Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by earthrealm(m): 2:38pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
erico2k2:
These are the things that make marriages fail these days, people lack the moral understanding of having a conversation, These days you and ur wife need have a joint bank account, you want ur kids to do well better than both of you Their is no one size fits all shoe in marriage, People shudnt copy whatever, cos they saw mr A doing it, Joint acct dey sweet is both spouse have better job/biz and are remitting similar amounts to the acct. I doubt ypu would be pushing for joint acct is you earn 1m per month and wifey earns 30k.......... Anyway, what do i know ![angry](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/angry.png) |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by earthrealm(m): 2:38pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
erico2k2:
These are the things that make marriages fail these days, people lack the moral understanding of having a conversation, These days you and ur wife need have a joint bank account, you want ur kids to do well better than both of you Their is no one size fits all shoe in marriage, People shudnt copy whatever, cos they saw mr A doing it, Joint acct dey sweet if both spouse have better job/biz and are remitting similar amounts to the acct. I doubt ypu would be pushing for joint acct is you earn 1m per month and wifey earns 30k.......... Anyway, what do i know ![angry](https://www.nairaland.com/faces/angry.png) |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Happyguy201: 2:41pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
trust me time will come when ladies will be paying men's pride price and asking our hands in marriage . time will come . |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by djojo(m): 2:42pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
you are the one giving yourself unnecessary headache, since she said she can only help you should be thankful with that, as long as she is willing to help brother i never see this as an excuse not to marry her. 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by VOR2019: 2:44pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus: I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal. Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.
After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.
The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.
I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?
My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.
I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.
I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?
Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks No issue here, no big deal here. Simply use the fund for the business you envisaged (bike and maruwa) first. After raising enough returns from the business, set her up. Shikena! |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Anayxz(m): 2:52pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
I don't know who wrote this nonsense of only the man should Carter for his family naim make men dey die early. If anything happen to u tomorrow now wouldn't she handle the family. I and my wife are working hard to build a special family we will be proud of tomorrow we no dey follow written law of the society jare. I can proudly say that she is my backbone. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Jovannyj: 2:52pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
my brother, think twice before you enter oh, na wetin me dey suffer from, love is not everything oh, happiness and peace of mind is everything. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Kingmaduka(m): 2:52pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus: I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal. Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.
After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.
The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.
I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?
My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.
I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.
I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?
Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks Bro, you see when you get married, your parents or hers won't run the marriage for you. This is 21st century, gone are those days men pick up all responsibility. Any relationship where only one side tend to gain, that's a toxic relationship. Responsibilties should be shared, that's the joy of marriage. If she decides not to contribute to the welfare of the family you are about to create, after opening a business for her, then i think you should turn her partner and be the major share holder of the business. This her mentality has destroyed so many marriages, at first you think is normal to pick up all responsibilities but as time goes, you will see how irritating it is. Bring up a heart to heart conversation with her, if you truly love her, and tell her this is how you want it. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Sydebel(m): 2:54pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Liliantalks: What one Igbo man told me , Me - why are many Igbo men very selfless when spending for their wife even tho they hv their own business Him - because an Igbo man understands that what ever she uses her own money for , is still helping him , cause she’s my responsibility and if she’s using her money to get more clothes , shoes , bags , catering for her family, she’s also helping me , if she using her money on her kids , which are also my kids , she’s also helping me . What ever she’s uses her money for is beneficial to me. A handsome young man from anambra state . What if shes giving it to boyz and other unknown? Is she also helping. You? |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Topmaike007(m): 3:00pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Georgejeez:
The keke importer has spoken .
Case closed .
Igbo kwenu!! lolz |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Tango123: 3:04pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Hassanmaye:
Another lucky man again abeg where did you meet your wife help a brother let me go search my luck You rightly described it. I was lucky. Good women are scarce. Very scarce. I will say just keep being yourself. Never ever try to impress a woman with money or gifts or by doikg ridiculous things I met my wife at a function. She is tall, slim, very dark complexioned. What attracted me to her was her black skin. I was like, who is this dark skinned lady who never bleached or lightened her skin. I went to her and we spoke. We became friends initially. No dating on the cards. No sex. Just friends. The more i got to know her, the more i realised this is the one for me First gift i bought her was a wrist watch. For her birthday. It was about 20k. Many years ago, when 20k was money On my birthday she bought me s phone. A phone worth about 30k then. This is many years ago. When 30k was money How many women do that. When she visited me the first time, i didnt cook anything outlandish, or take her out to a nice place. No. She just came to my apartment. I was real. No pretences. When we go out for meals, we struggle over who pays the bill. We once went on holiday. I looked at a cloth and liked it. But felt it was too pricey. She insisted on paying for it herself. For me. Women like that are rare I wish u luck bro. Just dont pretend. Dont go out for dating. Begin woth friendship. In that way u are likely to see the true person. If thenperson is for u, then move it to dating. Well, i dont know ur age and if u are in a hurry. I was not in a hurry. And as u said, i was lucky 5 Likes |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Bola146(f): 3:04pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Olakunleyakub: I don't know you in person but instinct is always telling me that you will be a loyal, responsible and blessed wife to whoever that seems it fit to settle down with you based on some of ur comments av been seeing for a while here.
No doubt, we are not compatible in terms of religion, age and some little aspect of life but the truth is that I cherish your personality and pls keep it up. The right person that will be a coolness of your eyes will locate you soon.
To the op, Pls never settle for less or self woman whou does not have any attributes of a sense of responsibility or else it will end in premium premium tears.
Truly, it is a men duty to take care of there family without expecting anything in return but a reasonable and responsible woman should understand that we needs to Help her husband once in a while if there is a need to.
I bid you best of luck in your marital journey! Amen, thanks. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by TheNoble007(m): 3:15pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus:
Thanks for your input bro. And as for the question you asked, she is trying, surprises me with gift once a while but I don't think she would be an enduring type when the chips are down. I have had instances where I spent 15k (drugs inclusive) to remove her troublesome decay tooth just 3 days after I gave her 4k to make her hair. She complained saying the 4k won't be enough for the style that she wants to make. Had to add 1500 before she happily hugged me and gave me a peck. Person wey I spend 15k to commot tooth 3 days after the hair incident. Thought she would be greatful and cut her cloth according to their cloth instead of nagging.. But according to her, she loves me very much and I do too With all what you wrote here, please pray fervently to God and use your head. The bitterness of a sour marriage, remains long after its sweetness has been forgotten... Shalom... 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by erico2k2(m): 3:18pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
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Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Teedah: 3:28pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Do you want her to admit that she would be paying the children' school fees, stocking the house with foods? Sir, without being asked a good wife earning something will definitely contribute to the house no matter how little... There are even some things she will be doing that she wouldn't ask you for money( the children's little little demands, surprising you with stuffs such as gifts, special meals once in a while e.t.c.) And if you happen to be financially handicapped at a point in time, a GOOD wife will help. No matter how successful a woman is, no GOOD husband prays that his wife be doing his responsibilities. Sir, set her up if you want to but not with an EXPECTATION. Without being told, she should know when to help. Taking care of the home is a man's responsibility. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by EASTERNPOL: 3:29pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
This is early sign of insufficient "LOVE" |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by 99Dandy(m): 3:39pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
I'm not supposed to say this. But due to the anonymity of nairaland, i will say it to help my fellow nairalanders.
My father has been warning me since i can remember about the qualities a man should look for in a wife. A dependent wife is one of the qualities to flee from. My mom is such a woman as your wife-to-be, i'm the second born and i'm 21 years old, but my parents still had an argument just yesterday night over the same issue they've been having. She always laments that my father doesn't do enough. Mind you, my father built the house from the ground up, he pays the school fees of 4 children, he pays the Nepa bills, he buys the food and any other bills that comes up. But since my father's job is a type of job where he gets paid based on contracts, the income is not always steady. So when he is able, he buys food and stocks the house with food as much as possible. Meanwhile my mother on the other side only gives my junior ones #500 to school everyday and carries the burden of food when my father doesn't get any contract. Now, this wouldn't be a problem since sometimes, things can be tough for my father, and my mom does buy food. But her constant complaining and unwillingness to receive advice, always saying the same thing over and over is the problem. She says that my father is useless because she's the one bearing the load of the food temporarily. Her whole business, everything she has, her training, her tools, her workspace, everything was and is sponsored by my dad. But she still expects him to bear all the load of the house. Anytime my father asks her what she wants to do in the house. She keeps quiet and acts like she's a victim.
The story is deeper and more frustrating than this if i tell you the full story. This is just her best feature that i told you. If i tell you the full. U fit vex pass me.
Summary:
Bro, bro....i beg you with all my power. If i can collect ur no. I will collect it and tell you physically. Sometimes its not always clear on what to do with someone you love. But if she has any of these qualities i am about to list. FLEE FROM THE WOMAN! Open your two ears properly and listen. This is no joke. There is no i love you there!. U will hate your life, ur children will hate themselves, Ur life will be miserable. U would be filled with so much regret and hate yourself so much that suicide or killing the woman will seem like a better option.
These are the basic/fundamentals that should not to tampered with or are set in stone by God. If a woman lacks any of these with even the slightest. I don't care if you are a Muslim or Christian. RUN from that woman and don't look back. Your marriage is not only a decision that will affect you, but also your children and your family. If you want to doom your family and children. Break these principles. Remember and don't forget that you cannot change a woman that didn't receive correction in her father's house. These are the basicsof any woman:
1. She must have a heart of correction. (She must be able to identify when she is wrong and have the desire to change. If not, she will frustrate you to the point of suicide and murder(not a joke)).
2. She must not be lazy. (I don't care if you love her. If you tell me physically that you are willing to overlook it. I'll slap you with aggression just to make my point. The mother is the foundation of the home. Not only will she be a nuisance in the house. Your children will also emulate her. This is not indian film or telenovela. This is a fact which i have experienced first hand. Your children will not only be lazy with physical work, but also education. They would be too lazy to learn anything. Remember again, you cannot change someone because the person loves you).
3. She must be God-fearing.( This has nothing to do with religion. I don't care whether you are a Muslim or Hindi or Christian. This is basic because there are some fundamental things which all people should fear and avoid. If your wife does not fear or respect their husband, anyone or anything. They just act like animals and do as they wish. This is a red flag. Pay attention to the subtle signs before you marry!. You would have noticed some little subtle things before. Just like my father did. Don't ignore it like my father did.)
4. She must not be dirty.( This one triggers me. My nairaland brothers. If you can related. Like this post. Some women will dispose their sanitary pad on the toilet floor, will not flush, will soak pant in the toilet for days, will never throw the used sachet of water or anything in the toilet, will not wash plate e.t.c all of these disgusting things in one human being. See, if you say u can tolerate her like that or you can change her. U're going to regret it till your deathbed. Take heed, pay attention. I will remind you again. YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR WIFE AFTER YOU MARRY HER!
5. She must have respect. (Fear disrespectful women. Not the cute kind of disrespect that ur babe will call u ode, or big head. My girl does that and it's adorable. But some women won't mind dragging you outside to the street because their is no money for soup. Some women will fight you physically and have no shame and nothing to lose in shaming you and the whole family. It's not their fault, thats how they were raised, and i don't blame them. For your sake and for the sake of your family and for the sake of your unborn children. FLEE FROM THE DEVIL, THE SHE DRAGON! (No joke). People like this won't mind shaming you or your parents. You would have noticed some subtle things. Pay attention, and don't ignore it. I beg you
6. She must be a virtuose woman. ( I've said this before. They say that if a child is good, he belongs to his father and if he's bad, He belongs to the mother. This is true, and based on the premise that the woman is the foundation of the family. Don't take those words lightly. If you noticed that maybe your wife is selfish with money, or she doesn't mind you facing something yourself or is not caring sometimes about you.....my brothers, she will not change. And that's how she is going to be for your children. She isn't going to mind not paying for your children's school fees. She would rather use the money to pay for her own debt rather than to pay for your childrens school fees. A virtuose woman is all round, as she is cooking for the family, she is attending to her business so that she will be able to pay for your children's school fees if u are unable to. As she's working in shop, she's checking time so she's not late for mosque or church. Don't ignore this feature)
These just came out of the top of my head. I am not wrong, because i've witnessed these first hand. This is not some blog that can be right or wrong. Don't play with these. If you do, you'll end up in frustration. If you know of your uncle that changed his wife after his marriage. Look beneath the surface. And if you know of someone that changed the wife after marriage, and you are 100% sure of it. That is a 1 in a 1000000 occurrence. Ask any married nairalander or any married man. They'll tell you. Advice is freely given. If you're not going to follow, do it at your risk, that of your family, and that of your children. I'm passionate about it. That's why i emphasize on it. I've witnessed it. So you can trust what i'm saying. And if you don't believe. Just ask any elder close to you for advice. Remember, the eyes of elders have seen things, that's why they're like that(its a proverb). And if you are already married. And you're contemplating on divorce. God does not support it. But that doesn't mean you have to live with the woman. If she has these things. You should not only think about the impact of the union on yourself, but also on the children. The best thing to do after trying to solve your marriage issues for years to no avail is to separate. If you can handle the frustration, it's fine. But your children will bear the responsibilities of your action. Think deeply about it. My heart and prayers are with you. Tm 5 Likes |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by rafosky1: 3:40pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Use your brain. There is nothing foreign in what your parents have told you. However, it is an antiquated mentality. If you want to marry housewife who will sit at home all day, by all means do so. If you are marrying a wife and investing money into her business, she should take some responsibilty for the family. Marriage is all about give and take. Both party has to make sacrifices for the union to grow and endure. Explain this to her in a mind to mind talk and if she still insists on maintaining her prior position, brother, na express you dey enter ooo. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by 99Dandy(m): 3:47pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
99Dandy: I'm not supposed to say this. But due to the anonymity of nairaland, i will say it to help my fellow nairalanders.
My father has been warning me since i can remember about the qualities a man should look for in a wife. A dependent wife is one of the qualities to flee from. My mom is such a woman as your wife-to-be, i'm the second born and i'm 21 years old, but my parents still had an argument just yesterday night over the same issue they've been having. She always laments that my father doesn't do enough. Mind you, my father built the house from the ground up, he pays the school fees of 4 children, he pays the Nepa bills, he buys the food and any other bills that comes up. But since my father's job is a type of job where he gets paid based on contracts, the income is not always steady. So when he is able, he buys food and stocks the house with food as much as possible. Meanwhile my mother on the other side only gives my junior ones #500 to school everyday and carries the burden of food when my father doesn't get any contract. Now, this wouldn't be a problem since sometimes, things can be tough for my father, and my mom does buy food. But her constant complaining and unwillingness to receive advice, always saying the same thing over and over is the problem. She says that my father is useless because she's the one bearing the load of the food temporarily. Her whole business, everything she has, her training, her tools, her workspace, everything was and is sponsored by my dad. But she still expects him to bear all the load of the house. Anytime my father asks her what she wants to do in the house. She keeps quiet and acts like she's a victim.
The story is deeper and more frustrating than this if i tell you the full story. This is just her best feature that i told you. If i tell you the full. U fit vex pass me.
Summary:
Bro, bro....i beg you with all my power. If i can collect ur no. I will collect it and tell you physically. Sometimes its not always clear on what to do with someone you love. But if she has any of these qualities i am about to list. FLEE FROM THE WOMAN! Open your two ears properly and listen. This is no joke. There is no i love you there!. U will hate your life, ur children will hate themselves, Ur life will be miserable. U would be filled with so much regret and hate yourself so much that suicide or killing the woman will seem like a better option.
These are the basic/fundamentals that should not to tampered with or are set in stone by God. If a woman lacks any of these with even the slightest. I don't care if you are a Muslim or Christian. RUN from that woman and don't look back. Your marriage is not only a decision that will affect you, but also your children and your family. If you want to doom your family and children. Break these principles. Remember and don't forget that you cannot change a woman that didn't receive correction in her father's house. These are the basicsof any woman:
1. She must have a heart of correction. (She must be able to identify when she is wrong and have the desire to change. If not, she will frustrate you to the point of suicide and murder(not a joke)).
2. She must not be lazy. (I don't care if you love her. If you tell me physically that you are willing to overlook it. I'll slap you with aggression just to make my point. The mother is the foundation of the home. Not only will she be a nuisance in the house. Your children will also emulate her. This is not indian film or telenovela. This is a fact which i have experienced first hand. Your children will not only be lazy with physical work, but also education. They would be too lazy to learn anything. Remember again, you cannot change someone because the person loves you).
3. She must be God-fearing.( This has nothing to do with religion. I don't care whether you are a Muslim or Hindi or Christian. This is basic because there are some fundamental things which all people should fear and avoid. If your wife does not fear or respect their husband, anyone or anything. They just act like animals and do as they wish. This is a red flag. Pay attention to the subtle signs before you marry!. You would have noticed some little subtle things before. Just like my father did. Don't ignore it like my father did.)
4. She must not be dirty.( This one triggers me. My nairaland brothers. If you can relate. Like this post. Some women will dispose their sanitary pad on the toilet floor, will not flush, will soak pant in the toilet for days, will never throw the used sachet of water or anything in the toilet, will not wash plate e.t.c all of these disgusting things in one human being. See, if you say u can tolerate her like that or you can change her. U're going to regret it till your deathbed. Take heed, pay attention. I will remind you again. YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR WIFE AFTER YOU MARRY HER!
5. She must have respect. (Fear disrespectful women. Not the cute kind of disrespect that ur babe will call u ode, or big head. My girl does that and it's adorable. But some women won't mind dragging you outside to the street because their is no money for soup. Some women will fight you physically and have no shame and nothing to lose in shaming you and the whole family. It's not their fault, thats how they were raised, and i don't blame them. For your sake and for the sake of your family and for the sake of your unborn children. FLEE FROM THE DEVIL, THE SHE DRAGON! (No joke). People like this won't mind shaming you or your parents. You would have noticed some subtle things. Pay attention, and don't ignore it. I beg you
6. She must be a virtuose woman. ( I've said this before. They say that if a child is good, he belongs to his father and if he's bad, He belongs to the mother. This is true, and based on the premise that the woman is the foundation of the family. Don't take those words lightly. If you noticed that maybe your wife is selfish with money, or she doesn't mind you facing something yourself or is not caring sometimes about you.....my brothers, she will not change. And that's how she is going to be for your children. She isn't going to mind not paying for your children's school fees. She would rather use the money to pay for her own debt rather than to pay for your childrens school fees. A virtuose woman is all round, as she is cooking for the family, she is attending to her business so that she will be able to pay for your children's school fees if u are unable to. As she's working in shop, she's checking time so she's not late for mosque or church. Don't ignore this feature)
These just came out of the top of my head. I am not wrong, because i've witnessed these first hand. This is not some blog that can be right or wrong. Don't play with these. If you do, you'll end up in frustration. If you know of your uncle that changed his wife after his marriage. Look beneath the surface. And if you know of someone that changed the wife after marriage, and you are 100% sure of it. That is a 1 in a 1000000 occurrence. Ask any married nairalander or any married man. They'll tell you. Advice is freely given. If you're not going to follow, do it at your risk, that of your family, and that of your children. I'm passionate about it. That's why i emphasize on it. I've witnessed it. So you can trust what i'm saying. And if you don't believe. Just ask any elder close to you for advice. Remember, the eyes of elders have seen things, that's why they're like that(its a proverb). And if you are already married. And you're contemplating on divorce. God does not support it. But that doesn't mean you have to live with the woman. If she has these things. You should not only think about the impact of the union on yourself, but also on the children. The best thing to do after trying to solve your marriage issues for years to no avail is to separate. If you can handle the frustration, it's fine. But your children will bear the responsibilities of your action. Think deeply about it. My heart and prayers are with you. Tm |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Viserion: 3:47pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus: I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal. Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.
bro I'll suggest you use that money to buy the bikes and keke now, then use the gains to set up the business for her bit by bit, ..thank me later 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Edojoma(m): 3:48pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
If I were to b d one, I will buy d 4 bikes n keke, den increase d money for monthly upkeep, lemme just no I'm d only one to cater for d family. But I will also get her d machines oo,, but I won't spend more dan 450k.. With dat she can be busy with something as well... 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by DeMoneyGenius: 3:55pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
I'll advise you when I get married. This life no balance sha. My buddy is having issues with his babe that she's spending too much money on him. Here you are burning your head out that a woman is planning not to be actively involved in spending money in your home. What's going on!! |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Slimsly100(f): 4:23pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
She'll assist you when it's time surely. But she doesn't want you to feel you have backup then relent in your efforts cause some men are like that. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by nattyGENT: 4:32pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
fvck off Run for your life because your parent and her mum are indirectly telling you that if you marry her that you are DOOMED. There are responsible, mature and serious ladies whose prayer points are to have someone to call hubby and they will assist in whatever capacity that they can. think twice before you decide because a broken engagement is better that a failed marriage. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by IgOga(m): 4:39pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus: I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal. Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.
After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.
The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.
I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?
My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.
I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.
I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?
Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks It appears to me that both you and your girlfriend lack proper understanding of marriage. Marriage is a merger not a partnership. You need to relax, get a proper understanding of marriage and encourage your girlfriend to do the same. The only problem I see here is two people with different understanding and expectations of marriage. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by DedeNkem: 4:53pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus: I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal. Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.
After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.
The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.
I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?
My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.
I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.
I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?
Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks You are right my friend and they are all wrong! I would rather have a housewife than invest in a wife's business who doesn't want to contribute financially at home. Marriage is a partnership. We are in a modern time, a time when both partners contribute financially to raise a family. The contribution should be based on how much a partnership earns monthly. By the way, don't even think of investing in a woman you're yet to marry! That's a no no! |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Laideabdulahi: 4:55pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Dliquidmetal: I dont know about others o but even if I'm a billionaire tomorrow and I decide to get married,I would still wont like it if my wife dosent contribute anything into the union cause its gonna be one side and that mean say the babe no even really love me b4. I would advice you to sit her down and make her reason from your perspective the world has advanced pass those level wey na only man go dey stress himself even economy tough. Marriage is a lifetime something and what you know isnt okay with you now about your partner wouldn't change once you marry(which is a bondage to me anyway) . Well said Bro, Even the billionaires that feel they don't want their wives to work. at a point, and later on , they will will have have this feeling of wanting their wife to be responsible, no matter how small. OR Are you saying you dont feel happy when your wife comes home and purchases smth of importance or buys you a wear you have been longing for (For the married folks) |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by niyidenrele: 4:58pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Snaagg: Are you destined to be unfortunate? what's the point of marrying her? what do you stand to gain?
If your duty is to provide and feed her and her poverty-stricken family members, what is her own duty to you? just pekus |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by kepstone: 4:58pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Oga run ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, very selfish person i swear. marriage is partnership and in partnership partners help each other to build and to make things happen. I guaranty u guyz are not compatible on how the house should be run. you will cry later years of your life. You need her support and if she cant show it now men you go work your ass out. I believe a man should cater for the basic needs pf his family and the wife should also support always and not when necessary.. some of our women are selfish fa, how will a full blown adult see another adult go out to the street, in the sun and get money and all you do is to sit and just bear wife. Op she no love you. God has reveal to you what she will be in the future , pleas cut it off. a lady who has not shown sign of support during relationship or courtship does not love you . She just want to marry and eave the single life. Nazgul: She's a very selfish person. I hate girls that reason that way. How can you look at a guy who invested 1.5m on you, married you, housed you, feeds you and tell him that you won't contribute to the home?
She has clearly told you that you stand to benefit nothing from her if you go ahead with the marriage plans.
Whatever action you decide to take is up to you. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by kepstone: 5:03pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
You married a woman that loves you bro...... keep her Modan: Do u know tomorrow?what if things u just finished a project and u are little broke?so she will still leave u to bear all responsibilities?this is a strong red light for u...I had no job for the first five years of my marriage and my wife carried every responsibilities in love and now I have multiple streams of income to cater for my family..red light loading bro |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Sixfeetbelle: 5:06pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Anoymus: I have a girlfriend I am meaning to propose to during the festive period, she's everything I want in a woman except few exception which might be a hindrance to the proposal. Gist is, my babe is a graduate but lack of work made her to learn fashion designing, she's done with the training and she's very good with what she does.
After marriage, I have told her that I'll assist in her business, I'm planning to get a bigger shop space for her and equip it with modern day machines, tools and tailoring materials goods to help make her work lucrative. I'm budgeting about 1.2-1.5m for this.
The issue now is that, 3 days ago, I asked her what her role would be if eventually after marriage she gets the shop, equipments and all, where she would come in in terms of responsibilities in the house. Her reply was she doesn't want to assume any responsibility and that it's my duty to cater for the family and she can only help & I shouldn't make anything compulsory for her. So many thoughts came through my mind. One of it was that, where the proceeds of her investment would be going to if I should shoulder all the responsibilities in the house knowing fully well that she makes money.
I rang my mum and told her of her response, I was shocked that she backed her saying that I shouldn't have asked her to foot anything in the house that it was my sole responsibility as a man to cater for my family my wife inclusive. My dad too, same thing. Even told my gf mum about it too , she giggled and said I shouldn't have asked her n that it's my duty to provide for my family. They all sounded foreign to me. Or am I the one not understanding?
My question now is, why invest that kind of money in her when I'm not sure of getting little or nothing in terms in return help to run the family. That sum of money could get me 4 brand new bikes and 2 neatly used Keke Napep for transportation business. I'm sure I'll be getting returns from these investment weekly or monthly basis.
I don't want who wouldn't have any sense of responsibility at home after investing in her, even if she's covering 10% or 5% I wouldn't mind. Mere helping doesn't go down well with me, she might have and decide not to give out. I rather not invest at all and expect nothing from her.
I don't know if I'm the one over thinking this things or my parent and her mum aren't seeing things from my perspective or am I being inconsiderate?
Criticism, Insults and bashing are welcomed. Thanks I don't know what you've been advised or what not but I feel like I should chip in my own. As long as you're not a traditional kind of man, then your reasoning is acceptable otherwise, you're wrong about this. A wife is supposed to help you when needed and not when made a compulsory thing, especially when the husband has assumed the traditional role of "man of the house". Unless your relationship with her from the get go has been defined to sustain this 50/50 responsibility role that you're pushing for (cause that's what it looks like), there will be problems in your marriage, sorry to say so. She saying she'll help out when needed is akin to 80/20 responsibility role. She may help out in the light and water bill or in the grocery bill, that sort of thing. For a traditional man, this won't be an issue but since you're not one, you better go find who will accept your modernity. You both have different understanding of marriage and that right there, is where incompatibility starts. |
Re: Should I Go Ahead And Marry Her With This Her Mindset? by Sixfeetbelle: 5:10pm On Dec 17, 2020 |
Nazgul: She's a very selfish person. I hate girls that reason that way. How can you look at a guy who invested 1.5m on you, married you, housed you, feeds you and tell him that you won't contribute to the home?
She has clearly told you that you stand to benefit nothing from her if you go ahead with the marriage plans.
Whatever action you decide to take is up to you. She's isn't being selfish, if you understand what selfish means. She's being traditional to a modern boyfriend. Or did you not see his own parents siding with the girl? That's how traditional people view marriage. For a very traditional man, Op's girlfriend is the kind of wife he needs. Op isn't a traditional man and that's why he's having issues with this. Some people have housewives who only help out around the house when needed. They don't have defined financial responsibilities which is what Op is pushing for here. |