Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

1. Money spent on woman is not an investment

2. Money spent on your wife is a GIFT

3. To avoid pains and wanting ROI, spend only what you can give her as gift on her business

Zzor:
I support her fully, it's a big turn off for a man to be asking hid wife to be such question,assist her if you can from your heart and I believe she's wise enough to know where and when to assist you as per responsibilities. I hate guys who throw such question,i have ignored a guy for this reason and till today he's still wondering what he did to me, don't give me the impression that your eyes are fixed on my money, its a big turn off

But u can give him the impression that ur eyes are fixed on his money? The education you recieved , were there school fees for males different from that of females? You can only eat others food but u cant provide food for others, selfishness of the century.

Zzor:
Is he marrying her for gains, why have are you men becoming leeches smh

Relationship is symbiotic, any parasitic tendencies should be jettisoned.

olabosipo66559:
This mentality of leaving every load with the man is obsolete and therefore should be done away with

That stupid culture should be done away with asap

Does she support you when you need help in your relationship?

Dliquidmetal:
I dont know about others o but even if I'm a billionaire tomorrow and I decide to get married,I would still wont like it if my wife dosent contribute anything into the union cause its gonna be one side and that mean say the babe no even really love me b4. I would advice you to sit her down and make her reason from your perspective the world has advanced pass those level wey na only man go dey stress himself even economy tough. Marriage is a lifetime something and what you know isnt okay with you now about your partner wouldn't change once you marry(which is a bondage to me anyway)

Before you sit her down, there are certain actions you would take, first you stop talking about the business and halt any moves you making for business and marriage, then give her space, let her do 90% of the reaching out, you just do follow up to conversation, make her believe you have become more busy and hangout more and post on your status, without informing her that you going out, if she likes you, she would be the one for dialogue, then you can negotiate from a position of strength, because right now, she feels you are desperate and she is a trophy, you need to bring her to reality and make her know, she is a mere human being.
Calling her to talk to her, when she feels she has nothing to loose won't get you the desired result you seek.
Mind you women respond faster to actions than talk

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

Go ahead and marry her. Invest in her. She will support more than you think.

Baba you are thinking in the right direction, don't marry a liability in this century. In fact marry someone who is working and ready to contribute to the growth and betterment of the family.


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This same scenario played out with a friend telling us about her sister's fiancee who made it known to her he wants to marry a responsible lady. He asked her same question as OP and she kicked giving the usual lines" it's the man's responsibility to cater for the family " . Even when she earns approximately same salary with the young man, the guy told her when she is ready for marriage she should contact him and he walked away from the relationship. According to my friend her sister cried and consulted her mum that she is no longer interested in the relationship but was surprised that her mum's response was a ridiculous laughter. The mum then sat her girls down and started narrating her contribution to their upbringing which they were all hearing for the first time, a duty they all thought was all done by their father like school fees, building projects, house rents, foods and so on. She ended by saying she caters for as much as 40percent of the house budget, relationship is partnership business and not sole proprietorship, she then retraced her footsteps after hearing the role her mum played during her upbringing . It is very appalling to even here ladies who have steady stream of income chun out this selfish line of thought.
This guy in this scenario was able to set his family policy even before he started his family line, he made it sacrosant that my money is your money and your money is my money, gone are those days men will die of stress because of family wahala.
Partnership makes things easier for the family and growth rate will be in geometric progression rather than arithmetic progression.

NiRfreak:


Don't invest on her yet. Use the money to invest in yourself or your own personal business since you are going to bear the financial responsibility of the family. Use your head. Don't bring stress early in your marriage into ya life.

It seems she will respect you more when u have all the money and cater for the family exclusively
.
Create a business in ya own name and run it...so when u have enough money u can give away without feeling pained of the consequences, u may now give her to invest in herself. Thats even in the name of love

OP I see this as the best best advice so far

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

This mentality is why so many young men dreams fail because most nigerian women are a burden in marriage, even when they earn money they don't want to contribute towards the advancement of the family always expecting the man to shoulder everything. My advice sit her down tell her your plans, open a joint account (both should sign) you both should contribute money into the account monthly while you both still maintain a separate account. Joint account for vacation and investment. As the head of the house every other expenses you bear that's why it's important to do things within your budget. This is not an issue marry her we are already use to it.

Well, if she has all the qualities you need, there's no way she'll be dumb enough to to contribute to her own home

Zzor:
Is he marrying her for gains, why have are you men becoming leeches smh

leeches with his own money, omo last last marriage na scam this days. God bless you mom for shouldering a lot of families responsibilities back then when life set in which is normal.

That's why Nigerian men like marrying white ladies, you don't need to ask her to contribute, she knows what to do.

alphaNomega:
Anoymus, marry her and invest in yourself. You don't want this type of woman to have more money than you at home, trust me. Rather build your finances (lucky you're in Nigeria) and invest in your children

Thank you boss

She is Selfish. Convert the business to your own, employ tailors, make her the manager.

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

You surely are overthinking this.
Lemme play the devils advocate here, how would you feel if she asked you how to share the house chores?. She sweeps rooms, you sweep parlor?

An empowered wife is an asset to any man,
Saves you wahala of her asking you for toilet roll and matches money , and even her own family financial issues, she would solve it her self, and would only involve you if its major...

However some people are different and prefer being the only iroko tree in the family, that people come to for help, if that is your mindset, go ahead and dont empower your wife.

Lastly, this habit of asking opinions from family members is wrong, should ypu seek opinions, getting it from strangers who dont even know you is the best.

You are sure of balanced and unbiased advice

Run

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMILiAUd204

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

You are still a baby for consulting your parents!!! Though your parents gave the right answer.

21cents:
lol. walahi.

OP shine your eyes and know this- that woman doesn't love you one bit. she a gold digger seeking financial security and won't think twice to dump you when she have financial security in the tune of >5-7million from you.

Love is sacrifice from both sides, and when she can't fulfill her own part of those sacrifices, the love is therefore termed "parasitic" where one party just wants to leech on the the other while screaming "you're the man".

except she gave you her virginity, which is amongst the core values of a righteous and virtuous bride/spouse, she's only with you due to what you offer and care less about bringing nothing to the table to run a family.

my advise- dont uplift her financially, let her sort herself out and come to terms that the home's responsibilities is 100% yours. if she can't make sacrifices (Virginity/purity, or financial contribution) then that's a parasite right there.

how you did know all this?

Amebo

Zzor:
I support her fully, it's a big turn off for a man to be asking hid wife to be such question,assist her if you can from your heart and I believe she's wise enough to know where and when to assist you as per responsibilities. I hate guys who throw such question,i have ignored a guy for this reason and till today he's still wondering what he did to me, don't give me the impression that your eyes are fixed on my money, its a big turn off

you are not Y2k compliant

You are in a business relationship not marraige.

Who is this world starts a relationship with a business proposal.

Man you have crashed before taking off.

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

How can you be inconsiderate when you're planning to invest heavily in her. Today, people marry women that would assist them.

This mentality is what is killing a lot of dem marriages.
Our mothers never had a staunch stand or hold on life. Its was always symbiotic brother sister kind of relationship.
My take is instead of investing heavily you do it with at the most minimal level as a startup. Maybe while she is at it, and you guys a family things might change. Then you invest more. But if it doesn't .............

Ah.

I suggest you go attend a marriage class. Your woman is not prepared nor has the maturity for marriage.

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

some men because of their karmic debt are put down on this planet to work in affliction taking care of their wives. its like a punishment. I can check if you fall into that category by looking at your star alignment. what is your date of birth and what is hers ? so i can look at both of your star alignments

Anoymus:
I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal.
Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.

After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.

The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.

I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?

My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.

I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.

I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?

Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks

This mentality died in the 80's..........

It's a joint responsibility between the husband and wife, to contribute financially, towards the running of their family/household.....

Share the financial commitments towards the family, at set percentages......

Why is it the man's responsibility to holistically carry/shoulder all the bills?.....

Biko, don't marry that liability.... Marry her and expect NEVER to have a happy home.......

You need to have heart to heart conversation with her again, let her understand your insinuation try and put words in her mouth her reaction will tell you what to do. Perhaps don't let your parents or hers decide on what to do cos you will bear your cross when you marry her.

Zzor:
I support her fully, it's a big turn off for a man to be asking hid wife to be such question,assist her if you can from your heart and I believe she's wise enough to know where and when to assist you as per responsibilities. I hate guys who throw such question,i have ignored a guy for this reason and till today he's still wondering what he did to me, don't give me the impression that your eyes are fixed on my money, its a big turn off

i don dey notice you since say you use style dey heartless...

earthrealm:


You surely are overthinking this.
Lemme play the devils advocate here, how would you feel if she asked you how to share the house chores?. She sweeps rooms, you sweep parlor?

An empowered wife is an asset to any man,
Saves you wahala of her asking you for toilet roll and matches money , and even her own family financial issues, she would solve it her self, and would only involve you if its major...

However some people are different and prefer being the only iroko tree in the family, that people come to for help, if that is your mindset, go ahead and dont empower your wife.

Lastly, this habit of asking opinions from family members is wrong, should ypu seek opinions, getting it from strangers who dont even know you is the best.

You are sure of balanced and unbiased advice

if ur wife does not not support you in any shape or form you will struggle unless u r mega rich

If you're investing in her,then do it and stop looking for attention

From what I know...women supports the family most
A woman cannot have money and her children are starving....
Have sense bro