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Should I Bring Her Over To The US? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by DukeJoe17: 3:22pm On Dec 21, 2020
Dijita:


His problem is not marriage. his problem is he does not want to help her because he want her to jump through the hoop. It is a selfish mindset
Bola146:
angry Its means you don't love her Three years?!! better you let her know her fate.
obi4eze:
I think you are being unreasonable here. If you want to make her your wife then you both should think of staying together and that involves her relocation.

don't allow any of these comments above to blackmail you into doing something you are not eager to do, since you had made a resolution from your young age, i beseech you to stick to it,
Your happiness should be the Paramount, you are a real guy and I love how you are making her sweat over you

simps should learn from the op.

20 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by mariahAngel(f): 3:23pm On Dec 21, 2020
pocohantas:
Naso. Them done run create alternate to drag the arguments of yesterday.

Don’t stress yourself, Sir. There are many girls in the diaspora, find one there and marry. There is really no need for this thread considering you know what you want and the answer is simple.

Marry someone there.

You wonder why the decision is so hard for him to make....

The truth is either they don't know what they want or they're too afraid to go for what they want.

9 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by wisdomiskey(m): 3:26pm On Dec 21, 2020
Dijita:
I am sorry to say that I feel you are a selfish person to have a list of what you cannot do to help people. It is money. The money you are going to use to help people is neither going to make you poor nor rich. Let say you help her here and you did not get to marry her. Is that going to bring you down? Is it going to rub you of your own achievement? If you are in the position to help people help them. You never know tomorrow.

shocked shocked
On top of his money o shocked
His own money that he worked for.

16 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by mariahAngel(f): 3:26pm On Dec 21, 2020
canttedra:

I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.

Stop wasting her time!
Be upfront with her so that she can decide whether to stay with you or move on like the others before her.

You'll keep losing them.

7 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Dayoebe(m): 3:32pm On Dec 21, 2020
OP

You are doing the right thing

7 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by lkillbrokehoes: 3:44pm On Dec 21, 2020
longetivity:
What if she gets over there and start doing u hanky panky. I mean you know how these vagina people behave
That was what I was about to say too, trust these hoes at your own peril

5 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by chrisj2(m): 3:45pm On Dec 21, 2020
Dating a college sweetheart for 3 years is nothing... He also said he had studied abroad At what stage?

However, 3 years dating does not mean automatic marriage situation and if they were still in Nja at maybe 25/26, they might not get married yet...

The money involved is a lot and the dependency will stress you if you are not a high high earner.

Most folk end up finishing their Nja especially college relationships when they move abroad. It is just the way.

2 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Nobody: 3:45pm On Dec 21, 2020
Dijita:
I am sorry to say that I feel you are a selfish person to have a list of what you cannot do to help people. It is money. The money you are going to use to help people is neither going to make you poor nor rich. Let say you help her here and you did not get to marry her. Is that going to bring you down? Is it going to rub you of your own achievement? If you are in the position to help people help them. You never know tomorrow.
wahala for who help Nigerian women grin grin grin

3 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by 400billionman: 5:33pm On Dec 21, 2020
TransAtlanticEx:
You are a fool,a very big one.
Good gestures don't exist,the earlier you guys learn to accept this the better for your dumb asses,thanks.
What does he stand to gain from this your bastard kind of arrangement after spending his money?
Does he look like father xmas to you?
Only a valueless/unproductive man who knows not the power/value of money can come up with this trash,so I wont be shocked to find out you are a loser in real life.

Lol. Poverty is dealing with you.

That was my opinion.

Give yours. You are just a hater.

I have sponsored people and don't expect anything from them. You have a slow mentality.

12 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by TransAtlanticEx(m): 5:36pm On Dec 21, 2020
400billionman:


Lol. Poverty is dealing with you.

That was my opinion.

Give yours. You are just a hater.

I have sponsored people and don't expect anything from them. You have a slow mentality.
Poverty is dealing with who?lol dreamer.
Keep dreaming,sponsorship indeed. cheesy

3 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by 400billionman: 5:42pm On Dec 21, 2020
TransAtlanticEx:
Poverty is dealing with who?lol dreamer.
Keep dreaming,sponsorship indeed. cheesy

What I do with my money doesn't concern you.

Bleep you.

You go kill yourself on top another man philanthropy.

5 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by TransAtlanticEx(m): 5:48pm On Dec 21, 2020
400billionman:


What I do with my money doesn't concern you.

Bleep you.

You go kill yourself on top another man philanthropy.
What you do with your monopoly money you mean? cheesy
Have they introduced philantropy to that game?Last time I played it(like 15years ago),all you could purchase was some square boxes in the board we use to call house.
Sweet childhood memories cheesy
Ode dreamer,ndi philantropy grin

5 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by 400billionman: 6:01pm On Dec 21, 2020
TransAtlanticEx:
What you do with your monopoly money you mean? cheesy
Have they introduced philantropy to that game?Last time I played it(like 15years ago),all you could purchase was some square boxes in the board we use to call house.
Sweet childhood memories cheesy
Ode dreamer,ndi philantropy grin

I will give you palliatives this Christmas for making me laugh.

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by chinonyinye: 6:01pm On Dec 21, 2020
canttedra:

I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.

So, you have been 'dating' someone for 3 years now and you're still not sure if it will lead to marriage ehn? And you're still using 'could'. Nawaa o. Pls break up and stop wasting her time nna.

Ask yourself, if the roles were reversed, how would you feel?

15 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by TransAtlanticEx(m): 6:05pm On Dec 21, 2020
400billionman:


I will give you palliatives this Christmas for making me laugh.
Nah mate,keep it.
I think you need it more than I do. wink

2 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by chrisj2(m): 6:42pm On Dec 21, 2020
Funny people around here... Yes, if you give away your money, it affects your own development and ability to do several things. And for someone young, it is debarring yourself...

You date someone and see them from time to time as young people and students - it does not mean you know them well enough for marriage. And why tie yourself up so early.

As for oga philanthropist; do you know how much it will cost him?

7 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Nobody: 7:35pm On Dec 21, 2020
Bola146:
angry Its means you don't love her Three years?!! better you let her know her fate.

If the was a she will you give the same advice. All you be screaming don't help him, he will end up cheating on you. Ladies wants guys to do ladies favour but a tag a fool if she does the same.

1 Like

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by mrssomebody(f): 7:36pm On Dec 21, 2020
cooooooks:
You're being a tad ridiculous.

He said he wants her to come as a student. That is the better option for her too.

Maybe I'm just bothered that he doesn't want to marry her and he is just disguising with that resolution thing. breaking certain rule for people you care about shouldn't be that hard.

3 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Nobody: 7:58pm On Dec 21, 2020
Bola146:
angry Its means you don't love her Three years?!! better you let her know her fate.
When love and logic move together, expect a masterpiece. The fact that he turned her down doesn't mean he doesn't love her. It is not everything a man should say yes to unless he seeks severve heartbreak.

7 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by cooooooks(m): 12:30am On Dec 22, 2020
I think the many negative stories are making him modify but not break his rule.

I also think the rule is sensible. However, he should consider that they met before he went back to the US.

mrssomebody:

Maybe I'm just bothered that he doesn't want to marry her and he is just disguising with that resolution thing. breaking certain rule for people you care about shouldn't be that hard.

1 Like

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Curiouscity(m): 12:50am On Dec 22, 2020
I did this about 7 years ago. I live in deep regrets everyday. My marriage may likely end soonest!

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Nobody: 1:23am On Dec 22, 2020
Curiouscity:
I did this about 7 years ago. I live in deep regrets everyday. My marriage may likely end soonest!

Reading this in the middle of the night & screaming ~~ Omo shocked

2 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by alphaNomega: 5:55am On Dec 22, 2020
canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

This is the only option for YOU as her plan B. She has another person in the corner and don't even expect her to tell you.

2 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Dijita: 6:52am On Dec 22, 2020
chrisj2:
Funny people around here... Yes, if you give away your money, it affects your own development and ability to do several things. And for someone young, it is debarring yourself...

You date someone and see them from time to time as young people and students - it does not mean you know them well enough for marriage. And why tie yourself up so early.

As for oga philanthropist; do you know how much it will cost him?
It will cost him at most $3000. To go by student visa will cost upward of $10000. He isn't complaining that he cannot afford the money. He has a rule as to the type of help he can give to the person he want to marry. And I am calling that as bull. If you love somebody you should be able to go all the way out for him or her. It does not matter whether they appreciate it in the future or not. Doing what is good always have a reward.

2 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Dijita: 6:58am On Dec 22, 2020
Curiouscity:
I did this about 7 years ago. I live in deep regrets everyday. My marriage may likely end soonest!
I pray God will restore peace into your marriage . Please don't regret helping someone you love. The trouble you are having now is not because you help. It is just part of the trouble of life
Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by mrssomebody(f): 7:29am On Dec 22, 2020
cooooooks:
I think the many negative stories are making him modify but not break his rule.

I also think the rule is sensible. However, he should consider that they met before he went back to the US.

Well, I hope he makes the best decision...three years of dating is a very big deal to me because Some marriages don't even go this long before they Break sad

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by FanOfMyself: 7:42am On Dec 22, 2020
Dijita:

I pray God will restore peace into your marriage . Please don't regret helping someone you love. The trouble you are having now is not because you help. It is just part of the trouble of life
Most women betray their husband when the man takes them abroad!
My brother is suffering same in the UK!!!
Stop trying to dissuade this, maybe it will happen to your brother for you to know how deceitful and wicked a woman can be in this regard

12 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Chrisbella24(f): 9:01am On Dec 22, 2020
FanOfMyself:

Most women betray their husband when the man takes them abroad!
My brother is suffering same in the UK!!!
Stop trying to dissuade this, maybe it will happen to your brother for you to know how deceitful and wicked a woman can be in this regard

Wait, how do they betray their husbands abroad?

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Sixfeetbelle: 11:13am On Dec 22, 2020
cooooooks:
You're being a tad ridiculous.

He said he wants her to come as a student. That is the better option for her too.


I think the best thing for all parties involved at this point in time is for him to cut all ties with the lady. If he won't help her migrate abroad and he isn't sure about marrying her, why in heaven's name is he still in communication with her?

She may not get her visa by herself that easily and fast were she to try the normal way. Would he be able to wait till then? Would she? Also, I feel the visa issue would be easily achieved if the two were in Nigeria and planning for it at the same time (couple goals). Now, as a principled guy, he won't bend his rules to accommodate her ideas, so he should leave this lady and find someone else. If in Nigeria, the new lady should have her visa already, if in the abroad, better.

1 Like

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Dijita: 11:33am On Dec 22, 2020
FanOfMyself:

Most women betray their husband when the man takes them abroad!
My brother is suffering same in the UK!!!
Stop trying to dissuade this, maybe it will happen to your brother for you to know how deceitful and wicked a woman can be in this regard
I pray god almighty will settle your brother home. I however disagree with you on your conclusion about most women. Majority of women who followed their men overseas are living in harmony with their husband and making a good home for their children. Majority of Nigerians I know in UK, London and Canada are living with the wife they brought from Nigeria. I know a man that brought his own brother to the US and they are not in good term today. This cut across Yoruba, Igbo and other minority groups. My brother in Canada is married to Igbo lady she took her to Canada they are living in harmony. I am living in harmony with my wife we are both Yoruba, We many of our very close family friends have another very friends are living in harmony with their children. I have friends in their 60s and 70s who have been here for years they are living in harmony. In fact one of them returned to Nigeria to established a pharmaceutical company. he left the wife here for almost 10 yrs just visiting once a year or their about. The company collapse and he returned back to the US. One of my friend left her wife at home and she decided to part way with him because she felt she is taking too long to come for her. I have another friend that left his wife home and decided to marry another woman in UK without telling the woman. I know women who brought their husband here and vice versa. I sympathize with those who have fall victim but we can't say because people drown we will not bath. There is high divorce rate in the western world and that is going to affect us as well

12 Likes

Re: Should I Bring Her Over To The US? by Nobody: 5:23pm On Dec 22, 2020
hmmm

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