Stats: 3,192,188 members, 7,947,018 topics. Date: Thursday, 12 September 2024 at 11:16 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? (44586 Views)
Lady Marries A Mathematician She Begged To Come And Marry Her (Photos) / Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her / Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her? (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) ... (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) ... (18) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by KillamanJoe: 9:22am On Dec 17, 2020 |
As a married man, I will advise you not to marry her. Your expenses will increase 4 folds when you marry. No need to do it with a parasite. My 2 cents. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by thinkmoney(m): 9:23am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Martini101:It's risky to go into marriage with such people. One can't be sure of anything in the future. There are countless examples of even aged women that just leave there husband to live in a beggerly state often when the old man isn't working again because of age. She faces her business (shop, that the husband set up way back), do what she can for the now matured children (that the husband obviously trained) and for her own immediate family. At this stage the husband probably gets lucky if he gets sex once in a year. A responsible and truly educated woman will know child rearing and home building is a joint venture. Everybody brings what they are capable of to the table. A good example is the industrious woman in Proverbs 31. She is said to buy linen, blanket etc 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by ceeceeco: 9:24am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Zzor:You're a real definition of a lazy, selfish & greedy girl. Your type can never be useful to any man. Selfish mentality. 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by generationz(f): 9:24am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Did you also discuss how you will share cooking and cleaning? Did you discuss how you will carry the pregnancy for two kids and she two kids? Because you men think women are completely useless and you who's only job is provide finances is leading a war between two countries. You do know that a working wife is less likely to depend on her husband for money to buy the tiniest things for herself. It means what you earn will be able to go around for your family. If you don't want to support her to start the business don't. You can see even your father supported her. She will work hard and establish herself and you will regret this decision in the long run. She has already said she is going to contribute when there is a need but that's not enough for you. Issokay. 4 Likes |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by OgechiUba21: 9:24am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Ask her if she's a feminist, if she says "yes" and she still have this mentality then you should probably put a pause on the proposal and watch her closely, that's being greedy after identifying as a feminist, but if she says "No" then obviously she still has the old fashioned thinking that men are the head of the Family and are to shoulder all responsibilities. It's now you that would educate her that marriage is about " You scratch my back, I scratch yours". But bottom line is if there's love and understanding, both of you would cater od501:for different things in the home depending on capabilities even without asking or grudge. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by NgHotGirls: 9:26am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Why all these, if you want to invest in her do it, she said she'll "help" according to your write up so why make an issue out of it, because she didn't specifically say she will use the proceeds of her business to support the family too? Common nau. You want to buy bikes and keke go on, stop sounding like her future depends on the 1.5m you want to give to her, do it and be happy you were able to support your wife or wife to be rather. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by AuroraB(f): 9:27am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Snaagg:The poster 'wishes to do those things'. The lady didn't ask him for these. Good a thing, he has a plan for same money. He should go ahead with those plans. Same lady will grow, in time. I don't get the back and forth ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Aladeope: 9:28am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Dear Poster, please note this, if you are satisfy with her behaviour and her luck shine with yours please go ahead and marry her,do what you have in plan for her and now wait for how God will continue to bless you beyond ur imagination that you wont even need her financial help. Be rest assure when you r broke she will surely be there to assist. setting her up will relieve you of her asking you some irrelevant money for herself. you earn more respect from your wife when you provide almost everything in the house so anytime you are down she wont think twice to support you. God bless your new home as you take that bold step today. regards 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by DorcasShalom: 9:29am On Dec 17, 2020 |
My dear, is your motive of establishing your wife (to be) base on the contribution or support from her? Hmm. That is the issue. Before now you should have know the kind of lady she is when it comes to finances, her reactions when money or fund is limited. If she is a supporting lady, establishing her would even trigger the support. Also it depends on the way you approach the matter. A lady would think there is a particular thing you want her to do. Which normally shouldn't be. Talk about it well, this is not an issue at all. Its a Manner of approach. Thanks 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Psoul(m): 9:30am On Dec 17, 2020 |
kastgeraldino: My dear, the problem is that our young people are entering into marriage for wrong purposes. Love has died for many of them. There is no trust. Every guy is suspecting every girl and same with girls suspecting every man out there. I feel so sorry for people getting married in this generation. Look from the OP's story, he's entering the marriage with the mindset that if I give my woman money, she must pick family responsibilities where she must spend the gain on. This is a wrong mindset. Marry someone u love and who understands you and save urself this kind of stress. On the wedding day, you will be called the BRIDESGROOM or thE GROOM and ur wife the BRIDE As a groom, you have the responsibility to groom your wife to what you want her to be. Train her to behave the way you want her to. Taught her what u like and do not like Train her to respect you When a man fails to groom her wife well, the Bride will grow wild. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by stealth007: 9:30am On Dec 17, 2020 |
She's correct, in African pallance it is the responsibility of the head of the family to provide and protect the dignity of his ward, and to shelter them. If you seek advice from anyone experienced in this regard, you'll be told the same thing. I don't know whether you you are a Muslim, Christian or otherwise. Islam in particular, shares the same view as stated above. If this is the only concern you have on the view of your future wife, please go ahead and marry her. Marriage is not always 1+1 =2. Good women do usually go extra mile in supporting their husband in conserving his spending especially if the husband is a supporting type but don't expect formal splitting of financial responsibility. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by golddare: 9:30am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus: If she be my sister I will be concerned about your mindset as well. You are looking at marriage as business, yes it may look like it but it's different. It takes wisdom to collect money from one's wife, ask your dad. Some will even borrow you to pay for goods, rents or fees and they will emphasis that you must pay back. Lol.... a sharp husband will not argue and a smart man will pay back because he doesn't want her business to fail. Whatever you do for your wife just believed it's for yourself and children. Your concern should be on how loving and sacrificing she is. Forget all those talks, if she has a caring heart towards people in needs and not selfish type but considerate, I think she is ok. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by legacystore: 9:30am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Liliantalks: Lol ![]() Until she uses her Money to buy land, build house without ur knowledge while u are struggling to pay rent then divorces ur broke a.ss then ur mumu go do. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Ihatebuhariwith(m): 9:31am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus:Shebi u have money to take care of ur family? If yes, move on with ur marriage. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by nnamdi19922: 9:32am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Snaagg:i dnt even no why men marry, wen we dnt hv anytin in return dan a stupid wife, gossipers, educated illiterate nd burden. my dear if nt for child i dnt see anytin in a woman ooo. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by obryns: 9:32am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Unfortunately this is the mindset of many African women,the question is what is now the essence of feminism and their struggle for equal right with men?isn't hypocrisy?this style of men taking care of the family started when women were housewives n d men are d people that work,y do women in this era expect same trend when women work as much as the men,my brother if she is a good woman marry her and invest in her,do the much you can do and she will definitely augment the rest,this response from her is their usual template and you wonder y some men treat them like acquired properties |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by sylve11: 9:33am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Dalil8: Wicked ![]() ![]() |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by NgHotGirls: 9:33am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Where we get it wrong sometimes, is always expecting something in return when we help people. Clearly here you're not helping her you're investing in her according to your write up. So plainly tell her that you're investing the money and expect returns, discuss the responsibilities in the house and talk your way around it. Communication is key is a relationship. Everyone has different thoughts Nazgul: 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by offset67(m): 9:34am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Bros you better invest in your life and leave women |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by nautybride: 9:35am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus: You want them to bash your fiancee, now they have. Do you think if you don't invest in her, she won't herself? With your description, she seems to know what she is doing. If she works and saves, later invest in her own business, won't she help one way or the other if need be. Good one o! Lose a good relationship because of ego. Please keep your money, she be graduate. Btw, I hope she reads this online and know what she is in for. If she is pregnant, your type will still want her to work her arse off to help you in times of need. If you go broke, this woman will suffer in your hands because you will fraustrate her with depression. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Alwaysachick: 9:36am On Dec 17, 2020 |
This mindset of yours is what is making women breadwinners today. Back in the day when men took sole responsibility , God gave them the capacity. Say no to bondage or I pray you lose your job or means of livelihood so you can totally depend on her. Shame 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by fergieboy: 9:36am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Op marry this lady o Cox what we have on the street now are not worth it You can’t get a complete package Their is a way you will handle her and she will take part in the family responsibilities 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Monibabakan(m): 9:36am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Nazgul: Bitter and hard truth you spoke! I do tell people that the signs are always there for them to see before saying 'I do'. it's just that people overlook them. Unfortunately, people with a selfish mindset hardly change because they see nothing wrong with it. If he can't deal with it, then it's fine. Good luck! |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by OOAS(m): 9:36am On Dec 17, 2020 |
It is a midset issue. It is a cultural mindset that has stucked with her for years.The beauty is that it can be unlearnt. Take her to seminars, conferences, buy books so she can see reasons why the women role financially in the home is of immese value. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by frozen70(f): 9:38am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus: Having read through your post It's obvious that you are looking for where to invest and get a return or who to invest in and get weekly return to run your things You were being forward asking her what her roles will be just because you are getting the equipments she needs but you have forgotten that the return on investment is not automatic As a man, you have your responsibilities to do at home and that involves providing for your family If you are lucky she makes her own contributions without being reminded then count yourself lucky But when you are trying to be smart with that, trust women, they can detect anything from mere questions So if you want your wife to carry your family, then be ready to be her puppet 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Nobody: 9:39am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Zzor:I have never expect sense from you because I know you are 30 kilometer far from sense.
|
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Dearlord(m): 9:40am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Zzor: Lol, next time use ur brain u are no longer a baby. He truely loved you but you are bleeping up, he only wanted to know how to build a home with you by letting you know his thoughts and wishes. A good family is built collectively |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by nautybride: 9:40am On Dec 17, 2020 |
All of you saying marriage is not compulsory, please just impregnate someone and take your baby. Live with your child and care for her and you will understand better the role of women. The child you give birth to bear your wives surname ba? Change girlfriends like wrapper and watch the life of your children miserably because of the way they will be treated. There is stability in wife and husband - children relationship. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by sheobserves(f): 9:40am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Finance is an important issue in marriage and can make or mar a relationship. As a man ,to get the respect due to you as the head,don't get married expecting a 50-50 financial responsibility from your spouse except you expect to do the cooking,cleaning,child minding and other stuff 50-50 too. No matter how selfish a woman is,common sense dictates she supports the home if and when she can. But entering a marriage with a mindset that a 'woman Must contribute financially " is a recipe for disaster. You have a choice,take on your present partner and expect the best,or look for another that will agree upfront to contribute and let's see how it will pan out. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by CAPSLOCKED: 9:41am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Martinez39s: HE WON'T LISTEN. MR. Anoymus. MARRYING A STINGY AND SELFISH WIFE IS ANOTHER FORM OF HELL. SHE HOARDS HER CASH WHILE SQUANDERING YOURS AND IF YOUR BUSINESS GETS SHAKY AND FINANCES DEPLETE, SHE MAY DUMP YOUR ASS INSTEAD OF HELP YOU BECAUSE SHE'S ALWAYS CONSIDERED SPENDING ON YOUR BEHALF AS A TABOO. HOW DO YOU EVEN GET TO ASK HER SUCH A QUESTION, WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY SUPPOSED TO KNOW? MEN LIKE THIS PUT THEMSELVES IN DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. FROM THE COURTSHIP OR RELATIONSHIP STAGE YOU SHOULD KNOW THE KIND OF WOMAN YOU'RE DEALING WITH. IF YOU HAVE TO BE DOING ALL THE SPENDING DURING THAT STAGE BECAUSE SHE'S BROKE AND JOBLESS, THERE'S NO WAY SHE SHOULDN'T DO ONE OF TWO SMALL THINGS FOR YOU WITH THE LEAST OF HER MONEY. IF YOU TOLERATE HER LACK OF CONTRIBUTION TODAY YOU HAVE TO TOLERATE IT FOREVER BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU BUILT THE FOUNDATION. WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE A BILLIONAIRE, YOU SHOULD NEVER TOLERATE STINGY PEOPLE. IMAGINE YOU'RE OUT OF TOWN FOR URGENT BUSINESS AND SHE'S PHONING EVERYDAY FOR SMALL THINGS LIKE DIAPERS AND BABY MILK WHEN SHE HAS OVER 300K IN THE BANK. OR SHE GETS SOCKS AND BOOKS FOR THE KIDS AND EXPECTS YOU TO REFUND THE 2K, WHEN YOU ALREADY GIFTED HER 50K LAST WEEK. MEN SETTLE FOR THESE THINGS AND WE CAN'T TELL PEOPLE HOW TO RUN THEIR OWN FAMILIES, BUT YOU HAVE TO RUN YOURS AND MAKE PRINCIPLES THAT WILL BE SUITABLE FOR YOU FIRST BEFORE ANYONE ELSE. I DON TELL YOU MY OWN. 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by EM123: 9:41am On Dec 17, 2020 |
studentofTruth:there will be no need for house help , she is the owner of her business and she will open her shop when ever she want , so she will take care of house chores before going out unless she is not ready fore marriage. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by nautybride: 9:43am On Dec 17, 2020 |
Alwaysachick: ![]() ![]() ![]() 2 Likes |
(1) (2) (3) ... (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) ... (18) (Reply)
Man Rejects His Wife-to-be Three Days Traditional Marriage / Photo: Why Are Ladies This Mean? / Advice Please: My Neighbour's Wife Wants Me To Have An Affair With Her
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 140 |