Depressed101:
it's simple logic, you had not to come here. But you came afterall and reiterated the fact that you are the okpara of this house..

Now as the Okpara of the house, I put it to you to propose that you will take care of all logistics both financially and physical organization. Case closed abi

Before. You think of marrying you must get ready for it... We all passed through this phase ... Did all

Even paid for logistics double

Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

If truly you are an Igbo man, and you know the tradition and customs that will not have an effect on your family including her

Let them know countless times that it has to be done in the village

If they insist on having it in the city then, let her transport the Umunna and umuada, the ones they feel are more important to be present and transport them to lagos, give them accommodation, then prepare food for them to take to the villagers as they go back

In this case, they must have a good reason to convince the kins men that this is the reasons why they want it done in Lagos

To me, the layer in more expensive than they going home and get it done in the village

If you are from Enugu or Anambra, I doubt if you guys will go scort free with your Umunna as the case maybe because, they will hold it against you and use it on you people when the right time comes,

Am very sure you know what I mean by the above last sentence

Your mother should understand all these if your father is not in the picture

Don't let your family make you have issues with your kins men, it's difficult to resolve

But if others have done such and gibe free from the Umunna, then it's your choice

Anaerobi:

Let's call a spare a spade. In Igbo Tradition, traditional marriage is meant to be in the ladies home town. tell me the law that states that chrsiatins should go to church on Sunday, rather the Bible says remember the Sabbath day and keep it Holy. so if u are true igbo that knows tradition, do the right thing.... if you are not, u won't understand... u have ur own tradition and u won't like to bend towards it. respect others own too.

And i ask, what will happen if it doesn't hold there?

The ones happening in the city are they Igbos of Ethiopian extraction? Who made it mandatory?

It was only a way it was being done. It gives a sense of pride and belonging. And then maintaining/strengthening family ties and bonds. Nothing says if it doesn't hold there then one thing spiritual or otherwise will happen. Everything in life is subject to change if the factors are right. So leave talk bro.

Mynd44:

Traditional marriages are done in the house/home of the bride. House/home does not necessarily have to be in the village.

This is the definition that causes wahala.

It's done at home, if you don't have big compound, then you do it at any place that have space at the girl's village.
You should ask yourself why it's not done at the man's village/home.

You can get better advice from your elders than here.

Mynd44:
It is her wedding and her choice. I know you might feel a bit skirmish about it but it is still her choice.

And how is this an "Igbo tradition" to marry at home? I think the tradition is the marriage itself, the travelling home for it is the culture (I stand corrected). Anywhere you live and you are welcome is where your home lies.

If your worry is about who attends, invite those people over.

But still talk to her and try to find a middle point, make compromise which might include, an introduction in the village before the wedding while it might not be the actual event but she and her husband visits to meet everyone. This can also be agreed on after the wedding.

I have Igbo friends whose traditional marriage was done in Lagos because they felt the logistics was off. Some felt their friends, bosses, mentors, colleagues who they feel are more impactful in their lives than some of the family members they have not seen or even met might not be able to share in their special day especially if the "elders" who will attend even in the village are few and can be convince to travel to the city if they insist.

Anyways, let us know how this goes and remember, it is her wedding and while you want what is best overall, she is an adult and able to make her decisions. Make compromise and listen too her arguments well.

If you don't have any reasonable thing to say, then don't talk!!!
I'm surprised that with the level of knowledge you claim to have and tout around with, you would post this rubbish!

TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IS DONE IN THE VILLAGE OF THE GIRL. There is no two ways about it. STOP MISLEADING PEOPLE.

IkpuMmadu:


Ndi ala wuo otu

Thanks for the insult... Tells me of your personality.

GboyegaD:
Why are you so bothered about her decision? New wedding, her marriage, and most importantly, her life.

He should be bothered because he is the one to face the kins men

If his parents have ever been entertain in other people's marriage in the village, those other people should also be entertained be his own daughter's marriage too

Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

Are you coming from Jupiter, which one is I have never seen city traditional marriage. In fact, I have never seen a man who had not seen city traditional marriage. I think you are a strange person

IkpuMmadu:


Then let her have it ... In igbo land you are not properly married if you haven't done your traditional wedding

You mind that girl joyandfaith. Dem no sabi wetin dey. Mske dem dey form modern babe until e go dawn on them

I knew it's the Igbos that'll have issue with this.


Traditional wedding is to be done at the girl's parent house. If the parent live in London, then it shall done there.

It's not normal, let her husband people get to your village and perform the necessary rite. If she insists, let her be not ensure that every item meant for the elders, youth, umuada, etc gets to them.
I won't any lady outside her ancestral home. I can have any other ceremony in the moon but marriage? No way!

IkpuMmadu:
that is Nigeria constitution.. when the chipd are down... And issues keeps coming up that would need your people to come to your aid ... Na constitution go help you


Una dey talk anyhow

Na fear fear dey worry u not love for any tradition . Social construct!

Any traditional marriage done outside the ancestral home is 419/fraud.

Don't fall for that nonsense to avoid the ancestors coming for the debt.

There are so many things why marriage of today sucks, the people are yet to know some of their problems because of ignorance.

alizma:

Are you coming from Jupiter, which one is I have never seen city traditional marriage. In fact, I have never seen a man who had not seen city traditional marriage. I think you are a strange person

I have to say, that individual is quite strange.

Chinwetel Ejiofor's sister, Okonjo Iweala's children even Dora Akunyili daughter that married a white man all did their traditional marriage in the village.

There is more to these things. Someone even suggested using juice for traditional marriage. God forbid that I allow my future daughter not marry in the village. We bastardize our culture so much.


Look at Japanese, koreans and Chinese. they still love their culture and are more highly advanced than we that don't like ours.

Bro, at the end of the day, you will decide. Bu think about it very well. In 20years time, how will peo see my nephew. Can he be proud to attend some cultural functions. People will sit in the comfort of their bedroom and tell you that it doesn't matter.


I had such views about village people. I started getting closer to igbo tradition when I was in UNN. Nobody will kill her if she does the traditional marriage later than the so called white wedding. it's better to defer it and do the right thing than doing a shoddy show.


When you grow older, you will understand. Also, get closer to your village. join association. All those people saying that village people are bad are not correct. Thank God I have been liberated.

I even held a position in my community association for 3years.

Okpara me ibu Okpara. Read about the igbo concept of Ani/ala. all lands are not the same. Your ancestral home will always be your ancestral home. ala bu otu should never been encouraged.


Lastly, go and seek the counsel of an elderly man.
Nairaland is filled with people who want to trample on igbo culture. don't seek traditional advice online. Go to the elders. May not necessarily be your village people. Go and meet elderly igbo men and seek their views.

Dalu.

Chudivictor:

they don't need to be fine with it, what most of these elders are after is just the food and drinks, nothing else! if you can send theirs across to them, I see no reason why they won't be fine with the location

I am sure you are not igbo or you have stayed in lagos for too long.
Come and try that with my elders and see wahala.

Elders wey dey made up of retired chief judges, medical doctors, professors and biz tycoons.
You wan take food take insult dem? You go by double wahala be that.
I almost had a clash with them last year during my late Dad burial preparation. I first dey blow grammar everywhere until I give myself sense and use wisdom.

IkpuMmadu:


Before. You think of marrying you must get ready for it... We all passed through this phase ... Did all

Even paid for logistics double

my dear not in this economy, all hands are not equal. What if they live in Lagos, or a farther location from the east. You read the op say they know more people in the city. Coupled with fact that generally only few individuals will be traveling to the east for important issues because of the covid 19....

its a modern world. You can do anything you love to do. Put your feelings first.

Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

City traditional marriage.
She should envisage the future. It's not always rosy.
If u don't take your man home, it's assumed you have a dysfunctional family. Your inlaw is taking note.
That is the backbone of any woman. It sends warning to the inlaw that this girl is not to be messed with as her people are strongly behind her. Also during conflict that involves the customary law, u don't actually have a stand as u never observed the customary procedure of marriage. What u did in the city is ordinary party, not traditional marriage.

Chinwetel Ejiofor's sister, Okonjo Iweala's children even Dora Akunyili daughter that married a white man all did their traditional marriage in the village.

There is more to these things. Someone even suggested using juice for traditional marriage. God forbid that I allow my future daughter not marry in the village. We bastardize our culture so much.


Look at Japanese, koreans and Chinese. they still love their culture and are more highly advanced than we that don't like ours.

Bro, at the end of the day, you will decide. Bu think about it very well. In 20years time, how will peo see my nephew. Can he be proud to attend some cultural functions. People will sit in the comfort of their bedroom and tell you that it doesn't matter.


I had such views about village people. I started getting closer to igbo tradition when I was in UNN. Nobody will kill her if she does the traditional marriage later than the so called white wedding. it's better to defer it and do the right thing than doing a shoddy show.


When you grow older, you will understand. Also, get closer to your village. join association. All those people saying that village people are bad are not correct. Thank God I have been liberated.

I even held a position in my community association for 3years.

Okpara me ibu Okpara. Read about the igbo concept of Ani/ala. all lands are not the same. Your ancestral home will always be your ancestral home. ala bu otu should never been encouraged.


Lastly, go and seek the counsel of an elderly man.
Nairaland is filled with people who want to trample on igbo culture. don't seek traditional advice online. Go to the elders. May not necessarily be your village people. Go and meet elderly igbo men and seek their views.

Dalu.


So many typos. I was hurrying to work please.

Anaerobi:

Aunty it's culture. stop bending this issue.

I was genuinely asking because I have mixed heritage

Do not allow the traditional marriage to take place in the city because she is getting married a b d will leave v you to her husband place. By the time something happen in ur village. Those village people will leave it for u alone To handle or even ask u to go and bring ur city people by then ur sisters are married and gone. Protect ur culture and tradition it's important.. Every country i have traveled to, has their culture and they re really respecting and protecting it too.

Those Igbos you guys are saying that they had their marriage in lagos are either Osu or they are standing alone in their kindred

That same group of people have less tradition and culture to blend with

They are also the same set of people who burries their loved ones in Lagos

But a true Igbo man takes their corpses home for proper traditional burial

When a man wants to marry, you follow the tradition of your wife not your own tradition

I won't be surprise if the man is not from Igbo land for dragging this issue

If money is the problem then let her your mum and you travel home and get it done in a very small gathering

Then you can make the church wedding a carnival in the city

How can a man marries a woman without knowing her village, haba

That man is not even Igbo to start with

That means your family won't even know the man's village

OK, so how will the issue of your kins men going to know her husband families be handled if you don't take the marriage home to them or sponsor them to the city

Anyway I trust the Igbo tradition

He should consult his kins men in this issue, that's if they have a good relationship with them

Realhommie:
And i ask, what will happen if it doesn't hold there?


It was only a way it was being done. It gives a sense of pride and belonging. And then maintaining/strengthening family ties and bonds.

I love your point. but
what is marriage without bonds?
what is marriage without family ties?
what is marriage without feeling this pride and belonging?
all this gives birth to more happiness and love

starbuck:
Why is she the one dictating where the marriage will hold abi una no get ụmụnna and ụmụadas for the village , is like she wants those women to open her case..

Her husband nkọ, what's his opinion abi he is not Igbo

It's obvious the man is not an Igbo man, alright no problem with that

It's likely she is the one asking the man for marriage and you know all the man needs is his presence to be there

Don't be surprise that she may be the one to give the man the bride price to pay, its possible when one is desperate for marriage

evuna:
Chinwetel Ejiofor's sister, Okonjo Iweala's children even Dora Akunyili daughter that married a white man all did their traditional marriage in the village.

There is more to these things. Someone even suggested using juice for traditional marriage. God forbid that I allow my future daughter not marry in the village. We bastardize our culture so much.


Look at Japanese, koreans and Chinese. they still love their culture and are more highly advanced than we that don't like ours.

Bro, at the end of the day, you will decide. Bu think about it very well. In 20years time, how will peo see my nephew. Can he be proud to attend some cultural functions. People will sit in the comfort of their bedroom and tell you that it doesn't matter.


I had such views about village people. I started getting closer to igbo tradition when I was in UNN. Nobody will kill her if she does the traditional marriage later than the so called white wedding. it's better to defer it and do the right thing than doing a shoddy show.


When you grow older, you will understand. Also, get closer to your village. join association. All those people saying that village people are bad are not correct. Thank God I have been liberated.

I even held a position in my community association for 3years.

Okpara me ibu Okpara. Read about the igbo concept of Ani/ala. all lands are not the same. Your ancestral home will always be your ancestral home. ala bu otu should never been encouraged.


Lastly, go and seek the counsel of an elderly man.
Nairaland is filled with people who want to trample on igbo culture. don't seek traditional advice online. Go to the elders. May not necessarily be your village people. Go and meet elderly igbo men and seek their views.

Dalu.

Thank u.
Maybe other cultures are okay with it, not igbo. It usually backfires. U can even sneak in and do small one, then sneak out and do your city marriage.

Babes that don't want to use their sense and secure their future. Pls leave them. No be person go tell them what's up

BafanaBafana:
Seriously I am just hearing it for the first time that it is abnormal for traditional marriage to be done in the city. Wedding is wedding, anyhow and anywhere is okay.
You are a person who believes in tradition right? You have a traditional council of your people in that city, you have a traditional ruler in that city, you celebrate your traditional festivals in that city. It all goes to show you have brought your village to the city! Let them do their wedding please.
If you need masquerade I can arrange for you

Please leave him... He doesn't even know tradition coming here to rant nonesense.... Aslong as the head of the family (Father or Brother) reside in the City, she is free to go...

Amarisco:

I was genuinely asking because I have mixed heritage

lol. the thin is that, we should just respect culture. with time, even her own friends will laugh at her... you that your traditional marriage was done in a strange land... lol.
her children may be address as children whose mother's traditional marriage was not properly done.... so whatever that is whot doing is whot doing well.

Spain007:



Bro.try convince ur in-law and sister to do the traditional marriage in ur home town,I have seen a case where it was done in the city and it wasn't approved in d village,and they had to repeat it by cash amounting to double expenses .

Ur Father or uncle shld guide you well in the aspect.

Good luck

Try convince? They actually have no option cos I don't think they themselves will give out their daughter's hand in marriage outside their village. I believe they have dated for months or years and must have known the implications of marrying someone from a different cultural background. They actually have no option. We just neglect traditional significance of our culture and heritage. Truth is that the sister doesn't even respect the Brother as the head of the family for her to have suggested that. I believe she won't try such if the father were to be alive. The OP should hold his ground and if she rejects then let her collect her bride price and marry herself out.

Sebastine1994:
I brought this issue to nairaland to straighten out some things, as the first son of the family, I am under immense pressure to defend the tradition of igbo.

my sister wants her Traditional Wedding to happen in the City, I have never seen a city traditional marriage, it sound abnormal to the ear, it seems I am the only stumbling block to this marriage. white wedding can happen in the city but not traditional abi?

truth is that most of our families reside in the city, they grew up in the city, and the cost of logistics is their excuse. please is it right that I should allow this to happen?

I did mine in the city in August

Mynd44:
It is her wedding and her choice. I know you might feel a bit skirmish about it but it is still her choice.

And how is this an "Igbo tradition" to marry at home? I think the tradition is the marriage itself, the travelling home for it is the culture (I stand corrected). Anywhere you live and you are welcome is where your home lies.

If your worry is about who attends, invite those people over.

But still talk to her and try to find a middle point, make compromise which might include, an introduction in the village before the wedding while it might not be the actual event but she and her husband visits to meet everyone. This can also be agreed on after the wedding.

I have Igbo friends whose traditional marriage was done in Lagos because they felt the logistics was off. Some felt their friends, bosses, mentors, colleagues who they feel are more impactful in their lives than some of the family members they have not seen or even met might not be able to share in their special day especially if the "elders" who will attend even in the village are few and can be convince to travel to the city if they insist.

Anyways, let us know how this goes and remember, it is her wedding and while you want what is best overall, she is an adult and able to make her decisions. Make compromise and listen too her arguments well.

it is not her right but traditional