I have always hated the idea of dating married people, but here I am...the ex-girlfriend of a married man.

It started sometime during the lockdown, I went somewhere to get groceries and ran into this man. Let’s call him Mr X. His smile and sense of humour was the attraction. He was putting on a nice senator material and when I stood for us to leave, he towered above me. I am a 6ft tall lady and ladies with my height can tell the happiness when you meet a taller man.

We started chatting regularly and we were in a competition to give ourselves treats. On our second date which I initiated, I asked his age and he replied 36, he asked mine and I told him. He expressed his doubts and I showed him my drivers license. Started asking many questions about my background and I answered all of them. I asked about him too, including his marital status.

I had just gotten out of a relationship, his father said he wouldn’t marry outside the Catholic church and he started drifting, I had to let him go. It was tough for me, but after months of keeping to myself, my friend encouraged me to go on dates and give another man a chance. I decided to give Mr X a chance.

It was beautiful. We were in a competition to please ourselves, take ourselves out and we both had a healthy sense of humour...chatting was fun!!! Everywhere we went, people stared. We were all over ourselves even in public and till date I wonder how he pulled that off.

One day his office had a party and he asked if I could come, I said yes. Got there and the guys were looking at me with lust, the ladies were looking at me with pity. He said the ladies were jealous of my looks and some of them have been crushing on him. If you see him and see me, you’ll understand why this explanation made little sense.

After the party that day, it was late to go back to my house and his house was farther, so we decided to book a hotel around. That night was our most intimate night. We kissed, he gave me leg massages, a head and said he is ready when I am ready. I was blown away. Could this be real?

I always noticed he would be lost in thoughts whenever we are together and blame it on work. Other times he will start feeling sick and I would have to close earlier to go give him food and drugs. This became a regular occurence until one day…

He had fallen sick as usual. I made him promise to take pain relievers and we should consider going to the hospital. He didn’t do this and I had to make out time within the week to go check on him. He said it is because he was missing me, how sweet!

He didn’t get better, it was obvious something was bothering him. I decided I will take him for lunch so we can talk about it, but he couldn’t wait. That night he said he has something to tell me, he kept apologizing but still couldn’t say it. He asked if he could send a voice note and I told him to go ahead.

At about 3mins into the voice note, I felt my world crumbling. He told me he was married and has been married for almost 10years with kids. His family was not in the country, that is why I never saw traces of them. He said he had been battling with the guilt and was scared to tell me because some other girl left when she found out and the last was with him for money. He knew I would leave and was scared, his best friend told him to give it time, another told him to ghost me but I have been good to him and his conscience won’t let him. Other friends said he should never mention it to me.


When my friend saw him, she told me he was going to hurt me. I asked her how and she said I was too innocent for him. She didn’t say further not to be termed hater, but since he made me happy again...she wished me well.

I kept replaying the audio while he kept asking me to say something. I wondered if he treated his wife the way he treated me. He was such a gentleman. Held my hands when I had to walk in heels, opened the car door for me, checked on me at work, gave me handmade customized gifts...he made them himself. He said his wife is bad and he wants divorce her, lolz. I told him they all say that. I told him how much he has hurt me, but I forgive him and appreciate him telling me when he did.

It has been almost 3months but the pain lingers. I know I will be fine…

He is a good but ignorant man.

You are innocent but inexperienced too.

Sorry for your bad experience. Be thankful that you met a good man and that you've had the opportunity to be a better lady once again

daewoorazer:
This one dey seek validation to continue being a side hoe.

That niggar is a G, And that’s a brother. I’ll never advice you at the expense of a brother!

Nairalanders and insults. How exactly am I the side hoe here? Someone clearly looked me in the face and lied to me many times and I am the hoe?

Are you always like this or you are faking it?

I don’t need your advice, I advised myself and left him for his wife and family.

Good for you

It's fine. Here I am in a supposed vacation with the "love of my life" whom I was hoping to tie the knots with somewhere in Abuja and getting shitloads of regret, hoping to leave for Port Harcourt earlier than I should and there you are just wanting to be loved right by the ones you want *sigh* God is with you. Take heart

Heartbrokengirl:
I don’t need judgement and fights here. I only shared my experience after giving myself sometime to heal.

This is a true life experience, not for traffic.

This one dey seek validation to continue being a side hoe.

That niggar is a G, And that’s a brother. I’ll never advice you at the expense of a brother!

uncleck:
He is a good but ignorant man.

You are innocent but inexperienced too.

Sorry for your bad experience. Be thankful that you met a good man and that you've had the opportunity to be a better lady once again

Thank you. He was indeed good to me. I trusted him and even when a colleague of his collected my number...he said he is sure she wants to introduce me to bad life. I wondered how a woman in a reputable organization would introduce me to bad life. He deleted her number and I didn’t suspect anything.

Lol
Let him stay blocked oh it's not the one that after 2 months you'll start catching feelings...
Wait but where is it in the Bible that God said Don't marry more than one wife, na why I like my religion as far is I can take care of her I'll marry her...

Heartbender:
It's fine. Here I am in a supposed vacation with the "love of my life" whom I was hoping to tie the knots with somewhere in Abuja and getting shitloads of regret, hoping to leave for Port Harcourt earlier than I should and there you are just wanting to be loved right by the ones you want *sigh* God is with you. Take heart

Amen

Anytime a man tell you he's 35years and above, please try to know at least few members of his family before you get serious with him.

You are not the only one to have fallen for a man who seemed to be sugar, spice and everything nice, just to discover he's married.

Just move on with your life. His confession will either set you free or cage you to that man who can't marry you.

Don't be his accomplice.

Heartbrokengirl:


Thank you. He was indeed good to me. I trusted him and even when a colleague of his collected my number...he said he is sure she wants to introduce me to bad life. I wondered how a woman in a reputable organization would introduce me to bad life. He deleted her number and I didn’t suspect anything.

You see, why I said he's a good man is because men have superior thought process. He could have led you on if he had wanted. He could have made you change to a stupid being if he had wanted. Even if you suspected him, he could still have had his way. But he chosed not to rush you in sex even when it was obvious he could have his way as much as he wanted. He choosed to not hurt you more and ended it.

He is ignorant because he doesn't know that if he had opened up to you during one of your initial dates, you could still have liked him. Women are simply emotional and devoid of logic.

yemmit90:
Anytime a man tell you he's 35years and above, please try to know at least few members of his family before you get serious with him.

I met a few members of his family. They were welcoming

suzzyboss:
Lol
Let him stay blocked oh it's not the one that after 2 months you'll start catching feelings...
Wait but where is it in the Bible that God said Don't marry more than one wife, na why I like my religion as far is I can take care of her I'll marry her...

He is muslim

Romanoff:
You are not the only one to have fallen for a man who seemed to be sugar, spice and everything nice, just to discover he's married.

Just move on with your life. His confession will either set you free or cage you to that man who can't marry you.

Don't be his accomplice.

The post clearly says that I have let him go. He knew I would block him, that should tell you something...he knows what I stand for. He knows I wouldn’t be his accomplice

You have fled and that is good. Stay away no matter what.

uncleck:

You see, why I said he's a good man is because men have superior thought process. He could have led you on if he had wanted. He could have made you change to a stupid being if he had wanted. Even if you suspected him, he could still have had his way. But he chosed not to rush you in sex even when it was obvious he could have his way as much as he wanted. He choosed to not hurt you more and ended it.

He is ignorant because he doesn't know that if he had opened up to you during one of your initial dates, you could still have liked him. Women are simply emotional and devoid of logic.

Women and men rant is not what I created this thread for. If he had told me, I would have left. I don’t date married men, I would never date one knowingly. I am also not one to suspect or snoop, my friend would laugh at me for this. She always told me I will one day regret my nonchalance to snooping.

I wouldn’t have had sex with him, I haven’t done it before and didn’t plan to start with him either. I just loved that he didn’t make it an issue like other guys.

Pics or idonbelivit

Heartbrokengirl:


Nairalanders and insults. How exactly am I the side hoe here? Someone clearly looked me in the face and lied to me many times and I am the hoe?

Are you always like this or you are faking it?

I don’t need your advice, I advised myself and left him for his wife and family.

I never insulted u...”hoe” is just a street shit....Yes he lied, typical of a bad G...but will you tell us if you go back to collect the deek one more time?

You receiving his messages means u never blocked him. Trust me, we both know you don’t trust yourself..

And I’m not judging u

He played it well. He knew what he was doing all along. The human nature is naturally selfish.

He has found another but he has a conscience and doesn't want you to hate him.

Never believe the story about his wife being bad or he wants to divorce her. She may not even be abroad.

It's nice that you let him go after finding out. Still, don't for a minute think that he didn't know what he was doing from the get to.

daewoorazer:


I never insulted u...”hoe” is just a street shit....Yes he lied, typical of a bad G...but will you tell us if you go back to collect the deek one more time?

You receiving his messages means u never blocked him. Trust me, we both know you don’t trust yourself..

And I’m not judging u

We never had penetrative sex, I have never had penetrative sex. The messages are from our past chat, I only cleared the chat after creating this thread. I have not set my eyes on him since then. He has called with other numbers, but that has been it.

Plz, you can reserve the “hoe” tag for your loved ones if it is such a pleasant name. Using it randomly on people you do not know is a not a sign of good upbringing.

You guys here are all about the dick, dick is everywhere, but I have lived 25yrs of my life without it and I didn’t die. I was only hurt he lied to me and led me on. Some of us are trusting. I know people that would have ransacked his house and social media pages, but I didn’t do that. I am not even on Facebook and Instagram. He preyed on the fact that I am quite private and trusting, direct your misgivings to him!!

Keep deceiving yourself.

MurderX:
Keep deceiving yourself.

Would have been better if I did this...unfortunately, he was the one that deceived me.

The objective of this thread is exactly what? To celebrate an epic escape from the lion's den? Or to form a coalition of angry females on nairaland to bash men. Men and women encounter such people every day, who conceal their marital status from the opposite sex. In your case, the honeypot was not touched. That shows the man is not a gamer.

You are obviously disillusioned because the fantasies in your head exploded with the realisation of his marital status. Hey, you wrote he is a Muslim, that means he can married one than one wife. Despite his obvious fib, I think you ended the relationship in a huff, despite his sincere and heartfelt apologies.

You have no blame here sweet heart, ur man also is not a bad person.
being married is complicated, only married peopel will understand.
most marriages today does not offer the satisfaction many expect due to many factors....wanting out is also not a popular option.


it,s ur choice to make.

daewoorazer:


You’re still a hoe with a hole.. who cares if you’ve had penetrative sex or not...do I know the battalion of Dildos you own in your closet?

Will you stop this Nonsense!
Do you know her? Have u been to her closet ?
Stop typing like a frustrated person.

mrblessed:
The objective of this thread is exactly what? To celebrate an epic escape from the lion's den? Or to form a coalition of angry females on nairaland to bash men. Men and women encounter such people every day, who conceal their marital status from the opposite sex. In your case, the honeypot was not touched. That shows the man is not a gamer.

You are obviously disillusioned because the fantasies in your head exploded with the realisation of his marital status. Hey, you wrote he is a Muslim, that means he can married one than one wife. Despite his obvious fib, I think you ended the relationship in a huff, despite his sincere and heartfelt apologies.

The objective of this thread is to tell people some signs to watch out for. They are always there.

So far the men have been the ones bashing, says a lot about who the coalition of angry ones are.

He is a muslim, but I am sure Islam doesn’t encourage polygamy by deception. He should have made it clear he is a muslim and married, let me make the choice to be a second wife.

I hope you get the “objective” now.

daewoorazer:


You’re still a hoe with a hole.. who cares if you’ve had penetrative sex or not...if I realize u keep a battalion of Dildos in your closet, na to flog ur bumbum

You clearly have issues. Maybe you are him or one of his kind...I can’t understand your anger and frustration.

I don't know if it's witchcraft but once I see a married man, I will know, one wanted to deceive me here but I kept insisting that he's a married man and when he noticed I was so sure, he owned up lol.Ladies should learn to take their time before jumping on this species of men we have around these days, don't fall for what he's telling you now after he's done the deed or were you expecting him to tell you that he's happy to have slept with you and he's done? ladies should stop falling for that yeye talk, all those niceties he's forming now and you are buying it too was all part of the game. I'm waiting for that man that will come and deceive me,by the time you exhaust your energy, you will surely take a voluntary exit. Make I go chop jare

shortgun:
You have no blame here sweet heart, ur man also is not a bad person.
being married is complicated, only married peopel will understand.
most marriages today does not offer the satisfaction many expect due to many factors....wanting out is also not a popular option.


it,s ur choice to make.

I understand marriage could be complicated, I have heard and read stories. If you read my post, you will see my major problem is the deception. He took me out to many places and some felt I was aware of his marital status...whereas I wasn’t. He said he knew I wouldn’t continue if I knew he was married, so he couldn’t tell me. Was that fair to me??

Can you imagine how painful it is giving your all to someone, only for her to tell you she is married? It is more painful because I asked and he lied to me.

Zzor:
I don't know if it's witchcraft but once I see a married man, I will know, one wanted to deceive me here but I kept insisting that he's a married man and when he noticed I was so sure, he owned up lol.Ladies should learn to take their time before jumping on this species of men we have around these days, don't fall for what he's telling you now after he's done the deed or were you expecting him to tell you that he's happy to have slept with you and he's done? ladies should stop falling for that yeye talk, all those niceties he's forming now and you are buying it too was all part of the game. I'm waiting for that man that will come and deceive me,by the time you exhaust your energy, you will surely take a voluntary exit. Make I go chop jare

I am not buying anything, the chat is from months back.

Some of us are quite introverted, we don’t know these things and people capitalize on it to play us. Two of my friends told me he would hurt me. I kept asking him questions and he kept twisting details. I met 3 of his family members and they didn’t say anything, they were welcoming. I guess they all want him to remarry and felt he has told me he is married.

Heartbrokengirl:


I understand marriage could be complicated, I have heard and read stories. If you read my post, you will see my major problem is the deception. He took me out to many places and some felt I was aware of his marital status...whereas I wasn’t. He said he knew I wouldn’t continue if I knew he was married, so he couldn’t tell me. Was that fair to me??

Can you imagine how painful it is giving your all to someone, only for her to tell you she is married? It is more painful because I asked and he lied to me.

I understand you, u should know that at the end he finally did the right thing by telling you b4 sleeping with you.
Many men who are after ur body or wants to continue to decieve u wont do this.
He may also be in a state of confusion the time you guys started, he was also afraid of losing you...these are all normal human behaviours.

At this stage it all depends on what you want.