Stats: 3,189,319 members, 7,936,972 topics. Date: Sunday, 01 September 2024 at 09:14 AM |
Nairaland Forum / TheCOB's Profile / TheCOB's Posts
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Kaleydd2000: Amen Kaley. Are there any stressors making it difficult to remain faithful to your wife? |
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Top of a beautiful morning guys! It's a few days to the end of 2016..... How has the year been like for your love life? Found new love? Broke up from a toxic relationship? Suddenly found yourself having relationship issues? Worked on strengthening the bonds in your current relationship? Whatever you did, please share with us how your 2016 love story has been like.... 1 Like |
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Omooba224: You are very welcome... Thank you very much too for seeing reason with the critique. I wish you all the beautiful things love has to offer. Cheers! ![]() |
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Omooba224: Okay. I really think you should adjust your view of women. You seem to subtly believe that women are somewhat beneath you hence you can't take their nonsense..... You can't call back if they don't pick after 2 dials (and heaven alone knows how you react when they eventually pick). You play along with them initially - as if they were some sort of new toys ![]() That way, you would keep losing them. So please start with seeing your woman as your partner, your complement and helper....... Not some toy made to adhere to your biddings Next, please look into your ego... Don't you have your own nonsense? So how come you can't tolerate her own nonsense? What makes you believe you have a right to display nonsense and she don't? Relationships involve lots of tolerance and respect (which means we wouldn't expect you to be bashing your woman). If you can't tolerate differences, it would never work. The reason is simply because humans will always have differences, so our only option is to tolerate each other. That same thing you want to say, say it nicely and it would work like magic! When a woman feels valued and honored by her man, chances are that she would most likely give her best to please him I understand that you want to feel in charge and in control.... But you don't have to do it at the expense of your partner. Really, Loving itself is the most powerful tool to keep you in charge and in control.... But you don't seem to be using it. Dump the anger/power tool and pick up the Love tool and you would see her yield to your leadership without you having to exert it over her 1 Like |
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Omooba224: Hello Omooba, You have only told us what these women have said about you. But what's most important to helping you change your attitude is what you yourself think of the situation. So tell us, How would you describe your dealings with the feminine folk? How would you describe your attitude towards the women you had past romantic entanglements with? |
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comshots: Are you spending on her as payment for the anticipated Sex? Is she demanding for the money? Are you giving out the money under duress? If you answer NO to any 2 of the above questions, then you wouldn't exactly fall under the maga category. Please try to wake up to reality. If you are spending on a woman, it should be because you simply want to and most certainly not because you expect Sex in return. Just like she has no right to protest exploit if you have sex and refuse to spend on her. Both parties enjoy sexual intercourse - both parties are giving to each other Its a choice... She can choose to give her body (while receiving yours nonetheless) or keep it. You can choose to spend your money or keep it (and I'd say, if you are going to constantly be fretting about your initiation into the maga gang, just keep your money to yourself already) ![]() 1 Like |
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Sexytemi: I'm glad I could help somehow. Best wishes dearie ![]() |
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CplusJason: Thanksabunch ![]() ![]() |
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Missp111: I think every Female has at least one time in her life when she has had similar experience. The spark online is perfect, the flow is rhythmic and you've already painted Disney images of how the meeting would look like.... And whaoala! You finally get to meet each other....... And it's a disaster! ![]() Sorry about it dear. Just ignore that tiny-weenie part of your head that may be saying you probably did something wrong. ItsALie... It just didn't click. Just be yourself... If he tries to reconnect with you online though don't rebuff him. Since he's already here in Nigeria, who knows if the online spark reconnects, a second meeting might not be so bad. But take note - Don't double guess yourself. If it didn't click, then it didn't click. You'd meet someone better. ******** On the flipside though...... What if he was just tired from the long trip? He just wanted nothing else other than to go straight home. In fact what if he was actually asking where you stay so that he could meet up with you when he's in a better mind frame? At least he didn't completely ignore you Even dating couples have some 'off-days'. Could it be that day was one of his? Watch out how he responds to you subsequently after this your meeting.... If you still feel cold shoulders, maybe it's just a case of #NoConnection that happens when online pairs meet in real life. But if he gets back to normal.... Well, I mean everyone including you sometimes have a bad day.. In any case, his subsequent behaviour has all the answers you seek ![]() 1 Like |
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CplusJason: Presently present boss! Are you who I think you are? ![]() |
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dingbang: Lolz |
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Sexytemi: I understand dear. Trust is very fragile and when it gets broken, it is hard to get it back intact. So No, I haven't said you are at fault.... I guess it's only human to withdraw when we get hurt. But at the same time, if the cost of allowing yourself freedom of expression is the same (or even cheaper) than the cost of withholding your emotions, wouldn't you rather go for the cheaper option? Look at it this way: If you free yourself and allow yourself to just love expressing your emotions exactly as you feel without holding back in fear, the worst thing that would happen is that he would hurt you and you would be unhappy. But if you hold back your emotions as you are doing you would still be unhappy! Infact you would be more unhappy because there's that part of you that would constantly remain suspicious, always double checking yourself, always trying to be one step ahead of his game (real or imaginary). So you end up living without really loving. That's unhappiness in itself. So that same thing you are trying to avoid is what you are giving yourself and you know what, it still doesn't guarantee that he won't leave! So at the end of the day, you'd have double unhappiness - one because you never really enjoyed the moments, you didn't allow yourself flow into the loving.... Two because he still left! Whereas if you give the relationship your best shot at happiness, you would gain the joy in the simplest things, you would live in the love of evry moment, you would feel the freedom that love gives - That is happiness. If he does indeed mess up, you would have only one source of unhappiness - his leaving. And for every moment you cry about the hurt, your heart would feel gladness over 5 other moments when you let yourself experience love as it should be. And the best part of letting love happen is that because you are giving your best, who says it wouldn't work? So the point is: I can't assure you that your new man wouldn't mess up like the former guy. But I'm certain that if you allow your heart to love and trust as freely as it should, you would be happier for it. Such that even if he does leave, for those few moments you shared, your heart would have felt the glow of life and really that's what love is about. Love doesn't have to be a literal forever, its just those moments(regardless of the duration) when you felt that special happiness that define your forever. 2 Likes 1 Share |
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Sexytemi: Which in others words means that the worst thing that could happen if he does the above is a break-up which would hurt you and you would end up unhappy. Okay. So, what would eventually happen if you continue refusing to trust him? And you constantly live in paranoia of him behaving like your ex? |
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Sexytemi: Thanks for sharing dear and I'm really sorry my response is coming late. I went through your profile and you have an older post where you mentioned dating him for 5 years only for him to cheat. If that is the case, I understand that it would indeed be a problem trusting men. However, come let's rub minds. We'd start from the worst-case scenario.... Tell me Temi, what's the worst thing that can happen in this new relationship? What are your deepest fears? P.S: Feel free to send a PM if you would rather talk privately |
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Sexytemi: Oh dear.... It is those realities that we actually need. Fairy tales happen only on Disney channel ![]() In the real world, we have to face harsh realities, learn from them and get better on our next venture into loving. Besides though, talking out is a healing process in itself and helps to keep the lessons afresh. If you don't mind, please share with us along with the lessons you learnt and hope to apply in your next relationship. Love is beautiful emotion, it's the humans that make it seem otherwise sometimes. So if it knocks you down, get back up, and try again ![]() |
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Kaleydd2000: All men? Probably not. Many men? Definitely Yes. The difference however is: Do ALL who feel that urge act to its fulfillment? The answer is NO. Therein lies the thin line between a faithful man and unfaithful man -The Decision to say No. So which would you rather be? Faithful or Unfaithful? 3 Likes 1 Share |
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Jayson1: Okay no problems ![]() |
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Hello Jayson1.... You went AWOL ![]() |
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Sexytemi: Thanks for asking ![]() It's actually TheCOB - The Concept Of Bonding The idea is borne out of my desire to increase the rate of successful relationships. Many times, weak bonding or lack thereof account for needless assumptions and tears down relationships. The idea is to help people ask those questions they would rather not hear, so they can make the right decisions for themselves and forge strong bonds. And because we don't just stop at one-side o the story, it makes it even more practical. TheCOB believes in positive energy in the face of reality; so while we help you define your reality, we would also help you discern the possibilities and explore them. Reality doesn't always offer us "Happy-Ever-After", but who says we can't get "Something-Like-It"? 2 Likes |
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kinglekan: The efforts matter too. Toyin can see that he is sincerely trying to make adjustments to make them a better couple. Believe me, if he is truly and sincerely making efforts, regardless of his relapses some of those efforts would stick to him. He may not become a talker like Toyin (infact I doubt that he ever will), but his responsiveness should increase to a certain degree where he is no longer that detached person. Rather his is willing to say a few more words, smile a little more than the usual, contribute a little more instead of just nodding, if he truly loves Toyin some of these should rub off on him. Now at that degree of his increased participation there are 2 options: 1. It's either Toyin counts her losses and moves on to another man who can give a better level of spark plugs (which by the way may not entirely guarantee her happiness because this new guy WILL have his flaws). In which case, Nkem would have to find another woman probably with a slightly lower excitement level (better than his but lesser than Toyin's) or with a greatly higher tolerance level and a different love language (such that she can find happiness in other things about him). 2. Or, that Toyin would sacrifice her potential of 90% happiness to get probably 60% happiness because she loves Nkem for all his other attributes and is thus willing to make the sacrifice. But don't make a mistake about it, it would be a sacrifice. The reason is simple: Each individual has their peculiar love language. Hence if she chooses to remain forever with a man who speaks a different love language, you can imagine how it must feel for her. Let's look at it this way: If an Igbo man has to travel to China without prior understanding of Chinese or English, how well would he fare? Perhaps if he could adjust to speak English maybe he would find an interpreter. But really, who would interprete igbo for him? He can either learn the language (that is Nkem or Toyin making complete personality alterations) or embark on a search for an interpreter (that is trying to make partial adjustments) or come back home to Nigeria (just call it quits and search for another). Really, the ball is in Toyin's court, but only Nkem can help her to play it well and in the right direction. 1 Like 1 Share |
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kinglekan: Yes the relationship would have had a better chance of survival of Toyin was able to understand that Nkem simply isn't much of a talker. It could have helped her 'comfort' herself at those times when she yearned for her man to just express himself. It would definitely have allayed her fears and doused our negative assumptions. But would it really have meant that the relationship would survive? Well, I'd say Yes and No. How happy would Toyin feel in such a relationship? I'd be willing to bet that she would at some point feel stifled. The reason being that while she would consciously try not to withdraw completely, it is only sane not to be overly excited discussing with someone whose reactions are rather too calm. Subconsciously, whether she likes it or not, she will mellow down that excitement and because that excitement is part of what gives her the spark, she may find herself wondering many times "Can I REALLY do this forever?" So now, there's a shift. She's no longer bothered about negative assumptions of whether he loves her or is cheating etc..... She would now be bothered with if she can cope with this alteration of her personality. And you know, at that point when a woman has to consciously pause many times to think if she can truly cope with "THIS" forever, that relationship is threatened. It would work only if they have already formed a strong bond and Nkem makes some adjustments. Of the two possibilities, I'd say if Toyin has to be happy in that relationship, Nkem has to step up his game. Very soon, she would get bored! Who wants a boring relationship? ![]() Against the odds, Toyin can choose to stay because she truly loves him. But is it really fair to her happiness? 3 Likes 2 Shares |
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Eddodoh: I am humbled boss. I sure wish you the very best love has to offer ![]() 1 Like |
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kinglekan: No not one of the regulars, hence why I'm having difficulties identifying those to tag. I am on Nairaland basically for this purpose. I'd really appreciate all the support I can get. In the entire scheme of things, I might make some planning errors but We shall overcome ![]() 1 Like 1 Share |
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chibuike65: No me at the moment. But hey, that's a great idea! I'd get you the link as soon as it's ready |
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chibuike65: Really, the most important reason to be in a relationship is Love. If you still love her, then make adjustments to make it work. Since finances would make traveling this December difficult, call her and explain everything in details to her. Make an appointment to visit either in January or February. Use this time gap to save up for the trip. When you get there, just have fun together. OR Talk with her and try convincing her to come visit you. Explain to her how you feel. And help to assure her that you are not just seeking an excuse to bleep. Have that talk and let us know how it went. |
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princessayesha: Thanks for sharing your experience dear. I guess your next relationship would fare better armed with what you have now learned. Don't worry, love would find you; and this time you'd do it right ![]() Welcome to The COB |
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