byvan03:
This decision isn't tough at all because you clearly never loved him enough. If you did, you won't have to think about it, if the guy had any ego he should have ended the relationship after you asked to think before giving response. Choose your project, he obviously isn't worth the sacrifice to you.

Yes. I have decided to deny his proposal.

But NOT that I never loved him enough. He wasn't in support of me continuing my project. All what I offered as alternative for us he rejected them so it's his loss not mine.

He wasn't on board with whatever it is I offered as a walk around. As such, I have decided to deny his proposal today and follow my career in full.

Oluwapresley:


is your boss gonna get a divorce from his wife? and u see y I said u are fvcking selfish?? u wanted to move to the east. u asked him to follow u.. really if he had followed u, Ur project will come up again, u will ask him to pack again and move to Abuja, abi it always has to be about u, abi? suit urself.

Sir, you are taking his side here not considering the position at which I stand. My boss won't relocate to Abuja. He would return to Lagos after a few days. It is I, and my IT team that would permanently relocate as the company would be transferring us.

So I don't know how I'm selfish here.

Oluwapresley:


and who says when they get to SA, those SA guys won't change their minds!! tsew.. 5yrs relationship because of impatience and irrationality.. how can someone that planned a "" huge project"" like that as she has claimed and she can't plan her relationship! IMO, she is fcvking selfish! fcvking wanna waste another human being's 5yrs.. tsewvq!!!

I'm not selfish sir. The issue is my bf work. He works in Lagos. Even if I accept his proposal, when I migrate to Abuja, what about him? When I wanted to relocate back to the east last year. I asked him to come with me he said no. That I should stay with him instead.

So it's not about planning or being selfish

nonjebose:
1. Accept his proposal, that should be his birthday gift ( you don't want to break his heart on his birthday). 2. Discuss the prospect with him. Be ready to let him know that you are ready to make sacrifices for the relationship. Make him see that you place him above everything else. Give suggestions outlined here by a nairalander on distant relationship. Listen to his response and contribution, that will help both of you. Wish you luck

Thanks

obongitiad:


Hmm! Na wa oh!

Well from the realistic/negative side of tins, the relationship is dead already.

From the optimistic/hopeful side of tins...aka "Fighting For Love", der are some crazy ideas to consider:

1. Maybe u shd consider pushing for ya bf to get a job in ya new Abuja branch...haha...if he has a big ego like me, e go say no! (So my gf go come be my boss? Tah!)

2. Advise him to apply for jobs in Abuja, becos of less traffic and less noise...u can also chip in point one above.

3. Consider a long distance marriage...dats if you guys insist on "fighting for ya love" oh.

Finally, I see the relationship dying a natural death;(... except you guys wanna "fight for love"...

Wish you the best

I think I would consider the optimistic/hopeful part. I would suggest those to him

Justdulla:
its so obvious that this lady is still revelling in youth cos i see no debacle here...so u wana tell him no cos of of project,the same u that reminded him bout wedding last year...If this little probs can be twisting ur head like this ,how sure are u that u can carry out that project sef?? I wont advise u oo Kashybaby has said it all,if u like go enter one chance

Sir, i started the project 3 years ago and I have been running it together with my team including my boss up until last year when we ran out of money. So finishing it this year won't be a problem for me.

But how do you mean by "one chance"?

obongitiad:


Its like how na?

After the project is concluded are u going to permanently reside in Abuja or wot?

If Abuja becomes ur permanent base, then there is a problem. If not, I see no problem anywia...

It would become my permanent Base since I would be transferred to the Abuja branch. My job would then be there.

Sir, I actually had a long session of thinking before coming to nairaland but I couldn't come up with anything. My boyfriend works in a Lagos company. If I proceed with the project then I'd be transferred to Abuja permanently as my new branch of our company where I work.

obongitiad:


Done! And pls next time, say "Pls". Thank you!

Okay, back to biz. So na becos of common 6 months project wey u want throw way 5yrs relationship wey want lead to marriage ba?

Na wa to you oh!

It's not like that. The 6 months would change years of my future for better. But I think I'll explain to my bf if he could reason with me

obongitiad:
Firstly, TSA did not start 3 yrs ago. Dat part of ur story doesnt add up.

Modify your post. I said last summer when the new government(Buhari) came in.

DharmyYinks:
What happened to long-distance relationship

When its not as if you will stay there forever. It's just to go for some weeks. If he can't wait for you then it means he never loved you.

Love/Relationship is all about sacrifice!

It's not some weeks. The project is located in Abuja. And that is where I will be for the next 6 months for its final deployment and execution.

The south Africa trip itself is just 4 days. And I'll be back. But once I'm back and all goes well, I'd be moving to Abuja with my boss the next week.

I'm in a tight spot.

jayfrank085:
Hmm, A relationship of five good years, he proposed and you said you will think about it, not good if you ask me. Nothing stops you from achieving your career and marriage, its all about ako nu che and communication. i just hate the part of you telling him you will think about it. wonder whats going on in his mind right now.

Not surprised the females are on your side, if he was the one moving out and you proposed and he said he wil think about it in 3 good days, how will you feel?

I understand. But I didn't know what to say that's why I told him I'd think about it. And for the past 8 months I was free so if start becoming distant now due to work he may think otherwise.

Thanks all the same.

BoiledHead:


If breaking his heart would build and cement your career then it's what you have to do. I know this sounds cold. But trust me, you have to do what you have to do.

Thanks again sir

BoiledHead:
Take my advice:

CHOOSE YOUR BOSS. CHOOSE YOUR CAREER.

Your boyfriend and marriage won't fix the damages your yes would cause. From your write up, the project is 3 years old and you have sacrificed alot. And even mentioned government once sponsored it. So it must be a big classified project. Don't dwindle your career because of marriage. You have a chance to make it big. My two cents.

Thank you. I really didn't want to break his heart by saying No instantly yesterday or saying no on Tuesday. Perhaps I'd find a way to explain. Thanks sir

KashyBaby:
Opportunity knocks once...grab it...it's for Ur future...and Ur wedding can wait anytime when ur less busy...if Ur bf understands Ur job,he'll support u all the way...talk to him and let him understand in details...



Good luck in the project.

I fear my talking to him would send him away

Modified: I have made my decision. After engaging him in a lengthy conversation, I have decided to discontinue any future Plans and deny his proposal.

Thanks for your support.

Thread Closed.

-------------------------

My apologies for the disposable account. This is quite sensitive for my actual nairaland account to be used. I'm sorry. It's quite lengthy but please try to read so you'd understand my position here.

There is this guy I have been dating for 5 years. We are so much in love with each other. And due to our young age (I mean very young), we didn't consider marriage at all. He proposed to me yesterday. It was the biggest moment of my life when he did as it's what I've always fantasised about but there is a problem.

My boss called me to his office yesterday morning at the start of business to surprise me with the good news. 3 years ago, my boss and I started a project. This project is also one that would change my life forever shall it become a success. I and my boss have both sacrificed so many things in our lives just to keep the project going. Last Summer, the project ushered itself into the final stage before deployment and execution. But our company was short on funds. The government agency that was sponsoring us stopped ever since the new government started the TSA (Treasury Single Account). So we lost government support and even support from banks. And our personal funds cannot foot it. So we let it slide and suspended the 3 years long project.

It has been about 8 months since the project file was even touched by anyone. So I technically forgot about it completely. So my boyfriend and I have been spending some quality time together and I spoke to him once about marriage last Christmas. So I don't know if that is what drove him to propose yesterday.

Yesterday, my boss surprised me with the good news. The good news is, we found a new sponsor based in south Africa. Who agreed to foot 75% of the project while we cover the 25% left. It was great news and I was so happy. But my boss told me that we both have to visit the sponsor and provide them with more info on the project and also a presentation to convince them more.

Nairaland, if I go with my boss to south Africa for the sake of this project(My career) I would loose my boyfriend and won't get married to him because the final stage of the project requires 24/7 attention and I won't even be in Lagos where my bf is. I'd be in Abuja. But, if I go on to say yes to my boyfriend, my career and dream is finished. What I spent 3 years building would end.

My boss needs me to present the project to the sponsor. He can't do it alone and no other staff member is as qualified as me in this case because I started the project.

If you are in my shoes, who would you choose?

Please advise.

P.s I told my boyfriend I'd think of his proposal and promised him a decision (Yes or No) by Tuesday(His birthday). So I have about 3 days to make a choice. Help me.