

From the look of things now, I would suggest that you bring in that woman then with another person too from the church making two. Just explain to them that your wife is not that fit (health wise) for the cooking. Explain explicitly what they are to do and I'm sure your wife might join them during the cooking. You should call women who can listen to you well in the church. Make sure you tell your wife they are coming for the cooking. Women in the church will gladly accept to cook as it will benefit them too.

royalfly:


I feel like insulting you but no need. When u marry do your own like that.

It's your type that will get married five times and still end up lonely because you know nothing about human relation.

SirMichael1:


The previous get togethers I went to, their wife did the cooking. It's just making of soup while I make the swallow.

In order to ensure that peace reigns just pay a caterer.

But you have to let her know one way or the other after the get together that she was wrong.

She could have gotten some helping hands from the church or called her good married friends to help out, without stressing herself that much.

What God has joined together no man put wuru wuru inside.

You don't have to tell family members or anyone, just deal with the case as a man should.

But if it were to be someone like my father no woman would say I am dare say impossible... Mind you he doesn't abuse but the respect is so much that if the workload is too much she would hire a caterer herself or get some guys to do the job of pounding, another woman to assist with soup while she supervises simple no argument.

But the part I don't understand is where she refused to allow a church member to help then she should pay the caterer herself.

I think dos babas of those days have that wisdom and respect they command to manage women.

Mind you, if you can't handle this well she would refuse another then you would have to do it yourself and the circle continues.

Alot of stupid and senseless individuals here. He should go And pay money for the service of a caterer with money he can use to get almost a bag of rice. The 20k he will pay the catere with, wouldn't that go a long way to solve some issues if he gave it to his wife? It's obvious some of you are thinking with your yansh, Very irritating thoughts and ideas

SirMichael1:


She listens to her parents. Thing is, I don't want to involve them.

The last time, I pounded the yam for over 20 guests but she recieved the compliments. I just don't want to look like a dictator forcing her. I just need her to assist me in making the soup and i even told her i'll get her an assitant from the church to help her out.

Lalasticlala, seun

You can’t force her. Do d pounding and get 2 people to cook d soup and leave her alone. Shikena

Lizzydonnah:

So, she should beat or divorce his wife Abi? Sibosu.

No I never support you beat a woman. What I mean is he should find a method that works for him in talking to his wife. If he is capable, he should be able to persuade his wife to do what he wants

UyaiIncomparabl:
Lol. Ode.

This is so wrong of you bro

My brother, you should be straight with her, it is her place to prepare the food it is surprising that a husband is having a get together and the wife Is refusing to participate, this is crazy if she needs help, that is totally different to saying she is not cooking, tomorrow she would come up with something else, well..., It is your house, as for me I won't take it.

Bro,, I won't lie to u,, dats y I'm happy today, cos dere is food my woman can cook dat I can't cook better. Even wen I was in sec sch, was already frying meat n chicken for various occasions....

If I were u,, I would do d cooking,, instead of wasting ur time to think of who will cook, use dat time to think n write down all d ingredients u need n approximate cost... Go to d market with ur list handy n get ur stuff.. Call any nice unmarried young gal in ur church, tell her dat ur wife ain't feeling fine, n time is against u, she would help u out in d kitchen, cook alongside her.. Serve ur guest, crack jokes.. After everything thing,, act as if ur wife did nothing wrong at all, if ur wife truly loves u, u won't b comfortable, guilty conscience will kill her, wen she tries to b friendly unnecessarily, tell her u are mad at her, dat she almost disgraced u... Den let her do d begging n use dat opportunity caution her dat u won't tolerate it next time..

SirMichael1:


It's quite late for that now. If I had known my wife would not agree, I would have told the committee to rotate me with someone else.

I'm even thinking of rewarding her, as a surprise, half the money the caterer asked of. That's 10k.

eyya baba,this really touch my heart.if she still Adamant before the meeting leave her alone,find somebody dat can help to prepare soup,.maybe cousin or neighbours then you assist them.dont even ask her to do anything on dat day,after the meeting she will come and apologize.just take it easy wit her.

You are being too inconsiderate sir, you should hv discussed this offer with her before accepting it, if she is cool with it or not.
But on the other hand what I would do is cook it myself and add Little unboiled bitterleaf on it, I will make the semo watery, on that day I would invite her female friends from the church also to eat from it lol, the pastor will surely give sermon in church concerning that incident lolz

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

look for the 20k and hire a caterer or rather offer to pay her.
why did u accept to host the meeting when u know say u no get? trying to pose as a good man abi?

I support your wife. lubbish

Landnaira5:


If he didnt now pay bride price nko? dodoyo

THE BRIDE PRICE MAKES THEM A COUPLE. SO THEREFORE THE WIFE SHOULD COOPERATE WITH HER HUSBAND ON THIS ISSUE. ONCE IN A YEAR AND EIGHT MONTHS IS NOT A CAUSE FOR ISSUE FOR THE WIFE

I wonder why many are trying to trivialise the stress the wife says ahe cannot face cooking for 20 people.
Are you her? Is she you? Is you she?
Her excuse is legitimate and shouldn't be trivilaised and swept under the rug of marriage/love.
I would advice OP to get a cheaper caterer to come and just cook, while he buys the foodstuff. Ask your wife what she is willing to contribute to help make it a success- her time if she could help with buying the foodstuff and staying with the caterer to help with the cooking.
You cannot force a grown adult to be what she is not. Why do you want to force her to go through the stress she has said loud and clear that she cannot cope with? If she breaks down physically or mentally over this, las las you will go and drop her with her parents to sort it out.
Please learn to listen, hear and understand other people's view points especially your spouse.
OP, you admitted the last time was stressful for her despite being pregnant. Now she has a child/toddler to also look after which is equally stressful on it's own especially with a lot of crowd about the house. If she has said she can't cope, then look for an alternative arrangement. You could equally ask her for her own suggestions about the matter.

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

Now, I don't agree with you. The wife wasn't informed whether she's disposed to playing host to some guests, much more catering for them. You of all people should know that this is wrong. Spouses should seek each other's consent before they agree on anything.

When I first got married, my husband whenever he's on phone with anyone who asked after me, would pass the phone to me, but I'd refused, even after he'd told them she's here. Do you know if I wish to speak to them, whoever they are? I don't pass him the phone too if I don't have his consent. Now he doesn't do that anymore. He'd just say anything if they ask after me. Mutual respect is essential for any relationship to thrive. The husband is very wrong here. He should expand his budget to accommodate a caterer. Next time he'll know how to decline when it's not convenient to say aye.

For Christ's sake, hire a caterer

SocialJustice:
Crase husband, you want your wife to be cooking for your useless religious cult members frequently because she agreed to marry you.

Carry your evil load and get out of this place.

What he asked for was advice, and not insult daddy calm down!!!

If na me them wan force make she cook laidis if the men no chop rat poison na small e go remain. I'm just saying my own[/quote]

Hahahahaha. You got me rolling on the floor with the rat poison part .

you want to satisfy outsider before your own? even bible made it clear that church start from the family.


if care is not taken this little things can escalate and made you've issue in the family

get those people snacks and coke and tell them you will get them something nice better


get together that didn't even add to your pocket to afford caterer

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

Don't blame her it is not easy cooking for about 20 people even if she has support. Request for about 2 people from church to join her

SirMichael1:
Hello Good afternoon Familanders. This is very long, so please bear with me.

I’ll start from the root. Well, in my church, there’s usually a committee for the married men where most times we can proffer solution to the issues or need of the church members and other times organize get together monthly within us (married men) just to foster unity. Since we're like 20, different men host the get together. Therefore, it's spaced out for 1year and 8months.

It all began last Sunday when I was chosen to oversee the next get together which comes up this Sunday after church. When we (my wife and I) got home after church, I told her about it and she immediately asked, “who would do the cooking”? I was taken aback as the question sounded strange. I replied her saying, since she did the cooking the last time, I figured she’d do it this time.

She got angry and said there’s no way she’ll be going through the stress of cooking for 18 to 25 men and that I better know what to do concerning who’s going to handle the cooking. I tried to calm her down and reminded her of how I assisted her in the kitchen by pounding the yams while she made the soup -two soups actually and that I was going to help her this time. Yam is quite expensive so we’re not pounding this time, just Semo.

She remained adamant and said there was no way she would do anything, that the work stressed her so much and she won’t partake in any cooking and that I better go find anyone to do the cooking. Thing is, I understood the fact that the work was stressful for her because she was 5 months pregnant then and it was her first time.

Yesterday at work, I kept pondering about a solution and a thought struck me. I called her from work and asked her, "how about I get one of the women at church to offer you support?". She blatantly refused and still held on to her words.

My mind hasn’t been settled since morning because I got hold of a caterer and she told me that she’ll charge a thousand naira per head, that is approximately 20k. Truth is, the get together came at a wrong time and considering the prices of drinks, the cost of the food stuff, meat, ingredients, etc. I really can’t afford a caterer right now.

I’m at a cross road now. I don’t know what to do because it’s causing a rift between us. I thought of bringing a church member to assist on that day without informing her so she wouldn’t surprise me and leave the house but I fear that if she comes, my wife might not join her in the kitchen and the woman will begin to feel a certain way (thinking of how ungrateful we are). Then again, who will purchase the food items? I’ve just been confused. I really need insights.

Note: I said I'll help her make the swallow, she just needs to make the soup.

did you marry a cook? what is essence of meeting of married men? i see it as wasting of time and resources?
your wife is telling you that she does not want large crowd in her house. There may be other reason that may shock you if revealed to you.
God and family are most important thing in life.

LadyExcellency:


After enjoying heavenly delicacies from other host over a period of 20 months?

Stop this nonsense

it's not a must he cook for them. If he doesn't have money should he go and borrow just to satisfy them on one meal.

CanadianNaija:


Abeg she’s right to refuse. You’re just inconsiderate.
Did you plan to invite people with her or you just invited them and informed her as the cook you have at home?

You think she doesn’t have a life because she’s married to you? You like to play host but you don’t have money.

Just go and hire a caterer and stop stressing the woman abeg!

Some of you sound silly! what's the essence of partnership or ur wife been ur best friend? the man already said he doesn't have much cos of tough moments..plus the husband offered assistance..

He offered to call a church member to assist her..she refuse..what does she wants..you are busy talking rubbish...

SirMichael1:


The previous get togethers I went to, their wife did the cooking. It's just making of soup while I make the swallow.

Bros, this is why it is good to learn how to cook... if to say you sabi cook now, you for handle everything by yourself... it is not that hard, to be sincere. No woman fit do shakara for me o. if u do too much, I go enter kitchen handle my thing by myself...

When she sees you are handling it yourself, she will not hold you to ransom.

my 0.00001 and half kobo cent

Righteousness89:
All I Can Do Right now is to Pray For you!

Precious Daddy, I Pray thee, Touch the wife of My Brother to see the Need to Cooperate with Her Husband. Touch Her to Do it with Joy In Jesus Name.... Amen..

My Brother Calm down.. She will Do it...




Reading through the Comments, It's clear that People Have Lost what Marriage is all about!

Marriage is Cooperation
Marriage is Sacrifice
Marriage is Watching out for each other

It's sounds strange to me that a woman is not willing to Cooperate with her Husband and People are Supporting that!

Seriously! This Generation has lost it

Baba,You dey reason straight I swear.
Why this woman dey stress the husband for crying out loud?

mariahAngel:
The things that I read on nairaland...

What is so hard about hosting your husband's guests?
She's just being stubborn and unreasonable.
To host, you don't even need to do everything yourself. Just get friends or relatives to help, while you divide the labour among yourselves and supervise....as long as there's enough free food to take home, they'll gladly help.

My brother all I see here is stubbornness and the beginning of status struggle at the home front.

Edojoma:
Bro,, I won't lie to u,, dats y I'm happy today, cos dere is food my woman can cook dat I can't cook better. Even wen I was in sec sch, was already frying meat n chicken for various occasions....

If I were u,, I would do d cooking,, instead of wasting ur time to think of who will cook, use dat time to think n write down all d ingredients u need n approximate cost... Go to d market with ur list handy n get ur stuff.. Call any nice unmarried young gal in ur church, tell her dat ur wife ain't feeling fine, n time is against u, she would help u out in d kitchen, cook alongside her.. Serve ur guest, crack jokes.. After everything thing,, act as if ur wife did nothing wrong at all, if ur wife truly loves u, u won't b comfortable, guilty conscience will kill her, wen she tries to b friendly unnecessarily, tell her u are mad at her, dat she almost disgraced u... Den let her do d begging n use dat opportunity caution her dat u won't tolerate it next time..

God bless you. When u know how to cook, all these na small thing...

cococandy:
I believe your wife is bothered by something else related to that gathering than just the cooking aspect. I’m not saying the cooking is easy.
But if you offered to help and also get someone else to help out too and she’s still refusing, then it’s not really all about the cooking.

this is your area of specialization.. Having to cook for friends and family

tumababa:


You can’t force her. Do d pounding and get 2 people to cook d soup and leave her alone. Shikena

Jesus see talk ha, if you her his uncle or a brother to him and you are around that period would you accept this advice?