CRIME CRACKERS OF LAGOS
Episode One

(A gathering of the 2020 graduating set of the Lagos Crime Crackers Academy in Victoria Island, The student president of the class steps on stage to unveil the name of the graduating set)

Kings: Its been quite a journey learning how to become detectives, now is the time to put all our learnings into real life activities of curbing crime in our society today. It is our final year in this academy, and we are opportune to have been chosen from the very many that did the screening examination. Every successful set has a nice and ringing name attached to it. Here we have the most anticipated (Pointing to covered board) activity of the year. The name of our Class. On the count of three, we unveil!. One!..... Two!!... Three!!! (Kings pulls down the silk covering the board). I present to you the Vanquishers!.

Students: Yeeee!!! (Cheers).

Dorothy: Duur, what a boring name.

Ritchie: At least be positive, Vanquishers means… (Dorothy interrupts)

Dorothy: And who told you I don’t the know the meaning of what the vanquishers is? The name doesn’t sit well with me.

Fela: It is not only about you anyway, it is about the whole class. Go Vanquishers!!! (Interrupts the conversation)

(The Dean of Lagos Crime Crackers Detective Moses steps on the podium)

Dean: Thank you everyone for the final year gathering, this year will be entirely different from all your years in this academy. You all have been divided into five groups, meaning three students per supervisor. You can now check it on the notice board when you are out of here. My advice to everyone is that, now you will be dealing with real criminals and murderers, don’t interrogate a suspect alone. Go with armed officers. And….

Ritchie: Blab la bla, It is getting boring, let’s go check the list.

Dorothy: Okay, I pray I am not in some clowns group. It will be annoying.

(Dorothy and Ritchie leaves the hall)

(Few hours later)

Detective Spark: (Enters the Dean Office) Good day sir.

Dean: Oh Spark, you are here. What again this time?

Detective Spark: I saw your mail.

Dean: Oh that? What about it?

Detective Spark: You said if I don’t make a five star project with my students this year, I will be sacked.

Dean: Yes, you know what Spark. You should have been sacked long ago by the board. You are worthless and useless to this academy. And I believe the board have had patience enough. If you don’t make the A grades with your students this year. You will be sacked. And I promise you that.

Detective Spark: (Sighs) but how do I do this with the kind of students you gave me?

Dean: What is wrong with them?

Detective Spark: They are all below average students, they are the bottom of their class. None of them has a 2.0 CGPA. How do I make a five star grades out of students like these ones.

Dean: Are you trying to tell me you work only with some particular set of students.

Detective Spark: No sir, but…

Dean: Then go make do with the ones you have been given and leave my office!.

Detective Spark: Hmmm…. Its okay. (Sadly leaves the office).

(As soon as he leave he encounters another Detective lecturers)

Detective Trisha: Spark, how are you doing?

Detective Spark: I am good.

Detective Trisha: You don’t look good, what is the problem?

Detective Spark: I said I am good, how is supervising going. Have you seen the list?

Detective Trisha: I have Nina.

Detective Spark: Wow, you are so lucky. She is one of the smartest students in the faculty.

Detective Trisha: Yes, the other two students are actually great students too.

Detective Spark: The Dean hates me so much, he gave me the bottom three students Their CGPA isn’t even up to 2.0. How do I become the next Dean of students with this set of students, How do I rack up a five star grade with these ones.
Detective Trisha: Then reject them, write a letter to the authorities that you don’t want them. This is very unfair.

Detective Spark: I will draft the letter as soon as possible.

Detective Trisha: This is intentional. He just doesn’t want you to become the next Dean of students. Simply because you didn’t support his ambition of the Faculty Dean last year.

Detective Spark: (Smiles) I will never support corruption. No matter what he does. He even threatened me with a sack letter, saying if I don’t make a five star with the students he gave me, I will be sacked.

Detective Trisha: (Whispers) He is planning on making Detective Dan the next Dean of students. I think that is what he promised him for Detective Dan’s loyalty last year. He gave him the top three in the class.

Detective Spark: Really? So you mean Ritchie, Dorothy and Luke are all under Detective Dan?

Detective Trisha: Yes, Everyone is pitching them to have the best year this time around. This is the first time all top three in the faculty are all under one supervisor. I have to go now.

Detective Spark: Okay, thank you. (Mutters some words to himself as he heads to his office).

(Few hours later)

( knock knock knock)

Detective Spark: Come in!

(Two boys and a girl steps in)

Kola: Good Morning sir…

Detective Spark: This is 2pm.

Kola: Sorry sir, Good Evening sir…

Detective Spark: I said the time is 2pm! (Shouts)

Alex: Good afternoon sir…

Detective Spark: What do you want?

Alex: We are your Project Students sir.

Detective Spark: (Quickly raises his head) There is a mistake somewhere I have three boys.

Alex: No sir, I am under your supervision sir.

Detective Spark: Who is Kola?

Kola: I am here.

Detective Spark: Fela?

Fela: Here sir, I am Fela.

Detective Sparks: Then Alex.

Alex: Call me Alex sir.

Detective Spark: Which Lady in this world bears Alex.

Alex: Me sir.

Detective Spark: I have had enough bad day already. What do you guys want?

Fela: We came to see our supervisor sir.

Detective Spark: (Sighs) You all can have your seat.

Fela: Thank you sir.

Detective Spark: What are the 7 basic rules of a detective?

(Students starts looking at themselves)

Detective Spark: That question is the simplest question an average student should know. (Brings out a file) This file right here will be submitted to the authorities tomorrow morning. I am rejecting all of you.

Fela: Why sir, you don’t even know us yet.

Detective Spark: Really? (Smiles) 1.7, 1.85, 1.87. Are your CGPA respectively. You don’t even know the seven basic rules of a detective. And you are in your final year!. Tell me, how do I cope?

Alex: We will make you proud sir. You can believe in us.

Kola: Hmmm… (Burst into laughter)

Detective Spark: What is funny?

Kola: I am sorry sir.

Detective Spark: Leave my office. Now! (Shouts)

(All three students quickly moves out)

Alex: Why did you laugh? You have made him angry now.

Fela: See, I don’t think we are with the right supervisor

Kola: I am sorry for doing that, but it is funny how we couldn’t answer the basic rules of a detective.

Alex: Our combination won’t work. We are unserious students. We should not be together. Unless we want him dead.

Fela: So guys, what do you think we can do to appease him.

Kola: I have an idea.

(8am the next morning)

(Heard a knock on the door)

Detective Spark: Yes come in.

Kola: Go in.

Alex: You enter first.

Detective Spark: If you don’t want to come in, please don’t come and disturb me ever again.

Alex: (Enters holding a wrapped gift) Sir we are sorry for yesterday.

Detective Spark: (Surprised) You guys brought me a gift?

Fela: Yes sir, we promise not to laugh ever again.

Director Spark: (Burst into laughter) You guys are the craziest set of students I have worked with.

Kola: Sir, please don’t laugh too much. Researchers says Laughing is highly contagious. I am trying very hard not to… (Burst into laughter)

Alex: (Burst into laughter) Sorry sir. I think he has PBA.

Detective Spark: What is PBA?

Alex: Pathelogical laughter and crying.

Detective Spark: This is the first time I will be hearing that. Nice to know. You guys can have your seat.

(Detective Spark unwraps the package)

Detective Spark: Wow! How do you guys know I love bread. Especially the toasted ones.

Fela: We did our research sir.

Detective Spark: Really? What else do you guys know about me?

Alex: You really hate water? You don’t like swimming.

Detective Spark: I really hate swimming.

Kola: And the funniest of them all, you hate studying and being too serious.

Detective Spark: You guys really did a great job on that.

Kola: We have that in common. We also hate studying and being too serious. Arrghh, very boring and……

Detective Spark: Shut up! I knew it from your CGPA. Because I don’t like studying doesn’t mean I don’t study or I will get a CGPA that is as low as 1.80

Kola: We are sorry sir.

Detective Spark: Anyway, the bread is good. Who bought it.

Kola: I made it myself sir, with the help of others.

Detective Spark: You guys live in the same place?

Kola: No, I called everybody and we met in my place. Alex brought the bread and Fela brought eggs and sardines. Then we all made it together.

Detective Spark: Wow, you guys didn’t know the 7 basic rules of a detective. But you just exhibited two important rules right here.

Fela: Wow, which one sir?

Detective Spark: Don’t tell me you guys still don’t know the 7 basic rules of a detective?

Alex: Hmmmm…. We tried….

Detective Spark: Arggh.

Kola: (Still laughing)

Detectiv Spark: Can you not stop laughing Kola.

Kola: Sorry sir.

Detective Spark: (Smiles) I think I like you guys.

Alex: Really?

(All three were happy as the cheered together)

Detective Spark: You connected each other so swift to make a decision of saying sorry in a grand style, you made a good and in depth research about me and what I would really cherish, you then took your time to bring you yourselves together to make it yourself. You know your CGPA doesn’t matter in this phase. Good team work is number one.

Fela: Yes!

Detective Spark: And you have to study.

Fela: Arrggh (Sad)

Detective Spark: Take this book. (Gives them a heavy text book of crime) Study it and get back to me tomorrow.

Alex: Tomorrow?

Detective Spark: Yes. You can leave now. Thanks for the bread. I think it is time to start work.

Kola: But sir…

Detective Spark: Tomorrow Kola!. Tomorrow.

Kola: Hmmm… (Sighs) Okay sir.

(They all leave the office)

Alex: How the hell does he expect us to finish this big textbook today, is that not wickedness?

Fela: Even after the bread we made. I think he is still angry.

Kola: Wait guys, tonight is the semester’s welcome party.

Fela: Oh my God!!! That is very true. Damn! Heaven knows I am not missing that party for no reason.

Alex: And the book?

(Luke, Dorothy and Ritchie interrupts)

Dorothy: Look who we have here. Alex Alex.

Alex: Dorothy, wait guys, don’t tell me all three of you are with the same supervisor?

Luke: Definitely, detective Dan.

Ritchie: And I think it will be criminal to put all three of you under the same supervisor.

Fela: I don’t know what they were thinking. Its crazy.

Dorothy: Wow, that’s a suicide mission for your supervisor.

Kola: And what does that mean?

Dorothy: What do you all have to offer (Laughs)
Fela: Hey, hold it right there, brains alone are not enough to be a smart detective. Team work is number one.

Alex: Yes, teamwork. And we got that.

Luke: (Smiles) Funny losers I anticipate to see cases you will use your teamwork to crack. Are you guys coming for the party tonight?

Kola: We were just talking about that, we don’t think so.

Ritchie: Really? That is shocking.

Alex: (Brings out the book) Our supervisor gave us this to study and bring back tomorrow morning. It will be a loong loong night for us.

Luke: Well, goodluck with that then. I have gone through this book four times, and I can tell you all what is in it.

Fela: Really? So there is no need to study then.

Luke: Study guys, we also have work to do.

Ritchie: We have to go now. See you guys some other time.

Dorothy: My regards to your supervisor, Losers FC (Laughs)

(They all leave the scene)

(In the evening, Detective Spark’s house)

Detective Spark: Hey honey. (Kisses Perry on the forehead)

Perry: (Looking sad) The case is getting more complicated. He might go to jail for the rest of his life.

Detective Spark: Perry, I already told you my hands are tied right now. There is nothing I can do. Get him an attorney a good lawyer or something. I am not a lawyer!

Perry: Is it because he is not your son?

Detective Spark: Try understand me, my step son is also my son.

Perry: Then do something, act like he is your son!

Detective: We have warned him countless times would he listen? No!

Perry: So you believe Joe will do such thing.

Detective Spark: There is a video evidence Perry. Don’t be petty. (Pours a glass of juice)

Perry: I cant believe you are looking me in the eyes and accusing our son of committing such heinous crime.

Detective Spark: Perry, I had a hell of a day at the office today. I have to rest.

Perry: How dare you Spark! How dare you. (Hits his chest)

Detective Spark: Perry please get out of the way.

Perry: And what if I don’t.

Detective Spark: (Picks his car keys) I will go back to the school and sleep there. (Picks his car keys and heads for the door.

Perry: (Sobbing) Spark, you know Joe won’t do such thing. You know it.

(Detective Spark leaves without looking back)

Perry: Spark!!!!! (Sits down bowing her head)

(8pm at Alex place)

Alex: God, these pages are way too much, how can we cover 179 pages in just a night.

Fela: Look guys, its getting hot at the party. Its trending already. (Looking at his smartphone)

Kola: We have to study guys, we can’t afford to get rejected by detective spark.

Alex: But the pages are way too much. (Phone rings) Hey, who is this?

Luke: Its Luke, where are you! (Background is noisy)

Alex: I can’t hear you its noisy there.

Luke: (Louder) This is Luke where are you!!!

Alex: Oh, Luke. Are you at the party?

Luke: Yes, you are not here.

Alex: I told you we have to study.

Luke: You guys can show up. What will the party be like without Alex the party rocker. This place is on fire.

Alex: I know but I have to study Luke.

Luke: Show up, Kings is here with me, he would like to see you.

Alex: The same Kings?

Luke: Yes, he is here with me.

Alex: Wow, I am on my way!!!! (Drops the call)

Fela: What are you up to? We are not done studying.

Alex: Luke just said Kings is at the party and he wants to speak with me.

Kola: The same Kings?

Alex: Yes, are you guys surprised?

Fela: I thought you are done with this guy, he dumped you.

Alex: No, he didn’t. We had a little disagreement and this party might just be that special place to get him back. I am on my way. No one is going with me?

Fela: He dumped you.

Alex: Whatever.

Kola: Someone will have to answer detective spark’s questions tomorrow. I have to study this.

Alex: Okay, if you guys won’t go with me. I will go myself. Where are your car keys?

Fela: You and I know you can’t see clearly at night. It is not advisable to drive alone.

Alex: It’s just few kilometers from here I will be fine.

Fela: Okay, if we wrap this up quickly we will meet you at the party. (Hands over the car keys to Alex)

Alex: Thank you! (Takes the key and ran outside)

(Some minutes later)

Fela: (Snoring) (Phone rings)

Kola: Fela, your phone is ringing (Taps him)

Fela: (Wakes up) Its Alex.

Kola: Alex? Why will she call us again she just left us. Pick it.

Fela: (Picks the call) Alex. Alex. What is happening? Alex talk.

Alex: Fela, I just killed someone. I just hit someone I think he is dead. I think he is dead!!!.

Episode two loading…….

Certified Author: Ayeni Timilehin Ayomide