The second scorer though...Buh gr8 job u guys...I must confess...those 25 poems whr out of this world. it must have been a hell of a job for u guys to sift...well done

You shouldn't have deleted d works at the submission site na....they really coloured this forum

And please can u also send d breakdown to physicsmind77@gmail.com. We would really love to learn from our mistakes...

congrats to all the finalists.....well done guys

Contestants 63: pureIvory & spidey77
pureIvory: Stanzas 1 & 3
spidey77: Stanzas 2 & 4
Edited by pureIvory and spidey77


Earth is never merry at this time
Putrid breath fill the air like a lime
Hasty feet running amidst haziness
Deafening bangs pour in all readiness
Under the blasting sun rays
The firing of metal stones ring like trays
Yes! trays we used moments ago
Before this frantic shrapnel spread its woe


Ah! Before his shirt starched and squeaky clean
Was painted with mushed livers and splattered spleen
Before the maddening shatters missed his brain
Tore through his lids and pierced his friend
Before it ripped his bones and tore his fat
And the sponge in his palms turned his best friend's heart
His blood slithering in the suns drier
The captain unbridled in his unwithering 'fire!'


Baam! it hit me
In all these deaths we lose
I could have won in my home with Simi
But here I am strangulated by a noose
The boys who once dreamt
They lie ashore in their blood pools
In our eagerness to please, we never learnt
It hit me, we are all fools


The man upon whose mandate we die, we do not know
The sky is loosening it's straps, the sun it's glow
He is burying these boots, this is definitely his last
The thunder is frightening, the rains gathering fast
He dies to see Simi, dip his nails in her crisp lace
The rains are now in hot drops, his infantry in hotter defence
The red flash didn't last, his rifle slips
He sees her between the gumming lids, our friend gently sleeps

Brief Analysis

The predominant theme of the poem is war.
A soldier amidst the height of war suddenly realizes how the war has changed the lives of the fighters. This has brought about the death of his friend in the battle field.
He realizes that the cause of the war is grossly unfounded (at least not worth all the bloodshed) as they do not even know or ever see who they are fighting for (line 1, stanza 4 ).
He remembers his lover at home and wishes to be with her, to fulfill all the promises he had made instead of being in the forefront of unnecessary violence.
He promises to bury his boots so as not to fight again after this particular confrontation and return to his lover. “ this is definitely his last” (stanza 4, line 3).
Unfortunately, he is shot right in the middle of his thoughts.

Mood and Tone

The poem moves pity, disapproval for war and disgust at the unnecessary loss of lives
This poem is written with the tone of disapproval for war
The poem is made up of four stanzas containing eight lines each

Figures of speech

Simile: line 2, line 6 stanza 1

Onomatopea: words like 'shatter', baam!, 'blasting' etc can easily be recognized in the work

Many other figures of speech can also be found in the poem

It is said ''when two elephants fight, the grasses suffer...''. When has violence ever favoured the street fighters? Let's say no to war..

pureIvory:

check your mail. I requested for your number

check ur mail

Pureivory ow far.....der paired us o...how do we connect

As I watched with wrinkled gums and tattered fun
As my son's where whipped with reckless abandon

Completely out made, out played, out passed
The fans so out-noised, the crew outclassed

I cried out, who told us to slap bayern two
Where do we go, what do the gunners do






Am in