Wow, this post is really hot and a lot of people are gradually picking offences.
There's a few people who feel it's because the person who started the thread wasn't Man Enough, but lol Narcissistic behaviors are not only in relationships alone, it happens in workplaces and even between friends thesame gender.
By default Narcissists are usually nice, very nice people I must say; but all they do is because they need you to be their slave, a narcissist will try to offer you help but if you end up finding a solution to what they're trying to help you with by yourself they get offended, a Narcissist doesn't really want you to be happy, they want you to be happy they're able to help you, a Narcissist doesn't want you to free instead the want you to be happy they're allowing you to breathe, a Narcissist wouldn't apologize if there's a problem and they did something wrong because it's actually your fault that they misbehaved, a Narcissist would tell everyone of how they're trying to help you and how many people they've helped but guess what they literally need help too and it's only you their victim or previous victims that knows that, a Narcissist would become friends with all those you love if you ever try to be free from their cage but for some reasons you're around them, and if you are not careful you might soon begin to question your sanity because they all see you as a problem but no one can see this is what you actually did wrong, Narcissists hate proofs they'll delete everything possible that can implicate them but Trust me they'll keep every possible bit that can make you feel less of a human so far it makes them feel like your messiah.
Gaslighting is a trait peculiar to Narcissists.
...there's so much on this topic but the bottom line is we all need to love ourselves well enough so we don't become the vulnerable one that should be exploited, and making money too is important because in today's world you'll need it to be independent and less vulnerable to the wolves we now have around us.

Ebubu:

I have some few questions

1. Do they spot a guy and say “I want to trauma bond this guy”, “let me trauma bond this man”. Or it’s just an unintentional outcome of power play in a relationship ? Was it original or thought-out from the start?

2. I think I’m a victim. I prefer to grow in a relationship with gradual increase in affection, but she preferred I show it massively hot from the start, according to her, na beginning of relationship love suppose dey sweet pass, na beginning of marriage marriage dey sweet pass. Me i believe in wine getting better as it ages. In the first few months of the start, I was just basic in my love approach while she calls me 7 times in a day, comes to see me at break or any free lunchtime, video calls me at night, et cetera.

When I discovered how disrespectful she was to some of my friends and when she retorted to what my sister said about a particular girl this ex says looked like her (my sister), my sister said this girl I said looks like her is not fine. I informed my ex what my sister said about the girl she said looked like my sister, and my ex answered “who tell am say she fine”.

Immediately I lost respect for her, also when she said if we get married her mother in law, (my mon), can’t be coming to the kitchen anyhow. I think I quite agree but it just sounded off to me considering i preferred someone who is communally inclined in her living.

I started telling her she should just boycott all marriage plans that nobody knows God’s plans. Soon after that, her whole affection from me took a nose-dive down. Less calls, intimate chats, time, etc from her.

She also started to chat more with other guys, to her I’ve permitted her to entertain other guys since there’s no security this would lead to marriage.

Note I was watching her reaction to keeping the marriage open, if she’d still be committed (then I’ll re-initiate it), if she acts otherwise, I will know her true colour.

A year later she got talking too deeply with one senior colleague like that. I warned her they communicate too much, she won’t say anything, it got point that she started changing what she used to save the guy’s name on her phone so I will stop checking her. She started to lie about her whereabouts so she’ll have time video-calling the guy. They practically video call 4x in a day.

Eventually I broke off the relationship. She started dating the guy.

The guy showed her shege cos I was still assisting her financially (situationship), though I got sex in exchange. The guy didn’t financially take care of her. I was even buying her pad, etc. in that period I kept begging her to come back to me she would refuse and say it would seem like she is selfish.

Eventually her relationship with the guy hit the rocks one year later. But she did something that made me block her in the meantime, she slept with a single father for whatever reason, she informed me by herself. I was not in town. I got so furious I blocked her. By time I got back to town she had left that guy she left me for and started dating one tech guy who is really doing well financially and taking care of her.

She never begged me for forgiveness for sleeping out with single father cos she felt she had no sexual obligation to me since I wasn’t the boyfriend or husband? or dumping me for another man? She would even be posting love enticing thing about she and the guy she left me for on her status knowing well I would see it.

Earlier on this year around January I asked her if the guy who dumped her came around, would she accept again? She said yes if she still loves him then. This is a girl that didn’t want to consider returning to me same month she broke up. Maybe because she was the one who left, and this time she is the one who was dumped.

This tech guy she’s dating now is taking care of her and started her a sewing business so she won’t be dependent on guys. She’s doing much better.

But still chats me up from blue moon about most mundane things like “what is the colour of the sky?”

“How many pages is final year defence book?” Most irrational things. Don’t know if she wants to keep talking to me, but don’t want us to date?

I rarely post my romantic life on social media but the day I posted loving emoji on status she rushed and posted video of her man and she love cuddling/hugging.


PS: her father is late and her mother struggles a lot, owed several months salary as a primary school teacher in Benue state.

But when I had not cancelled the marriage plans: she was the most romantic woman.

Uncle, please forget that lady.
She'll keep wasting your precious time, there's always going to be someone who would love and respect you, if she doesn't respect you and she can't apologize when she's wrong then I'm sorry it's not something you should stay in or expect a positive outcome from; I understand you might have truly loved her at some point but the sad truth is she's not worth your precious attention, find someone new who would truly love you regardless of what ever might be and at all times, in the end your happiness too should be a priority, if they're happy and you're not, what is the point?
Mind you, some people don't love you; they ONLY love what you can do for them.

LandMann:
[sup][/sup]

You're just an unfortunate simp who shouldn't have gone into a relationship.

You tried very hard to paint your ex as a demon using a word you just learnt and probably from seeing other unfortunate souls doing same after getting destroyed in a relationship.

Let me tell you, relationship, like every other event in life, is a game. If you go into a relationship as a man, your goal should be to win the game and get a mate who will follow your lead.

If you start doing mumu stuff in the name of love then you're the fool setting yourself up to fail. You're just a weakling, and your partner will spot it and detest you. If you can't hold your own and knowing that you're right then you are an unfortunate simp.

If ManCity crushes Chelsea in a match, will Chelsea start crying that ManCity is a narcissist?

You're ascribing blame to the woman and I want you to know that doing so will not take the responsibility away from you if that's your goal. You failed miserably in managing your relationship.

Go and learn how to be a principled, resourceful and responsible man. Go and make money before you think of your next relationship so that you don't end up writing another horseshit to justify your failure

Lol, I knew the Article was going to lead to this.
Well here's the reality, Money is good as it does stop nonsense but many at times it doesn't really bring about Joy, mind you Joy is different from Happiness; let's put the word Narcissist aside, if you must have to put people in their place by the virtue of what you can afford then you'll always have to do that, if you must always have to give someone a gift when they're wrong and they've refused to admit their wrongs and apologize you'll always have to do that.
There's no two ways to it, Narcissism isn't just a word, it's a lot on it's own and it's not just a situation that can happen between Lovers it does happen in Work environments, let's be frank for a minute everyone can't be Rich at the same time and everyone can't be the boss at the same time, there's always going to be the need for someone to be in a position where they have a Boss and in such situations Narcissistic behaviors can play out, now let's talk about relationships a Man shouldn't always lord it over his wife but the sad part is if you truly love someone who has narcissistic traits you'll regret being in love, they'll do everything possible to make sure they keep using you, I really don't know much about love but it shouldn't be a case where one person is a slave to the other, a woman should not be a slave to her husband and a man should also not become a slave to his wife, and long story short anyone who can't apologize when wrong shouldn't be in any relationship.
PS: Buying someone a gift when you're wrong with saying you're sorry in a sincere manner isn't an apology, the problem remains and would pop up at a later date.

Starboytwo:
I support this motion. If you narcissist me, I will relegate you to bench till your okay las las.

Lol, that's a better way to deal with Narcissist but somehow you might end up becoming a Narcissist.

steeltrust:
Lol
I can understand where you coming from bro
My wife used to be
But as a proper African man when I be
I put her in her place 😂🤣

She now has the idea I can do without her if Bleep up

So all those narcissistic behaviors she de hide am

And I warn am make she no carry that nonsense character near our pikin

If you realize on time and deal with it
You won’t have a problem

As am talking to you now sef I feel guilty cause na me con de do like narcissist for our marriage 😂🤣

And another thing apart from the narcissistic thing, I think she doesn’t love you enough
She de use you pass time

One key characteristics of a Narcissist is that they Love using People, be it in a relationship or work environment a Narcissist has just one goal, to use people meanwhile they tend to create that picture of them being the best person you can ever find on earth, even when you say you don't need help a narcissist will tell you they just want to help you but it's mainly so that you can feel attached, indebted and become a slave to them, being in a relationship with one can be dangerous as they would always need you to feel guilty, unfortunately if you ask what you've done wrong they really can't tell.
PS: The world shouldn't be a though place to live for anyone but over the years I've learnt that, if you're too Sweet they'll lick you Finish and if you want Peace they'll break you into Pieces; that being said there should always be a balance and Dialogue should always be a way to resolve difference hopefully the other party understands, because an Eye for an Eye might soon make everyone Blind.

Lol, I could only but laugh reading this; imagine working for someone that is a Narcissist and quitting at a point when the disrespect and humiliation was at it's peak, mind you she sacked you but didn't expect you'll truly walk away; then that Narcissist happens to get close to someone you love who happens to be a Feminist, y'know people who use pronouns on their social media profile e.t.c...
Just imagine the Trauma and Drama, that's one you don't want to experience; it's best imagined.

[quote author=youngrichnigga post=126950888]
As seen on Twitter, she appears to care about you. You need to take it easy, life's full of ups and downs, tides and currents. Reach out to her please 👇
----------------------------
The said post in question has been on Twitter since March, unfortunately I had no idea it was there; she literally posted all that without my consent and she did to suit her narrative.

Before the incident, she could tell I am not someone who likes seeking help and she would even go ahead to claim I'm staying in a shell; however all that is because of the too many negative experiences I've had with people, someone offered free accommodation and I did accept but that was like the greatest mistake I made this year, her attitude and character was one that many of those who had worked with her can testify about, extremely temperamental and short fused although she acts nice; however that I slept on the streets does not mean I'm less of a human, at least I can't go robbing people so I can live large, the best I can do is to work and do the best I can till things get better, at least there's always going to be hope as long as there is life, all the help she went seeking was to make me more vulnerable and susceptible, especially after the accommodation issue but at the peak of it I had no options than to just walk away and maintain my sanity, she literally ordered that I leave but would go about telling people I resigned and was owing her money despite the fact that she was the one who sacked me, and she did so well with that narrative that everyone would say she's responsible for my success, someone even told me I go ripping people and leaving them to regret the help they do, it literally became a case of Gaslighting, unfortunately it's even more sad that I did apologize two different times and I wouldn't have made this a public post to address the issue if she had deleted it this morning.

youngrichnigga:

As seen on Twitter, she appears to care about you. You need to take it easy, life's full of ups and downs, tides and currents. Reach out to her please 👇

She literally called me a Bastard this morning, although i politely asked that she delete the Post.
Attached is a screenshot.

youngrichnigga:
Can you share the link to the Twitter post so you can be supported

It's sad that this has to keep escalating but the best that can happen is that she delete the post.
...with time the Trauma will fade away, unfortunately the internet never forgets.

https://twitter.com/Beckyehi/status/1635183849499148289?t=opJVG6t91Yrr_b8dIjt-SQ&s=19

I feel compelled to share a recent experience that has been quite Challenging and Traumatizing for me.

I've been unfairly targeted with false accusations and defamation by someone I used to work with, Beckianah Obehi. All I wanted was a Job, to Work and Get paid to survive but she kept on asking for so much personal information, although I don't like the idea of asking people for help and I did make it known to her she would continuously claim I'm staying in a shell and it's wrong; however she would take to Social Media (Twitter now known as X).
https://twitter.com/Beckyehi/status/1635183849499148289?t=opJVG6t91Yrr_b8dIjt-SQ&s=19
Literally to seek help on my behalf and she did so in a manner that suits her narrative and intentions to exploit, painting the picture that I am mentally not fit and in need of help, whatever help was sought was basically so she could exploit my vulnerabilities and hold me hostage with the same, the sad part of it all was that her actions were responsible for me being in a situation where I'll need help, I literally got Robbed on the 3rd of March 2023 because she made me to wait at work till about 9:45pm, she literally had a male visitor she didn't trust that much and needed someone to be around, she would even offer that I get something to eat while waiting and I couldn't just leave in a disrespectful manner, apart from waiting because I respected her, her safety was also part of the reasons I had to wait, should my elder sister be in such a situation would I have walked away in a disrespectful manner knowing that the said visitor was already within the estate.

I want to bring attention to this situation to shed light on the truth. I have documented evidence disproving accusations that spiralled after the whole incident, including photographs of work done and the records as she would at some point claim I'm owing her money for work not done, unknown to me as at when she went seeking for help she did put up a lot of personal information about me on Twitter without my consent, I didn't even know she posted it on Twitter until a series of Traumatic events unfolded afterwards, she literally went posting personal information about me in a manner that does make me look like a very unfortunate person, with lies added to suit her narrative and asking for all the help she can get for me, however I'm someone who finds it difficult asking people for help, a few people did offer to help but that was just the beginning of a series of Traumatic experiences and I saw the red flags when she said people are trying to help and it'll come through her, I used to live on the streets and someone did offer accommodation which was free but somehow she claims the said accommodation was paid for and I made her waste money for it.

She literally felt it was a perfect avenue to exploit me more, I admit I made a mistake to have stayed in the same building after I stopped working with her but there was never an agreement either oral or written showing it was offered because I worked for her instead the narrative was (he was led by the Holy spirit) I already left the building because a bit of traumatic experiences unfolded afterwards.

She literally sacked me but claimed I resigned, I don't know what she was expecting; probably that I come beginning her because my life depends on the Job but I'll rather sleep on the streets or starve to death than accept disrespect and humiliation from someone I'm working for, being a staff shouldn't mean being a slave or being less of a Human, but it's unfortunate that the world today has these realities and it's the reason many are into fraud and illegal activities, however my own Conscience does tickle me and I still do believe hard work pays but then I'm human and I being poor does not mean I'm useless, when I work I do so with the best of my abilities regardless of how much I'm paid.

What makes this whole thing depressing and Traumatizing is the fact that I do believe there is dignity in labor unfortunately the reality is the opposite, I did ask that she delete the post she made on Twitter but she has refused to, instead she's calling me a Bastard meanwhile telling me to go get mental help.

My aim is to create awareness about the misinformation being spread. False narratives can be damaging, and I believe in transparency. If anyone has questions or wants more information, feel free to reach out.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Best regards,
Oreoluwa O. Olaleye.

Music seems to be an escape, but regardless It's a lot.

Sobreba Benin is currently recruiting factory workers who have at least 6months working experience.
Minimum qualification: 5 credits including Maths and English ability to speak french is an added advantage.
NB: You must be within the age range of 19-26.
Interested candidates are to send their CV to oreoluwaolaleye275@gmail.com on or before 25-04-2017.

It's not news that over 60% of Children in Nigeria do not have access to Free Education, In some parts of the Country (North), there's an Ideology/Religious Belief that justifies Illiteracy of which the call "Almajiri" a situation where some are from Poor background and have to remain Poor because it's their Fate

It's not news that over 60% of Children in Nigeria do not have access to Free Education, In some parts of the Country (North), there's an Ideology/Religious Belief that justifies Illiteracy of which the call "Almajiri" a situation where some are from Poor background and have to remain Poor because it's their Fate.