I call him a loner.
He makes five steps of progress
And follows it with a five-hour pause.
Plagued by indecision and intensely out of touch with people,
I do a lot for those around me.
Why do they all move away without even looking back?
It's like I was never a part of them.
I keep sulking about the past,
I keep draining myself.
I'm just helpless.
No reasonable person should continue living like this.
Yet, I find myself stuck in this hole.
It is already biting into my self-esteem.
Why would people, who were my favourite, in the blink of an eye become strangers?
I do a lot for these people.
It's not that I do it just to keep them;
I feel I sacrificed a lot to maintain the relationships,
As I felt I should have.
Why are they all leaving without even thinking about my sacrifices?
It's really draining thinking about them all: Rakiya, Halima, Anike, Mustapha, Jumoke.
Is there something really wrong with me
That I'm not aware of?
I tried to be a good friend.
I was very supportive,
Educationally, emotionally, socially, and financially.
I am really alone, and I'm unhappy about it.
It's very sad that I can't even share it with anybody.
Here I am, wasting around,
Wasting the time I don't have, brooding over people who don't give a damn about me.
I'm in a difficult situation,
But I will survive it.
I know I will.
It's just difficult and very lonely at the moment.

To what extent will you dishonour yourself?
How far will you go to beg for crumbs?
To what extent will you lose your dignity over rags?
Perhaps you feel you don’t have any left.
Maybe you’re grappling with insecurity.
Maybe you’re acting out of foolishness.
Maybe you know better.

What you’re doing seems like folly.
Reign in your extremism.
Deep down, it’s not truly about her.
It’s your desire to satisfy and gratify yourself.
It’s your blindness to reasoning.
It’s your choice to prioritise ego.

You know this holds no real value for you,
Yet you keep it in high regard.
At what point will you start using your reasoning?
A person who has hurt you so thoughtlessly and deliberately.
Due to insecurity, identity loss, identity conflict, and self-gratification, you still linger for scraps.

Are you truly this low?
You know you’re not.
You deserve better.

Pray and work to temper this extremism before it consumes you.
You see the edges of your extremism,
You grasp the depth of your own tendencies.
You know this path leads only to self-destruction,
And still, you wander in the shadow of your own making.

Yet, within you lies the power to change,
To temper the zeal that clouds your sight.
Acknowledge the strength in restraint,
And find solace in the quiet of balance.

The struggle is real, the journey is tough,
But self-awareness is the light in your darkened path.
Embrace it with courage, let it guide you,
And rebuild from the fragments of past folly.

You have the power to redefine your worth,
To reclaim your dignity from the wreckage.
Let not your past dictate your future,
For growth begins where self-awareness blooms.

Hold fast to the truth you now see,
That you are worthy of respect and peace.
Forgive yourself for the missteps,
And step forward with newfound resolve.

Your extremism does not define you,
But your response to it will shape your course.
Seek balance, embrace healing,
And watch as your true self emerges, unburdened and free.