Hmmmmm

Oboy not a good sign at all, knowing how women brain works. I have seen and been with women that got bleepedd yet received phone call from their lovers pretending as if nothing happened. Even going as far as telling the caller" I love you baby" and person is untop riding her.

LadySarah:
Don't care whatever her reason is ,it is super wrong unless you are the'Lord' type of husband who cut off their wives from their families which means you may not want her to go .

but if not


It took her weeks to make the plans and not once did she mention it. Are you sure you ppl were really talking?

God forbid anything happened ..

Thanks all and thanks Lady Sarah, from my post you can deduce we are in good talking terms.I do call everyday and never did she mention this to me.This is total betrayal and I have lost trust in her already, even if I may not allow her to go,don't I have the prerogative and discretion to do that? This shows disloyalty.

LadySarah:
Don't care whatever her reason is ,it is super wrong unless you are the'Lord' type of husband who cut off their wives from their families which means you may not want her to go .

but if not


It took her weeks to make the plans and not once did she mention it. Are you sure you ppl were really talking?

God forbid anything happened ..

Even if he is lord and saviour type its totally rubbish. Why will you do such without informing your husband. Such a woman is not a wife.

Does it mean that women now want to be men I marriage or fully in control of themselves in marriage? E dey my body too

Your wife knew, you wouldn't have granted your consent for such a risky journey (with the kids) in your absence, so she took the advice of whosoever she's with to go on the trip anyway.

This is just one of the shi t test women test a man with, to know how weak or alpha the man is.


I'm sorry to inform you that; Sir, you have previously failed all her other shi t tests (when dating her or in your marriage) before this recent advanced test she pulled on you. It means, you are losing frame as the man of the house or even lost frame already.

So what can you do sir?

NOTHING, if you want your marriage to last; Absolutely nothing because she already crossed the line, you can't just kick her out now because she has your kids and she hasn't cheated yet. But there is a glimmer of hope, and what is it?

Turn your alpha mode on - First, Send away any of her relative living in your house.

Turn off your lovey dovey demeanor or shut down your happy attitude towards her when she goes against your rules.

Always repeat your rules to her at all times.

Never show weakness and never reveal your insecurities to her.

And this is the most important tip. Take back frame sir. How? Never argue with her. Never answer her irrelevant questions during confrontation. Rather, be the one asking the questions. Never talk back at her, Just state your point and walk out of the room. And if she is whining in the process, stay quiet and stoic.

If you want her to do something, Insist on it until it's done.

That's it.

Good luck

Ever8090:
Bross,.if I vex for you this morning you no go like am,.hunger dey tear people, one onion now is 200 naira, ASU is on strike, Army dey deny say them no kill people for leki gate,bag of rice is 40,000 and Christmas is around the corner only for you to carry burial matter come dey worry us this morning....

Come you no base for this country?...

Be calming down nah, na different things dey pain different people. Have you eaten today? Pele

Well OP, I sense you don't really like your wife going for ceremony with her family. She's not free with you, hence the reason she travelled without your permission. You need to work on your relationship with her and her family and please don't forget that as your wife, her responsibility is not to you alone but also to her family. My 1kobo experience

First and foremost, I love your English abi diction sef..
Secondly I am not married so I will sit tight and learn from the ones with experience. Pls keep the comments coming!!!!

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

You are talking trash

They need to be cautioned

Davash222:
Seun should create a section for married people and their wahala. Una wahala don too much for this forum!

Lol. You're funny.

This is so wrong... But don't let this cause an issue in your marriage... Confront her about it, surely, she will apologize for her wrong act. At that moment, let the matter die down....

Incase she doesn't apologize, then surely something is wrong somewhere

[quote author=jidamsel43 post=96059450]You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

God bless you. You are a good councilor

Your wife must be from a nice family. Dem get burial and dem no give you billing

Souqwaqif:
Dear All,

Greetings from here. Just needing a piece of positive counsel here. It has been subtle and recurrent but I decided to share this particular one.

My wife travelled for a burial with my kids without my knowledge. I travelled far away for work and call home everyday. Just recently I called very early in the morning to tell my wife I will be coming home by weekend,she somewhat sounded surprised and said instead of me coming on Friday I should come on Sunday.

I didn't say anything,I pretended not to be angry with that. Yet I immediately did a cash transfer for feeding and balance for the kids school fees that same morning we were discussing.

Later in the evening,I expected her to call and update me on the fees payment,but I didn't receive any call,I then had to call but her lines were all switched off,at this point I was worried especially when I couldn't talk to the kids.

I then called a neighbor to help me check if they are at home only to confirm they travelled for burial which the neighbor got to know from a phone conversation between my wife and her sister.

At this point, I called my wife's brother only to confirm that they were having a burial in their village, which I am not aware of,even as an inlaw.

Right now am very upset and I don't want to act in anger,please how can I react to this conspiracy between her and her family carrying my car with my kids to a distant village for burial without my knowledge.

Thanks for mature inputs only:

pls before I proceed why the use of "my kids" is she not the mother of the kids also it can be "our kids"?

Souqwaqif:



Thanks all and thanks Lady Sarah, from my post you can deduce we are in good talking terms.I do call everyday and never did she mention this to me.This is total betrayal and I have lost trust in her already, even if I may not allow her to go,don't I have the prerogative and discretion to do that? This shows disloyalty.

let me apologize on her behalf. Her actions were foolish .Its not enough to loose trust of her. I'm not making excuses for her even though I sense it's been long she met her folks and it was a kind of reunion for her but not informing you wasn't ideal. Infcat things could turn worse and you'd never believe your family went far let alone village.
I know it made you look stupid but forgive her. It won't happen again.

Gbahara Biko.

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

seconded.

streetsoldier1:



Be calming down nah, na different things dey pain different people. Have you eaten today? Pele

you want give me food?..

marriage wahala, I feel she's seeing someone else though. Guy use your head ooh

When she returns you guys talk it over and let her understand how you won't tolerate such behavior from her, it shows she doesn't need you to make some important decisions, God forbid what if sth happens what will be the narrative.. talk to her like a husband and be calm about it

LadySarah:


let me apologize on her behalf. Her actions were foolish .Its not enough to loose trust of her. I'm not making excuses for her even though I sense it's been long she met her folks and it was a kind of reunion for her but not informing you wasn't ideal. Infcat things could turn worse and you'd never believe your family went far let alone village.
I know it made you look stupid but forgive her. It won't happen again.

Gbahara Biko.

. Good comment. Proud of Ada Abia

Don't say anything about it to her today because you're still angry, if by tomorrow you're still very mad about the issue then its worth getting angry for then you can tell her how you felt because the tone you'll use then, even as you're angry won't be as harshly as you'd react today

As long adultery is not involved in any way or form, i give her a pass if she has a reasonable excuse and let her know to let me know if she leave town next time.
If she does it again, then i will be suspicious and let her know that the extracircular activities is not cool at all and it is bad for our marriage.

Maybe Madam is bored and lonely and looking for way to escape isolation, open a conservation to understand your wife needs and see how you can help.

Secondly secrets in marriage are like landmine. A secretive spouse arouse suspiciousness and create distrust.

Just talk to her that what she did was wrong, then tell her not to travel without your permission.

Give her a good slap.

What if they all perished?

Discuss us with her, find out her reason for doing such then comeback to we the elderS with ur findings then we can give u final advise. She might have been influenced by her relations. Just find out her reasons

Oga no vex
Are you a man or a woman

bukatyne:


What is going on between you two that your wife would have the guts to travel for a burial with the kids without your knowledge?

How do you both run your marriage?

There's something definitely going on: you got that part right: the part you didn't get was it involving the man. A lot of modern married women do things WITHOUT their their husbands knowledge, permission and input

LadySarah:
It took her weeks to make the plans and not once did she mention it. Are you sure you ppl were really talking?

God forbid anything happened ..

Modified;

let me apologize on her behalf. Her actions were foolish .Its not enough to loose trust of her. I'm not making excuses for her even though I sense it's been long she met her folks and it was a kind of reunion for her but not informing you wasn't ideal. Infcat things could turn worse and you'd never believe your family went far let alone village.
I know it made you look stupid but forgive her. It won't happen again.

Gbahara Biko.

how can you say you are apologizing on her behalf and that it wont happen again. is she your sister
you funny o

I think you have mote pressing issue to attend to in your marriage. It seems you guys talk a lot but you ain't communicating. What will make your wife take the kids to her own village for a family event without telling you? Not a random owanbe o, her family event, ain't you supposed to be family too? I know you are pained she took a decision without telling you but I think you should set aside your ego here and address the important issues that may tear your marriage apart

jidamsel43:
You don't need to rush to make a hasty decision on this because many 'strange' things happen in a marriage that requires wisdom and patience. I began to realize some things recently when I got married which made me conclude that Marriage is full of strange and peculiar situations. Since my marriage late last year, my tolerance, patience, forbearance have increased. I have been to a point of raising my hand to hit her but I deployed caution and restraint. There is no issue or circumstance in a marriage that surpasses the use of patience and wisdom.

Back to the issue at hand, call your wife and inquire why she decided to embark on the journey without your permission. if she gives you a convincing response, please let it slide down like that. Anybody that tells you to come hard on your wife just wants to destabilize your happy home. If your wife's reason is reasonable to some extent, you have to accept her and just warn her not to take the unilateral decision again.

I have been confronted with issues more serious than this. My wife and I are still together better and stronger. There is no perfect man or woman.

We are just managing ourselves

Oga this your advice get as e be


It's not everything you use kids glove to handle

If what the op is saying is 100% correct then she took a very wrong step

Op no let devil use you scatter your marriage but the same time there should be some level of discipline in a home