somethinggood:
Try to buy him more native wears like the one Ebuka of BBN wear... Let me see how he will sag with it.

Also, liase with his friend and Girlfriend, talk to them that you don't like the way he dresses, and it doesn't make him look responsible. And you will appreciate it not they can follow trend and change their mode of dressing.

You can as well take him for public gatherings after Corona break so he can mingle with others and see how they dress. Although I want to believe that with time sha, he will adjust

Very true, could you imagine sagging in that! I would really love him to wear more traditional clothing, that was what I wanted and you should see what I dressed him in as a child Who knows, maybe one day he will embrace it, and with that comes, I believe, a respect for your culture and heritage.

I think talking with his girlfriend especially is worth trying. He listens to her more than me and usually does what she says

Jqtyfx:
Tell your son many rappers are calm and well-respected people irl. They may be one way in their music videos but it's often an act. If you hear ever Justin Combs speak you'll see how unbelievably gentle and respectful he is. You won't see him walk into an interview sagging his pants, ever. Same thing with Chance The Rapper, Drake, Quavo, Papoose, to name a few.

This is GREAT advice, thank you! Because he does emulate the rappers so much, and has always tried to be one. Of course, he is extremely influenced by their music videos, and the words of the songs. Which are NOT respectful at all. Actually, from reading your advice, I have thought of finding some pictures of some of these rappers wearing suits, looking smart. That way, it proves it is cool, and you can still be a rapper but smart and respectful. Better solution, probably, than trying to change his whole personality and goals overnight.

QuietHammer:
People actually believe this story

I wish I didn't!

somethinggood:
Okay, then his orientation needs to be addressed. How about his friends, do they dress that way? Have you thought about using his close pals or even his girlfriend to correct him? It's a gradual process but don't give up.

Again, how does he dress when going for public functions or occasion?

His friends are the same, at least the ones he spends time with. His girlfriend apparently likes it, which as I said I find crazy and I wonder if this is normal amongst Nigerian girls of her age. If not, maybe they are part of the problem (NOT trying to blame others).

As for occasions, where a formal suit is required, he will reluctantly wear one, with the trousers at an (almost) normal level. So it is possible. But this is maybe once or twice a year.

dangermouse:
Its not late yet to make him sit up. I advise a change of environment. Send him to spend some time in ur village or with a family less privileged for like a year or two. Take him out of his comfort zone.

I would LOVE to do that. I strongly believe he needs to see what a less privileged life really looks like. Instead of just bullying them because they don't have "Gucci belts" or something so stupid. We did try to take him back for charity work when he was younger, but he stopped going when he was about thirteen because it was just not cool. If we can arrange something like this, I think it would be very helpful in maturing him and making him into a better young man.

somethinggood:
What tone do you use in correcting him and is he an only child? If u have tried several means of correcting him, go with the option of withdrawing his funding and also take him away from his comfort zone. As for the issues of sagging trousers, pack all his low waist and burn them. I won't say dash out or sell cos the person u will be dashing or buying might end up having same issues you are trying to correct

He is an only child. I have always considered myself a fairly strict mother, and my husband is quite stern. Even my friends thought so, when our son was younger. However, when he started acting silly, about ten years ago, I think we were worried we were being too strict with him and making him act like that as rebellion. So maybe we loosened up a little, but we have always been quite stern with him. Obviously not enough.

For his trousers, thank you for your suggestion. I have to say, he wears all trousers such as skinny jeans in this way, they are not meant to be worn like this but he just pulls them up only just above his knees, puts a belt on and leaves it there! This is why he cannot walk normally. He wears all trousers like this, even pyjamas at bed time and shorts for swimming, this is a 24/7 habit.

Vyzz:




I would have said that you should stop giving him money and close all his accounts but....


That might lead him to something bad to keep up to his lifestyle...

Just pray now.

Pray.

This is true and a real concern. He is very used to a certain lifestyle. However unless my husband and I, and other relatives, also completely disinherited him, then he will still know he will get our money & properties one day.

ThothHermes:
Only God can save him now.
Withdraw his funding.

It is getting very tempting.

Vyzz:
He is a spoilt brat...

There is nothing u can do to stop him...


When he was younger, you could have done so thing but no... You were waiting for him to grow and stop it himself...

Anyways only if he decide to stop himself.

I agree he is a spoilt brat. I feel guilty in many ways, but of course I can only write a very short, summary of everything that we have gone through with him over the last 10 years. This has included a lot of hard work from my husband and I, and other family members, and we worked very closely with his school to try and 'fix' him. So I have not just sat around watching. But, you are right, it is only up to him that can help himself now. But he does not want to. He has a great life, only about fun, and thinks he is so cool. There is no stopping him.

Kriss216:

Na for Status of Liberty una dey live

Our house is not that tall

But, it is still very different from the rough streets my son wishes he was from

Good morning,

I seek your advice about how to get my son to STOP sagging his trousers. He is 23 years old now and I have always thought, okay when he gets older he gets more mature and he will want to pull his pants up, look smarter, get a job. But how long do I have to wait until he is mature?
For about 10 years he has acted and dressed just like he wants to be a thug, a gangster, which he bases on the American rappers he loves so much and listens to all day. He tries to talk only in American slang, and he says "nigga" and "bruh", at the start and end of every single sentence. Of course the drugs come into it, because that is seen as cool, and stupid crimes like making "gangs" and fighting, and vandalising, messing up shops, and houses in public and so on. But it is all a stupid game. He is from a very privileged background, always lived in a safe, happy environment here in a gated community on Banana Island. When he was growing up, we always encouraged education, saying whichever you choose, England or America, we will pay for your university and get you a house there while you study. But he has chosen no university, not even a job. Just lay around, pretending to be a gangster, and trying to be a rapper.

Okay, I have gone on into all different issues. But it is the sagging trousers that I can't believe he still does. He has just come down from his bedroom, and he has come down using the elevator. He always uses the elevator in our own home, because his trousers are so low that he cannot walk on stairs. He cannot walk properly anyway, with his legs so wide apart he looks like he is completely disabled, such a slow and sluggish walk. But because his trousers are just so low, he cannot lift his feet up enough to walk on stairs. He finds it easier just to use the elevator, even at home. So he is actually disabled, I think, by sagging his trousers. He also has the habit of wearing two underwears, so he can sag his trousers even lower. I complain it makes extra work for the laundry maid, at least think of her, with double the amount of work to do for you just so you can wear your trousers lower. He doesn't care, he just said it's her job.

There is no convincing him as he says it is cool, it is like a gangster, and only "poor ass niggas and old ass niggas" (in his exact words) wear trousers at the normal height these days. He especially thinks it is very poor to not show expensive underwear and always a very expensive belt, such as Gucci. The crazy thing is his girlfriend says she loves it and it because it makes him look like a gangster. So I ask, do all Nigerian girls like this, is it normal Because if the girls want it, then of course the boys will keep doing it. I'm not blaming the girls, but just saying it will keep happening. And I know his friends, who all think they are cool in their fake "gang" will go out to the shopping centres and cause trouble. I know my son and them use to knock over any kids that had their trousers at a normal level, because they say they are poor and dumb.

I still believe the sagging trousers is one of the first signs of disrespect and if i can fix it then maybe other things will start to improve for my son. For one, he won't look like a criminal anymore. Maybe then he can start to live a better life, get a real job and so on. It has to start somewhere.
PLEASE help me with your advice on fixing this.........THANK YOU

I have a son your age, so I can talk like a 'mother' to you as well!
Do what you want to do. Yes, law is an excellent degree & profession to follow. Many of my family have followed that path. It gives you options not only in Nigeria but all around the world. If you were your age now and had NO direction in your life, if I was your parent I would push you to do law.
BUT, you seem like you ALREADY have a great and successful career and things you are more passionate about. So you are not just laying about, doing nothing, wasting time. You are already successful, already on a good path. So there is no point in the parents trying to push you off this path. It is already going well. Keep going, in your direction !!! BEST OF LUCK to you.

It is so important for students to be back at school, learning, reading, with access to teachers, books, and materials. It is easy to forget that so many children do not have access to these things at home. Perhaps they don't even have a space where they can read and do work at home even if they had the materials and desire to do so.
However, social distancing is still important, and I hope the schools can bring in measures to ensure this. Overcrowding is a serious issue. I don't know why some posters here seem to think social distancing is a joke.

Beautiful
True love and unity. True commitment to eachother.
Reminds me of my dear parents, who have been married for 62 years, and my husband's dear parents, who have been married for 73 years.
A wonderful generation, that we must ALL learn from. Especially the youth of today.