AutoElectNG:

Can I talk to you privately? Email? PM?Whatever suits you?

PM. What do you have in mind?

Ishilove:

Is there a possibility that she can change??

Remember I mentioned it runs in the family?

cococandy:
This sounds like one of those situations where a woman would be accused of seeking divorce over flimsy issues if the poster was a woman.

Seems like you already made up your mind. Making sure you don’t leave any room for reconciliation. (In your own words)

I respect your opinion but as for me, I don't think lying to me while looking into my eyes, and then lying to maintain the lie (for months) is a flimsy issue in a marriage. I also don't think collecting money from your ex on more than one occasion when married is a trivial issue to raise. Neither do I think your ex dropping you off at your husband's house is a flimsy issue in a marriage. I can go on.

oyetpel:
@tizan thanks for sharing, no one is judging tho.

Concerning what the op asked that did you see any red flag or any regrets.

I see you are still in the marriage, but why didn't you stop the relationship when you spotted some red flags, like lying about that house being her family's own, etc.

Would you say you were blinded by love? Or you have invested in the relationship that to back out was not possible?

All the instances mentioned above were discovered post-wedding, apart from the MMM thing.

The lies weren't so much during the dating phase, though now with hindsight I think I was probably too open and honest to notice. A bit showed up while we were making the wedding arrangements and they were related to the wedding. And when I raised concerns it was attributed to a girl's typical desire and excitement for her wedding. I should add that we attended the same church, and I lowered my standards a bit thinking "no-one is perfect, afterall I tell a few lies too".

I couldn't have realized that it was a chronic case.

Mine is a bit different. It's about how my marriage is going to end. As negative as it may sound, I currently feel I will have to bring and end to this marriage in order to be happy.

The problems:
Keeping secrets and telling lies about everything from past relationships to whether she had dinner. Once visited a male friend without my knowledge. Still passing off an ex as a family friend, and keeping that relationship (platonic or not) going till today. Just to name a few.

And it's not just about ex's. The lies and deceit from her are at a level I never imagined I would have a personal experience of, and with marriage I have realized; unfortunately for me, that it runs in their family. For example, I found out after marriage that the house she took me to meet her parents is not their house. And everyone in their family played along.

My curiosity was aroused when I noticed her deleting chats from her phone about two days after the wedding but it faded in the excitement of that period. I was intrigued further when I observed another red flag phone conversation after two weeks while still adjusting to the new status, and then I knew something was not right. So I decided to investigate some of my concerns and the stuff I have found make my heart sink. I realize I am being betrayed repeatedly and now have virtually lost trust in her words, actions and intentions.

Let me add that I never expected an angel, we're human and are all liable to lie and stuff like that, but with her its like a deep rooted problem and I find that I can't deal with it. I'm too open and straight-forward to be matched up with a pathological liar.

I have confronted her on some of the lesser lies (e.g she lied about her salary on a job she got through my network, lied that she didn't do MMM whereas she did twice, lies to maintain her previous lies, and just lying even when it's unnecessary). I have had to be playing the fool just to get enough information to confront her with when the time comes. Because I don't want to bring up a situation that will leave room for any family members and their expected begging, or reconciliation.

I am glad now that I did not question her immediately. Now that I know her much more from living together, I realize she would have just told more lies to cover up and blocked my means of finding out once she found out my method of getting info, and I wouldn't have gotten all the additional information I have now. I know a lying is an essential ingredient of cheating, and I am only anticipating catching her red-handed on a matter of faithfulness, and that's it.

For those who say some comments here are from people making out to be victims and not confessing their own shortcomings, I say with a sense of seriousness, DON'T JUDGE. And I sincerely pray you don't find yourself in these types of circumstances. As for me though, I have become more irritable and tend to over-react at times. For example, I have reacted physically, though regrettably, on two separate occasions in the early days of my discoveries, but now I'm not as shocked anymore and find it easier to keep my cool. Additionally, I don't show as much care as I can, and probably don't regard her with the kind of respect she deserves as my Mrs. The love has diminished. But that's what happens when trust flies out of the window.

What I've written above does not do the situation justice as it's not possible to capture everything in a few paragraphs, but overall I have not been genuinely happy for months and want out for sure.

Please note that I am not looking for sympathy or consolation as I know what I've gotten myself into. I'm just sharing so that someone can learn from my experience, and also hoping to read others' experiences as well.

The topic is quite clear so I don't understand why single people are commenting off-topic and even making judgements, and in the process, ending up discouraging those who have actual responses and almost derailing the topic.

Single people would do well to take advantages of the potential knowledge they can gain from threads like this, and listen/read and learn more than anything else.

Even though I'm married, I came here to learn from experiences of others because I have my own marital issues too, but I think some of the puerile, somewhat ignorant and seemingly judgemental comments may have persuaded those the topic apply to against sharing their experiences.

Benfica 1-0