Dis guy joystck na key to punnies ooh , don't lEave dis guy alone with anything On skirt o ,solve dis equation a man has 22 kids with 14ashawos at 33 hw my kids and ashawo will he have at 70yrs ,maths gurus drop ur answers

People I opened this thread for students who want to enrol in nda school
Let us meet here and discuss

Kai see these local thing the talk abt Instagram and keek,give me ur username to check u out on any and imagine big boy like u the use opera mini the Do twitter for BB self make u fit grab am ,jonzing of the century

realist01:

Shave? See this blind bastard..ugly is too far to believe na , u would have said another thing that chould be more convincing dont u think..even u dont believe what u just wrote. Now crawl to ur cave . Smelling boy

lol inferiority complex the kill u, lemme show u how to knw u are handsome ,ask ur mother or ur sisters if The say u are den take ur bath, walk up to a girl on Ferrari if she ask for ur no. First , den u knw u are a boss but where can u see such gal bro ?

realist01:

Why are y'all stalking me on twitter , leave my life alone oh. Its not me that caused the frustration in ur family

lol how old are u ? 10? 15? 17? Na only ugly guys get moral the ask random gals what Do I look like ? Ode wch ans were u expecting? U don fall ur hand finish and u also look broke , and try and shave cos u look real ugly

Handsome ni legsome ke

fubbyy: show my pic 2 your gf and see what she will tell you

lol ure a funny dude,my girlfriend go call u very ugly with all due respect maybe the kind gals u dey see na the average ones wey make u the feel, u neva see fine gals talk more of fine boys no dey here the pour ur sence(stupidity)out u no reach and I'm be like say u too get complex issue too, as I said before evryguy is handsome in respect to his quality is not always the face

At fubby and adulthood fine boys no too the talk and @fubby make I no lie oo u know fine atall in my hood u Won't even be called average @aduthood u have complex problems and u sound more like a kid and I didn't get to see ur pic so I don't knw what u look like and @allguys every guy is cute depends on ur quality

Ugly girls always looking for handsome guys,90% of nigerian gals aя̩̥̊ε̲̣ ugly so don't tell ♏ε ur beautiful cos if u ar he shld be the one after u, u will just insult urself,smh so many ugly afta me

Sometimes is not always abt Τ̲̅ђε̲ height but Τ̲̅ђε̲ pyhsique,am 5-10.5 inches tall but due to my physique I look like 6feet ,imagine tom cruise is only 5-7 inches tall but u wouldn't call him short because of his stature and ronaldo is only 6feet tall but well built that makes him look very tall .and imagine u walking with A̶̲̥̅ tall girl that's almost same height with u is very sweet with the swag dia

Nowadays, when
everybody with a
deep pocket can
buy a football club,
the top European
clubs are no longer
run by real football
enthusiasts but are
rather in the hands
of those who don’t
know much about
the game. As a
result, club owners
treat managers as trash and they tend to show
them the boot as soon as the team lose a couple of
games in a row. There has been a number of really
stupid managerial sackings in the past and we have
listed the best of them for you.
7.) Sam Allardyce (Blackburn)
Sam Allardyce arrived at Blackburn at a time when
Rovers were starring into the eyes of relegation and
he didn’t take long before guiding the team to
safety and saving them from the drop in his first
season in charge. With virtually no investment in
otherwise pretty average squad, the Big Sam led
Rovers to a top table finish, while helping the side
reach Carling Cup semi-finals in his second season
at Ewood Park. Nonetheless, despite everything he
had done with Rovers, Big Sam was sacked in
December 2010 when Rovers were situated in 13th
place, with the decision shocking the fans and
players alike.
6.) Chris Hughton (Newcastle)
Chris Hughton was handed the tough task of
getting Newcastle back to the top flight following
the relegation from the Premier League and the
Irishman largely delivered despite being under
tremendous pressure. He managed to gain full
control over the dressing room, which was not easy
to do with Andy Carroll and Joey Barton making
the headlines for all the wrong reasons, and that
helped the Magpies record some pretty impressive
results upon their return to the Premiership.
Nevertheless, that didn’t convince owner Mike
Ashley that Hughton was the right man for the job
as the Irishman was sacked midway into the
season.
5.) Roberto Di Matteo (West Brom)
Roberto Di Matteo gained promotion with West
Brom in his first season in charge at Hawthorns
and thanks to some shrewd dealings in the transfer
market, the Italian created a very good squad that
were supposed to try and escape relegation from
the Premier League. Di Matteo succeeded in
building a very good side that not only recorded
some impressive results in the opening exchanges
of the season, but also played attractive attacking
football, outplaying sides like Arsenal, Everton and
Manchester United in the process, but that was not
enough to keep the Italian at Hawthorns as the
club owners decided to sack him following the poor
run of results midway through the season.
4.) Martin Jol (Tottenham)
Before Martin Jol arrived to White Hart Lane,
Tottenham fans probably thought Spurs would
never be able to challenge for the Champions
League place, but that soon changed as the
Dutchman created a team capable of matching
every Premiership side on their day, while leading
Spurs to consecutive fifth-place finishes. Just when
he was expected to make that final step with Spurs,
Jol was relieved from the post shortly after it was
revealed Tottenham had offered Juande Ramos the
chance to become Spurs manager.
3.) Jose Mourinho (Chelsea)
Morinho joined Chelsea after winning the
Champions League with Porto and he immediately
helped the Blues end Manchester United’s domestic
domination, winning Premier League and Carling
Cup titles in his first season in charge. The Blues
defended the Premiership title next season before
winning both domestic cups a year later, but
Mourinho was still sacked from the post in
September 2007 for failing to bring European glory
to Stamford Bridge.
2.) Brian Clough (Derby)
One of the most successful managers in history,
Brian Clough was sacked by Derby just few months
after winning the league title and leading the team
to European Cup semi-finals, as chairman, Sam
Longson, was angry with Clough’s appearances in
the media. That proved to be a blessing in disguise
for Clough and one of the poorest decisions in the
history of football as the Englishman led Derby’s
fierce rivals Nottingham Forest to consecutive
European Cup titles as well as numerous other
trophies.
1.) Vicente Del Bosque (Real Madrid)
Real Madrid fans have fond memories of Vicente
Del Bosque, who was one of the reasons why the
Galacticos played the way they did, especially as no
other coach after him has managed to repeat his
success. The low-profile manager led Real to two
La Liga titles and two Champions League trophies
during the four years in charge, but los Merengues
opted against extending his contract, which would
prove to be a massive mistake as Real have never
again looked as impressive as during the Galacticos
era.

A Masvingo man ran amok, hacking his elder brother with a machete, slicing off his tongue and private parts, before knifing his wife's left breast over alleged infidelity in a horror case that has left many stunned.

Ephias Chikumbo, the alleged 42-year-old killer is currently held by police in Gutu facing murder charges.

Chikumbo, suspecting his 47-year-old elder brother Tirivafi of having an affair with his wife, Marjory, flew into a rage and attacked his brother with a machete, killing him instantly.

He is said to have disappeared into the bush after his dastardly handiwork, prompting a manhunt for him.
Chikumbo was to return home deep in the night, where he grievously assaulted his wife, father, mother and young brother.

They are all battling for dear life at Gutu Mission Hospital, with the wife admitted in the intensive care unit.

National police spokesperson Andrew Phiri confirmed that police are seized with the matter.

"We can confirm that police have arrested a Masvingo man in connection with murder and assault charges," Phiri told the Daily News yesterday.

"The person is expected to appear in court soon."

Chikumbo is said to have confronted his brother about the alleged affair and an argument ensued, that prompted him to arm himself with a machete.

With single-minded determination, a machete-wielding Chikumbo, who is under chief Nyamande's area, grisly "slaughtered" his brother before slicing off his tongue and private parts — body parts he claimed his elder sibling used to coax his wife, Marjory.

After the gruesome morning murder and subsequent disappearance, Chikumbo returned to complete the job.

He is said to have gone berserk during the night, first attacking his 19-year-old younger brother, Emmanuel, demanding full details of his wife's sexual proclivities.

He demanded to know who else besides the late Tirivafi was sleeping with his wife and also alleged that the young man was also helping himself to his wife.

He then descended on his 66-year-old father Petros who was trying to restrain him, and knocked off his teeth in a thorough beating.

After assaulting his father, he went for his wife, knifing her left breast off as punishment for allegedly cheating on him.

Bleeding profusely, the wife collapsed, prompting the 56-year-old mother Tsvakai to intervene.

In a taboo move, an irate Chikumbo assaulted his own mother, fracturing her right arm.

As Chikumbo unleashed his reign of terror, young Emmanuel rushed to Bhasera police base station to report the case.

Police responded promptly and rushed the critically injured wife to hospital.

Chikumbo was only arrested the following day at the scene of the crime, while enjoying a mug of opaque beer.

The shocking slaying comes as police in Masvingo have recorded a decrease of 25 percent in murder cases in 2012.

According to statistics from the police Victim Friendly Unit, murder cases resulting from domestic disputes were escalating, with women mostly on the receiving end.

Officer commanding the Victim Friendly Unit, Isabella Sergio told a crime awareness campaign in December that police recorded more deaths from domestic disputes than from criminal activities.

"Murders as a result of domestic violence also continue to rise," she said. "The link between domestic violence and technology has become very significant as a number of cases emanate from invasion of privacy particularly through cellphones and e-mails.

"Infidelity and misuse of family income are other major causes of domestic violence," she added.

Ever wondered why nowadays there seem to be more prophets than ordinary people in Africa? Even President Robert Mugabe last year warned Zimbabweans to watch out for false prophets. The Head of State also wondered why Zimbabwean prophets alone have outnumbered prophets mentioned in the bible.

My Zimbabwe News team conducted a research on ‘powers behind miracles’ that some if not most prophets use to draw multitudes of desperate Christians. Some ‘men of God’ actually brag that they possess powers to perform any type of a miracle while some boast of being the first prominent prophets to be established in Zimbabwe and other countries in Southern Africa.

A research conducted by My Zimbabwe revealed that over 1,700 pastors and ‘men of God’ from different parts of Africa have approached the seemingly most powerful ‘sangoma’ in Ghana for powers to perform miracles. So authoritative is the much-dreaded fetish Priest Nana Kwaku Bonsam of Ghana that he openly and publicly dares ANY of his critics to challenge him in a battle of supernatural powers.

My Zimbabwe has learnt that Nana Kwaku Bonsam has got his shrine at Sa-Peiman, a village on the outskirts of Nsawam in the Eastern Region of Ghana. His god is called ‘Kofi-Kofi’, and is the one who provides him with supernatural powers that are desperately needed by different pastors from all walks of life.

A Ghanaian newspaper reported that after visiting Nana Kwaku Bonsam, hundreds of top-of-the-range cars were seen parked at his shrine as various prominent businesspeople and celebrated church founders gathered to secure his services.

The rule is that one could only enter the shrine barefooted and without a phone or a wrist watch. The fetish priest is by no means a poor man, as anyone who enters his shrine for consultation pays an amount of GH¢10 (about US$5.28) which excludes the cost of the rituals. As part of his rituals, the priest hangs a cat alive and slaughters several fowls, a white dove, pigeons and goats and then spills the blood on his god. The inner shrine is parked with several other gods and also has many cartons of talcum powder, Holy Bibles, razor-sharp machetes hung around the room, a riffle, golden rings, money, padlocks, calabashes and many other items which were veiled.

Narrating in an interview how powerful he is, the much dreaded man boasted of his capabilities.

“I’m a fetish priest; a powerful one of course, and I use my powers to heal the sick, help people who want to travel abroad, help traders get better sales, protect people from fraudsters, dis-empower witches and wizards or help people who have one problem or the other. I am well-known for the wonders I perform in this country so I receive people from all parts of the country and even people from other countries,” he said.

The self styled sangoma was quoted in an interview with Ghana’s Daily Guide as having said he once produced ‘miracle money’ before a highly respected traditional Chief.

“I produced money, a gold watch, handkerchief and other things there and that was so wonderful before the chief of Techiman. At the palace, I was able to plant cocoa seeds and they germinated on that same day; I planted a mango seed and it germinated the same day and I killed a house-fly, resurrected it and made it fly round for all to see,” he said.

Still on ‘miracle money’, Nana Kwaku Bonsam said when he started performing his ‘miracles’, anything that he touched turned into money.

“Anything I touched turned into money and I even stood on a fresh egg, which did not break,” he said.

The sangoma confirmed that indeed there are pastors who have, and still approach him seeking powers to start prominent churches and perform miracles.

“Yes it is true. I give powers to perform miracles to a lot of pastors. Currently I have over one thousand seven hundred and something pastors; I might need to look into my register for the figure. When they come to me I give golden rings to some of them after taking them through a ritual bath. I give them the ring and a Bible and the power I want them to get is what I put in the ring. I give some the power to heal, others to see into the future and or the past, or do anything I want them to do. It helps their churches get more members who always want to see signs and wonders,” he revealed.

Asked if he would expose the false pastors who acquired powers from him to perform miracles, the sangoma said:

“I am only against those false pastors who have come to me for powers and yet are not keeping their mouth shut but rather making provocative statements against me. I am also against those who have gone for powers from other shrines yet preach against us and do not abide by our rules.”

Nana Kwaku Bonsam further ‘showcased’ his talent of unbelievable miracles:

“I can produce money from nowhere. I can plant a palm tree and make it grow that same day. I can pull the edge of a sharpened cutlass on my throat without it cutting me. And I can heal a lot of sicknesses,” he said.

The fetish Priest attacked flamboyant pastors who enrich themselves at the expense of their followers.

“Some of them are using the church for fashion parade. Listen to how they preach in their churches and how they mention the names of their church members who have AIDS as if it is not an embarrassing disease. Why are they riding in a lot of cars when their church members are hungry? The Bible itself says we should all bring our belongings, sell and share with the poor and needy. Was that not why Jesus beat up the gamblers in the temple? Some pastors today are virtually being worshipped by their church members, when Jesus himself was a humble person,” he said.

He said if he wanted he could do like any other false pastor who disguises using the bible

“I was born Stephen Osei Mensah. I was not born a fetish priest. I was attending church when I got possessed and if I wanted to do what others (false prophets) are doing I would have attached my fetish to my Bible and called myself Reverend Stephen Osei Mensah,” he said.

My Zimbabwe figured out that several Ghanaian pastors and bishops have previously challenged Nana Kwaku Bonsam, but they all couldn’t take the risk.

According to Bishop Obinim, founder of International God’s Way Church, if any Pastor dare doubts the anointing God has given him, the person should meet him and he will call THUNDER from Heaven to strike him. Nana Kwaku Bonsam came forward and took up the challenge and Bishop Obinim reportedly gave excuses resulting in the ‘spiritual wrestling’ failing to take place.

Prophet Nicholas Osei alias Kumchacha also challenged the renowned fetish priest for a spiritual battle after arranging to meet at Tema-based Adom FM’s premises in Ghana, My Zimbabwe has learnt. However, a mammoth crowd that besieged the premises to witness the grand ‘spiritual showdown’ got disappointed after Prophet Kumchacha made second thoughts at the last minute and failed to turn up.

Meanwhile several Zimbabweans have been to Ghana and other Western countries over the past few years. Some of them (names withheld) returned back home and became so powerful in their line of industry.

Adura_ngba:

And I will delightfully pee inside your nose that day.

ngba u are worried

Adura_ngba: The guy I am talking about is more than a magician, he is a wizard.

I will laff at ur dry ass that day

Adura_ngba: and I also heard a black man saying Nigeria will defeat Ghana 5 - 1.

adira or adura am serious on this cause maybe u should be serious for one Τ̲̅ђε̲ guy am talking about is a magician

Yesterday I was watching a programme where A̶̲̥̅ whiteman said long ago,he dreamt of the nations cup final when Nigeria will be Beaten 3 goals to 1 by the Ghana's , he also said asamoah will score the last goal against nigerians, I dunno how true this magician word is,if u heard that pls can u say ​U̶̲̥̅̊'r thought on that prophesy.

Clowns

This is my work as A̶̲̥̅ learner

The super chikens just eat the big elephants hehe

Ok noted

Moses

J

gree-die:

we are all wondering if u made it tru kindergarten.....

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font] u don insult ♏ε̲̣̣̣̥ ooo,carring my rope going to Τ̲̅ђε̲ back yard u d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ mad self

gree-die:

we are all wondering if u made it tru kindergarten.....

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font] u don insult ♏ε̲̣̣̣̥ ooo,carring my rope going to Τ̲̅ђε̲ back yard

Lol wetin hapen ni am typing from A̶̲̥̅ touch screen fone abeg forgive ♏ε̲̣̣̣̥ ni

My friends and my fellow guys,I want to know if you have have Ever been wooed by A̶̲̥̅ girl, if so state Τ̲̅ђε̲ reason why you aя̩̥̊ε̲̣ been wooed eg tall ,handsome,short,rich,poor,good,bad guy etc.lol as for ♏ε̲̣̣̣̥ I am been wooed cos am handsome and also tall
Girls:let's also know what u think y guys woo you aя̩̥̊ε̲̣ u tall,short,beautiful,ugly,good xtics or bad etc u knw nah just pour it out

#3. More Than Half of the Passengers Survived the Hindenburg


Via Wikipedia

We realize this one probably doesn't apply directly to your life unless you intend to board a zeppelin built exactly like the Hindenburg at some point in the future (hey, who can say where life will take you?), but it's still a great example of how really hard it is to kill a human being.
After all, this is the freaking Hindenburg -- its very name is synonymous with an enormous ball of fire so big that it made a reporter shit his pants on the air. It wasn't the worst accident in history -- you can only fit so many people on board a blimp -- but it was certainly the most spectacular one ever captured on film.
The aircraft had its stunning explosion over Lakehurst, New Jersey, on May 6, 1937, and it was probably a good thing for the Nazis that the Zeppelin Company went against pressure from Joseph Goebbels to name the airship after Hitler. The accident resulted in 36 fatalities and a memorial not nearly as awkward as it could have been.

Via Steubensociety.org

In an alternate history, the marker is known as the Adolf Hitler Memorial Plaque.
It's no wonder the video of this thing going up in flames became one of the most famous newsreels of all time -- the footage looked and sounded like an old-timey star destroyer going down. So for passengers on this doomed aircraft, they had to deal with not only being in the middle of a supernova of burning hydrogen gas, but also plummeting to the ground a second later.
Yet, incredibly, the odds of surviving the enormous fireball were actually pretty good. Out of the 97 passengers and crew aboard the floating airship, only 35 were killed when it exploded.

Via Anus.com

What a 65 percent survival rate looks like.
The chief reason your chances of having survived the Hindenburg were "more than likely" instead of "zero" was because the mechanics of the disaster happened to play out like a quick-time event similar to something out of Resident Evil 4. All the passengers and cabins were on the underside of the airship, so once it went aflame and lost its lift, surviving just boiled down to timing. In the following video, you can actually see the passengers and crew waiting until the dying zeppelin slowly drifted close enough to the ground, pressing "X" to "jump" and then doing what any sane person would do: running like hell.

Also, you may have noticed that's 35 passengers and crew killed in a disaster involving 36 fatalities. That extra body was a particularly unlucky soul named Allen Hagaman, whose cause of death was having the fucking Hindenburg fall on top of him.
#2. You Have a 99 Percent Chance of Surviving a Black Widow Bite


Photos.com
The female Latrodectus, perhaps better known by its stripper name, "black widow," just might be the most feared spider in North America. It's a black latex-wearing fetish artist with a universally recognizable tramp stamp and a reputation for dirty deeds.
All those glossy books in elementary school didn't lie to you: A black widow can kill a human. As such, if a black widow ever bites you, it's a pretty safe bet that you'll be the next one to bite it, so to speak, as well. Right?

Photos.com

But not before you spank it to death with your shoe, obviously.
Actually ...
Not exactly. Even if a black widow manages to pump you full of her poison, her venom has a natural death rate of a whopping "well under 1 percent." That's even less than the danger posed by the anti-venom your hospital would probably not treat you with.

Photos.com

"My professional advice? Stop getting bitten by goddamn spiders."
In short, if a black widow ever bites you, consider it a divorce and not a death sentence. Yes, it's probably going to hit you where it hurts -- this poor kid described it as "excruciating" -- but hey, if you had to choose between a black widow bite and an STD, which would you pick?

Zuh ...
#1. Getting Struck by Lightning Only Kills 10 Percent of Victims


Photos.com
Getting struck by lightning is a lot like winning the lottery, except instead of money, you're winning a zap from God's finger gun. Either way, you're going to wind up looking like a charcoal briquette, right?

After all, we're talking about a blast of energy to the tune of 30,000 amps that heats the air around it up to 36,000 degrees Fahrenheit.
Yet ... you hear freaky stories of people surviving lightning. Here is a video of an old man getting struck by lightning while walking across a street and shaking it off because, screw it, he still had a street to walk across. But that's why stories like that get famous -- because they're rare. Right?

Actually ...
Not really. According to the mad scientists at the National Weather Service, an estimated 400 people got struck by lightning in the U.S. between 2001 and 2010. Out of those 400 unlucky lightning rods, only 40 died as a result. That's a 90 percent chance of survival right on the money, granted with a severe risk of "chronic pain, hypersensitivity, memory lapses and impaired thinking and concentration skills."

Photos.com

"Can you hear the light, too?"
So no, you're not going to enjoy a lightning strike too much, and it might fairly well scramble your brain. But you'll have a hell of a story to tell afterward.

Lol suntai survived A̶̲̥̅ crash so ​U̶̲̥̅̊'r chance of surviving is actually 98%

#7. You Have a 96 Percent Chance of Surviving a Plane Crash


Photos.com
You constantly hear about how safe air travel is, how rarely planes crash and how you're many times more likely to die in a car accident. All of that is true. But the reason we still get a bit nervous when strapping in for a flight is because we know that if the plane does go down, we are screwed.
A car accident you might walk away from. But you're not walking away from a flimsy aluminum tube plummeting 30,000 feet and smashing into the ground. Right?

Photos.com

And if you survive the crash, you still have those polar bears to contend with.
Actually ...
You probably will. Out of the collective 53,487 people involved in plane crashes in the U.S. from 1983 to 2000, 51,207 survived. That's nearly a 96 percent survival rate.
If you're wondering how that's possible, just look at something like Aloha Airlines Flight 243. That plane had half of its fuselage ripped off in midair after an explosive decompression:

Via Aloha.net

The sky filled with John Grisham novels and half-empty cans of cranapple juice.
But, as is often the case, the pilot successfully got it onto the ground in a way that did not cause it to erupt in a giant fireball. As a result, out of 94 people, only one person died on that flight (the one person who wasn't strapped to her seat when the plane fell apart -- hey, that's why they have those seat belts!).
Here's a flight from 2001 where the plane lost both engines at 33,000 feet and was still 135 miles from the airport. Oh, and they also lost all hydraulic power, so they couldn't operate the flaps or brakes. The pilot muscled the dead aircraft into a series of gentle 360-degree turns to reduce speed and altitude until the aircraft glided to the airport, where the pilot could carefully set it down on the runway. No one was killed.

Via Airdisaster.com

But every pair of pants on the flight was ruined forever.
See, this is why you still need a pilot at the wheel instead of just letting autopilot take care of the whole trip, or letting passengers take turns behind the stick. They're there in case something goes wrong, and they're pretty freaking good at their jobs.
Also good at their jobs? The engineers who built these things. A plane can absorb a lot of shit going wrong before it just submits to plummeting sadly to earth. It's full of backups, redundancies and safety measures meant to keep it aloft even if multiple systems fail.
So, what is the secret to surviving an airplane crash? Remarkably, doing exactly as you are told. Yes, those in-flight demonstrations of how to use a seat belt are ridiculous, but if you're out of fuel and about to do an emergency landing in the ocean, that's going to be the difference between floating safely away on your seat cushion versus trying to jump out of the plane because you saw Arnold Schwarzenegger do it in Commando.

Photos.com

"Bleep you, sky, I am a GOD!"
#6. Getting Shot Is Only Fatal 5 Percent of the Time (If You Get to a Doctor)


Photos.com
In action movies, the rule for bullet wounds is fairly consistent:
Get shot in the arm or leg? It's basically a mosquito bite.
Get shot anywhere in the body? You're dead before you hit the ground.

Photos.com

This man had a gun thrown at him.
Obviously the first one only happens in movies because nobody pays to watch Bruce Willis sitting in an emergency room for an hour waiting for them to tend to his wounded shoulder. But then you have the second part -- if you shoot a bad guy in the chest or really anywhere in the torso, he's down for the count.
Indiana Jones whips out his gun and shoots that swordsman somewhere in the middle of the body and just turns around and walks away, knowing the guy is dead. It's been the same with tens of thousands of movie shootouts since the days of silent-film Westerns -- one shot, one kill. Here's a whole room full of dudes with no tolerance for bullets whatsoever:

Actually ...
In real life, unless you're one of those dudes getting shot in the head or perfectly in the heart, you're probably going to make it if you can get medical attention. According to one doctor who has a little experience with these things, as long as your heart is still beating once they wheel you into the hospital, there is a 95 percent chance of survival.
Ninety-five percent! We'd think the fatality rate would be higher from getting shot with a damned paintball gun.

Photos.com

Don't worry, they'll both be rebuilt as robot cops, and then the Blue Team will pay.
It turns out that your body is actually pretty damned resilient, and just as well engineered as those planes we mentioned in the previous entry. You're built to keep going despite taking a lot of damage. According to former military surgeon Dr. Martin L. Fackler, "Shots to roughly 80 percent of targets on the body would not be fatal blows."
Now, obviously, if you get shot and left in the desert to die, you've got a problem -- and each additional bullet hole significantly raises your chances of blood loss, shock or, well, death by bullet hole. But it's possible to rack up 20 bullet wounds and live to tell the tale. Just ask North Carolina man Kenny Vaughan, who was shot about 20 times with a rifle that was only 5 feet away.

Via Nytimes.com

Pictured: An entire episode of The X-Files.
Oh, and then there is Angel Alvarez, who was shot more than 20 times in 2010 and survived. Or Howard Morgan, who survived more than two dozen gunshot wounds after opening fire on police like an idiot. Or, lastly, soldiers like Roy Benavidez, who somehow survived 37 separate "bayonet, bullet and shrapnel wounds" over the course of six hours. That's the human body for you. Well, if you consider such a feat human.

Via Wikipedia

There's a reason Reagan looks nervous. These soldiers were never supposed to be known.
So if you need to kill a bad guy, really you should leave nothing to chance and just stab him right in the heart. The only problem there is ...
#5. You Have a 1 in 3 Chance of Surviving Getting Stabbed in the Heart


If getting stabbed through the ticker is bad enough to kill Dracula, surely no human can survive having their heart turned into shish kabob. Right?
Actually ...
Your odds of surviving a stab wound directly to the heart are roughly 1 in 3.

It's why the first person you convert in your new coven is a surgeon.
Yes, we realize that's not as favorable as the "getting shot" stat above, but come on. If Arnold Schwarzenegger had gotten stabbed in the heart in one of the movies where he plays a human and then came back like nothing had happened, you'd have been screaming bullshit. If in real life you stabbed a dude right in his heart and he just got back up, you wouldn't be saying, "Damn, that's a badass!" No, it'd be more like, "AAHHH! ZOMBIE! SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD!"

Photos.com

Quick, think of something before he dies -- "You've been businessed." Goddamnit.
Now, don't get us wrong; getting stabbed through the heart sucks, and if it ever happens to you, you should definitely stop what you're doing and go straight to a doctor. But according to a seven-year study on penetrating cardiac injuries involving more than 20,000 consecutive trauma patients, the survival rate for patients who were stabbed in the heart was 32.6 percent -- slightly better than the 31.9 percent for all passengers and crew on the Titanic.

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In a twist of ironic justice, if you do this on any ship, the crew will stab you in the heart.
So, for those of you keeping score, if a heart-stab victim and a passenger on the Titanic were racing each other toward a finish line called "survival," the guy with the dagger in his heart would probably be the winner. Unless the Titanic passenger was one of the priority lifeboat passengers, like if it was some rich person's baby. But then, how would he race? You need to think these things through, people.
#4. Venomous Snakes Kill Fewer People Than Insects


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First of all, we're going to limit this specifically to venomous snakes that bite people. You already probably know that most snakes aren't in that category, and are content to hang out in your yard and eat toads and mice. But those stats you hear about how snakes won't kill you -- that's not referring to the bad snakes, right? No matter what anyone says about snakes in general, if you run into a damned rattlesnake or cobra, it's still going to murder your ass, isn't it?

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Dude, just let 'em have the damn baskets.
Actually ...
Out of the 7,000 to 8,000 people who receive venomous snakebites in the U.S. each year, guess how many actually die as a result?
It's five. Freaking five.

"He's not pissed off enough. Flute me up some Bizkit."
For comparison, that's fewer than the total number of people killed by non-venomous insects each year.
Hell, there's a good chance that even if you are bitten, you won't even get any snake venom in your body -- these are called "dry bites" and constitute anywhere from 25 percent to more than 50 percent of bites from venomous snakes. This means that women are more likely to fake an orgasm than deadly snakes are willing to go all the way when they bite, which, now that we think about it, seems like a major cop-out on both fronts.
That's why you can have stories like Sant Ram of India, who supposedly was bitten 60 times in three years, because apparently snakes think he tastes great. He was still alive the last time anyone heard.

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"Well, there's your problem. Found this little guy hanging out in your colon."

:Pyour father