Ben-10:

sorry! we don't post anything serious here. . .This' a community for jokes.

Thanks for letting me know, Ben

@op,

It better not to tell her because she wouldnt forget and will hold grudges against no matter how she trys not to.

I will advice you stop extra-maritals affairs and focus on your marriage!

Blueice4re:

Well i feel wat u are saying, but wat if it happens to[b] be your sis [/b] are you going to ask her to asist.well your hubby should talk to him in assisting the family not you,let it be done in a peace full way in order not to send him away, Good luck.

If it was my sister, that will even be the easiest thing to do! I will tell her straight. . . no long story! However, I did rather not have relatives living with me! They can come visiting but no thank you; no long stays pls 

queenesthr:

You may give him a little time to find his feet and save some money. He must have incurred some expenses in coming over to the US.

Which feet are you talking about? If he didnt know anyone in US, Wont he pay his bills, rent?    Hes just being selfish. Is he not working? Common sense should tell him to contribute to the bills; no matter how little even if its $300 per month!

@ OP,
I will advise you to let your hubby talk to him. Dont get involve as pampers advised!

Hi Admin,

COuld you please help me sort out some adverts (valucard) which keeps disappears.

ValuCard Nigeria Plc has successfully transformed from a local card scheme to an international payment card industry service provider. Our core business and services include processing. Acquiring & payment solutions. We are the only Nigerian processor and Acquirer that meets EMV 1 & II as well as PCI-DSS (payment card industry date security standard) certification.


As a result of rapid business growth and expansion, we are in search of new talents to join our existing pool of talented employees in providing unique services and solutions in line with international standards and best practice. Applications are therefore invited from suitably qualified and result oriented individuals for the following position:


AUDITORS (REF: VCN/AD)
JOB DESCRIPTION

• Assisting in the planning, fieldwork and reporting of internal audit assignments and ad hoc projects
• Assisting with compliance work for both financial and IT set standards
• Performing test to assess adequacy and compliance with procedures
• Documenting control weaknesses and deficiencies and defining
• Recommendations for risk mitigation and improvements
• Assisting in developing of practical solutions to help auditors improve their control


FUNCTIONAL COMPETENCIES
• Good knowledge of financial and IT audit processes
• Proficiency in internal process controls
• At least 5 years working experience of internal audit in an audit firm or blue-chip organization
• A good team player


QUALIFICATION
• A good B.Sc/HND degree (minimum of second class lower) in Accountancy, Social Sciences or Science courses
• Relevant professional qualification will be an advantage

PROJECT MANAGERS (REF: VCN/PM)
JOB DESCRIPTION

• Create and execute projects and work plans appropriate to meet changing needs and requirements
• Manages day-to-day operational aspects of a project and scope
• Effectively applies our methodology and enforces project standards
• Ensure project documents are complete, current and stored appropriately


FUNCTION COMPETENCIES
• Must possess general understanding in the area of database and system design
• Must be able to manage the process of innovative change effectively
• Must be able to communicate relevant project information to stakeholders
• Must possess minimum of 5 years post certification experience in handling IT based projects


QUALIFICATIONS
• A good first degree in relevant discipline
• Project Management Professional qualification
• Must be computer Literate

DATA BASE ADMINISTRATORS (REF: VCN/DBA)
JOB DESCRIPTION

• Assist in designing and implementing backup & recovery system for oracle database
• Provides adequate support for all oracle instance components including SQL and PL/SQL
• Ensuring the successful implementation of oracle failover technology


FUNCTIONAL COMPETENCIES
• Must be versed in Oracle 11GI and updated version
• Must be an Oracle certified professional or similar certification
• Must have worked with oracle development tools for at least 3 years


QUALIFICATIONS
• A university degree (minimum of second class lower) or Higher National Diploma (minimum of upper credit) in computer science, Engineering or related field
• Two to three years experience in production environment
HOW TO APPLY

Interested candidates should their application and detailed CV indicating reference number for the position applied for to: recruitment09@valucardnigeria.com within one week from the date of this publication. Application closes 1 feb 2010

Remuneration for all positions is very attractive

Only short-listed candidates will be contacted

kevoh:

I can't tell a lie!

You just lied!

Ben-10:

You're welcome. . .it's a nice joke; cos I know it's not real

Ben,

Its not a Joke! Its real

matthew7:7:

a nice joke, but not all that funny

Excuse me? Was it suppose to be funny? I only asked a question and if you dont have anythin to say; abeg waka pass.

ValuCard Nigeria Plc has successfully transformed from a local card scheme to an international payment card industry service provider. Our core business and services include processing. Acquiring & payment solutions. We are the only Nigerian processor and Acquirer that meets EMV 1 & II as well as PCI-DSS (payment card industry date security standard) certification.


As a result of rapid business growth and expansion, we are in search of new talents to join our existing pool of talented employees in providing unique services and solutions in line with international standards and best practice. Applications are therefore invited from suitably qualified and result oriented individuals for the following positions:

DATA BASE ADMINISTRATORS (REF: VCN/DBA)
JOB DESCRIPTION

•   Assist in designing and implementing backup & recovery system for oracle database
•   Provides adequate support for all oracle instance components including SQL and PL/SQL
•   Ensuring the successful implementation of oracle failover technology


FUNCTIONAL COMPETENCIES
•   Must be versed in Oracle 11GI and updated version
•   Must be an Oracle certified professional or similar certification
•   Must have worked with oracle development tools for at least 3 years


QUALIFICATIONS
•   A university degree (minimum of second class lower) or Higher National Diploma (minimum of upper credit) in computer science, Engineering or related field
•   Two to three years experience in production environment

AUDITORS (REF: VCN/AD)
JOB DESCRIPTION

•   Assisting in the planning, fieldwork and reporting of internal audit assignments and ad hoc projects
•   Assisting with compliance work for both financial and IT set standards
•   Performing test to assess adequacy and compliance with procedures
•   Documenting control weaknesses and deficiencies and defining
•   Recommendations for risk mitigation and improvements
•   Assisting in developing of practical solutions to help auditors improve their control


FUNCTIONAL COMPETENCIES
•   Good knowledge of financial and IT audit processes
•   Proficiency in internal process controls
•   At least 5 years working experience of internal audit  in an audit firm or blue-chip organization
•   A good team player


QUALIFICATION
•   A good B.Sc/HND degree (minimum of second class lower) in Accountancy, Social Sciences or Science courses
•   Relevant professional qualification will be an advantage



PROJECT MANAGERS (REF: VCN/PM)
JOB DESCRIPTION

•   Create and execute projects and work plans appropriate to meet changing needs and requirements
•   Manages day-to-day operational aspects of a project and scope
•   Effectively applies our methodology and enforces project standards
•   Ensure project documents are complete, current and stored appropriately


FUNCTION COMPETENCIES
•   Must possess general understanding in the area of database and system design
•   Must be able to manage the process of innovative change effectively
•   Must be able to communicate relevant project information to stakeholders
•   Must possess minimum of 5 years post certification experience in handling IT based projects


QUALIFICATIONS
•   A good first degree in relevant discipline
•   Project Management Professional qualification
•   Must be computer Literate


HOW TO APPLY

Interested candidates should their application and detailed CV indicating reference number for the position applied for to:  recruitment09@valucardnigeria.com

Advert Closes on 1st Feb 2010

Remuneration for all positions is very attractive

Only short-listed candidates will be contacted

ValuCard Nigeria Plc has successfully transformed from a local card scheme to an international payment card industry service provider. Our core business and services include processing. Acquiring & payment solutions. We are the only Nigerian processor and Acquirer that meets EMV 1 & II as well as PCI-DSS (payment card industry date security standard) certification.


As a result of rapid business growth and expansion, we are in search of new talents to join our existing pool of talented employees in providing unique services and solutions in line with international standards and best practice. Applications are therefore invited from suitably qualified and result oriented individuals for the following positions:

DATA BASE ADMINISTRATORS (REF: VCN/DBA)
JOB DESCRIPTION

• Assist in designing and implementing backup & recovery system for oracle database
• Provides adequate support for all oracle instance components including SQL and PL/SQL
• Ensuring the successful implementation of oracle failover technology


FUNCTIONAL COMPETENCIES
• Must be versed in Oracle 11GI and updated version
• Must be an Oracle certified professional or similar certification
• Must have worked with oracle development tools for at least 3 years


QUALIFICATIONS
• A university degree (minimum of second class lower) or Higher National Diploma (minimum of upper credit) in computer science, Engineering or related field
• Two to three years experience in production environment

AUDITORS (REF: VCN/AD)
JOB DESCRIPTION

• Assisting in the planning, fieldwork and reporting of internal audit assignments and ad hoc projects
• Assisting with compliance work for both financial and IT set standards
• Performing test to assess adequacy and compliance with procedures
• Documenting control weaknesses and deficiencies and defining
• Recommendations for risk mitigation and improvements
• Assisting in developing of practical solutions to help auditors improve their control


FUNCTIONAL COMPETENCIES
• Good knowledge of financial and IT audit processes
• Proficiency in internal process controls
• At least 5 years working experience of internal audit in an audit firm or blue-chip organization
• A good team player


QUALIFICATION
• A good B.Sc/HND degree (minimum of second class lower) in Accountancy, Social Sciences or Science courses
• Relevant professional qualification will be an advantage



PROJECT MANAGERS (REF: VCN/PM)
JOB DESCRIPTION

• Create and execute projects and work plans appropriate to meet changing needs and requirements
• Manages day-to-day operational aspects of a project and scope
• Effectively applies our methodology and enforces project standards
• Ensure project documents are complete, current and stored appropriately


FUNCTION COMPETENCIES
• Must possess general understanding in the area of database and system design
• Must be able to manage the process of innovative change effectively
• Must be able to communicate relevant project information to stakeholders
• Must possess minimum of 5 years post certification experience in handling IT based projects


QUALIFICATIONS
• A good first degree in relevant discipline
• Project Management Professional qualification
• Must be computer Literate


HOW TO APPLY

Interested candidates should their application and detailed CV indicating reference number for the position applied for to: recruitment09@valucardnigeria.com

Advert Closes on 1st Feb 2010

Remuneration for all positions is very attractive

Only short-listed candidates will be contacted

We are Nigeria’s leading retail bank. We emerged from the largest merger and consolidation in Nigeria’s banking industry.
Following the landmark banking consolidation spear-headed by the Central Bank of Nigeria, (CBN), nine financial institutions with competences in investment banking, corporate and retail banking came together in January 2006 to form Unity Bank Plc

Career progression in the bank is largely performance driven and to some extent dependent on qualifications.We are currently recruiting for Executive Trainees in our organisation

REQUIREMENT:Applicants must possess B.S.C/HND with at least 2.2/Lower Credit respectively.

You must have finished National Youth Service Corp.

CLICK Below to Apply :
www.unitybankng.com/apply.php?urlid=

Pls visit  www.careers.nigerianairforce.gov.ng   for more information

ooopss my bad, Admin i mean thanks Iice

I found it amusing thats why i wrote it in the Jokes section!

Common sense should tell you its fraud! 419

My point is, If the landlord wants to give  charitable why cant he do it independently?

Why must he increase my friend's house rent?



Put yourself in this scenerio

JERRYMAG4:

Virginity is not a criteria for a succesful marriage. Always create a distinction between relationship and marriage. I realised that everybody talks abount sex sex sex, marriage is morethan that. If you agree with me tha its not a passport to a good marriage, then its not important.

Bless you

Does virginity guarantee a successful marriage? HELL NO!!!

I just got this from a friend! He said his Landlord summoned an emergency meeting yesterday.

Agenda:        50% increase in rent.
For what?      Relief to Haiti earthquake victims!
Question:      when did Lagos landlords become good samaritans

Prince15:

Get a visa to UK for 350k. Money back guarantee! Offer lasts till February 28 2010. Call Endy on 08034436278.

Thief! Fraudster If you are not careful I will have your number blocked.

PM's used to be available in 2006 on nairaland but it was later disenabled!

It will be a great idea If the Moderators could bring back the function

You are welcomed

Post title: Private Sector Fundraising & Partnerships Specialist, NOC
Vacancy number: VN-NGR-01-2010
Contract type: Fixed-term
Duration: Two years
Location: Lagos
Deadline for application: Tuesday, 2 February 2010


UNICEF Nigeria seeks the services of an experienced Private Sector Fundraising & Partnerships (PSFR) Specialist who will develop and implement private fundraising and partnership strategies to raise funds and leverage resources locally in order to support implementation of the country programme.

The successful candidate will be expected to carry out the following duties

Responsible for overall implementation of local private sector fundraising and partnership plans and achieving set targets through various fundraising and partnership building tools, for example corporate cash and in-kind donations, individual fundraising and resource leveraging.
Supervise the PSFR team in scrutinizing the individual and corporate fundraising plans according to the work plan and in putting the plans into action in a timely and effective manner. This includes campaigns for donor acquisition, cultivation, retention and corporate fundraising. Oversee and monitor the work performed by the team.
Responsible for local Donor Care Programme-retention of existing private sector partners working closely with the programme section. Write proposals, send reports and organize field trips for potential and current donors and partners.
Keep track of private fundraising and partnership activities and prepare reports as needed by the supervisor, Deputy Representative and Representative as well as Private Fund Raising and Partnerships Division, Geneva Headquarters.
Responsible for formulation of local Private Sector Fundraising and Partnerships strategy and overall strategy and plans vis-a-vis identified funding requirements for the country programme.
Ensure documentation of good practices and support, in any way required, the Country Office for all activities related to private sector engagement.
Minimum qualifications and competencies

Advanced university degree in social sciences or a related technical field.
At least five years of progressively responsible professional work experience at the national levels in corporate social responsibility in fund raising and partnership, or acceptable related experience. Proven experience in marketing, advertising and/or sales.
Fluency in written and spoken English.
Proven skills in managing relationships with large number of partners involving proposals and field visits.
Proven skills in communications, networking, advocacy and ability to relate to mass media and community.
Proven conceptual, analytical and negotiation skills.
Ability to clearly and concisely present ideas and concepts in written and oral form.
Proven ability to effectively manage relationships with private sector, government officials and other UNICEF partners.
Managerial and supervisory skills and ability for team work.
Good knowledge of computer systems and applications.
Initiative, passion and commitment to UNICEF’s mission and professional values.
UNICEF, which has a smoke-free environment, is committed to gender equality in its mandate and its staff. Well qualified candidates, particularly women, are strongly encouraged to apply.

HOW TO APPLY

Prepare the following documents

A completed UN Personal History Form (which can be downloaded from www.unicef.org/employ)
Your curriculum vitae with your current, detailed contact information (including telephone number and email address)
A one-page summary statement that shows how your qualifications and experience meet the requirements above.
Only candidates meeting the minimum qualifications and competencies (above) will be considered.

Send your documents in a sealed envelope marked ‘confidential’ and with the vacancy number to:
The Human Resources Manager
UNICEF
UN House
Plot 617/618, Diplomatic Drive
Central Business District
PMB 2851, Garki, Abuja

Meet the deadline

Applications must be received by UNICEF by midnight (Abuja time) on Tuesday, 2 February 2010. Applications received after the deadline will not be considered.

RESPONSE

UNICEF will contact short-listed applicants within two weeks of the deadline. UNICEF will not contact applicants who were not short-listed.

Finance Assistant, GS5
Post title: Finance Assistant, GS5
Vacancy number: VN-NGR-02-2010
Contract type: Fixed-term
Duration: Two years
Location: Bauchi
Deadline for application: Tuesday, 2 February 2010

UNICEF Nigeria seeks the services of finance assistants to provide financial support functions to its operations in Bauchi field office.

The successful candidate will under the supervision of the Finance Officer in Bauchi field office, carry out the following responsibilities

Compile and verify budget and accounting data by researching files, calculating costs and estimating anticipated expenditures from readily available information sources. When authorized, makes disbursements from petty cash fund, maintain records of these disbursements and balances accounts as required.
Prepare cheques and vouchers for all cash disbursements, checking and verifying the accuracy of amounts being paid and received, and ensuring that all such receipts and payments are accurately coded and entered correctly in the relevant ProMS accounting module.
Review and establish completeness and authenticity of the accounting documents provided by Government and Non-Governmental Institutions and verify that they meet the acceptable accounting standards, and have been processed in accordance with the acceptable accounting procedures.
Assist in the preparation of periodic accounting records by recording receipts and disbursements (ledgers, cash books, vouchers, etc) and reconciling data for recurring or special reports.
Ensure accuracy of computation on accounting documents, determine the nature of the expenditures and compile financial summaries for action by programme/project officers. Certify documents for processing liquidation.
Maintain contact with local banks for verifying accounts status, obtaining approval for cheque clearances, verifying currency exchange rate and similar direct transactions.
Assist the Finance Officer in financial planning by preparing relevant financial data for budget estimates.
Prepare monthly payroll for Field Office staff. Prepare travel advances, settle travel claims, MIP reimbursements etc.
Maintain proper and complete custody and control of all accounting documents.
Minimum qualifications and competencies

Completion of secondary school. University degree or its equivalent in finance, accounting or related field is desirable. Professional certificate in accounting, an asset.
Five years progressively responsible work experience in a finance/accounting position.
Good judgment, organization, analytical and accuracy skills.
Integrity, honesty and high sense of responsibility.
Good knowledge of computer applications, accounting softwares and database management.
Good communication and interpersonal and team work skills.
Knowledge of UNICEF procedures/policies an added advantage.
Ability to work effectively and harmoniously in an international and multicultural environment.
Initiative, passion and commitment to UNICEF’s mission and professional values.
UNICEF, which has a smoke-free environment, is committed to gender equality in its mandate and its staff. Well qualified candidates, particularly women, are strongly encouraged to apply.

HOW TO APPLY

Prepare the following documents

A completed UN Personal History Form (which can be downloaded from www.unicef.org/employ)
Your curriculum vitae with your current, detailed contact information (including telephone number and email address)
A one-page summary statement that shows how your qualifications and experience meet the requirements above.
Only candidates meeting the minimum qualifications and competencies (above) will be considered.

Send your documents in a sealed envelope marked ‘confidential’ and with the vacancy number to:
The Human Resources Manager
UNICEF
UN House
Plot 617/618, Diplomatic Drive
Central Business District
PMB 2851, Garki, Abuja

Meet the deadline

Applications must be received by UNICEF by midnight (Abuja time) on Tuesday, 2 February 2010. Applications received after the deadline will not be considered.

Unicef is recruiting for a financial Assistant & Private Sector Fundraising & Partnerships Specialist, NOC


Pls visit http://www.unicef.org/nigeria/about_3345.html for more information and apply

Job Title: Graduate “Management Talent” Programme

Company: Sahara Group

Role Statement:
In the 6 months of the “Management Talent” programme, you will work on a number of different projects within a few of the operating
companies of the Sahara Group. The work is generally highly analytical and dynamic; with many of the projects carried out in teams. Each
individual will receive both coaching and supervision along the course of the programme, this way, you get to know not only the Sahara Group
and our core fields of activity and people, but also yourself.

After the 6 month programme, if you are successful, you will begin your first position, for example, a Business Development Officer, within
Product Supply and Distribution or in an analytical position such as within the Corporate Development and Strategy team. The possibilities are
limitless!!! A project or position overseas is also a possibility.

The goal of this “Management Talent” programme is to train you as a high-value individual in an international Energy environment. A
management position is possible in time, depending on the qualities you show. In other words, it’s all in your hands…
Throughout this 6 month programme, you will be supervised by a career officer from our Talent Management division.

Knowledge/Skills:
• Proficiency in the use of Microsoft Office Suite (Word, Excel, Power Point)
• Other than English, at least one foreign international language is required (French or Portuguese)
• Ability to multi-task with regular interruptions

Minimum Qualification / Experience:
• Relevant university degree (B.Sc/B.A) minimum 2nd class lower division
• Completed NYSC
• 0-2 years post-NYSC Experience
• Maximum of 27 years by December 2010

Personality Traits:
• Must have charisma, poise & finesse
• Must be confident
• Must be hardworking and one who thinks “out of the box”
• Must be a strong communicator with ability to connect with people at all levels
• Must be able to work in a fast-paced, entrepreneurial & dynamic environment
• Must be reliable, organized and detail-oriented
• Must be ambitious with a ‘can-do’ attitude
• Self motivated, team player with a proactive approach to work

PLEASE SEND CV TO: internal.recruitment@sahara-group.com

Job Title: Graduate “Management Talent” Programme

Company: Sahara Group

Role Statement:
In the 6 months of the “Management Talent” programme, you will work on a number of different projects within a few of the operating
companies of the Sahara Group. The work is generally highly analytical and dynamic; with many of the projects carried out in teams. Each
individual will receive both coaching and supervision along the course of the programme, this way, you get to know not only the Sahara Group
and our core fields of activity and people, but also yourself.

After the 6 month programme, if you are successful, you will begin your first position, for example, a Business Development Officer, within
Product Supply and Distribution or in an analytical position such as within the Corporate Development and Strategy team. The possibilities are
limitless!!! A project or position overseas is also a possibility.

The goal of this “Management Talent” programme is to train you as a high-value individual in an international Energy environment. A
management position is possible in time, depending on the qualities you show. In other words, it’s all in your hands…
Throughout this 6 month programme, you will be supervised by a career officer from our Talent Management division.

Knowledge/Skills:
• Proficiency in the use of Microsoft Office Suite (Word, Excel, Power Point)
• Other than English, at least one foreign international language is required (French or Portuguese)
• Ability to multi-task with regular interruptions

Minimum Qualification / Experience:
• Relevant university degree (B.Sc/B.A) minimum 2nd class lower division
• Completed NYSC
• 0-2 years post-NYSC Experience
• Maximum of 27 years by December 2010

Personality Traits:
• Must have charisma, poise & finesse
• Must be confident
• Must be hardworking and one who thinks “out of the box”
• Must be a strong communicator with ability to connect with people at all levels
• Must be able to work in a fast-paced, entrepreneurial & dynamic environment
• Must be reliable, organized and detail-oriented
• Must be ambitious with a ‘can-do’ attitude
• Self motivated, team player with a proactive approach to work

PLEASE SEND CV TO: internal.recruitment@sahara-group.com

mama-gee:

A five-year-old girl called Agidi Ogbedo, has been killed by persons suspected to be ritualists.

The body of the girl was found lying in a fenced plot behind Loekka Secondary School, Makurdi, the Benue state capital, on Monday. Sources told our correspondent, yesterday, that little Agidi had disappeared from home last Saturday, only for her body to be found 48 hours later, after a frantic search for her.

P.M.NEWS investigation shows that the private part of the girl and her two eyes, tongues and intestine were removed by the suspected ritualists. Narrating the incident to P.M.NEWS, the guardian of the late girl, Mrs. Grace Unongwu, disclosed that last Saturday, at about 7p.m., when she called Agidi, who had been playing behind the Eckankar worship centre with her friends, to come home for her dinner, she discovered that she was no where to be found.

Speaking further, Mrs. Unongwu said she had to organise a search party, immediately, for Agidi, but they could not trace her whereabouts. She said she later reported the matter to the police at “D” Division. According to her, on Monday, a member of the search party came and informed her that they had discovered the body of Agidi near Loekka Secondary School, and on getting to the scene, Mrs. Unongwu said she discovered that some parts of Agidi’s body had been removed by those who killed her.

The Divisional Police Officer in charge of the Division confirmed the incident and said the police have commenced investigation into the incident. As at press time, no arrest has been made. Residents of the area expressed shock over the dastardly killing of the child, stressing that the development was very strange to the people of the state and called on the police to bring the culprits to book, no matter how highly placed.

This is so sad!

mama-gee

netotse:

sent him a message on FB. . .lol that ought to shock him. . .thanks

His number is 08033871450

If you want to call him! I got it from his previous post.