Wait oo na who toast who I no understand.

What else do you expect from a party of terrorists, criminals and vagabonds ? I LIKE YOUR TALK ABEG

MY FRIEND WORK THERE THEY PAY HIM 15K IN WEEKS

saintility

I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said " hi!, how are you?" Embarrassed, i said, " i'm doing fine", the voice said "so what are you up to?" i said, "just doing the same as you, sitting here!" from next door, "can i come over?" Annoyed, i said rather busy right now", the voice said, listen, i will have to call you back, there's an idi.ot next door answering all my questions"

jackpot:

259 or 359? What's wrong with these kids? Are they tryin to confuse me?
*hey, somebody get me my goggles*

hey sorry is 359 okay

D tin dey funny sha. see multiple 259 x ur age x 39 = u wil get ur age in 3 places jus try it

Note: 4rm 10 upward pls.
359 X UR AGE X 39 =

see bridge my God

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates and saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her,

"Hello. How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,

"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.

"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state

lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all

around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I

am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis", she replied.

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry . . . there will be Hell to pay!


NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed lung-disease

pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

Now you've learned a new word.

Ujujoan:

What 'house'?

OMG are you still living with your parents?    And yet you want to get married? 

hey we ve a very big flat am nt lik u dat live in 1 room apartment wit ur parent ok

190:

^unfortunately everyone think's ure the one not OK

Sorry thats how it played out

M M M:

saremy
i dont joke with my hard drugs.

i dnt tak drugs ok. ganja man lyk u gud luck

Dyt:

Wat does it sound lyk?

are u sure dat u are ok hw dose it sound lyk?

fsuper:

what do u do if your gal callz u a fool,an in present of your friendz

guy she no fit cal me fool, sha na d way wey tak go wit her.

Dyt:

Wetin?
.
U call dis funny?

yeah baby.

Dyt:

Blinks n chuckled
nt funny tho

Dyt:

^^ lyk u v a common one

wait, wait, wait are u try 2 insult me or wat?

Fred Dingaling

A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than
the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides
to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of
a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he
used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase
on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose
your last name?"
The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred
Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the
time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I
got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through
college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree
so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to
school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my
degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so
I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was
Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was
Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking
away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as
Fred Dingaling with VD.
"Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred."
The officer let him go without even a warning.

M M M:

house

a friend of mine told me dat, she is alwayz having sex on her mind.

Pls how can i help her.

ds is absolute dirty talk. if u dnt anytin 2 say jus odas topic & read stop dsturbin her

190:

^me too, abeg nor lock door

M M M:

am leaving right now.

who evn giv invitation card sef abeg delete

Dyt:

Na
she didnt

use ur sense gal

M M M:

op
re u still taking drugs

d 1 dat u are givin 2 me abi.

all ds home video gals dem no dey udastad som tin na wao

Dyt:

N wats dis?

hey dnt u get it?

Boy: hi, how r u dear.
Miss u,

Girl: hii, just reading.
I missss U too,

Boy: me watching tv.
and thinking abt u. n u?
I am really missing u a lot,

Girl: I ve just taken dinner.
Bye bye.

Boy: yaa, I ve also taken dinner,
Gud n8. sweet dreams.
Bye bye Sweety !

After one month:

Boy: Sweety, kiya kar rahi ho.
r u coming 2 col 2moro?
***I LOVE YOU***
Muuuuahhhh,  Miss U.

Girl: Swetu, Now I m in market.
I love u,  muaaaaahhhhhh
bye bye

After three month:

Boy: Plzz recieve my call.
I am Missing u a lot,
I LUV U very much…

Girl: Sorry, I m busy now.       

After five month:

Boy: I cant live widout U.
please dnt leave me.
I LOVE YOU a lot,
Miss u.

Boy: Please receive my call.
Plzz talk to me once.
It really hurts me!

Girl: Sorry, we are just frnds.
Dnt take it otherwise.
gud night.

This story is not about a boy and a girl. It’s about all those relationships that remain incomplete for ever. Why we fall in Love if we can not recognize its value ? Still I am searching my answer…

A real story happens to a girl in bombayrecently. . must read Her name was Priya. She was hit by a lorry. She is working in a call centre. She has a boy friend named Shankar. Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone. You can never see her without her handphone. In fact she also changed her phone from Airtel to Vodafone, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost. She spends half of the day talking with shankar. Priya's family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya's family. (just imagine their love) . Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away please burn me with my handphone" she also said the same thing to her parents. After her death, people cant carry her body, I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to carry the body, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called a person who know to one of their neighbours, who can speak with the soul of dead person , who is a friend of her father. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.

>After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here". then her friends told that person about her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the grave box and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. after that they tried to carry the body. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked. Priya's parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away. After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's mom. Shankar :…."Atte, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me.Dont tell Priya that I'm coming home today, i wanna surprise her." Her mother replied…, "You come home first, I wanna tell you something very important." after he came, they told him the truth about Priya.

>Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "dont try to fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her Please stop this nonsense". then they show him the original death certificate to him. They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) He said… "Its not true. we spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Shankar was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar's phone rang. "see this is from Priya, see this…" he showed the phone to priya's family. all of them told him to answer.he talked using the loudspeaker mode. all of them heard his conversation. Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her SIM card since it is nailed inside the grave box they were so shocked and asked for the same person's (who can speak with the soul of deal perosns) help again. He brought his master to solve this matter. He & his master worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing which really shocked them…

pls guys i wil stop here pls.