Please let me know if I can tag along. Even if na to arrange me inside Ghana must go like parcel. I ready. 9ja don tire .Don’t worry I will find my way once I land on America soil

Don't do it

She's not going to appreciate the sacrifices that comes with moving abroad and you're not going to see her as an equal. If you didn't have the principles you have, I'd have said otherwise but you do

Funny enough if the tables were turned would she do same?

gram:
I have not read your story, but I have an answer in response to your topic: No, don’t bring her to the US - It’s almost always the wrong thing to do. Don’t sponsor a Nigerian lady to the US. Let her find her own way there... I could go on and on explaining why it’s always a bad idea.

Now, I’d go ahead and read your story in detail.

Good luck to you bro.

In fact, follow this advice.

Find someone near you and marry. The subject is marriage not poverty alleviation.

I'm still trying to get your point...You are just being a gatekeeper and being selfish. Take this issue to people around you and let them tell you how unreasonable you sound because this should never be up for discussion in the first place . Just free the poor woman abeg because u obviously don't love her.

It's a coincidence that this thread pops up amidst the ongoing discussion about nigerian women acting up in the US. Hmm.

Anyway, there's a particular part of your write up that caught my eye:

"she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US."

I'm personally not a fan of giving men ultimatums - it's a desperate move in my opinion which shows that she wants an easy way out..
..and in most cases desperation often spells danger..

Not to be a prophet of doom but I don't see you guys reaching a favourable agreement ...she's better off moving on with a like-minded man who is happy to do her bidding..(there's a chance someone else in the picture, or is at least trying to get in there... since y'all have been in a l.d.r for 3 years now). Likewise you should also try and settle down with a like-minded individual wherever you are.

All the best.

400billionman:
You can assist her to come abroad.

When she arrives, start ignoring her. Do not make her feel indebted to you. Allow her to live her life. Let her see reasons to continue dating you. If you are not a person of value, people won't chose to associate with you.

Her real self will show up.

When you do something for someone, do not expect repayment from them.

Good idea!

longetivity:
What if she gets over there and start doing u hanky panky. I mean you know how these vagina people behave

My thoughts exactly, do not trust Nigeria's ladies when it comes to taken them abroad when they get their and settled, that's when you know their true colors.


A Nigerian Doctor just killed his wife and then himself in the US only God knows the reason.



Nigeria's ladies has a PhD in frustrating me abroad.

thorpido:
Let her be for the meanwhile then.Keep dating and communicating with her.When you think you want to settle with her,you may need to come to Nigeria to marry her and help her move abroad.

The option of coming abroad through studies,can she afford the fees?

If your girlfriend was my sister, I'll ask her to keep her options open.If she meets a good man here who is ready to settle with her,I'll ask her to go for him.

I so much like your response, let her keep her options open to avoid this time waster poster.Doing nyanga with abroad,abroad that I've rejected plenty times.Poster you still have some growing ups to do

Titi03:
It's a coincidence that this thread pops up amidst the ongoing discussion about nigerian women acting up in the US. Hmm.

Anyway, there's a particular part of your write up that caught my eye:

"she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US."

I'm personally not a fan of giving men ultimatums - it's a desperate move in my opinion which shows that she wants an easy way out..
..and in most cases desperation often spells danger..

Not to be a prophet of doom but I don't see you guys reaching a favourable agreement ...she's better off moving on with a like-minded man who is happy to do her bidding..(there's a chance someone else in the picture, or is at least trying to get in there... since y'all have been in a l.d.r for 3 years now). Likewise you should also try and settle down with a like-minded individual wherever you are.

All the best.

Chaiiiiiiii, oil dey your head o are you sure your are from Nigeria?


Op just take this advice.... the lady is too desperate.

Toktee:
My thoughts exactly, do not trust Nigeria's ladies when it comes to taken them abroad when they get their and settled, that's when you know their true colors.


A Nigerian Doctor just killed his wife and then himself in the US only God knows the reason.



Nigeria's ladies has a PhD in frustrating me abroad.

Simple. It is nobody's job to take anybody abroad.

Since you don't see a future with this lady, it is very unreasonable to bring her to the United States. It is not because of the gory tales we hear and read about Nigerian ladies who, after being emancipated from poverty, become "woke," disrespectful, and confrontational; it is the fact that you are doing something you don't believe in.

Don't ever accept the idea of marrying her as she postulated. Just look for a way to settle her off, for if she is a wife material, you wouldn't be here seeking for advice. And, don't for anything deviate from your Three Cardinal Points of intersex relationship, except it is for the person you wish to marry.

This.

However, he and the girl sort of fell in like before he travelled. It would have been a bit callous to just break things off because he travelled.

NoToPile:




@ bolded I would tell my sister same too.

@Cattendra you want her to be her own person and not wait to be sponsored, is it possible to study abroad without any sort of help ( scholarship, loan, whatever ) you will need help even if it's a loan you have to payback.

You have decided you will never sponsor a woman abroad I would suggest you date one abroad(since you are not even sure of marrying her) and she may only want to go abroad only with the assurance of marriage- Personal preferences.

Some would. Many do not want to "date down" and see people who are in Nigeria or without papers as beneath them.

Amanee:
Don't do it

She's not going to appreciate the sacrifices that comes with moving abroad and you're not going to see her as an equal. If you didn't have the principles you have, I'd have said otherwise but you do

Funny enough if the tables were turned would she do same?

You're being a tad ridiculous.

He said he wants her to come as a student. That is the better option for her too.

mrssomebody:
I'm still trying to get your point...You are just being a gatekeeper and being selfish. Take this issue to people around you and let them tell you how unreasonable you sound because this should never be up for discussion in the first place . Just free the poor woman abeg because u obviously don't love her.

cooooooks:
Some would. Many do not want to "date down" and see people who are in Nigeria or without papers as beneath them.

I'm talking about the lady in question

He doesn't want to be another story that touches. It is not childish at all.

In our parents generation that people like praising for "submissive" women, being in a safe environment brought out their true colours.

pozehnani:
Childish behavior. Why the fend for yourself idea when you plan to marry her?
She should dump you and never look back because your type can make marriage hellish for a woman.

This mentality of yours is so bad and it will make you lose a lot. You better drop it before aze wunyen a gba gi there.

I am sorry to say that I feel you are a selfish person to have a list of what you cannot do to help people. It is money. The money you are going to use to help people is neither going to make you poor nor rich. Let say you help her here and you did not get to marry her. Is that going to bring you down? Is it going to rub you of your own achievement? If you are in the position to help people help them. You never know tomorrow.

I think you are being unreasonable here. If you want to make her your wife then you both should think of staying together and that involves her relocation.

cooooooks:
You're being a tad ridiculous.

He said he wants her to come as a student. That is the better option for her too.

NO it is not . Sponsoring and marry her only cost visa money and plain ticket. With marriage she get green card and can go to school with student loan on her name.
Student visa will require her to be in school and pay tuition. that is a lot of stress

Titi03:

Not to be a prophet of doom but I don't see you guys reaching a favourable agreement ...she's better off moving on with a like-minded man who is happy to do her bidding..(there's a chance someone else in the picture, or is at least trying to get in there... since y'all have been in a l.d.r for 3 years now). Likewise you should also try and settle down with a like-minded individual wherever you are.

All the best.

All hail to the prophet of doom!

These love issues are always complicated. Honestly, I now see the reason why parents prefer arranged the marriage in the past. I think I prefer it now, at least we will all have rest of mind.

The problem that love brings isn't worth all the stress that comes with it.

Op did not say he had green card. I asked in an earlier response but he hasn't responded yet.

If she marries him and wants to divorce, in Canada, she can't leave for at least 5 years. In the States, the laws vary from state to state.

Even if OP divorces her, she does not automatically get half.

Does she have an independent support group in the States?

If there's any problem, who will she talk to. Even if there is no problem, just her own friends?

If they do get married and she is pregnant immediately, how will she stop herself from falling into the baby trap where she gives birth 2 or 3 times and never gets the time to develop her own support group, life, etc?

Dijita:

NO it is not . Sponsoring and marry her only cost visa money and plain ticket. With marriage she get green card and can go to school with student loan on her name.
Student visa will require her to be in school and pay tuition. that is a lot of stress

Titi03:
It's a coincidence that this thread pops up amidst the ongoing discussion about nigerian women acting up in the US. Hmm.

Anyway, there's a particular part of your write up that caught my eye:

"she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US."

I'm personally not a fan of giving men ultimatums - it's a desperate move in my opinion which shows that she wants an easy way out..
..and in most cases desperation often spells danger..

Not to be a prophet of doom but I don't see you guys reaching a favourable agreement ...she's better off moving on with a like-minded man who is happy to do her bidding..(there's a chance someone else in the picture, or is at least trying to get in there... since y'all have been in a l.d.r for 3 years now). Likewise you should also try and settle down with a like-minded individual wherever you are.

All the best.

I am assuming you are a citizen. It is better for you to invite her for the purpose of marriage in US. that is faster. If you choose not to marry her she can find her way at least you have help her to get to US

cooooooks:
This.

However, he and the girl sort of fell in like before he travelled. It would have been a bit callous to just break things off because he travelled.

He is not ready to marry after 3 years, he isn't even ready to bring her over if eventually he marries her so what's the point, still back to the same story.


The lady may never even have plans of leaving the country except for a very good reason and for her that reason might be marriage not necessarily graduate studies.

She would be better of marrying another guy around.

guy, in whatever you do never believe or put your trust in love. love is now a scam. humans are unpredictable male or female. I have experience betrayed from both male or female alike.

you cannot be too sure she is not seeing someone else already all this while you are there. even likewise yourself. I stop trusting humans since I can't trust myself.

you don't want to do it as simple as that. 90% of you don't want to do it. it's the same reason you are here. most time we don't trust our instinct because of emotions and the reasons we might seek out for help on issues we already know the answer or what's best for us.

you have emotions and that's what's troubling you. you are confused at the moment. and if everything backfired you will never forgive yourself. because it's something you already made your mind against. if you must help anyone do it out of help. not because you need something or plans to marry her because such can not be guaranteed.

for me I would advise you stop talking to any Nigerian girl still in Nigeria. date only girls there with you.. marriage is not the end of the world. you can get a baby mama and live in peace.

you don't need to invest in relationships, we have seen too many sucide already. reason Americans marries people of thier status.

E get one white russian gal wey don fall in love with me, but at the moment i no get time for love for now, just planning well

cooooooks:
Op did not say he had green card. I asked in an earlier response but he hasn't responded yet.

If she marries him and wants to divorce, in Canada, she can't leave for at least 5 years. In the waters, the laws vary from state to state.

Even if OP divorces her, she does not automatically get half.

Does she have an independent support group in the States?

If there's any oriblem, who will she talk to. Even if there is no problem, just her own friends?

If they do get married and she is pregnant immediately, how will she stop herself from falling into the baby trap where she gives birth 2 or 3 times and never gets the time to develop her own support group, life, etc?

His problem is not marriage. his problem is he does not want to help her because he want her to jump through the hoop. It is a selfish mindset

What I read is that he wants her to come as a student not by marriage sponsorship.

That option is better for her as well.

That's all I'm saying.


That

Dijita:


His problem is not marriage. his problem is he does not want to help her because he want her to jump through the hoop. It is a selfish mindset

It is called marriage not poverty alleviation scheme ma.

Real men know wen to sacrifice everything they have for women if the lady deserve it

My close friend just bought car and open a boutique for his woman not cos he is a simp or weak but cos the woman actually worth it.

You don't have the license to tell the guy how unreasonable he has been cos he refused to sponsor his fiance abroad.

Women are the most difficult and ungrateful beings to sponsor abroad.

Know that if you don't know and leave sentiment.

mrssomebody:
I'm still trying to get your point...You are just being a gatekeeper and being selfish. Take this issue to people around you and let them tell you how unreasonable you sound because this should never be up for discussion in the first place . Just free the poor woman abeg because u obviously don't love her.

It's like people don't learn until it happens to them.

I am out of here.

cooooooks:
He doesn't want to be another story that touches. It is not childish at all.

In our parents generation that people like praising for "submissive" women, being in a safe environment brought out their true colours.

Then let him marry a foreigner na. Or why do some men make it look like they are doing a woman favor by marrying her?

Naso. Them done run create alternate to drag the arguments of yesterday.

Don’t stress yourself, Sir. There are many girls in the diaspora, find one there and marry. There is really no need for this thread considering you know what you want and the answer is simple.

Marry someone there.

Answer to hearts problem are never simple. And principle us principle but they are subject to change...
Nairaland is a place to discuss, learn and be entertained... Folks should not get so serious.

Furthermore, there are things that are difficult to discuss with people around you especially if they are of a different mindset.

The OP does not have to marry someone abroad and he should not sponsor the lady to come and study with his own money unless he married her first - that is of he loves her and is ready...

He should just chill and let the babe drift or for her to acquire good skills or hustle to sponsor herself to come abroad - she no get family or feminine wiles?

The OP does not also have to marry someone abroad, he can marry someone in Nigeria who is successful in her own right and does not need his own particular leg up.

She can always dump him too... Why is Pocahontas telling the guy to let her go... Do they put a gun to her head to ask for help or date abroad guy? She is probably with other blokes anyway or toasters here and there

Don't do it!