I am an African but not Nigerian based in Italy. I was married to an Nigerian man ( Igbo) we had 5 children 4 together. Our marriage wasn't perfect but I ied my best to make it work for the sake of our children. Although a lot of my friends have warned me that my husband doesn't love me that he will abandoned me one day and marry a woman from his country because that's what Nigerian men does to foreigners. I was so angry with them and I told them my husband is different from those men who bave abandoned their wives and children and I even distanced myself from those friends thinking that they were jealous of me. I received the biggest shock of my life in January when he lied to me that he was travelling to the UK to visit his brother and his family who just relocated there. He left the house kissing me and the kids goodbye telling us he will be back in 3 weeks which 3 weeks had turned to almost 4 months. The truth is he relocated to the UK to join his wife and children who has just relocated to the UK from Nigeria. I had no idea he married a second wife in Nigeria whom she bear 2 sons for him and I found when he left. I am heartbroken he left with a big responsibility raising 5 children alone without any single help from him. He doesn't even call to know about his children welfare I know I am lucky to be abroad I work and my children don't lack anything. They will grow up fine and become useful in the world by God's grace. I know the struggle would have been worst in Africa raising 5 children alone I wouldn't have been able to do it alone that's why I am thankful to be abroad but I am still heartbroken by his action. I am totally depressed sometime I feel like given up but I have to be strong for my children. My advice to Nigerian men abroad please please I beg you in the name of God if you are not ready to be with foreigners do not date or marry them with false hope then to abadoned them later. Remember you have sisters and daughters too.

SUPERPACK:
It has to do with inheritance rights in igboland. Only a male is considered when it comes to inheritance, it is also important for the family name to continue in Igbo culture and only a man can do this.

By right it is not compulsory to have a male child and only your husband can decide if he needs one badly and cannot forgo.

I know so many Igbo couple living happily without a male child and are now old.

I am Igbo too and place no importance on male child, all children are important and non is more important than the other.

Thanks so much for the explanation now i understand that having a second wife or son is not compulsory and if he decide to get a second one to bear him sons it will be for his own selfish reason and nothing to do with his tribe

I am married to a Igbo man. We are based in Italy. We have 4 children 3 together. I have 3 girls for him. I tested positive for baby number 5 and we were discussing about the gender, my husband said something that makes me feel so bad.

He wants a son so bad. He said in Igbo tribe, a man is nothing without a son. I asked him what if we had another baby girl he said he will have no choice but to go to Nigeria and marry another woman who will bear sons for him so he can be a real man.

I asked him if he was serious then he changed his words saying he was joking, he doesn't mind the sex of our baby as long as the baby is healthy that is what matter.

I have been restless since he has mentioned about marrying a second wife even though he said it was a joke but I know that he wasn't joking, he was serious.

I want to know from igbo people, is it true that a man is nothing without a son and also what if the wife only bore female children is it compulsory for the man to marry a second one in Igbo tribe to bear him sons?

I have four 1 boy and 3 girls. Would love to have one more.

Beremx:
I am sure your husband isn't fluent in Igbo language that's why he can't teach his kids. Any Igbo man who can speak Igbo language fluently will teach his kids.
Please keep teaching your kids your language

He knows how 2 speak Igbo very well he only speaks in Igbo with his family in africa, he does interpretation when I am speaking with his parents because they can't speak english

JasonScoolari:
Why won't your husband be Jalous?

He can't be jalous because I didn't stop him from teaching them his language

I am not a Nigerian and I am married to a Nigerian Igbo , we have 4 children 3together and we are based in Italy . Our children can speak my native language very well and hubby hasn't bothered to teach our kids Igbo , he is jalous when he see our children speaking my language with my famiy in africa they can speak fluently and he is angry and want me to stop speaking my language to our children and he said we should speak to them in Italian and english only and I disagree with him telling him the children are still young and it is not too late for him to start teaching them Igbo , he refused and he still wants me to stop speaking my language with them. My 4 years old told me her dad had told her if i am on the phone with my family in africa if I pass over the phone to her she should refuse to speak with them. I asked him why he is looking for trouble where there is none it is not my fault he hasn't teach them his language , he said I should do what he says else he won't be happy with me. What do I have to do in this situation?

frozen70:


Let that not be an issue

He should understand that you are living in a foreign land and English name suits best

Amywa a Nigerian child bears two names one English one native,let h name the twins any thing he wants

You call them by their English names and register them in school with their English name

Don't let that bulge you and stop arguing with him over the names, till then

That wouldn’t be a problem if he will allow me to
Use English name as their first name on the birth certificate but if he doesn’t allow and we use their igbos name as their first name so when we register them for school they will register them with the same name on the birth certificate

Richy4:


If they want to bully them, their colour is just enough... The name is just secondary in terms of attracting bullies.. what's so special about Alexia and Aleesha? what is the meaning?

I might be wrong but I'M guessing that you are trying so so hard to Europeanize your kids... You have to be proud and comfortable with your heritage...

Yes I agree with you that bullying / racism is by skin colour but I strongly believe that names also play a big role in bullying especially with kids in school , I have seen where kids had been bullied because of their names and those kids were badly affected. I don’t want the same thing to happen to any of my children . Lol you are wrong sorry I am not trying to Europeanise my children , I am proud to be an African if I wasn’t proud I wouldn’t even teach my son who’s mix raced my language , he can speak my language better you may think that he was born in Africa. I just want good names for my kids and I don’t mind using native names as their middle names because even the names that he want to name them it doesn’t make sense to me and I can’t even pronounce it . Kosisochukwu what a name I am sorry but I will no give my babies any names that I am not comfortable with. I have told him if he doesn’t like the names that I have choose , he can suggest any good English names but he insist he want native names , me also I don’t want

Lazycyndy:
Why are you so bothered about what others will feel or think?

If the people in Italy can't pronounce names like Amarachi, Chinelo, Kosi, Kamsiyochi, Ada, Obinna, Chidozie etc then that's their problem not yours.

Why should you hide a part of your kids because you feel embarrassed by their names? What kind of inferiority complex is this bikonu? I won't be surprised if you're black.

I am bothered because I live in a country where there is too much racism I don’t want any of my children to be victims just because of their names , to other children it may sound funny and they will bully them. I am talking from experience. Yes I am black African

Ardar:
The name of the first child you had with him is Olivia munachi. Pls tell me, what's difficult in pronouncing Munachi? Munachi is a very beautiful name and can be shortened to Muna.

Your husband turning around at the last minute was terrible but pls try and understand that naming your kids igbo names as their first names can't be all that bad.

Munachi is her middle name on her birth certificate we don’t even use the name , apart from my husband’s family in Nigeria who call her muna

I am not a Nigerian I live in Italy with my Nigerian husband we have 2 children , and I am expecting twins next month. My first child Vincenzo is not from my husband , I had him with an Italian man we later separated. I met my husband 5 years ago we talked about not naming any of our children with traditional names as their first name maybe middle name because I strongly believe children abroad should be given names that everyone around will feel comfortable to pronounce them, that will also help them from not getting bullied in school we both had accepted. Our first daughter we named her Olivia munachi , we have both decided to named our twins aleesha and alexia but at last minutes my husband changed his mind , he want us to name them with Nigerian names as their first names which I am against him, this problem is bringing a lot of problem in the house because I will not accept him to give my babies any Nigerian names as their first , I prefer it to be their middle names, he is angry and refuse to talk to me. But this thing we had discussed even before we got married I don’t understand why the sudden change in him. Please help me judge this matter who is wrong between the two of us ?