After toasting a girl with my best scopes, she agreed and I started planning step 2(if u understand )
Only to go for a family meeting to find the girl and her family their, we were just staring at each other I had to ask my uncle who she was and I was told she is my cousin .
Swears e no funny
After I don think how I go use press bress chai

Nairaland is becoming stale;a shadow of its past

A post of Oct15 reaching FP now

back in school a girl that was always forming prestige shat her pants( oya igbe sara) in class, I immediately went to call all the boys she gave redcard. na we follow am clean everywhere. I dey jss3 den

Years back, after my secondary School. I went for one interview like that in a hotel for a house keeper position

I can't remember what I ate that particular day, but I won't forget releasing one atomic fart in front of the 2-man panel. Both of them just use laugh finish me. They were like, this is how you'll be attending to the customers?���

Las Las, I still got the job���

So mumsy being send me to collect cloth from my sister..it was around 7pm...na so this mumu shit start to worry me ooo..guy just branch one corner to deposit...I was about releasing this missile when I suddenly felt one movement around me..I moved a little then this thing that looks like snake followed me...omo come and see japa..my speed should be around 70kmph...I now discovered that the more I run the more this thing keep coming after me..then I stopped.. only for me to realized that it was my belt...the belt long die... up till now I have not recovered from the shock...

The day I saw my uncle romancing(smooching, rubbing, pecking etc) a bottle of Gulder during a family event...

That was at Navy Town Sailing Club, Ojo.

You should have seen the envy in the eyes of his wife that evening.

Alcohol is one hell of a thing.

. I was in jss3 then.....I came up with an idea on how to end the speaking of pigin language in my class via say I was the class prefect.....and whosoever that flouted the rule was to paid #20 per pigin spoken.....

The funniest part was that I ended up paying the highest amount of money because my classmates got their eyes on me like CCTV

Up till now,after about 15years later,my niggas still dey use am dey laugh me whenever we dey kill beer together

Back then in jss1,I had stomach upset during CRK class. It was so bad that I pooed in my shot. So I ran out of the class without the teacher's permission straight to the toilet. As I was in there, I was in deep shit because I have already released the all d poo in my shot.

I was hopelessly in there thinking of what to do . I didnt have tissue in there and it was impossible to come out and collect tissue with shit all over my buttocks and laps . So I removed my singlet and shirt and wiped my buttocks and other parts of my body stained with shit and rushed home with smelly cloths . chai !!

As I enterd bus, people were complaining of shitty odour. I just close mouth and joined with the eye searching .

Anytime I remember that time ,I just laugh .

I came late into a very important papper on exam hall day..

I got there when exam officially kicks off 20min after....

The inspector kept me standing for another 20min Before I was allowed to enter

When I settled down to start working... I requested for question sheet but I was informed they can't provide any more sheet so I have to start hoping someone can finish then pass me his/her paper...

I couldn't ask anyone beside me to share with me because people close to my sit we're writting different paper


I waited for 13min doing nothing... Just smiling like jürgen klopp


Eventually 25min to stop officially someone gave me his question... And the dude had to hold on writtn...


I quickly copy the questions
I returned it

And I started writing my paper

-The funniest thing was.... I was the second to submit that particular paper among the class of 55

-I score 80℅ in that exam

People think I will mess up
But rather I was motivated

the day I entered Mr Biggs in ibadan to go and shit. d thing hold me down for public luckily Mr Biggs was nearby entered, signal to d attendant in counter dat I'm coming. mheen I entered their fine toilet, shit better shit there, I was really relieved.

shekwon:
When i was much younger, my friend Promise usually comes to the house to play with i and my brothers and the boy can eat, he was always asking the meaning of this or that in my language so he can gain some favor.

So on that fateful day he came, he kept disturbing me to tell him what food was in my language.
I mischievously told him food in my language is agologma, meanwhile it means nyash and not food and depending on how you use it, it also can mean vagina.

Na so he went straight to my dad's elder sister who had been around and told her that "mummy i want to eat agologma" the beating e chop that day eh. His parents even come to apologize to my aunts.
Mischievous me, I denied ever telling him anything. I told them i didn't even know the meaning.

Now we're both married and we always laugh about it, we still call him agologma.

Wow � you guys are now married

Na wa o! Why are 90% of the stories about shit and fart?

I can only imagine lol

Nickymichy:
So mumsy being send me to collect cloth from my sister..it was around 7pm...na so this mumu shit start to worry me ooo..guy just branch one corner to deposit...I was about releasing this missile when I suddenly felt one movement around me..I moved a little then this thing that looks like snake followed me...omo come and see japa..my speed should be around 70kmph...I now discovered that the more I run the more this thing keep coming after me..then I stopped.. only for me to realized that it was my belt...the belt long die... up till now I have not recovered from the shock...

Sparcoal:

Wow � you guys are now married

Shebi he's telling lies. The 2 of them are men now and married... Liar Mohammed's first son.

nwajesus12:
we don land, Edo Airways

nwajesus12:
we don land, Edo Airways

pocohantas:
What are we supposed to type now?

Something funny.

Let me type my one, that relates to you. lol.

So, a few years ago, I started seeing this girl on most front page threads. She always seemed to get on the nerve of most guys, as she was always showing her feminist ways. Her name was pocohantas.

As a kid, Pocahontas was one of my favorite cartoons, so I grew interest in the girl. I noticed, behind all the gragra, she was a sweet girl. So, I started thinking of how I was going to be her friend. So, one particular day, while sipping my bottle of Legend at a bar, I came up with an idea of how to get to know her offline. When I got back to my apartment, I opened up my laptop, and saw a mention on Nairaland. I clicked on the mention...guess who the mention was from? Pocohantass I had said something earlier on in the day on a front page thread, and she was cursing me out because of what I said. I can't even remember what it was, but that was one of my funniest moments on Nairaland. What are the odds that the one person I was thinking of, would respond to one of my random comments on Nairaland...cursing me out like we were married and I didn't leave soup money before going out . It was just funny.

We became friends online for a short while after that.

Nickymichy:
So mumsy being send me to collect cloth from my sister..it was around 7pm...na so this mumu shit start to worry me ooo..guy just branch one corner to deposit...I was about releasing this missile when I suddenly felt one movement around me..I moved a little then this thing that looks like snake followed me...omo come and see japa..my speed should be around 70kmph...I now discovered that the more I run the more this thing keep coming after me..then I stopped.. only for me to realized that it was my belt...the belt long die... up till now I have not recovered from the shock...

Hahahahahahaha! Funniest so far. Damn!

shekwon:
When i was much younger, my friend Promise usually comes to the house to play with i and my brothers and the boy can eat, he was always asking the meaning of this or that in my language so he can gain some favor.

So on that fateful day he came, he kept disturbing me to tell him what food was in my language.
I mischievously told him food in my language is agologma, meanwhile it means nyash and not food and depending on how you use it, it also can mean vagina.

Na so he went straight to my dad's elder sister who had been around and told her that "mummy i want to eat agologma" the beating e chop that day eh. His parents even come to apologize to my aunts.
Mischievous me, I denied ever telling him anything. I told them i didn't even know the meaning.

Now we're both married and we always laugh about it, we still call him agologma.

LMAO!!!!!!!!

Oluromantic:
The day I farted, scratched my anus and smelt my fingers after scratching in an empty classroom only to see the girl I've been toasting and forming porch for, came out from the back of the class covering her nose with her hand. I didn't know what to say to her after that day

This guy visited me, he had been toasting for a long time, I made noodles, I didn't know the pack I cooked was bad, air had entered it while still inside the cartoon, I was already dishing when I tasted it, horrible taste. I gave it to him anyway and watched in amusement as he ate it and kept drinking water. After sometime I asked him, I hope you are enjoying the food he said this is the worst Indomie I've tasted �. Laughter followed.

Playing truth or dare in public, I had to give one werey my number cos my friends dared me to, the guy is a pastor who insists he saw me in s dream the previous night getting married to him. He caused a big scene. My friends laugh me tire.

In secondary school, a teacher once flogged my classmates mercilessly, it was a rare occurrence, our teachers hardly flog us, miraculously he skipped me, but I cried along with everyone else so they wouldn't notice. I cried for a different reason, tears of joy.

HitlerGaddafi:

I was once at NYSC camp when I sighted a girl doing her thing in the bush..I shine torch oboy that toto red die. It's the reddest to** I've ever seen..the mumu girl no even send... She was like "guy do normal na". I was like oboy this one na warri girl o.

Nickymichy:
So mumsy being send me to collect cloth from my sister..it was around 7pm...na so this mumu shit start to worry me ooo..guy just branch one corner to deposit...I was about releasing this missile when I suddenly felt one movement around me..I moved a little then this thing that looks like snake followed me...omo come and see japa..my speed should be around 70kmph...I now discovered that the more I run the more this thing keep coming after me..then I stopped.. only for me to realized that it was my belt...the belt long die... up till now I have not recovered from the shock...

Hope you didn't stain your leg with shit

mamajaz:


Shebi he's telling lies. The 2 of them are men now and married... Liar Mohammed's first son.

How is that a lie? Learn to read and understand.

Xucxex1997:
After toasting a girl with my best scopes, she agreed and I started planning step 2(if u understand )
Only to go for a family meeting to find the girl and her family their, we were just staring at each other I had to ask my uncle who she was and I was told she is my cousin .
Swears e no funny
After I don think how I go use press bress chai

Gosh!!���

iamloyalty:


How is that a lie? Learn to read and understand.

Ok....the two men don marry?

Nah lie...that guy wey dey talk agologoma is a man and this reporter is a woman.

Other things I believe but the gender parts are lies.

Mine was when I had to travel to PortHarcourt for the first time.Naso,me and my dad enter one marcopolo wet slow die.Every one kon dey form for the motor as both old and Young's don catch beta space for the car.Moto don start to move o.I observed say my stomach begin dey make sound o.I just dey manage am and praying make God no allow disgrace follow me.At each interval the moto con dey shake wella dey shake my belle until I give up.The next thing na hot shit begin the comot for my trouser.After about 30mins people begin they complain said nshi dey smell,ebi lyk say some one shit for car.I lock up,one sabi sabi woman and man ion stand up dey smell sit to sit o.I just humble looking for opportunity for the car to stop.Thank God I got one,I pulled the trouser for that bush throway the trouser redress enter car again.Everyone dey suspect me but me don relieve myself.

mamajaz:


Ok....the two men don marry?

Nah lie...that guy wey dey talk agologoma is a man and this reporter is a woman.

Other things I believe but the gender parts are lies.

Do you have any childhood friend of yours that is married or you both are married? Do you know how old he is?

All the friends I have childhood memories with are all married both genders. So what he said is highly possible.

The day I came back from church on okada. As I made moves, to pay the bike man, I did not know when I left my Bible on the back seat. Being quite hungry, I quickly started walking briskly along my street to the house.

Come and see as Okada man de call me out in public say "You forget your Bible... Come and take your Bible o".

Chai... I nor know whether to cry or laugh.

SavageBoy:
Nairaland is becoming stale;a shadow of its past

A post of Oct15 reaching FP now

Na him time to blow be this ni

The topic ain't bad

The day I was born to this nigeria.

Very useless country.

iamloyalty:



Do you have any childhood friend of yours that is married or you both are married? Do you know how old he is?

All the friends I have childhood memories with are all married both genders. So what he said is highly possible.

Ok. All your friends are men married men or women married women?

You're the wonder the world is waiting for.

I didn't say they're not married. I maintained that the two guys in the picture that guy painted aren't men. The writer is a lady her agologoma friend is a man.