Then I can understand the context of your observations and comments! I assure you, even if you're from Nigeria, your comments would not popular audience here! Within the Nigerian geographical bracket, homosexuality is pariah! It's our definition of the quality of life we require, and I hope you won't be judgemental about it!

Flytefalls:

Nope. But I fully expect the place to be heterosexual paradise when I visit this year

Do you live in Nigeria? I guess not!

Flytefalls:

This is where we nip things in the bud and agree to disagree. We have different views on most things, and I respect that. My marriage has little to do with the homosexual behaviours of someone else. I have gay friends/family who never wish to have children, I have heterosexual friends/family who believe homosexuals are entitled to become parents, I have friends/family who became single teenage mothers/mentally ill/etc despite their parents being married; outcomes are always variable. It's not your world, your opinion is not elevated. I don't believe in suppression, because the actual problem is never solved and manifests itself in other ways.

I live in, and for, peace.

I can't ask him...even if I do, I won't get an objective answer. But I can ask the thousands who read your comment and who would notch that up as another reason why marriage should be circumvented or treated with levity. Many woman have suffered because of impressions men have developed over time; many men too! Our words and actions speak volumes, and affect real people!

Flytefalls:

Ask my husband if he feels hopeless

I agree with you on some points, but I disagree on others. One of which is the fact that death is an act of God! If God doesn't allow it, it won't happen. Period!

Secondly, everyone who has been touched with the brush of single-motherhood has been affected. Although, people respond differently to this effect. A few opt to make sure their future homes never fail, while others resign to the status quo! You sound like one of the lucky ones, and I wish you well.

Thirdly,homosexuality is an aberration, just like we have other socially deviant behaviour! The critical question is: what is the norm? And the simple answer is that the norm is anything "generally accepted" by the most people within a geographical bracket! Any change (whether to the positive or negative) is a deviation from the norm! Lesbianism is one of such negative deviations, and society should cauterise it before it becomes a festering wound!

That armed robbery would always be amongst us doesn't stop us from taking a proactive step to stop it! Even if we argue that societies are changing because of globalization, each geographical location retains distinct societal dictates that chaperones it's growth! In our neck of the woods, homosexuality will keep being suppressed till society demands otherwise!

Say a big NO to social aberrations! We want marriages to work; we want pre-marital births to be reduced to as low as reasonably practicable!; we want homosexuality to leave our youths; we want a better future for our nation!!!!

Flytefalls:


I appreciate the somewhat well-meaning tone of this post, so I'll answer sincerely

1. I am not overly affected by my 'childhood dysfunction'. I am healthy, I have my mother, I have my father, I have my education, I have a good job, I am married (to a man, for clarification), and I look forward to having children with my husband. I'm as dysfunctional as the rest of the general population.

2. I wasn't arguing that single parenthood was not a 'deviation from the norm'; my point of criticism was that the woman who wrote the letter equated single parenting to same sex parenting (as you seem to be doing). I believe I stated that both situations are, arguably, inferior to a growing up with ones own mother and father. But I'm never going to be naive enough to think that every future child will be able to grow in a home with both their 'responsible' natural parents (that level of perfection is with the heavens/paradise). People have to get real, and judge less.

3. Losing a spouse is not an act of God, He is not heartless. How else would it be a miracle of God if your spouse were healed/saved? I doubt He flippantly changes his mind

4. There will always be homosexuality in every society. If you want to kill them off by stoning/chucking them off buildings, or act like they are faking it, those are your issues. I don't choose to judge what they, as two concenting adults, get up to, but I do have reservations about bringing children into their lives- which is why I follow the debate.

The compliment was sincere! No flattery meant!

babyosisi:


Wow,what great compliments
Thanks.

You didn't like the guy, yet you didn't let him live!!! What kind of evil woman is this? Her sister couldn't even support her!!

Only God knows how many are rotting in jail or were killed because they weren't this proactive, or had no money! God save us!!

Thanks a million! I'm warming up for it! Just hope they won't close it as usual! We pray for and preach democracy, yet in our nooks and crannies, autocracy and dictatorship is the norm!

A society truly gets the leaders the deserve! Can you imagine this folks running the country? Abasi mi!!

femaleGuy:
lolz @tyrannysucks. Your have being locked o. Nawa 4 dis awa mods,dem no wan hear beta talk,ehn ehn no 4get the protest thread jus holla @me when its on




[size=15]IamFemaleGuy[/size]

That you lived a dysfunctional life doesn't mean there is no ideal! Single-motherhood is actually a deviation from the norm! Even widowhood is, that is why historically widows are shown support, because their circumstance was due to an act of God! Single-motherhood is a failure by parties involved to respect the norm either through their actions and inactions. It used to be a shame in African society!!

Having said the above, every dysfunctional childhood is traceable to the choices of the parents! What the lady was saying is that adults should make responsible choices in order not to affect their children (for instance your value system is being shaped by the fact you're from such a home!). And if they think their choices entitle them to some rights, they should consider the rights of their offspring too! After all, if we all had the choice to pick the parents we have/had, we may have picked differently!!

Never allow your childhood dysfunction affect you! And the first place to start is by acknowledging that there is a lacuna, and finding psychological bridges to stymied the tide!

I had to be very honest with you! Let's stop this permissive culture! That's why we are having cycles of gay behaviour and single-motherhood! Notice, most children of single-mothers end up being single-mothers! The government and society should bridge this gap!

Flytefalls:

She is entitled to tell her story, I truly hear her, but my problems with it lie mainly with her conclusions not the story itself.

Her final remarks are where I feel she is on an unrealistic quest for worldwide, happy family, perfection. She directs her attack to one group of people, then at the end ties another group to it. I am a child of a single parent family, should I write a letter to a federation of single parents decrying violations to my human rights because my mother and father chose to part ways? Yes, I'd have loved to have my dad with us, but is it really the same as being forced to have two dads/mums? Should we tackle the two issues (same sex and single parent) together? Yes, both may be inferior for arguments sake, but is it right to group them together, as if they were equal? This is what she alludes to, and I must disagree. Hence my criticism. I feel she cheapens her own argument

There are far more engaging, less la la land, stories out there involving children born to same sex couples (via donors) who actually have no father or mother to speak of. This woman was even lucky she knew of her father and has seen his face and heard his voice. Her story is not lessened by that fact, but it is not the most compelling.

You are correct, but lesbians won't understand that logic!

Royver:


"Her mother's homosexuality" is what the entire article is about. The child is talking about being deprived of the prescence of a father ...a man figure... in her life which is as a direct result of the mother's homosexuality.

She is very on point.

I see no credibility lost here. If anything, I see a supressed child raised in an unnatural situation finally having the guts to speak out despite the possibility of rejection from her family and all that she has known.

Kudos to her.

You my dear, are one of the reasons men are losing hope in marriage!

Flytefalls:
She should have focused her argument around the impact of her mothers homosexuality on her life. But no, she chose to get it all muddled up with the realm of single parenthood. It detracts from the seriousness of her declaration to LGBT groups.

Where two sexes come together, there will never (naturally) be a child generated from their relationship. It ain't my business to concern myself with same sex relationships, but once a child is introduced, we cannot be ignorant to the fact it may be not in the child's best interest. Nothing proven as yet, but we cannot turn a blind eye to such issues.

But where there is a heterosexual relationship, children are created naturally and it can be that the couple will split and that child will have to endure life living mostly with one parent at home. Why should anyone advocate adults to remain together if it's obvious they will not be happy together?

She lost credibility with the above. Sorry.

Honestly, you're wisdom personified! No flattery meant! This young man needs someone to smack him to reality!

babyosisi:


I worked for a man that disrespected all his employees
I wasn't even an employee,I was an independent contractor in the practice
This man spoke to people anyhow and there was a day we had a heated argument on the hallway and people expected me to walk out of the job like others had and I didn't.
I showed up the next day and did my job and worked at that job till we moved to another town
To his credit he did apologize to me afterwards but even if he didn't I would have stayed at that job
It was convenient
The hours were good and flexible
I loved my patients
It paid my bills too
Sometimes we just need to suck it up and keep on trucking,nothing comes easy.
Until you open up your own business,you have to work under someone and sometimes you just need to shove some things aside and keep at it.

You're a chauvinist!

MRBrownJ:
@Steeze
you did what you could at the time with the tools that you had, in order to try to make this situation "seem" right. you shouldnt blame yourself too much on that, and instead focus on whats important here: getting back in your child's life THE RIGHT WAY. dont let anyone anymore dictate what you should (or not) do with what you desire/require for your life.



a simple DNA test would solve that....it will take time and money but the issue would be solved eventually.... and guess what? the only loser in such act would be the CHILD. if a mother is foolish enough and wants to make life harder for a father to meet his child (out of spite) then so be it but the father shouldnt lose hope or dance to their tune for that reason.

Please tell him the truth! Thanks!

tearoses:


You may not want to hear this from anyone, but you are so missing the point

Your MIL's attitude with her men is none of your business and if it was such a problem to you, then you should have stayed clear of her daughter a long time ago and not get her pregnant, knowing that you will be linked to the MIL for life.

You were with the daughter for 2 years so you should have known the type of person that the MIL was. You had a chance to run or stay clear but you didnt.

Infact the more reason why you should have run miles away from her plan of housing and giving you a job, knowing the kind of person that she is.

You cant eat your cake and have it.

As for saying that your gf deliberatly got pregnant so as to hold you down. Please erase that thought.
I also dont beleive that mother and daughter planned and choose to move you away from your career path.
You made the diversion yourself when you got someone pregnant and had to dance to anothers tune so as to put food on your table and a roof over your head
It would have even been better if you had moved back home with your gf. At least that is still your fathers house.

Sorry if I am being abrupt. This is the same I will tell a junior brother.

You are assuming the fellow was picture perfect! For the MIL to turn from being sweet to the attendant behaviour described by the OP, believe me, the OP messed up!

tearoses:


I kind of guessed the answers to your questions but wanted to be sure before saying anything by asking you first.

Okay lets flip this round. Had your own daughter gotten pregnant by a man who doesnt have a job and no financial way of looking after her and the new born baby, and you offer him a job and accomodation, but one day the man ups and leaves and tells your daughter never to call him, please give a honest answer how you will feel and what you will do. Remember that you are a parent now too.

You both made the mistake of having unprotected sex and you both not having a plan or something to sustain you both. Moreso the financial responsibility lies more on you the man.

The MIL baled you out, and you took the easy way out of free accomodation and a job you walked into instead of rising up to the task and standing on your own 2 feet. It would have even been better if your own parents had done the bank rolling than the MIL.

The MIL would have wanted better for her daughter . . .all parents do. She maybe was a bit too quick to condem you by not giving you a chance to stand on your own too feet. She also did not take her daughters feelings for you into consideration and as an adult and mother she should also have been there emotionally for both of you, knowing well that you didnt have anything else to fall back on at that period unless you gave her great reason not to.

Your working with her was also a mistake becasue work is different from pleasure and this is the way that she probably runs her business. Naija business women are hard nuts to crack and she didnt want to give you preferntial treatment or her other staff start to take advantage.

My advise to you is 2 things. One to to bury your pride and start to open those doors that you closed down in anger and pride for the sake of your innocent son. He didnt ask to be born into this and secondly start to hustle like there is no tomorrow to provide for your new family.

When you say hustle, I mean serious hustle. You have a child to look after now. You are no longer like your mates who are carefree and are only looking for small change to top up their blackberry. You are now a man, father and an adult and you need to grow up fast.

You are now linked to that family FOREVER even if you dont end up marrying their daughter.

You can never be respected as an inlaw if you are seen to not to be able to look after their daughter. Thats just the unpalatable but plain truth.
When you start providing for your kid and girlfriend, you will see changes in your inlaws towards you.

You were not blunt, you were simply honest! The guy's selfishness annoys me! And I'm a guy!!!

He sees the world from only his perspective, and he acts like he is doing the girl a favour by marrying her! It's annoying!! He doenst even know he should refund the mother-in-law all she spent on him, her daughter and the baby! What concerns him is that he saw a baby that looks like him, and some esoteric emotion grabs him...so, he feels the world owes him support from there on!

Now, it's I who is being blunt! I'd flog this guy if he was my younger bro! I despise irresponsible guys! At 25 I was taking care of business!! Enough saId!

DBestDoc:


@ the bolded, What legal right does he have over the child?
From what he wrote, he didn't marry the girl legally neither did he stick with her all through the journey and tough times.

He had the guts to order her never to call him again, and suddenly he wants to be a part of somebody else's struggle, tears and pain.

All i got from the OP is the story of a selfish and proud young man who thinks he can eat his cake and have it back, you no want cool down take life slowly.

"She is rushing me into marriage bla bla bla"....why she no go rush you when you decided to put the cart before the horse, she suddenly turned from a good girl to a devil because you were being persuaded to fix the mess you contributed to and do things properly.

Oga life can never be at your beck n calloo let me tell you. You have to cool down and think things through before making important decisions in life.

To say you decided to move on with your life, abandoning your girlfriend and your unborn child made me smh .....this is the time to do that because that woman and her daughter with the way you painted them won't let you anywhere close to that child, If you like go hire SAN. Except they decide to forgive you ofcourse, which means you have to keep gree gree aside and act as a responsible and grown man.

I may be blunt, but this is exactly the same thing i would tell my brother.

Goodluck!

You are very correct! This young man needs some growing up! And he should wake up from his self-absorbed mindset!

babyosisi:


Manhood 101, don't work for your inlaws ,don't work for your wife and for heaven's sake don't live in an accommodation provided you by your inlaws.
The only way for it to work long term is that you have decided to just allow yourself be kicked around like a football
What did you expect ?
The woman owns a business and you say she is succesful
The only way she achieved that success was by running her business her way and any employee must tow that line and do her bidding so I don't fault this woman entirely in that aspect ,she has to be shrewd to stay in business.

Now I will separate her role as an employer from her mother inlaw role
She definitely overstepped her bounds
You had described your girlfriend several times as a good girl
Her mother had a hand in the destruction of her relationship with you

Where I fault you greatly was taking out the frustrations you had with the mom on the daughter to the extent of telling her not to call you
How did you expect to be told when the baby was born when you walked away from the relationship and abandoned an 8 month old pregnant girl.you could have still left the house and remained in touch with the girl.
You are 25 so some of your choices are a factor of your youth
If her mom dislikes and perhaps hates you now,no one will blame her
Her side of the story is that a young man impregnated her precious daughter,she gave him a house and a job and he bailed and left her daughter alone at 8 months.

You and this girl may be good for each other but you are not yet ready for marriage,financially and emotionally
I wish you had listened go your own parents and stuck to your guns

You need to involve your parents and you may need to do some pleading to be allowed go see this baby
At that final showdown,I suspect hurtful words may have been said,apologies may have to be made
They may not have put you on the birth certificate as the father sef because they are angry with you

The guy is a tad too selfish! So wrapped up in his issues and self-absorbed!!! I can understand why the mother-in-law despised him! Most hard working people dislike laziness and selfishness in others! Imagine commenting on the woman and infering that her single-hood and bad experiences with men is the cause of her belligerence? Why do we always see the fault in others? The guy should start from a healthy self examination and grow up! A 25 year old isn't a baby! Some guys have been married for years at 25!

MarvellousGod:
Op, what were you expecting when the mum started taking care of all the financial responsibilities? ? ... You lost your respect that moment...

Things are really like this because you took up responsibilities you couldn't handle. .. Anyway, mistake already made....

If you must have contact with your son, then you have to reconcile with the mother (your ex)... so you just find a way to do that. ...

Then, if you love the lady and think she's someone you can settle down with, then win her back... Forget about her mum's attitude cos she'll change the moment you have a means of livelihood. ... An average parent will be frustrated to know that her daughter is pregnant out of wedlock talk more of the man responsible for the pregnancy being jobless. .. No parent will be happy. . You expected her to be happy paying your house rent and other bills??

Also, all you care about now is your son, you don't even care about how the mother is faring, how she passed through labour et al...or you think your baby fell from heaven?

Ify Onwuka?

quote author=ephee post=31879060]


the child dosnt belong to her.shez just a carrier for both the op sperm nd wife eggs.[/quote]

You're even lucky she admits it! What about those who forget things, and yet argue blindly and blame you for what she forgot? Abeg, just pray she continues accepting! Marry her jare!

olola4:
Please I am so confused. I have been in a serious relationship with this my fiancee for the past four years, and although I know she forgets things, but I just see it as a normal thing.

That was until she came to spend a week with me. She forgot almost everything and if I ask her "can't u remember?" she will reply me with "you know I forget things easily".

Please Nairalanders, I need your advice because we will soon be planning our introduction. Should I continue or what can I do?

So Metuh is now hitting Jonathan because his personal interests are at stake? And he knows that there won't be repercussion because Jonathan will leave in days, and is lily-livered!


Im truly sorry for Jonathan, not because he did well, but because it's tragic he surrounded himself with such people for 6 years! Betrayal stings and must have repercussions!

Thanks a lot!!!

teeowl:
Check first, if it is just 1 or 2 days, then let it pass. If is too long, then go to Se.un.

I didn't bother checking, but if I have to go to Seun to seek redress on a matter as simple as this, then what are the moderators for? I assume they were appointed to make his job easier!!!

teeowl:
How many days were you banned? If it is too long, you might have to call the attention of Se.un by sending him a private message...

Thanks for your advice on the other thread! I was banned by the auto spam bot for correcting someone who placed an inflammatory topic without source! And guess what? I was not rude to the guy, just drew his attention to the gravity of the matter! Check:

https://www.nairaland.com/2292099/bad-news-ebola-now-sexually#33384046

It's sooo annoying!!! Especially when I found that after Ishilove highlighted your comment and made an addendum, my thread was closed without allowing me to make a rebuttal or clarification. In what way was my thread an aberration

teeowl:
dont mind him... he is just a stup.id small boy.

You don't know General Welby-Everard and you don't know the context of what happened, yet you accuse Zik based on spurious gossip and an no fact! It's a shame!!!

musiwa97:
This picture is not 1959.. This picture was 1963.

General Forster left and ironsi was made head by azikiwe. This picture was taken during the sendforth of General Forster

Ishilove, you told mme to go check my profile pix and find out why I was banned! Guess what? I was banned because I told a dude who posted this: https://www.nairaland.com/2292099/bad-news-ebola-now-sexually#33384046

to always verify his sources before posting stuff and your auto spam bot banned me for that Does that make sense I now come back to my protest thread and I find it close!!! What kind of tyranny is that? This can't be the intention of Seun when designing bans to curb recklessness! I don't want to lose my passion for Nairaland, but this treatment sucks and shouldn't be tolerated by any decent person! If I was banned for breaking a law, it would have made sense, but I was banned for correcting someone who may have been spreading dangerous rumours without quoting a source!!! I need redress please!! My moniker is: internetpirate.

The days are back!!! We have an online Abacha strutting the cyberspace with Nairaland as his/her head quarters!


We have to say NO to oppression!!!

ki02020:
That reminds me of the bigbrother days when MODs act like military men.....#free so so and so

My dear, I don't even know the type of ban! But I can't post messages any more nor can I do anything except read comments!


That's how bad and annoying it is! I don't know the type of bans we have! Except for the Rule 2 stuff that Ishilove posted!

teeowl:
was it the Auto Bot ban?

Aren't you pathetic? You don't even know where I am from, and you launch into a diatribe! I'm more concerned about whether you'd get the axe for violating Rule 2! Who gives hoot about your being SS or Yoruba or whatever!

OgagaMic:


never said anything wrong, tell ur people to respect others culture. stop telling other tribe they re lazy, stop telling others u own there land.

so peace can reign, u said people hate Igbos , its a lie, nobody 8 u guys, all my besties re Igbo, stop telling people dey re nobody, stop forming lord , stop telling us SS people we re lazy. or SS belongs to u.

with tat I bet u , there will b peace, and love among d SS tribe and other Nigerians toward ur ibos , truth is bitter bt let me tell u d truth.

God bless u, God bless Me. God bless SS

Silly Igbos, you said? Will you get banned?

OgagaMic:
hmmm Good to knw

if its an Urhobo thread some silly Igbos go jst cum they talk rubbish, like they did @ https://www.nairaland.com/2289624/meet-ofoni-people-bayelsa-only

worst tin they b calling us lazy SOBos, Igbo's learn to respect other people culture and tradition so urs will b respected, always think u re d best SMH

anyway, Nice 1 op, Nigerians making name in US since 90BC without Nigeria no USA

Will you get banned?

tobtap:
only peeps with INFERIORITY COMPLEX will claim the 75% of the entire slaves in another place,yet no visible proof thru(CULTURE, LANGUAGE AND CUISINE ) to back up their claims.
my candid opinion

I'm sure no one would ban you! But they'd look for others with minor sins!

bigfrancis21:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8j09jj9mX54


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Fx-7b9NscM