My guy sweared to me say, d girl wey him won marry, wey I dey see her dey co-habilitate with am for a few months now...say dem no dey do all d love-making stuffs bcuz I'm bin visit am kon indirectly say him dey enjoy ooo....see better wife material wey God don bless u with(fair-skin complexion n her cooking naa A1, as I dey see her dey busy herself dey do all d house chores .. I no ask am anything ooh, but he kon dey miss yan, dey tell me say him no dey sleep with d woman wey e never pay moni for her head, say dem fit eat food from d same plate or spoon-feed eachother, feel eachother's warmth, or are playful with eachother, BLA BLA BLA ....after like close to a year wey tins, no kon dey work out...cuz e start to dey complain say, she no dey obey his instructions, or do wetin him advise or tell her to do, and say she too stubborn and dem no go fit continue to dey stay together...dz girl cried, called me, called d other friends of d guy mek we help solve matter on several occasions but no avail....she later go visit d guy's uncle report matter to am, but still my guy no gree come mek dey settle dia matter for dem..say him no wan dey wid d girl again...shikena. d girl later confided in me say she is already fallen deeply in love with my guy..and that my guy unknowingly don put her in family way...still my guy say no be him own, say mek she go comot am.... Whatever d @op dey go through I don witness am before...and my gut dey tell me say matter don dey get k-leg small small...

[quote author=GuyInTheMirror post=99365337]
I am sure the guy will have something different to say, from the OPs narrative it is certain she feels entitled to the guys money and expects to keep her own as savings.
A sensible man will understand that a woman that thinks she is doing a man a favour by supporting the home financially is one to run away from and I am certain the guy is already trying to chase the girl but she is not seeing it.

Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

Firstly u need to leave his house and go home, you are not his wife yet. Pay him a visit either weekends or when it's convenient for u.

I feel he could also be sexually frustrated.

You need to learn to make firm descisions about what you want not out of sentiments or pressure.


Follow ur instincts, it gives u signs.


Good luck

Iamafinegirl:
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of sex and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all...and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% - 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc....
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half....
And so that’s how the current life would be....
I contributed to the rent also but he said no... that he would “dash me” rent.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence...the only thing that may change is water and food.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought...it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?

Speak to your mum, asked mummy for advsed remember the saying mothers know everything.

From a my point of view i think you guys need to talk communicate, some men shout yell while trying to communicate with their partner not knowing they are knocking down their confidence. You've live together for over a year all bill should and must be 50 50. Try open joint account for bills and with that you can control your expenses. It is not good buying your own milk etc go shopping together buy things you want or need let your billing account control your expenses.

I pray your relationship works out and we are all invited to your wedding. But speak to your mum not friends o your mum you take care

Iamafinegirl:

Because we not yet married. The only reason why nothing more. Of what benefit shall d sex be ? How many minutes?
More important things to worry abt
Sex Dt forever wld b there to do
4 houses in a compound

Oh yes he went to ask for my hand in marriage November last year and parents replied that they would need to pray first. I haven’t shared all this with them yet

So, that you are not married, you cant s*x him but you can cobabit with him? Wonderful. So many people have advice you here to leave the place and go home, but it seems you have made up your mind to remain there.

I see you as the problem here. That man is sexually frustrated, if you don't believe in premarital s*x, then leave. Stop tomernting him.

Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out


Have you heard now?

Tales of two immature adults

MrCodeSolo:
My guy sweared to me say, d girl wey him won marry, wey I dey see her dey co-habilitate with am for a few months now...say dem no dey do all d love-making stuffs bcuz I'm bin visit am kon indirectly say him dey enjoy ooo....see better wife material wey God don bless u with(fair-skin complexion n her cooking naa A1, as I dey see her dey busy herself dey do all d house chores .. I no ask am anything ooh, but he kon dey miss yan, dey tell me say him no dey sleep with d woman wey e never pay moni for her head, say dem fit eat food from d same plate or spoon-feed eachother, feel eachother's warmth, or are playful with eachother, BLA BLA BLA ....after like close to a year wey tins, no kon dey work out...cuz e start to dey complain say, she no dey obey his instructions, or do wetin him advise or tell her to do, and say she too stubborn and dem no go fit continue to dey stay together...dz girl cried, called me, called d other friends of d guy mek we help solve matter on several occasions but no avail....she later go visit d guy's uncle report matter to am, but still my guy no gree come mek dey settle dia matter for dem..say him no wan dey wid d girl again...shikena. d girl later confided in me say she is already fallen deeply in love with my guy..and that my guy unknowingly don put her in family way...still my guy say no be him own, say mek she go comot am.... Whatever d @op dey go through I don witness am before...and my gut dey tell me say matter don dey get k-leg small small...

He didn’t know when he was having the secx with her? I am confused?
Or he is just denying it

Saintmary:
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out
Move out


Have you heard now?

Yes I hv
But does that solve the problem or the root of the problem?

oluplus:


So, that you are not married, you cant s*x him but you can cobabit with him? Wonderful. So many people have advice you here to leave the place and go home, but it seems you have made up your mind to remain there.

I see you as the problem here. That man is sexually frustrated, if you don't believe in premarital s*x, then leave. Stop tomernting him.

Going home is not a problem. I hv moved half of my things already n decided to do it small small so he wouldn’t know I was leaving at once.
Infact I am currently loading some more things as I type while he is asleep so he isn’t too aware till very little is left and Dt wld b d final day I leave it hopefully before Sunday.
It’s just that I don’t know how I wld cope with being alone again at home...

AwesomeStormy00:


Speak to your mum, asked mummy for advsed remember the saying mothers know everything.

From a my point of view i think you guys need to talk communicate, some men shout yell while trying to communicate with their partner not knowing they are knocking down their confidence. You've live together for over a year all bill should and must be 50 50. Try open joint account for bills and with that you can control your expenses. It is not good buying your own milk etc go shopping together buy things you want or need let your billing account control your expenses.

I pray your relationship works out and we are all invited to your wedding. But speak to your mum not friends o your mum you take care

Mother has no chill
If she hear that a man is asking to pay for things that she feels at this stage he should do since to her he is still sort of wooing you...as he hasn’t fully married you
She wldnt even wait to hear d rest.
Subject would be dead on arrival...
I come from a family where d tell you d fact you are 35 does not mean you should settle for less or regret as IVF etc is present.
Or Mayb they would just arrange one man for me one day or someday

Iamafinegirl:

Mother has no chill
If she hear that a man is asking to pay for things that she feels at this stage he should do since to her he is still sort of wooing you...as he hasn’t fully married you
She wldnt even wait to hear d rest.
Subject would be dead on arrival...
I come from a family where d tell you d fact you are 35 does not mean you should settle for less or regret as IVF etc is present.
Or Mayb they would just arrange one man for me one day or someday

So what exactly are you looking to hear here ?
If you cannot make your life decision by yourself at this time and have to depend on strangers to tell you what to do which you are still confused about then leave road and stop gathering peoples data on the internet.

By the way, wait till you are 35 years before you marry and lets see what happens.

Iamafinegirl:

Yes I hv
But does that solve the problem or the root of the problem?

It gives you the dignity you threw away last year.

You only solve problems when your spouse is on board with you, not when you're dating yourself.

If he genuinely wants to settle down with you, he'll have a serious discussion with you after you have moved out.

Otherwise, consider this relationship high risk, heal first, then decide if you want to continue.



P. S. It's like you can't realize that you're being treated like poop all for the ring.

I suspect that this OP is not female,


just another guy using us to catch cruise

Saintmary:
I suspect that this OP is not female,


just another guy using us to catch cruise

Female
Biologically
Not bobirisky type

Saintmary:


It gives you the dignity you threw away last year.

You only solve problems when your spouse is on board with you, not when you're dating yourself.

If he genuinely wants to settle down with you, he'll have a serious discussion with you after you have moved out.

Otherwise, consider this relationship high risk, heal first, then decide if you want to continue.



P. S. It's like you can't realize that you're being treated like poop all for the ring.

Thanks much
Sometimes you just get accustomed to a certain level of abuse (in quote) and get to a point we’re it starts looking normal. That’s d extent those in relationships where they are beaten get to and yet they still stay.
You would even feel you need people to tell you the truth because you can’t really see it having been in it for so long.
Thanks so much

@Op

Problem 1:Is he celibate? Who is he having sex with while waiting for the marriage? All he's doing is attempting to frustrate you out of the house so he can shag his real sex partner freely.

Problem 2: If he's into 50:50 and you're not,why are you there? You don't share the same values around this and it will become a greater problem down the line.There are men who are into a more traditional style of marriage,go for them and leave this one alone.

Problem 3: His irritability and nagging will not change post marriage, infact it will increase.

He is showing you who he is,if you don't like it,keep it moving. You should be grateful that you've been given a sample of what life post marriage with him will look like.

The ball is in your court.

Anything you see now just multiply it ×3 cause that's what you're going to see in marriage with that man.
Funny how everyone is crying about cohabiting and leaving the main issue.

You don't know how lucky you are to get to see this before you married him.
A lot of people are married to worse people but can't leave because they only found out after marriage.

God will see you through

Topleague:
God will see you through

God would see me through ke or na God would see me out as fast as possible you suppose say

lovelybugs:
Anything you see now just multiply it ×3 cause that's what you're going to see in marriage with that man.
Funny how everyone is crying about cohabiting and leaving the main issue.

You don't know how lucky you are to get to see this before you married him.
A lot of people are married to worse people but can't leave because they only found out after marriage.

I am grateful of the opportunity of seeing.

Whatever you do, don't marry this person.

Iamafinegirl:

I can be scared of marriage too. I wanted to see what my experience would be with him. I knew I was strong like I can do without premarital sex so I won’t be tempted. Is it not because of sex they say don’t go to your man’s place. If it was just him coming to see me and leave, I would never get to see him or know him to this extent. I swear with my life. I would have a rude shock to what my upbringing was patterned as. I feel it’s necessary but we don’t preach it this way because a lot of people lack ability to say no to sex

Come and marry me

Iamafinegirl:

Thanks much
Sometimes you just get accustomed to a certain level of abuse (in quote) and get to a point we’re it starts looking normal. That’s d extent those in relationships where they are beaten get to and yet they still stay.
You would even feel you need people to tell you the truth because you can’t really see it having been in it for so long.
Thanks so much

The way you write tells a lot about you. I perceive you are a good girl and if I am wrong, I can boldly say you are from a good family. Though you have made some mistakes top of which is going to cohabit with him. However since you have known that you can't cope with his lifestyle, why not walk away. There is nothing wrong in you starting from square one if that will give you joy. I don't know why most ladies seems to be glued to a bad relationship and they find it difficult to walk away. Since sex was not involved, you should be able to walk away easily. Pls walk away and do not look back.
N.B I rarely comment on stuffs like this but I decided to do that because of what I mentioned in my first two lines.

Generaloluseye:


The way you write tells a lot about you. I perceive you are a good girl and if I am wrong, I can boldly say you are from a good family. Though you have made some mistakes top of which is going to cohabit with him. However since you have known that you can't cope with his lifestyle, why not walk away. There is nothing wrong in you starting from square one if that will give you joy. I don't know why most ladies seems to be glued to a bad relationship and they find it difficult to walk away. Since sex was not involved, you should be able to walk away easily. Pls walk away and do not look back.
N.B I rarely comment on stuffs like this but I decided to do that because of what I mentioned in my first two lines.

Thanks so much
I really appreciate your advise
Walking away it is....three quarter of my things r back in my place at the moment.
The only difficulty I am currently scared of facing in my place is boredom. No one to talk to. It’s not a bubbling place like Lagos. But I have decided I would tell my parents to send me a girl if it starts to take a toll on my mental health. At least u have someone you are saying “keep this there” to, “comb ur hair”, “dress fast n go to school” or
“You didn’t wash your uniform” etc.

Iamafinegirl:

Thanks so much
I really appreciate your advise
Walking away it is....three quarter of my things r back in my place at the moment.
The only difficulty I am currently scared of facing in my place is boredom. No one to talk to. It’s not a bubbling place like Lagos. But I have decided I would tell my parents to send me a girl if it starts to take a toll on my mental health. At least u have someone you are saying “keep this there” to, “comb ur hair”, “dress fast n go to school” or
“You didn’t wash your uniform” etc.

Boredom! Do you stay in a rented apartment? Are you working? Don't you have friends at your place of work? What about your local church? Even if you are new in the area, you should try and make new good friends. In the mean time, you can just go out once in a while to malls for shopping or even window shopping. It will reduce the boredom you think you will face.
N.B based on your write up. I perceive you are ok financially, so this should not be difficult for you to do. Don't tell your parents to send a house help to you. Try and face the different shades of life that is coming your way and handle it squarely.

Shalom

Generaloluseye:


Boredom! Do you stay in a rented apartment? Are you working? Don't you have friends at your place of work? What about your local church? Even if you are new in the area, you should try and make new good friends. In the mean time, you can just go out once in a while to malls for shopping or even window shopping. It will reduce the boredom you think you will face.
N.B based on your write up. I perceive you are ok financially, so this should not be difficult for you to do. Don't tell your parents to send a house help to you. Try and face the different shades of life that is coming your way and handle it squarely.

Shalom

I am working but working from home currently.
I stay alone in a big family friend’s house in this city since the house was empty.
Most of my colleagues at work are guys and old people (45,50,59 and above). The few ladies (2) stay far, are older and are married and have kids so they don’t really have that freedom to chill and all that. Na house dem d seat all day or market. Not funky women per say.
My local church....hmmm....big church wey u no go know anybody but joining a service unit wld help to narrow down to a church family unit.
I should have done that @service unit but been slacking...
Reason why? I don’t know but I am dedicated to church just the service unit thing I haven’t done yet.
I don’t know how to make friends no place to go to meet people like that or Mayb I am not so social. Where do they meet people abeg or how sef?
My point is it’s a dry city.
Window shopping....sure once in a while I do and it helps especially if just dead bored of being home.
Movies....I feel like I am wasting my life after watching two movies.
I usually just go for self improvement courses etc but you can’t do that 24hours. but then if you are alone ...u go still look around see say na only u dey house.
It wouldn’t be this much obviously once I commence working from office.

Iamafinegirl:

I am working but working from home currently.
I stay alone in a big family friend’s house in this city since the house was empty.
Most of my colleagues at work are guys and old people (45,50,59 and above). The few ladies (2) stay far, are older and are married and have kids so they don’t really have that freedom to chill and all that. Na house dem d seat all day or market. Not funky women per say.
My local church....hmmm....big church wey u no go know anybody but joining a service unit wld help to narrow down to a church family unit.
I should have done that @service unit but been slacking...
Reason why? I don’t know but I am dedicated to church just the service unit thing I haven’t done yet.
I don’t know how to make friends no place to go to meet people like that or Mayb I am not so social. Where do they meet people abeg or how sef?
My point is it’s a dry city.
Window shopping....sure once in a while I do and it helps especially if just dead bored of being home.
Movies....I feel like I am wasting my life after watching two movies.
I usually just go for self improvement courses etc but you can’t do that 24hours. but then if you are alone ...u go still look around see say na only u dey house.
It wouldn’t be this much obviously once I commence working from office.

If you don't mind, how old are you? (A range will be fine for an answer)

CsRockefeller:


If you don't mind, how old are you? (A range will be fine for an answer)

24-28

Iamafinegirl:

24-28

Okay. You seem very interesting, there's something about you but I can't place it yet.

However, I love that you are very expressive when in a relationship.

Iamafinegirl:

24-28

Nigerians still hide their age even on a faceless forum.. Which species are these people ?

CsRockefeller:


Okay. You seem very interesting, there's something about you but I can't place it yet.

However, I love that you are very expressive when in a relationship.

Lol@ interesting
That’s quite ambiguous
I can’t seem to interpret the “interesting”.... it seems to entail a lot.
Pls kindly shed more light on that word