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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing (72427 Views)
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Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Miarose: 8:23pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Eight years is a lifetime and people change. You don't know this guy,I promise you. Put on your investigative hat and get as much details as you can. Forget love, this is survival. 34 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by LilMissFavvy(f): 8:34pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
You haven't mentioned the reason he abandoned you, what reasons did he give? Truth is, life is a risk. Yes, he made you pass through a lot and you are now a single mother. He came back begging with empty hands, if you decide to stand by him, be prepared because it will not be easy. So are you ready to suffer all over again? If yes, then take him back. If no, then push him out. My only warning is, whatever you chose, never ever let him have sex with you, except he completes your marriage rites. Frustrate him sexually and never give in no matter what. He does not deserve you. 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 8:36pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Hathor5:My dad is late. He would have been in the best position to help me decide this 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Hathor5(f): 8:44pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Divanona: I am sorry to read it but maybe you can ask your dad for guidance from above if you are spiritually inclined. Take your time and ask important questions before you make up your mind. Don't sell yourself cheap. Take your time dear. 5 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by oseoji: 8:47pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Nothing stops him from being a father to his son,paying visits,hanging out now while he sorts out his own ,from a distance while you both begin to court again if you want. You said he wants to take responsibility,how? No income,no accomodation,no job, nothing. He paid your school fees in the past so I guess it's payback time but just remember,it's not your job to be his Messiah. Is it you that will sponsor the marriage abi manna will fall from heaven? I bet pastor somewhere has told him that the key to unlocking his fortune is by righting the wrong he did to you and his son..he will disappear like he did 8 years ago if after a few years he's still in the same situation. I hope you have a good job or business to take care of 3 of you and any additional kids because this looks a suffer head manual loading. This is 2020,marriages are formed to pool resources and get ahead ,not to go 100 steps back(all things being equal) I wish you all the best. 40 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Alennsar(f): 8:53pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Zzor:Don't mind him jare. After all the child survived eight years without his father so what's the big deal about the father's presence? OP should think deeply about any decision she is about to make. I wish her the best 20 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 8:57pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
oseoji: |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by jimmychang: 9:01pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Divanona: This life self no ever get one particular formula.I am not too experienced in life what I can say is that you should do a thorough research about what he has been doing these past years . It might be that he tried his best and life bleeped him up...or he was just lazy ...I don't know ...Just scan him very well and please don't work with your heart work with your brain Peace mam.... praying for you 4 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by oseoji: 9:13pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
[quote author=Divanona post=94381028][/quote] So what's your motivation then? You can barely feed your child ,can you feed him and house him too without being resentful? He should be coming to part alleviate your burden not add extra problems to your life. I'm sure it's great to see your son so excited,but excitement doesn't translate to food,neither will excitement put a roof over your head or pay school fees. You both can co-parent peacefully without marrying and he can be a father to his son while you work to give your child the future he deserves. 10 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 9:16pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
merieam16:what more can I say,you are right 1 Like |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 9:16pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
oseoji:That was an act of kindness from him which I appreciate deeply in my heart. But i did more for him as well. 1 Like |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by DontBullshitMe: 9:20pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Another "Seun must eat" thread. 5 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by oseoji: 9:33pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Divanona: So what's your motivation then? You haven't mentioned what exactly you aim to achieve with this marriage apart from increased financial burden. You haven't said he's wonderful or ambitious or a wonderful father to your child. There's nothing positive other than your son's excitement ,that's why I'm struggling to see where your confusion is coming from. Marriage these days is a calculated decision not some romanticised leap.of faith,this one you're wide awake and leaping into problems . Remove sentiments and put your thinking cap on. Hunger + Marriage or Single Mother and managing. Nothing criminal in both options, it's all a matter of personal priority. 27 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by CanadianNaija: 9:42pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Divanona: He wants to take responsibility with what please? Why can’t he see your son without you carrying his burden? Where were his family in all this when he lost his senses and abandoned you? You want to get together with him? So basically sufferhead is your destiny? You better think with your head not your heart. Women and fish brain. Mstheewwwww! 19 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 9:44pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
oseoji: 1 Like |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 9:46pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
CanadianNaija:Exactly, 1 Like |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by oseoji: 9:54pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
[quote author=Divanona post=94382654][/quote] @Divanona Your sole focus should be on making yourself great not someone else .Are you allergic to greatness? I know I'm being blunt but you seem to have a Saviour complex towards him while you've not even managed to sort out your own life. I understand he is the father of your son and you mean well but you should have a look at your priorities and learn to put your wellbeing and that of your child first. He's an adult ,he can be in the life of his son while sorting himself out without being an additional strain to you. If you want to marry him just to give your son his last name,that's solely your choice and not a problem but you can't turn back and start crying about suffering. 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by spiralwedge(m): 9:57pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Divanona, It's good you forgave him. But he can always come to visit his son but dont accommodate him. Let him go to his family house. Having a child for him doesn't mean you should marry. If you desire to help, help from afar. Also, investigate very well what he had been up to all those years of absence. Have a discuss with him along with your brother, let him know hes forgiven and can always come to visit his son. A word of warning: whenever he comes to see his son, make sure the visit is supervised. If not he may disappear with him for whatever reason. And it should be like that until the boy turns 18. 21 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Legionx: 10:04pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Lalasticlala |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 10:33pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Op,let me truly advice you,never choose a life partner based on emotions and feelings,you will be at the receiving end(mostly women). Most women that got married based on emotions and feelings without using their brains end up sad,you may love a man so much and he won't be a good man to settle down with,be emotionless when choosing a life partner while your brain is most active,that love you may feel will eventually turn to sadness and sorrows if you settle for the wrong choice and you will be asking yourself if you were blinded when you agreed to marry him,but when you choose the right partner that you may not have much love for,the love will eventually set in when he treats you right and have you covered in all aspects.Love doesn't last long if not properly nurtured.Tell that man to go stay with his family while you think of what best to do but never let emotions influence your decision. 29 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by TheCork(m): 11:02pm On Sep 27, 2020 |
Zzor: True. Anyways hi. I apologice again..I juss mistakenly come on yor face again on yor profile foto |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Raalsalghul: 1:12am On Sep 28, 2020 |
DontBullshitMe: |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 1:28am On Sep 28, 2020 |
Divanona: What made him leave in the first place? He left after convincing you keep the pregnancy So, he was really ready to stay with you? You are still hiding so many things here. The way you present it, makes it looks like he abandoned you without looking back. So, how have you guys been communicating? For you to seems confused, means there is more to all this. My little cents... He seems determined to turn himself to adult because of you which didn't worked for him. He sacrificed his life for you thinking he can maneuver things but it failed. That youngman has a fighting spirit and it takes a responsible young lady to also appreciate that. If you feel anything bad about him, just tell him now and let him go. One thing I am sure of is that, the young boy will definitely end up a great man. 4 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by frozen70(f): 4:15am On Sep 28, 2020 |
Divanona: He came back to you because he has lost all hope in life He left you because he believes he has greater chances than being with you Now he wants to be the cross you have to carry in your life Forget about the sentiment of your son here If you ever love him, see him as the man of your life If that word love wasn't and never existed in your heart, accept him and see him as your cross to carry for life 7 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 5:07am On Sep 28, 2020 |
Thanks @everyone for sharing your views and advice. |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by pk2me: 5:21am On Sep 28, 2020 |
That part you said he paid your school fees is where am more interested. A guy can do anything to get what he needs in a woman, so never believe that paying your school fees means he loves you a lot. Becareful with him. 13 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by zeb04(f): 5:22am On Sep 28, 2020 |
Divanona:you better dont make the mistake of accepting that man back in your life as a partner. It is even possible he has a child too somewhere else. Human beings will never tell you the entire truth, when they need your help, they will only say what you need to here. Suffer head is not what God made you for. Forgive him and let him go to his family. Be careful, the heart of man is inherently wicked, who can know it. 17 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by femi4: 6:20am On Sep 28, 2020 |
You need him for balance emotionally. Give him another chance 1 Like |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by CHoccolaTE: 7:40am On Sep 28, 2020 |
Don't be too fast to let that man into your life, he can visit his son under your supervision but no marriage for now untill he finds his feet. He sounds like a lazy and confused person. There are guys that will use that 8 years to become millionaires or even relocate to a better country with a good job but this your guy could not even achieve anything meaningful this whole time when he had no support what makes you think he will suddenly become successful when he knows you will be there to feed him and take care of him? All these guys telling you to accept him back will never tell their fellow men to accept a woman who abandoned her child for years. They will say you went to do ashawo work now you are back for forgiveness with all your STDs. Ask yourself this question, if that your guy had become very wealthy and successful in his life do you really think he will come back to marry you? Or he will look for another younger, more beautiful girl without kids to marry. Abeg use your head. Love dies very very very fast when there is suffering and poverty. Use your head. 33 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Mindlog: 7:48am On Sep 28, 2020 |
femi4: Please do explain her need for him in order to balance emotionally. 14 Likes |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 8:16am On Sep 28, 2020 |
pk2me:I mean that's the only good memories of him. Not that I'm indebted to that. I do more for him as well. |
Re: Left Us. After Eight Years, He's Back And Had Nothing by Nobody: 8:17am On Sep 28, 2020 |
femi4:How please? He's here and I'm more confused than ever. 3 Likes |
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